📺 CAVE TO CUBICLE

Season 1, Episode 3: "Conflict Mammoth-nagement"

Scene: HR Office, Monday Morning

INT. HR OFFICE – OPEN PLAN – DAY

A sleek, modern office. THORG, a hulking caveman in business casual (khakis and a stretched polo), is sitting at his desk made of repurposed stone slabs. A motivational poster behind him reads: “People Are Our Greatest Resource!” — he has underlined “people” in blood-red marker.

KAREN (30s, tightly-wound HR manager) storms in with a file folder.

KAREN:

Thorg! We have a situation in Marketing. Dale keeps calling himself a "Brand Warrior" and demanding everyone battle him for dominance.

THORG (grunting thoughtfully):

In tribe, warrior must fight for leadership. Sometimes with stick. Or… flaming stick.

KAREN:

Right, but here, we use words. Constructive feedback.

THORG (writes something on his stone notepad):

“Flaming stick = bad. Constructive feedback = flaming word stick.”

KAREN:

(Sighs) Close enough.

Suddenly, DALE (40s, pretentious marketing bro) bursts in, shirt slightly torn.

DALE:

He challenged me to a duel during the team stand-up!

THORG (rises solemnly):

Did you win?

DALE:

I hid behind the whiteboard and cried.

THORG:

Acceptable strategy. Shows wisdom. And cowardice. Good combo.

KAREN:

(Shooting a glare at Thorg) No more fights, Thorg. Your last conflict resolution involved a spear.

THORG (proudly):

Situation resolved. Steve now very quiet.

KAREN:

Because Steve transferred to Accounting and never speaks to anyone anymore.

THORG:

Victory.

(Dale sits down, visibly shaken.)

THORG:

Tell me where the feelings hurt, Dale. Point on the emotional mammoth.

(He pulls out a crude drawing of a mammoth with labels: "Fear Tusk", "Sad Flank", "Insecurity Tail".)

DALE:

(beat)

Mostly the Insecurity Tail.

THORG:

We all carry tail, Dale. But together... we lift.

KAREN:

(aside, sighing)

He’s either a genius... or a walking lawsuit.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5759353&forum_id=2).#49163352)