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Johnsmeyer calling Suze Orman w/ "Scream" voice distorter
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Date: June 11th, 2014 11:40 PM Author: ivory dog poop Suze: "sir, can I ask how tall you are."
*very long pause*
Robot/monster voice: " five nine" |
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Date: June 13th, 2014 3:22 PM Author: marvelous double fault Well to start, you have Suze Orman neighing a complete non-sequitur of a question that hits at the linchpin of Johnsmeyer's tragic character: his height. Who knows why that has come up? Maybe PAYE? Maybe estate planning re a farm with gold statues? Maybe what to do with his minor league performance bonus? So we get a brilliant start.
Then we get stuck in the long pause purgatory, but it's a good purgatory. We know what might happen next and on first read, 8 times out of 10 we'll guess correctly. But during the long pause your anticipation wells up. You can envision Johnsmeyer nervously fumbling with the Scream robot voice machine pressed against an old landline phone with a curly cord that's way, way too long in a dark Manhattan basement closet apartment, thinking of whether to answer truthfully and whether the Scream robot voice machine is actually working to cover his identity. It's not that he's weird, he's just shy, a little embarrassed and wants anonymity. It's really absurd, but you give the little guy the benefit of the doubt and hope he doesn't hang up out of fear while pissing his pants. Besides, chances are he already pissed his pants after the big Suze asked him about his relationship status, which prompted him to look up at an out of focus picture of some girl named Dutchess that's the only thing on his otherwise bare windowless walls.
You see all this in the long pause which is then pierced by the Scream robot voice as it responds "five nine" which is hilarious because it's earnestly delivered in such an bizarre manner. You can hear the voice clearly in your head while envisioning Johnsmeyer in his apartment and Suze and her producers in the studio wondering wtf kind of savant is on the other end of the line. But it's doubly hilarious because we all know Johnsy boy is really five seven, on a good day. |
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Date: June 13th, 2014 4:12 PM Author: Motley school doctorate Suze purses her lips, furrows her brow and nods her head sympathetically. She says 'Wellll...' in a manner indicating that she won't be able to provide any helpful advice.
*Audible click from phone, then dial tone*
Suze: "Well it looks like we lost 'Duke' from New York".
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Date: June 13th, 2014 8:31 PM Author: Gay principal's office tank 1 mother fucking 180 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25745827) |
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Date: June 21st, 2014 3:05 PM Author: yapping red corn cake bawdyhouse (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25790597) |
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Date: June 21st, 2014 3:09 PM Author: fragrant low-t market legend (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25790622) |
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Date: December 7th, 2014 12:39 AM Author: soul-stirring emerald pozpig site (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#26876183) |
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Date: February 14th, 2015 5:47 PM Author: vigorous scarlet new version (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#27315086) |
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Date: February 14th, 2015 5:49 PM Author: geriatric regret (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#27315103) |
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Date: February 14th, 2015 5:49 PM Author: bearded haunted graveyard (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#27315105) |
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Date: February 14th, 2015 5:51 PM Author: Lemon Cruise Ship (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#27315114) |
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Date: April 4th, 2015 4:09 PM Author: bearded french pit sweet tailpipe this cracks me up every time i read it (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#27619834) |
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Date: October 8th, 2015 6:32 AM Author: Spectacular transparent institution (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28924479) |
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Date: October 8th, 2015 8:30 AM Author: Jade thirsty stage Nice find! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28924637) |
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Date: October 8th, 2015 8:33 AM Author: Jade thirsty stage http://vocaroo.com/i/s1Re4VERqiZe
How it went down:
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Date: October 8th, 2015 8:52 AM Author: geriatric regret That's pretty good. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28924696) |
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Date: October 8th, 2015 9:05 AM Author: Jade thirsty stage Thank (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28924747) |
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Date: December 17th, 2015 5:17 PM Author: Abusive Metal Den (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#29401576) |
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Date: April 4th, 2015 4:24 PM Author: soul-stirring emerald pozpig site (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#27619940) |
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Date: August 5th, 2015 8:49 PM Author: cream aromatic space has johnsmeyer seen this (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28486974) |
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Date: November 7th, 2016 10:43 PM Author: Ultramarine Magical Address Rigor He wrote it (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#31828754) |
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Date: June 15th, 2021 9:41 PM Author: fiercely-loyal cobalt resort (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#42634158) |
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Date: August 5th, 2015 10:03 PM Author: Histrionic mentally impaired fanboi good work ITT fellas (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28487549) |
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Date: August 5th, 2015 11:54 PM Author: dun church ceo LNAO (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28488626) |
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Date: August 15th, 2015 7:54 PM Author: magenta native (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28558784) |
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Date: August 6th, 2015 9:22 AM Author: stimulating menage preventive strike this is one of those threads that I wish I could explain IRL.
I really like it here |
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Date: August 6th, 2015 9:24 AM Author: Hairless Stain Main People My coworkers don't know why I'm laughing so hard. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28489896) |
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Date: August 6th, 2015 9:45 AM Author: stimulating menage preventive strike title + 5'9 post + explanation are back-to-back-to-back unmitigated 180s (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28489957) |
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Date: July 24th, 2016 9:14 AM Author: Bistre hairraiser kitchen (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#31014519) |
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Date: April 9th, 2021 9:46 PM Author: stimulating menage preventive strike (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#42251902) |
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Date: August 6th, 2015 11:57 PM Author: cream aromatic space (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28497495) |
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Date: July 13th, 2019 11:10 PM Author: laughsome amber round eye (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#38528146) |
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Date: August 7th, 2015 4:34 PM Author: Hairless Stain Main People (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28502744) |
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Date: August 15th, 2015 7:36 PM Author: stimulating menage preventive strike (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28558713) |
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Date: August 15th, 2015 7:57 PM Author: disrespectful unholy telephone 9238479823749892379372894892342 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28558798) |
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Date: September 8th, 2015 2:51 PM Author: Hairless Stain Main People (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28712818) |
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Date: October 8th, 2015 6:08 PM Author: Jade thirsty stage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28928625) |
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Date: October 8th, 2015 6:18 PM Author: Chartreuse Comical Quadroon Shrine jfc. haven't laughed that hard since brownstone/mcbeef. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28928672) |
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Date: October 8th, 2015 8:30 PM Author: Jade thirsty stage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28929397) |
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Date: October 8th, 2015 9:47 PM Author: Jade thirsty stage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28929949) |
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Date: December 17th, 2015 3:42 PM Author: Hairless Stain Main People (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#29400973) |
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Date: June 2nd, 2017 8:52 AM Author: Abusive Metal Den Thank you for your service (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#33453661) |
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