Someone do a Seinfeld episode where they finance a burrito
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Date: April 5th, 2023 4:56 PM Author: sinister newt
Jerry: Hey, have you ever thought about financing a burrito?
George: Financing a burrito? What are you talking about?
Jerry: I mean, think about it. Burritos can be expensive, especially with all the extra toppings. But if you finance it, you can spread out the cost over time.
George: I don't know, Jerry. That sounds a little crazy.
Jerry: Hey, I'm just trying to be financially responsible. Plus, you can get a better burrito if you finance it. You know, with all the bells and whistles.
George: I don't think they'll let you finance a burrito.
Jerry: Hey, if you can finance a car or a house, why not a burrito? I mean, it's a big investment in your lunch.
Elaine: (entering) Hey guys, what are you talking about?
Jerry: Financing a burrito.
Elaine: (confused) What?
George: Jerry thinks we should finance our burritos.
Elaine: (laughing) You're kidding, right?
Jerry: Hey, it's not a bad idea. You get the burrito you want and you don't have to pay for it all at once.
Elaine: I don't think they'll let you do that.
Jerry: Well, maybe not yet. But someday, financing a burrito could be the norm.
George: (sarcastically) Yeah, maybe we'll have burrito loans and burrito mortgages.
Elaine: (laughing) And burrito collections agencies.
Jerry: (smiling) Now you're getting it.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5320001&forum_id=2)#46149016) |
Date: April 5th, 2023 6:19 PM Author: Talented cruise ship azn
*Jerry and Kramer are in Jerry's apartment* *George enters*
Kramer: "Hey, Georgie boy!"
George: *in a reserved manner* "Hey."
Jerry: "What's wrong with you?"
George: "You, uh, you remember when you almost loaned Elaine $5000 for that apartment in your building?"
Jerry: *looks over at Kramer, who gives a confused look* "How could I forget? Almost made a huge mistake there."
George "Yeah." *snorts* "Mistake...but, uh...could I...uh...borrow $5000?"
Jerry: "What? What do you need that kind of money for?"
George: "You remember how I showed you how you can finance a burrito through Chipotle?"
Jerry: *slowly starts grinning* "Uh-huh...."
George: *glaring* "Well, Steinbrenner's been mad for Chipotle lately, so I've been getting it and bringing it to him. We were having lunch and I showed him how you could finance these burritos. He became obsessed, Jerry. He wanted me to show him how he could do it, but he was too impatient to set up his own account. So I gave him my login."
Jerry: "You gave him your Chipotle login?"
George: "At first I thought it wasn't a big deal. He'd use it a few times and then move on to something else. But he blabbed my login info to everyone in the office, and now they're all doing it! I've been financing Chipotle for the entire Yankees organization!"
Jerry: "Really?"
George: "People are passing me in the hallway carrying Chipotle that I paid for! The team got Chipotle every day of a 5-day road trip!"
Jerry: "So that's why they kept losing..."
George: "What am I going to do, Jerry!?"
Kramer: "Just tell them you were hacked."
George: "Hacked?"
Kramer: "Yeah. No one would believe that a single person bought that much Chipotle. Just say you were hacked and you can get your money back. *gets up to leave* Same thing happened to my friend, Bob Sacamano. He financed thousands of dollars of Starbucks when he was hooked on caramel macchiatos and just claimed he was hacked."
George: "Really, and that worked?"
Kramer: *opens apartment door* "No, they jailed him for fraud." *exits*
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5320001&forum_id=2)#46149364) |
Date: April 5th, 2023 7:14 PM Author: Soggy Filthy Background Story
Jerry and Elaine walk into Chipotle. Newman is ahead of them in line.
Newman: "Hello, Jerry!"
Jerry: "Hello... Newman."
Jerry and Elaine stare in disbelief as Newman spends 5 minutes ordering 3 burritos with every single kind of meat, topping, salsa, guac, chips, etc, all for himself.
Elaine: "How can he possibly afford all that? That's like $50 worth of food!"
Jerry: "I don't know what he's up to. But I'm gonna find out."
As Newman hands his phone to the cashier, Jerry peers over to see Newman's screen detailing the financing payments.
Jerry and Elaine sit down to eat their food.
Elaine: "So he's paying in installments? You can do that for a burrito?"
Jerry: "Apparently you can."
Elaine: "Well, how's he gonna pay it all back? I see him here every day!"
Newman has finished eating his 3 burritos already and walks by Jerry and Elaine's table.
Newman: "Oh hello there! Just one small burrito each with no guac? How... uninspired!"
Jerry: "Well, at least mine are paid for! What are you gonna do when the bill comes due?"
Newman: "Oh, I have that allll figured out, Jerry. With inflation going the way it is, the longer I wait to pay, the cheaper these burritos will be! And my postal pension is inflation-adjusted, so all I have to do is sit back and wait. HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Jerry: "Newman!"
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5320001&forum_id=2)#46149552) |
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