What drew me in at first wasn’t politics or ideology, it was the sense that I was smarter than everyone else. I got hooked on that early-2000s online contrarianism: the idea that having obscure opinions and niche knowledge made you enlightened while everyone else were “normies.” Back then, I found a few edgy forums and imageboards and it felt like discovering a hidden world. It was intoxicating. I finally had people who seemed to “get” me, and every night felt like a secret club where we knew things others didn’t.

The early days were fun. We talked about games, movies, culture, girls. The tone was ironic but the bitterness was already there. We thought being cynical and detached made us superior. Over time, the conversations got darker. Politics seeped in. I went from apolitical to a self-styled leftist, then swung hard right a few years later. Looking back, none of it was about ideas. I was just looking for an identity, trying to belong somewhere that felt smarter or more “real” than the outside world.

The reactionary circles were fascinating at first. Some were articulate, well-read, charismatic even. I convinced myself they had the answers. But I see now what that scene really was: lonely men trying to dress up their resentment as philosophy. Every thread, every argument, was just people coping with failure. I wasn’t any different. I dated a few girls I met through Skype groups, even flew to the Netherlands once to meet a woman who turned out to be just as unstable as I was. That’s probably the most craziest thing I’ve ever done.

It’s funny in a bleak way, how much of it mirrors the figures we used to obsess over. The “intellectual” influencers who projected power and confidence but were just as miserable behind the scenes. The same bitterness, the same inflated sense of self, the same refusal to admit we wasted years seeking validation from strangers who didn’t care about us.

Now I’m pushing 40, still terminally online, and have nothing tangible to show for it. No career I’m proud of, no family, no real community. The people I grew up with, the “normies” I used to mock, are living normal, happy lives. Meanwhile, I’m here, still checking X and watching YouTube slop at 3am.

If you’re younger than me and starting down this path, stop now. Log off. Touch grass. Make friends who exist in the same room as you. None of this internet crap matters, and it won’t save you. You’ll just wake up one day like me, realizing you built your entire life around people who never existed outside a screen.

https://www.reddit.com/r/redscarepod/comments/1olible/half_my_life_has_been_wasted_online/

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5792319&forum_id=2/#49392499)

actually im not sure this makes it better or worse

FMA

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5792319&forum_id=2/#49392587)

"If it makes you feel any better, hardly anyone has a life and career they’re proud of. Also, academics in the arts/humanities are basically you without the self awareness. But they are paid, I guess."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5792319&forum_id=2/#49392621)