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Johnsmeyer calling Suze Orman w/ "Scream" voice distorter
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Poast new message in this thread
Date: June 11th, 2014 11:36 PM Author: grizzly ratface (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25733527) |
Date: June 11th, 2014 11:38 PM Author: soul-stirring property You should've been a comedy writer (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25733532) |
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Date: June 11th, 2014 11:38 PM Author: Cream reading party house (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25733535) |
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Date: June 11th, 2014 11:39 PM Author: bateful dead headpube (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25733537) |
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Date: June 11th, 2014 11:40 PM Author: soul-stirring property Suze: "sir, can I ask how tall you are."
*very long pause*
Robot/monster voice: " five nine" |
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Date: June 11th, 2014 11:40 PM Author: bateful dead headpube LOL (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25733551) |
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Date: June 11th, 2014 11:41 PM Author: grizzly ratface laughing & convlusing & foamign at mouth at work lmfao (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25733555) |
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Date: April 4th, 2015 3:56 PM Author: Startling indirect expression stage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#27619755) |
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Date: June 11th, 2014 11:59 PM Author: burgundy blathering cuckoldry puppy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25733697) |
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Date: June 12th, 2014 12:11 AM Author: Flushed histrionic plaza (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25733775) |
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Date: June 12th, 2014 6:22 PM Author: soul-stirring property (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25738401) |
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Date: June 12th, 2014 6:23 PM Author: wonderful salmon nursing home dysfunction (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25738402) |
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Date: June 12th, 2014 6:23 PM Author: cerise naked new version water buffalo (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25738403) |
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Date: June 12th, 2014 6:36 PM Author: Onyx irate public bath messiness holy shit (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25738512) |
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Date: June 12th, 2014 6:38 PM Author: Beady-eyed address Holy shit screaming/vomiting (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25738527) |
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Date: June 12th, 2014 8:23 PM Author: soul-stirring property JFC (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25739208) |
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Date: June 13th, 2014 3:10 PM Author: burgundy blathering cuckoldry puppy i really dont know why but this cracks me the eff up (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25743978) |
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Date: June 13th, 2014 3:22 PM Author: bateful dead headpube Well to start, you have Suze Orman neighing a complete non-sequitur of a question that hits at the linchpin of Johnsmeyer's tragic character: his height. Who knows why that has come up? Maybe PAYE? Maybe estate planning re a farm with gold statues? Maybe what to do with his minor league performance bonus? So we get a brilliant start.
Then we get stuck in the long pause purgatory, but it's a good purgatory. We know what might happen next and on first read, 8 times out of 10 we'll guess correctly. But during the long pause your anticipation wells up. You can envision Johnsmeyer nervously fumbling with the Scream robot voice machine pressed against an old landline phone with a curly cord that's way, way too long in a dark Manhattan basement closet apartment, thinking of whether to answer truthfully and whether the Scream robot voice machine is actually working to cover his identity. It's not that he's weird, he's just shy, a little embarrassed and wants anonymity. It's really absurd, but you give the little guy the benefit of the doubt and hope he doesn't hang up out of fear while pissing his pants. Besides, chances are he already pissed his pants after the big Suze asked him about his relationship status, which prompted him to look up at an out of focus picture of some girl named Dutchess that's the only thing on his otherwise bare windowless walls.
You see all this in the long pause which is then pierced by the Scream robot voice as it responds "five nine" which is hilarious because it's earnestly delivered in such an bizarre manner. You can hear the voice clearly in your head while envisioning Johnsmeyer in his apartment and Suze and her producers in the studio wondering wtf kind of savant is on the other end of the line. But it's doubly hilarious because we all know Johnsy boy is really five seven, on a good day. |
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Date: June 13th, 2014 3:25 PM Author: soul-stirring property TY FOR YOUR SERVICE (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25744029) |
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Date: June 13th, 2014 3:29 PM Author: soul-stirring property (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25744049) |
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Date: June 13th, 2014 3:30 PM Author: Flushed histrionic plaza Poast of the year (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25744051) |
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Date: June 13th, 2014 3:31 PM Author: Heady citrine psychic this is scholarship (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25744053) |
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Date: June 13th, 2014 3:32 PM Author: burgundy blathering cuckoldry puppy Loool 180 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25744063) |
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Date: June 13th, 2014 3:35 PM Author: purple gas station blood rage suze orman keeping steady, unconcerned eye contact into the camera during the pause (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25744079) |
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Date: June 13th, 2014 3:42 PM Author: titillating slate immigrant base I read this with the Charlie Kelly voice (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25744101) |
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Date: June 13th, 2014 3:53 PM Author: Onyx irate public bath messiness whoa (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25744164) |
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Date: June 13th, 2014 3:59 PM Author: wonderful salmon nursing home dysfunction (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25744191) |
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Date: June 13th, 2014 8:33 PM Author: white corner (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25745855) |
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Date: June 13th, 2014 10:55 PM Author: grizzly ratface (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25746687) |
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Date: February 14th, 2015 5:47 PM Author: white corner (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#27315083) |
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Date: April 4th, 2015 4:04 PM Author: twisted jap pit 180 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#27619800) |
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Date: August 5th, 2015 10:01 PM Author: shaky stubborn toilet seat (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#28487531) |
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Date: August 6th, 2015 9:24 AM Author: Maroon talented bawdyhouse (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#28489891) |
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Date: August 6th, 2015 9:28 AM Author: lemon international law enforcement agency field lol you're like the judge who wrote the Pepsi Points opinion from 1L contracts (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#28489907) |
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Date: August 6th, 2015 9:39 AM Author: ultramarine idea he suggested lodge How did I miss this? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#28489936) |
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Date: August 6th, 2015 10:43 AM Author: Floppy pea-brained turdskin regret (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#28490163) |
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Date: August 6th, 2015 11:56 PM Author: Abnormal fighting feces there is some true comedic talent on this bort (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#28497490) |
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Date: August 6th, 2015 11:59 PM Author: ungodly peach stage lol damn dude, nice work (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#28497522) |
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Date: October 8th, 2015 6:05 AM Author: rusted arousing place of business community account the real important part is that this only took 12 minutes to write (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#28924462) |
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Date: June 13th, 2014 4:12 PM Author: idiotic marvelous cruise ship azn Suze purses her lips, furrows her brow and nods her head sympathetically. She says 'Wellll...' in a manner indicating that she won't be able to provide any helpful advice.
*Audible click from phone, then dial tone*
Suze: "Well it looks like we lost 'Duke' from New York".
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Date: June 13th, 2014 8:22 PM Author: soul-stirring property (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2],#25745763) |
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