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Good writers: Fix this clunky sentence I can't seem to fix

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
hairless french alpha
  04/30/21
"C was seen driving in the X area, with D as a passenge...
Frisky casino
  04/30/21
they do if its an auto case. Contrib or comparative play a ...
bateful temple
  04/30/21
Your sentence doesn't even say that A and B saw C and D, jus...
light cuck dilemma
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
titillating theater
  05/02/21
Quick fixxx
domesticated charismatic stage
  02/25/22
“As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a ...
passionate wrinkle native
  04/30/21
...
silver sinister space goyim
  04/30/21
i thought about breaking it up -- it worse because it puts e...
hairless french alpha
  04/30/21
Ah m, okay. For some reason I assumed that D was the main pe...
passionate wrinkle native
  04/30/21
C and D are both involved. I continue to use the term "...
hairless french alpha
  04/30/21
"at this time" ROFL
Frisky casino
  04/30/21
Need to clarify at some point whether A or B were actually d...
bateful temple
  04/30/21
Yeah I just worked with the isolated sentence in question b/...
passionate wrinkle native
  04/30/21
You can do it in another sentence, but it's going to be impo...
bateful temple
  04/30/21
While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car that C w...
Brass confused boltzmann
  04/30/21
...
Tantric Haunting Main People Friendly Grandma
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving separately in the X area, they passe...
rusted school
  04/30/21
This suggestion isn't meant to be used word for word, just g...
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  04/30/21
...
hairless french alpha
  04/30/21
...
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...
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...
racy stag film
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Very clear, no ambiguity, reads like 1st order logic, I like...
Plum offensive incel
  05/04/22
As A and B entered the X area, they looked at each other, an...
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  04/30/21
...
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...
floppy cuckoldry
  04/30/21
FRIENDLESS FAGGOT BIRDSHIT A was driving some FAGgOt BIRdshi...
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  05/01/21
As A and B were sucking each other’s cocks in the XXX ...
Drunken hospital rigor
  04/30/21
i think you nailed it.
silver sinister space goyim
  04/30/21
...
hairraiser lavender chapel
  04/30/21
i hope everyone appreciates the mental illness being perform...
silver sinister space goyim
  04/30/21
...
Mentally impaired den kitty cat
  04/30/21
A and B passed D and C, who was driving.
soul-stirring faggot firefighter
  04/30/21
...
comical stage
  04/30/21
sounds like a riddle
Frisky casino
  04/30/21
i hate this crap As A and B were driving in the X area, t...
exhilarant locale azn
  04/30/21
i wish this works and it sounds nice but it seems slightly o...
hairless french alpha
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D (who...
exhilarant locale azn
  04/30/21
doesn't it need "D's car"
hairless french alpha
  04/30/21
it says he was driving, which means an automobile. if y...
exhilarant locale azn
  04/30/21
Why do you need B, assuming A was driving. Don't say B was ...
bateful temple
  04/30/21
you have to make it more exciting. keep the reader interest...
bistre high-end yarmulke gaming laptop
  04/30/21
Were A and B both at the wheel?
Mustard apoplectic rehab patrolman
  04/30/21
turns out it was a tandem bicycle.
silver sinister space goyim
  04/30/21
...
comical stage
  04/30/21
As some faggot and his friend were driving in the restricted...
bearded brunch philosopher-king
  04/30/21
The two cars passed in X. In one, A was driving B. In the ot...
Thriller institution twinkling uncleanness
  04/30/21
star crossed lovers. reads like brokeback mountain
soul-stirring faggot firefighter
  04/30/21
still the best way to do it. He has more than a handful of i...
Thriller institution twinkling uncleanness
  04/30/21
...
passionate wrinkle native
  04/30/21
Okay? Wow. Hey. Picture this: Cars A and B. Right? Going thr...
floppy cuckoldry
  04/30/21
...
Deep vibrant candlestick maker famous landscape painting
  04/30/21
A and B, as was their custom from time to time, were engaged...
Stirring Jew
  04/30/21
...
provocative cumskin
  02/22/22
So, we need to talk about A driving around with B. Here's th...
tan pontificating heaven karate
  04/30/21
400 km/h, 450 km/h, 500 km/h, 550 km/h; A could feel the for...
histrionic vermilion french chef
  04/30/21
Wow
tan pontificating heaven karate
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I just copied this from a brief.
histrionic vermilion french chef
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...
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Your stuff is the only stuff from here I share w my wife. E...
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180
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attn low attention span poasters read this whole thing pls
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how
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High | level | legal work
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  04/30/21
...
Mentally impaired den kitty cat
  04/30/21
Each of A and B were driving in AREA. They both passed a car...
Brindle site affirmative action
  04/30/21
A and B passed a car driven by C, who was transporting D as ...
Marvelous umber home really tough guy
  04/30/21
two people, a & b, drove past c driving with d in his ca...
fiercely-loyal aphrodisiac brethren pisswyrm
  04/30/21
C and his passenger D were traveling in X area. A overtook a...
dashing bawdyhouse
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
learning disabled kitchen
  04/30/21
Haven’t read any of the replies, so someone else may h...
insecure persian chad
  04/30/21
This was basically gromjoh's poast above except his was more...
hairraiser lavender chapel
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opaque crackhouse
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Aggressive pale orchestra pit filthpig
  02/22/22
writing MFE's, any resources on improving clunky writing? I ...
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  04/30/21
Did you try the hydro hack?
opaque crackhouse
  04/30/21
What’s that
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  04/30/21
You should drink more water, you're probably dehydrated. Th...
opaque crackhouse
  04/30/21
...
Slap-happy meetinghouse foreskin
  04/30/21
Just write in the active voice with short simple sentences, ...
Vigorous dragon wagecucks
  04/30/21
A and B saw C driving in X
Vigorous dragon wagecucks
  04/30/21
andy and brad were driving around brooklyn when they passed ...
Razzmatazz smoky church building gunner
  04/30/21
I am gay
Slate stimulating sex offender halford
  04/30/21
great thread
hairraiser lavender chapel
  04/30/21
Shitty writing is putting too much into one sentence. A and...
orange duck-like hall
  04/30/21
A and C, drivers, were in different cars, driving through ar...
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...
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  05/23/21
Where are we on this? Thank
opaque crackhouse
  05/02/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
provocative cumskin
  02/22/22
OP, does this help?
Frisky casino
  02/25/22
i don't think anyone reads shitlaw shitpaper so it doesn't m...
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  04/19/26
"and containing D as" -> "in which D was&q...
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Lots of helpful suggestions in this thread but I’m not...
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...
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Poast new message in this thread



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:48 AM
Author: hairless french alpha

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C and containing D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376133)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:57 AM
Author: Frisky casino

"C was seen driving in the X area, with D as a passenger, by both A and B."

(no one gives a fuck whether A and B were driving or doing a standing 69 at the time they saw these faggots)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376836)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:01 PM
Author: bateful temple

they do if its an auto case. Contrib or comparative play a role potentially. Better to keep it clean.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376873)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 2:10 PM
Author: light cuck dilemma

Your sentence doesn't even say that A and B saw C and D, just that they passed them.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42377665)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:40 PM
Author: titillating theater

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42386999)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:42 PM
Author: domesticated charismatic stage
Subject: Quick fixxx

As A and B were driving in X, they passed a car driven by C containing D as a passenger.

EDIT: LMAO at the date

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#44032731)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 9:52 AM
Author: passionate wrinkle native

“As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C. D was a passenger in C’s car at the time.”

Would break up the sentences. Your original sentence isn’t terrible though.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376145)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:53 AM
Author: silver sinister space goyim



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376148)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: hairless french alpha

i thought about breaking it up -- it worse because it puts emphasis on "D was a passenger in C’s car at this time" -- which is a minor detail.

it doesn't really matter whether C or D is the driver.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376159)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 9:56 AM
Author: passionate wrinkle native

Ah m, okay. For some reason I assumed that D was the main person.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376166)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:03 AM
Author: hairless french alpha

C and D are both involved. I continue to use the term "C's car" for clarity

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376201)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:51 AM
Author: Frisky casino

"at this time"

ROFL

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376807)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 9:54 AM
Author: bateful temple

Need to clarify at some point whether A or B were actually driving. Or were they in two separate cars, both of which passed C.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376155)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: passionate wrinkle native

Yeah I just worked with the isolated sentence in question b/c I didn’t know what the surrounding sentences are like.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376160)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:04 AM
Author: bateful temple

You can do it in another sentence, but it's going to be important to be clear who was driving in the passing car.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376205)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: Brass confused boltzmann

While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car that C was driving with a passenger, D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376157)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:57 AM
Author: Tantric Haunting Main People Friendly Grandma



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376168)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 9:58 AM
Author: rusted school

As A and B were driving separately in the X area, they passed a car driven by C which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376174)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: opaque crackhouse

This suggestion isn't meant to be used word for word, just generally to give you the right idea on how to handle this sort of thing, please develop as part of an exercise in your own development as a lawyer. Really need to break this into clauses that explain everything.

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C and containing D as a passenger.

WHEREAS A, B, C, and D are human persons domiciled in Jurisdiction Y

WHEREAS X is a certain area in Jurisdiction Y

WHEREAS A, B, and C are legally authorized to operate motor vehicles ("cars" and each individual such vehicle a "car")

WHEREAS on that certain date, A, B, and C were operating cars.

WHEREAS on that certain date, D was a passenger in the car operated by C.

Now, therefore be it resolved, on that certain date, the aforementioned cars traversed on intersecting paths in Area X.

[I assume by "passed" you mean "passed" as in "they passed by each other while headed in different directions," revise if you mean they were going the same way and A/B's cars passed/overtook C's car.]

Please handle and recirculate, thanks.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376176)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:03 AM
Author: hairless french alpha



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376203)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:45 AM
Author: Slap-happy meetinghouse foreskin



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376392)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:08 AM
Author: glittery mint office



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376526)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:25 AM
Author: racy stag film



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376657)



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Date: May 4th, 2022 12:40 PM
Author: Plum offensive incel

Very clear, no ambiguity, reads like 1st order logic, I like it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#44453959)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: Sexy chocolate gas station faggotry

As A and B entered the X area, they looked at each other, and although none of them said a word, they understood each other perfectly. It was X area after all. Are there any Xs around, they wondered? They passed a beaten-up vehicle with ridiculous oversized chromed wheels with C as a driver and D as a passenger. X's! - thought A and B. C and D did not think anything. They were high.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376178)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:36 AM
Author: Deep vibrant candlestick maker famous landscape painting



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376332)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: floppy cuckoldry



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376340)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: fragrant school cafeteria

FRIENDLESS FAGGOT BIRDSHIT A was driving some FAGgOt BIRdshit car alone(some other NIFmGGA was drivomg alone in another car) they passed ALPHA TURD C , who has MANY DRINKING BUDDIES, SO NATURALLY HAD A PASSENGER (most likely an AZNgirl getting wet for MAMMOTH TURDCOCK)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376183)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: Drunken hospital rigor



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376187)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: opaque crackhouse



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376195)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:18 AM
Author: bearded brunch philosopher-king



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376249)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:47 AM
Author: Henna splenetic degenerate weed whacker



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376406)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:36 AM
Author: Trip puppy



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376713)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:37 AM
Author: Slap-happy meetinghouse foreskin



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376724)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:32 PM
Author: Cowardly bronze digit ratio masturbator



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42377057)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 1st, 2021 12:19 AM
Author: Drunken hospital rigor



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42380818)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: Drunken hospital rigor

As A and B were sucking each other’s cocks in the XXX area, C drove by with D cumming in his ass.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376184)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: silver sinister space goyim

i think you nailed it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376191)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:36 PM
Author: hairraiser lavender chapel



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42378174)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: silver sinister space goyim

i hope everyone appreciates the mental illness being performed right now.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376189)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:28 AM
Author: Mentally impaired den kitty cat



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376669)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: soul-stirring faggot firefighter

A and B passed D and C, who was driving.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376194)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: comical stage



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376341)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:52 AM
Author: Frisky casino

sounds like a riddle

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376816)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: exhilarant locale azn

i hate this crap

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D driving with C.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376197)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:05 AM
Author: hairless french alpha

i wish this works and it sounds nice but it seems slightly off

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376206)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:06 AM
Author: exhilarant locale azn

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D (who was driving with C).

This is it

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376211)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:07 AM
Author: hairless french alpha

doesn't it need "D's car"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376216)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:42 AM
Author: exhilarant locale azn

it says he was driving, which means an automobile.

if you think specifying what kind of automobile is a key detail then can add that

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376370)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:05 AM
Author: bateful temple

Why do you need B, assuming A was driving. Don't say B was driving. Ever. If he wasnt.

As A was driving, they passed ...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376208)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:06 AM
Author: bistre high-end yarmulke gaming laptop

you have to make it more exciting. keep the reader interested.

"Where did this take place? In X. And what happened in X? A and B were together in a car. And what did that car do? Why it passed by another car, a car driven by C. And was C alone in that second car? No, no C was not. C was with D. That's right. A and B passed C and D. It's all true."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376212)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:08 AM
Author: Mustard apoplectic rehab patrolman

Were A and B both at the wheel?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376217)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:13 AM
Author: silver sinister space goyim

turns out it was a tandem bicycle.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376233)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:20 AM
Author: comical stage



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376607)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:18 AM
Author: bearded brunch philosopher-king

As some faggot and his friend were driving in the restricted area, they passed a car driven by a nigger and containing some other faggot as a passenger. Regards, I hope this helps.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376246)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:26 AM
Author: Thriller institution twinkling uncleanness

The two cars passed in X. In one, A was driving B. In the other, C was driving D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376290)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:29 AM
Author: soul-stirring faggot firefighter

star crossed lovers. reads like brokeback mountain

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376306)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:31 AM
Author: Thriller institution twinkling uncleanness

still the best way to do it. He has more than a handful of items to hit: location, two cars, who was each driver and who was each passenger, that they passed.

This does it and leaves no uncertainty at all

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376317)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:34 AM
Author: passionate wrinkle native



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376330)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:35 AM
Author: floppy cuckoldry

Okay? Wow. Hey. Picture this: Cars A and B. Right? Going through section X. *makes large "X" using forearms* And boom! Right there, they pass car C. *makes "C" using hand* A car which, at the time, was containing D *unzips pants* as a passenger. *pulls cock out of fly* Any questions?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376331)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: Deep vibrant candlestick maker famous landscape painting



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376336)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:40 AM
Author: Stirring Jew

A and B, as was their custom from time to time, were engaged in that most fanciful of modern hobbies, navigation of modern paved roads in a device propelled by an internal combustion engine, whence, they happened to pass by and through the X area. It was delightful that time of year and a welcome respite from their usual tiresome surroundings. And, as fate or chance, or even perhaps the Muses had it, another fellow engaged in the very same hobby happened by. Of course, known to them, and combustion engine navigators the State over, twas C along with D. Both were fair fellows and known to A and B. As custom would insist they happened both to notice and acknowledge each other, hobbyists in the same pursuit as they were.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376358)



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Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:09 AM
Author: provocative cumskin



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#44008930)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:44 AM
Author: tan pontificating heaven karate

So, we need to talk about A driving around with B. Here's the thing: they were in X area, and what's problematic is they passed by C—yes, THAT C. C had a passenger at the time, D. Here's why that's not okay.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376389)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:45 AM
Author: histrionic vermilion french chef

400 km/h, 450 km/h, 500 km/h, 550 km/h; A could feel the force of the acceleration pressing him against the sport bucket seats of his Turbo Allegra Mk. 2, their soft, well-sourced alcantara cosseting his tightly leather chapped legs, the micromechanical motors within instantaneously adjusting to each minor perturbation in the vehicle's three-axis orientation to keep him perfectly balanced, its SWIFT systems scanning kilometers ahead of them in real-time and predictively modulating the various electromagnetic and anti-kinetic shielding systems in order to protect their passage as they rocketed upward toward the gateway to area X--area X, the Sacred Seat of Cybernetic Heaven, its secrets whispering to the hovels of his birthplace below, beckoning brave boys with the Siren Song: "Come, Unlock Our Treasurehosue of Wonder or Die Trying"; "It's a goddamn marvel--" that was B, his copilot jockey, in the seat beside him--he'd always liked the tech stuff, engineered things were his jig and jive and the natural knack he'd expressed for them had been evident since his Fourth Year when he'd spontaneously programmed a molecular excavator during off time while the rest of the class was at the playground; he and B had been practicing for this for over three years, secretive sessions when the sensor rings slipped from alignment every third week on Sunday for maintena--"we have a fucking BOGEY at 3 o'clock HIGH!" B screamed, interrupting his meditation on the past--the systems of the Allegra were fast, but B was faster and he'd spotted the incoming a split second before the computerized indication of the same: "Warning, SWIFT has detected an intrusion in the third--" he cut off the computer; he knew what he needed to know: C was moving to intercept them in his Outrigger, accompanied by D; they'd planned for this eventuality, both the conflict itself and the psychology of facing your own brother and cousin 45 kilometers up in the air, each precise maneuver tiptoeing on the razor thin edge between life and death, a minute miscalculation capable of throwing you off the wrong side into a fiery midair death--there was something poignant about it, the notion that he could die up here in an instant and to his friends and family in the warrens of Bressville below, toiling through their daily tasks with no comprehension of the enormous aerial pageantry above them, his life could blot out with no greater signifier than a vanishing spot of light in the sky; he banished the thought of this and other things as he shouted in the cockpit "let's smoke these fuckers" and pushed down hard on the throttle, the frame of the Allegra bending, straining, complying with the command as they soared to meet the enemy head on, he and B laughing aloud at the thrill of it all.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376393)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:47 AM
Author: tan pontificating heaven karate

Wow

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376411)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:49 AM
Author: histrionic vermilion french chef

I just copied this from a brief.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376419)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:15 AM
Author: Henna splenetic degenerate weed whacker



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376574)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:54 AM
Author: bateful temple

Your stuff is the only stuff from here I share w my wife. Every time, I explain that "It's just lawyers--we get bored at work--yeah, I know, that's what makes it funny--"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376824)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 1:21 PM
Author: Laughsome sanctuary volcanic crater



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42377415)



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Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:00 AM
Author: Aggressive pale orchestra pit filthpig



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#44008886)



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Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:32 AM
Author: Dun metal round eye psychic



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#44722509)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:51 AM
Author: Tantric Haunting Main People Friendly Grandma



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376432)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:05 AM
Author: comical stage

titcr.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376504)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:10 AM
Author: Laughsome sanctuary volcanic crater

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376531)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:18 AM
Author: Slap-happy meetinghouse foreskin



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376589)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:23 AM
Author: hairraiser lavender chapel



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376641)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:24 AM
Author: Aggressive pale orchestra pit filthpig

holy shit

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376648)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:34 AM
Author: Slap-happy meetinghouse foreskin

attn low attention span poasters read this whole thing pls

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376708)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 1:13 PM
Author: soul-stirring faggot firefighter

how

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42377366)



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Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:36 AM
Author: Cowardly bronze digit ratio masturbator



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#44722527)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:35 AM
Author: opaque crackhouse



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376711)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 12:00 PM
Author: aromatic jade garrison knife



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376866)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 12:01 PM
Author: Pearly irradiated haunted graveyard



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376872)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:27 PM
Author: hairraiser lavender chapel



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42378128)



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Date: June 1st, 2021 9:20 PM
Author: aromatic jade garrison knife



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42558237)



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Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:00 AM
Author: Aggressive pale orchestra pit filthpig



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#44008882)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:05 AM
Author: aromatic jade garrison knife

this is incredible

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#44008910)



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Date: February 25th, 2022 1:39 PM
Author: Aggressive pale orchestra pit filthpig



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#44032706)



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Date: May 4th, 2022 12:31 PM
Author: amber shrine



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#44453902)



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Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:31 AM
Author: Dun metal round eye psychic

wow

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#44722507)



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Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:34 AM
Author: Laughsome sanctuary volcanic crater



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#44722517)



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Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:44 AM
Author: Diverse Scarlet Hell



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#44722548)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:49 AM
Author: Clear Forum Mood

High | level | legal work

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376422)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:28 AM
Author: Mentally impaired den kitty cat



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376672)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:55 AM
Author: Brindle site affirmative action

Each of A and B were driving in AREA. They both passed a car driven by C with D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376456)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:05 AM
Author: Marvelous umber home really tough guy

A and B passed a car driven by C, who was transporting D as a passenger, as they drove through the X area.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376505)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:07 AM
Author: fiercely-loyal aphrodisiac brethren pisswyrm

two people, a & b, drove past c driving with d in his car.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376517)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:13 AM
Author: dashing bawdyhouse

C and his passenger D were traveling in X area. A overtook and passed them. B overtook and passed them too.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376555)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:19 AM
Author: learning disabled kitchen

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C, which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376600)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:24 AM
Author: insecure persian chad

Haven’t read any of the replies, so someone else may have made the same suggestion, but I’d go with:

While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car containing C (driver) and D (passenger).

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376651)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:27 AM
Author: hairraiser lavender chapel

This was basically gromjoh's poast above except his was more concise.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376665)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:34 AM
Author: Aggressive pale orchestra pit filthpig



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376704)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:40 AM
Author: opaque crackhouse



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376736)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 2:08 PM
Author: histrionic vermilion french chef



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42377648)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:01 AM
Author: Aggressive pale orchestra pit filthpig



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#44008887)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:33 AM
Author: puce ape stain

writing MFE's, any resources on improving clunky writing? I recently jumped from GOV to tech

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376695)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:33 AM
Author: opaque crackhouse

Did you try the hydro hack?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376699)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:40 AM
Author: Excitant fuchsia house new version

What’s that

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376738)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:41 AM
Author: opaque crackhouse

You should drink more water, you're probably dehydrated. This will, among other things, improve cognitive function and therefore improve your writing. While you're at it also check your posture I bet you're slouching right now.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376746)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:49 AM
Author: Slap-happy meetinghouse foreskin



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42376800)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:17 PM
Author: Vigorous dragon wagecucks

Just write in the active voice with short simple sentences, subject verb object. Not hard

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42377389)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 1:16 PM
Author: Vigorous dragon wagecucks

A and B saw C driving in X

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42377381)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 1:28 PM
Author: Razzmatazz smoky church building gunner

andy and brad were driving around brooklyn when they passed carl and dave in their car.

this doesn't define who is driving and who is riding though.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42377449)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:38 PM
Author: Slate stimulating sex offender halford

I am gay

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42377484)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 3:36 PM
Author: hairraiser lavender chapel

great thread

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42378176)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 3:39 PM
Author: orange duck-like hall

Shitty writing is putting too much into one sentence.

A and B were driving in the X area. [query: are they both driving separate cars?] C driving D passed them.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42378186)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 8:29 PM
Author: bistre high-end yarmulke gaming laptop

A and C, drivers, were in different cars, driving through area X, and with them were B and D, passengers; B was with A while D was with C; A and B passed by C and D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42379691)



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Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:50 PM
Author: bistre high-end yarmulke gaming laptop



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42387061)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 23rd, 2021 3:44 PM
Author: bistre high-end yarmulke gaming laptop



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42509184)



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Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:36 PM
Author: opaque crackhouse

Where are we on this? Thank

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#42386977)



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Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:06 AM
Author: provocative cumskin

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C in which D was a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#44008916)



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Date: February 25th, 2022 1:44 PM
Author: Frisky casino

OP, does this help?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#44032743)



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Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:32 AM
Author: Topaz pit milk

i don't think anyone reads shitlaw shitpaper so it doesn't matter. aren't state court judges borderline retarded?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#44722512)



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Date: April 19th, 2026 12:23 PM
Author: Pet Relief Area



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#49827186)



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Date: April 19th, 2026 12:42 PM
Author: UN peacekeeper

"and containing D as" -> "in which D was", otherwise fine

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#49827205)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 1:15 PM
Author: hmmm i think weather is fraudlies

Lots of helpful suggestions in this thread but I’m not sure we’ve got it figured out just yet. Let’s put a pin in it and move on. OP: what’s the next sentence?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#49827228)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 2:57 PM
Author: Pet Relief Area



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2).#49827363)