B: Super Salad Dressing Measuring. Anytime you put dressing on a salad, you use the exact right amount of dressing: never too much, never too little. So for example if you are serving a salad to somebody, you magically know exactly how much dressing they want on it. Or, if you need to conserve salad dressing until you can go out and buy more, you'll use JUST enough so that you don't run out until right before your next trip to the grocery.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4560788&forum_id=2,#40419378)

I could garner more attention with that skill. I’d be known as the French toast man. Maybe start my own brunch spot specializing in French toast

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4560788&forum_id=2,#40419381)

B: If you stare at an American's feet for 5 seconds, you get a vision of what they would be like if they had been born in Europe. If you stare at a European's feet for 5 seconds, you get a vision of what they would be like if they had been born in America. This works on anyone born in the United States or in Europe, even if they are from recent immigrant stock. It does not work on people born on any other continent, even if their immediate ancestors were from the USA or Europe. It is up to you to determine if this is useful at all.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4560788&forum_id=2,#40419383)

Still would be 180 for some dude to get an image of his wife blowing the HS quarterback every time he touched her head

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4560788&forum_id=2,#40419723)

B: You become a Were-Wolfowitz: a person who can change into Paul Wolfowitz at will. When you become Paul Wolfowitz, everyone believes you're the real Paul Wolfowitz and it is a great way to sneak into conferences you would not otherwise be invited to. However, there are two big caveats. First, if you ever encounter the real Paul Wolfowitz while you are taking his shape, you and the real Paul Wolfowitz will fight to the death. Second, the longer you stay as Paul Wolfowitz, the more control the Wolfowitz within you takes. So if you are just Paul Wolfowitz for a few hours to get into AIPAC for free, you're fine, but if you stay as Paul Wolfowitz for a day you start to lose control and your own will and desire is replaced by a desire to spread democracy to the Middle East, by force if necessary. It's hypothesized that if you stay as Wolfowitz for too long, you totally lose control and just become a second Paul Wolfowitz.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4560788&forum_id=2,#40419398)

Also does mini-Rumsfeld talk in his real voice or higher pitched?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4560788&forum_id=2,#40419726)

B: You can unclog any clogged drain or toilet just by pouring vinegar down it, HOWEVER while pouring the vinegar you must utter a statement considered blasphemous or offensive by the largest religion in the country where you currently are. Otherwise it doesn't work.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4560788&forum_id=2,#40419410)

B: Just by looking at somebody who isn't a doctor, you can find out why they are not a doctor. A creepy voice will whisper it to you, whisper things like "failed college o-chem" or "was afraid of debt", etc.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4560788&forum_id=2,#40419435)

imagine walking into Bryant Denny Stadium and hearing "too dumb" resounding in your head 85,000 times, you'd go mad

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4560788&forum_id=2,#40419554)

B: You can kick an (American) football as well as a 25th percentile placekicker in Div 1 college football. This does not apply retroactively, so you only gain this ability at whatever age you currently are.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4560788&forum_id=2,#40419470)

You know, just bros helping bros

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4560788&forum_id=2,#40419496)

B: Tomorrow night, a 1995 Ford Taurus will pull up at your front door. If you choose to get inside, it will take you to a Blockbuster Video in December of 1995. You will be able to select one (1) movie inside of that Blockbuster, and for the rest of your life you will have that movie completely memorized, line for line, shot by shot. You can't fight the hypo and stay in 1995, you need to return to your present day with a new-found ability to quote one specific film.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4560788&forum_id=2,#40419578)

*screams warnings about 9/11, Iraq, mortgage collapse, and clown world*

*teenage girl in plaid skirt says "As if!" to uproarious laughter*

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4560788&forum_id=2,#40419737)

B: You have the power to summon the great scholars of the past. No more than once a week, you may summon the spirit of any deceased scholar and ask them one question. The question must be a matter of fact: you can ask them "who was the Emperor of Rome in AD 301?" but you cannot ask them "who was the greatest Emperor of Rome?" - though, of course, the response you get back may be a matter of opinion! The scholars know only what they did while alive, though they have had time to ruminate and possibly change their opinions in the afterlife. Also the scholars are always annoyed that they have been summoned and try to answer as quickly as possible and get this whole thing over with.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4560788&forum_id=2,#40419632)

B: You can turn three of one kind of fruit into one of any other kind of fruit, so long as the fruits are of similar size. So you can turn three oranges into an apple, but not three grapes into a watermelon.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4560788&forum_id=2,#40419673)

Even if you threw out the exotic varieties, you could probably become a billionaire just turning grapes into blackberries or something like that.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4560788&forum_id=2,#40419697)

B: You get free access to premium Spotify, though every 4th song you play turns out to be some weird cover version instead of the version you actually wanted to hear.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4560788&forum_id=2,#40419732)

B: Every morning at approximately 7 AM you have terrible diarrhea. However, about every 20-30 days, your diarrhea contains 2 round trip business class tickets from the airport closest to your house to some random destination in Europe. The tickets are not guaranteed to be non-stop, you may have multiple layovers and some of them may be as long as 36 hours. The times are also not guaranteed to be convenient, the flights might depart at 6 AM or arrive at 5 AM local time. Your return flight is typically around 6 days after your departure, but you may have extreme cases where need to fly back 3 days later or 3 weeks later. The tickets come out of your ass encased in plastic so there won't be shit on them. One ticket is always for you, the other ticket is for whoever you were thinking about while you were shitting. The tickets are NOT refundable and are NOT transferable.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4560788&forum_id=2,#40419829)

B: You can pick any THREE languages spoken anywhere in the world, and you will immediately speak them, but in a broken way with a bad accent: well enough that you can communicate with the locals if you visit a country that speaks that language, but not well enough that you can use the language professionally. You will never get any better at those three languages, no matter how hard you try. This does not impact any other languages you may speak now or may learn in the future.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4560788&forum_id=2,#40422054)

Im sure there is some way to get famous in academia with A but it would be boring af.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4560788&forum_id=2,#40422342)