*turns around, logs back in as ...,.,,,,,..,.,.,,.,.,.*

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2641036&forum_id=2#26099020)

"Alright Jenkins, what news from EKS OH?"

"Well sir, another fifty mentions of niggers and thirty seven cock pics. Also, there has been some renewed chatter regarding a user named 'shashwat' making death threats. We have forwarded it to the appropriate task force. Mentions of trannies are down week over week."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2641036&forum_id=2#26099040)

"This might be impossible sir. A large reason why all these aspies post is to fight amongst themselves. They have wide ranging opinions on many things. Unhinged liberals, jewish nationalists, reptile conservatives and at least one Russian propaganda agent. There does seem to be one thing they all support sir...."

"Whats that jenkins?"

"Successfully cloning the wooly mammoth and reviving it as a species. There is some talk of then making miniature wooly mammoths and then possibly moving on to the giant sloth."

.......

"Jenkins, i think thats something we can all get behind. Put in for the allocation of funds. 50 million to start"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2641036&forum_id=2#26099254)

"A lot of Robin Williams threads, sir. They want to know why Robin Williams had to die and not all the other famous Robins like Thicke, Wright and Givens, arguing over which was his best and worst movies, something about shitlibs possibly being implicated somehow, I'm still trying to figure that out."

"Keep up the good work Jenkins and give me a full report in the morning."

"Will do, thanks."

"Thank."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2641036&forum_id=2#26111017)

Jenkins after XO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMh8V04s7Ts

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2641036&forum_id=2#26114433)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMh8V04s7Ts#t=37

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2641036&forum_id=2#26114564)

*cut to that night*

Jenkins is sitting at his computer, a cold can of Labatt Blue with pearls of condensation trickling down the aluminum next to him, as his forehead begins to sweat...his pointer finger twitches...

"Just one thread," he thinks to himself. "Then I'll go drive to a bar, maybe see if my bros are around...heck, maybe even download tinder and try out this lick message. Just one thread."

*cut to two weeks later*

Jenkins is sitting at his cubicle in the NSA, his beard fully grown out, his shirt rumpled and covered in beer stains. He looks like shit. And he smells worse than he looks.

As his boss walks by, he sighs. "Another one lost to XO. See if we can find him a cozy spot somewhere in a backwater office. Whatever happened to that poor kid we dumped on Texas? What was his last name? Samosa or something?"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2641036&forum_id=2#26114519)

i died right there barely made it to the end

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2641036&forum_id=2#26114534)

ftfy

hth

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2641036&forum_id=2#26120556)

"good work. this bears further study; keep an eye on them. this is an odd case jenkins, very interesting."

*jenkins' eyes grow wide and then narrow in suspicion*

"... sir?"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2641036&forum_id=2#26138392)

at first hardly anyone heard the boss's coffee mug as it shattered on the floor. the boss's prideful smile vanished, and soon turned to confusion and then horror. standing in a coffee puddle, frantically flipping through jenkins's neatly-bound 120-page crypto report, "athletttes fraud&lies millions for nothing!" on every line of every page

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2641036&forum_id=2#26138523)

"He's in the basement A/V room."

"Still? What the fuck is he doing down there?"

"He is listening to Siamese Dream backwards, sir, something about searching for clues to fortuitous meteors."

"Sounds like he's on to something. Tell him I want a full report in the morning."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2641036&forum_id=2#26190407)

"uh, just fell on it playing with the dog... clumsy me i guess"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2641036&forum_id=2#26251011)

Sir, terrible news, sir.

SUPERVISOR:

What?

JENKINS:

it's smudge, sir, Benzo deleted her

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2641036&forum_id=2#26970534)

"... guantanomo bay, sir?"

"you wish."

"uh. ok, well, the entire place is in an absolute frenzy. there's one particular poster that's been driving the place insane for a few weeks now. we don't think there's any danger, but you never know when one of them's going to go trustafarian."

"i won't even ask. alright, who's the agent provocateur?"

"unclear. allegedly it's a female, only it's almost certain that the person behind the account is really a male pretending to be a female. that's just how it works. to add a layer of complexity, one of the most active, drug-addled members is claiming that he has proof that one of the longer tenured male posters is pretending to be another male pretending to be a female."

"is that... is that likely, jenkins?"

"well, the one making the claim is known to be a liar, but he has lucid moments. besides, it's xo sir. anything's possible. either way, there's no way of knowing. either he is or he isn't, it's 50/50 and we don't have the intel to call it in the air."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2641036&forum_id=2#27113104)