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I found whok's 2005 novel excerpt, jfc
| Cracking mahogany national internal respiration | 06/06/19 |
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Poast new message in this thread
Date: June 6th, 2019 2:55 AM Author: Cracking mahogany national internal respiration I never thought I'd do it, but I finally found it.
http://www.ilovephilosophy.com/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=166449
Can someone please critique my excerpt?
Creative Forums | Creative Writing 1.2k views
---------------------o------------------------
post by whokebe on Dec 10, 2008
whokebe Dec 2008
Hello. Below is an excerpt I’ve written for a larger work. I’m looking for some honest feedback about it. Can anyone offer any?
it was the same feeling as when he was a younger boy, during recess with the other schoolchildren, when he had boldly proclaimed his superiority, and when warned by the sixth grade physics olympiad title holder (who being a full year older imparted a world of wisdom) that he had consumed too much ice cream and cake, lost to one his lesser-known competitors, a wobbly legged, bespectacled sporophyte, and became the laughingstock of his friends and enemies, due solely to an ignorance of his bodily humors. |
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Date: June 7th, 2019 9:26 PM Author: curious meetinghouse Ty. What an awful hunk of literary shit. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38357077) |
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Date: June 7th, 2019 10:03 PM Author: Cracking mahogany national internal respiration (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38357174) |
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Date: June 7th, 2019 10:10 PM Author: unhinged french pocket flask Hey fuck you nigger. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38357197) |
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Date: June 8th, 2019 12:57 AM Author: Well-lubricated cream mad cow disease lodge So that's the IRL excerpt, whok? It's worse than I thought 😱 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38357754) |
Date: June 6th, 2019 2:59 AM Author: Cracking mahogany national internal respiration More interesting whok-related threading:
http://www.xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=707335&forum_id=2#8815649
http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1444726&forum_id=2
http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1582700&forum_id=2#17456061
http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1435809&forum_id=2#16157379 |
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Date: June 6th, 2019 10:58 AM Author: Cracking mahogany national internal respiration (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38348500) |
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Date: June 6th, 2019 10:33 PM Author: Cracking mahogany national internal respiration (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38351861) |
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Date: June 6th, 2019 11:06 PM Author: tripping arousing hominid idiot To be at a fair,
There is more to eat than ice cream and cake. Some people go on dates and have corn dogs and fried dough. Sometimes there is a pie eating contest with delicious apple pies where contestant don't use their hands.
TBF running honiara schtick 1.0
great find |
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Date: June 7th, 2019 9:07 PM Author: Well-lubricated cream mad cow disease lodge (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38357037) |
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Date: June 7th, 2019 10:27 PM Author: Vengeful Range fake news, it’s literally one sentence (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38357251) |
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Date: June 8th, 2019 12:58 AM Author: Well-lubricated cream mad cow disease lodge Not fake news, whok confirmed above.
Remember that whok was a 22-year-old dude who knew nothing about writing back then (not that he knows anything about writing now) but that's literally his "excerpt." |
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Date: June 8th, 2019 1:00 AM Author: unhinged french pocket flask Whats so bad about it, cunt? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38357757) |
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Date: June 8th, 2019 1:03 AM Author: Well-lubricated cream mad cow disease lodge Hard to tell, dude. It doesn't draw you into a story, describes a bunch of stuff that doesn't make a lot of sense, poorly written. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38357770) |
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Date: June 8th, 2019 1:06 AM Author: unhinged french pocket flask Poorly written, how?
I hope you know the guy/loser who stole the excerpt was a jealous and failed writer himself who posted it on his own message board and used sock puppets to criticise it. |
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Date: June 8th, 2019 1:21 AM Author: Well-lubricated cream mad cow disease lodge Confirm 2 things:
1. You're the IRL whok
2. That's the IRL excerpt written by you/him |
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Date: June 8th, 2019 1:27 AM Author: unhinged french pocket flask Subject: ... Nigger (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38357819) |
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Date: June 8th, 2019 1:50 AM Author: Well-lubricated cream mad cow disease lodge WTF (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38357837) |
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Date: June 8th, 2019 2:18 AM Author: Well-lubricated cream mad cow disease lodge Ok, if you want more details, here they are:
Excerpt (definition): A passage or quotation taken or selected from a book, document, film, or the like; extract.
Excerpts are supposed to be longer than that measly piece of trash. I would expect a FULL page to get an idea of what the larger work that is being showcased will cover.
What you wrote is literally a run-on sentence chunked together into a full paragraph. It almost looks as if you're asking "Hey, can someone tell me if I can write in the English language properly? I just took English 101."
Srsly, I hadn't read the excerpt when I first read what damn daddy wrote about it, but he's spot on:
"He spent a lot of time bragging about some stupid as fuck novel he was writing. the samples he showed to the bort indicated that whok may have suffered from blunt-force trauma to the skull at some point when his brain was still developing." (Ref: http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2840029&forum_id=2#27570333)
Sorry, whok. This doesn't mean you can't improve, though. Why not take a creative writing course and an English 101? |
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Date: June 8th, 2019 3:28 AM Author: cowardly jet knife corn cake Dood just tell me whats wrong with it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38357906) |
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Date: June 8th, 2019 4:00 AM Author: Well-lubricated cream mad cow disease lodge I went into DETAIL about it. You don't understand what I wrote? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38357937) |
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Date: June 8th, 2019 4:00 AM Author: cowardly jet knife corn cake So you have no idea and are just a vile cunt. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38357939) |
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Date: June 8th, 2019 4:17 AM Author: Well-lubricated cream mad cow disease lodge What questions do you have? Be specific. I already said its a run on sentence into a chunk or paragraph and short enough that cant qualify as an excerpt. It looks like what an 11-year-old would ask his teacher at his first try at writing something.
Ask away if you have actual questions. No clue wtf you want to hear. |
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Date: June 8th, 2019 10:04 PM Author: unhinged french pocket flask Novels aren't explicitly subject to perfect grammar and form. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38360752) |
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Date: June 9th, 2019 2:55 AM Author: Well-lubricated cream mad cow disease lodge WTF are you saying here.
Even if that were the case, we'd have to then be blown away by the content. You only provided a tiny excerpt where content and grammar are shit.
Provide a full page and then we can talk. |
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Date: September 20th, 2026 9:21 AM Author: Fucking Fuckface "Poorly written how?" I don't see why it matters whether it was pen to paper, fingers to keyboard, or rudimentary speech to text. It's fucking terrible no matter how it was barfed into the world (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#50144972) |
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Date: June 8th, 2019 11:56 AM Author: Well-lubricated cream mad cow disease lodge (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38358699) |
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Date: June 8th, 2019 12:35 PM Author: Well-lubricated cream mad cow disease lodge whok? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38358819) |
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Date: June 8th, 2019 1:54 PM Author: Spectacular property famous landscape painting fuck you, nigger. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38359036) |
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Date: June 8th, 2019 7:17 PM Author: Well-lubricated cream mad cow disease lodge ? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38360123) |
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Date: June 8th, 2019 10:21 PM Author: unhinged french pocket flask TITMFCR (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38360788) |
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Date: June 8th, 2019 10:43 PM Author: Well-lubricated cream mad cow disease lodge ? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38360866) |
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Date: March 20th, 2020 1:04 AM Author: cowardly jet knife corn cake 180 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#39813962) |
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Date: June 8th, 2019 2:10 PM Author: Glassy disrespectful chapel yarmulke wtf that was awful (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38359084) |
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Date: June 8th, 2019 3:21 PM Author: Well-lubricated cream mad cow disease lodge Titcr (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38359329) |
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Date: June 14th, 2019 12:18 AM Author: Well-lubricated cream mad cow disease lodge (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#38387165) |
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Date: March 20th, 2020 12:35 AM Author: Cracking mahogany national internal respiration (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#39813773) |
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Date: March 20th, 2020 11:34 PM Author: Well-lubricated cream mad cow disease lodge (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#39822271) |
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Date: June 13th, 2020 11:09 PM Author: demanding insecure stage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#40412654) |
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Date: July 15th, 2020 1:31 AM Author: Cracking mahogany national internal respiration (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#40610764) |
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Date: July 17th, 2020 1:34 PM Author: Cracking mahogany national internal respiration http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=897971&forum_id=2#10505289 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#40622701) |
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Date: September 22nd, 2026 9:39 AM Author: ..,..,..,..,,...,,..,.. 180 find
Date: December 11th, 2008 5:24 AM Author: Dashing menage liquid oxygen
wait wtf, whokebe actually wrote that? christ, this might actually be worse than finding out he's a 15 year old with ADHD.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=897971&forum_id=2#10505333) |
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Date: September 29th, 2020 5:26 PM Author: Jade aphrodisiac state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#41010322) |
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Date: September 29th, 2020 6:24 PM Author: Cracking mahogany national internal respiration (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#41010648) |
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Date: September 20th, 2026 9:10 AM Author: Beta macaca (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#50144968) |
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Date: September 20th, 2026 9:27 AM Author: my dog can log into xo more often than I can (thanks, Rach!) holy fuck, it’s horrid, even worse than expectations. no wonder whokebe couldn’t break 148 on the lsat or 24 on the mcat. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#50144979) |
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Date: September 20th, 2026 1:19 PM Author: Beta macaca (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#50145348) |
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Date: September 20th, 2026 10:18 PM Author: Hans Reiter/Benno von Archimboldi ? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#50146511) |
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Date: September 21st, 2026 8:07 AM Author: Beta macaca What's your question, smarty? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#50146854) |
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Date: September 21st, 2026 4:20 PM Author: my dog can log into xo more often than I can (thanks, Rach!) it was the same feeling as when he, already twice joined in the solemn covenant of marriage and now teetering upon the brink of a second and equally inevitable unjoining, of only middling intelligence and still lesser gifts in the sacred craft of the poast, during some idle hour among the other schoolchildren of the timeline, when he had boldly proclaimed his superiority, and when warned by a poaster of even modest standing (who being a full year less embarrassing imparted a world of wisdom) that he had consumed too much of his own prose and self-regard, lost to one of his lesser-known competitors, a wobbly-legged, bespectacled sporophyte of a human being, and became the laughingstock of friends and enemies alike, due solely to an ignorance of his own character. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#50147788) |
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Date: September 21st, 2026 5:38 PM Author: Beta macaca It was the same feeling for whok as when he was a younger poaster, during the admissions cycle with the other 0Ls, when he had boldly proclaimed his intellectual superiority, but when warned by mr.jinx, the Princeton PhD, who being an Ivy league grad and law student, returning home to a corporeal wife and dotter, imparted a world of wisdom, that he was hallucinating his own stats, lost his seat to one of his lesser-known competitors, a wobbly-legged bespectacled Caribbean med school sporophyte, and became the laughingstock of his friends and enemies, due solely to an inability to distinguish his imaginary life from reality. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#50148025) |
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Date: September 21st, 2026 6:00 PM Author: my dog can log into xo more often than I can (thanks, Rach!) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#50148096) |
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Date: September 22nd, 2026 9:41 AM Author: prestigemaggot (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#50149055) |
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Date: September 22nd, 2026 9:44 AM Author: Debunked antisemitic trope it's gorgeous. amazing use of commas and other grammatical devices such as parentheses (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#50149057) |
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Date: September 22nd, 2026 10:53 AM Author: Beta macaca (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4277426&forum_id=2/#50149107) |