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Hypo: $2M for free or $6M if you go 50%+ as NFL kicker
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Date: April 13th, 2026 12:39 PM Author: frozen bat-shit-crazy friendly grandma You have your choice of:
$2M for doing nothing
--or--
$6M if you make 50% or more of FGs and extra points in 1 season as an NFL placekicker.
You will be randomly assigned to an NFL team for the 2026 season.
The coach will have an unusual and targetted form of amnesia that causes him to think his regular kicker will be kicking the FGs and PATs. But when he sends the kick team out there, you'll go. So, you'll get as many FG and PAT attempts as the regular kicker would. There is no fallback plan if you're injured. The team will snap the ball, the holder will hold it, and it will count as a miss.
Due to a loophole, you won't take up a roster spot, so the team will keep its regular kicker on the roster, and he'll take kick offs. |
Date: April 13th, 2026 12:41 PM Author: chestnut metal set Easiest 2mm of my life (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49814393) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 12:46 PM Author: Know-it-all Trip Range Cr.
What about 60m to go 50% on pats only. I’d be tempted by that with some time to practice |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 1:12 PM Author: frozen bat-shit-crazy friendly grandma The majority--maybe the vast majority--of attempts would be PAT length of less. Real NFL kickers are close to automatic from that distance. If you can make most of your kicks from that distance and a few from longer, you could get the $6M.
Did you not play a little ball in college? |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 2:18 PM Author: Know-it-all Trip Range Sure, but I played defense, which wins championships IIRC. We made the kicker fill the water jugs. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49814712) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 5:21 PM Author: Ocher parlour (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49815184) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 12:45 PM Author: sienna mood business firm $2m for free so I don’t have to be w2 wagecuck (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49814408) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 1:13 PM Author: frozen bat-shit-crazy friendly grandma Is that all it would take for you? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49814491) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 2:20 PM Author: sienna mood business firm I mean an NFL kicker is a W2 wagecuck. So if you accept the hypo, you have to cuck for your $6M (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49814721) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 12:50 PM Author: Exciting azn trust fund >The coach will have an unusual and targetted form of amnesia that causes him to think his regular kicker will be kicking the FGs and PATs.
This makes the $2m the clear winner. It's one thing if he calibrates his expectations to my skill level, and the team doesn't kick any field goals longer than say 30 yards. But if I'm expected to make longer kicks like his regular kicker I don't think I can get even close to 50%.
Little 20-30 yard chippies, I think I may do that. |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 1:15 PM Author: frozen bat-shit-crazy friendly grandma Most are 30(ish)-yard chips or less because most would be PATs or short FGs. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49814500) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 1:34 PM Author: tripping naked step-uncle's house Yeah I think the purpose of this parameter was so that you don't get fired, or the team doesn't quit attempting FGs, when they realize their kicker is by far the worst athlete to ever grace an nfl field.
But it'd probably be fairer (or at least more apt to tempt some folks to go for the $6M) if it was: your team makes all the same FG attempts, but you get to choose which ones you run out there for, and you just have to rack up x number of attempts over the season--so you can't just hit your second PAT and then chill until early 2027 (or late 2026 if you opt to play for the Jets). |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 1:15 PM Author: orange church 2m (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49814504) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 1:16 PM Author: frozen bat-shit-crazy friendly grandma Explain. You have 5 months to practice until the start of the season, then all week, every week to get better during the season. 50% including PATs--not just FGs--is a low bar. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49814509) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 1:22 PM Author: chestnut metal set I'm 5'4 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49814543) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 8:01 PM Author: bisexual roast beef digit ratio You are closer to the ball then. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49815576) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 1:23 PM Author: at-the-ready shitlib faggotry kicking a weird shaped ball consistently is not easy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49814549) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 1:25 PM Author: orange church being the worst kicker in the history of the nfl wouldnt be fun. plus you gotta go outside and thingdo and im pushing 40 so yeah it would be pretty hard. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49814561) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 1:28 PM Author: Useless Karate 2M easy. besides the fact that im not going to train myself into kicking 50 yard fgs, which are increasingly common in the nfl, the injury risk is through the roof for us 40+ year old lawyers coming off the aeron to suddenly max effort kick all day. lots of us are going to blow something out, which is an automatic L under these terms. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49814563) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 1:46 PM Author: frozen bat-shit-crazy friendly grandma You don't have to make any 50 yarders. Just consistently make 35s and under with a few 40ish yarders sprinkled in.
And, relatedly, no need to max effort and risk injury if don't try to make the 50 yarders. |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 2:00 PM Author: bateful flesh french chef I would 100% sustain a season ending injury the very first time I was hit by an NFL-sized defender. If not in practice where they might coddle me, certainly in any game.
$2m and an index fund and being able to play with my kids because I’m not an invalid, please and thank you |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 2:11 PM Author: frozen bat-shit-crazy friendly grandma How often do kickers get hit on PATs or FGs? Pretty much never. And when they get hit, it's rarely hard, like a blindside sack or something. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49814696) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 2:34 PM Author: bateful flesh french chef You underestimate how much time they would have to come obliterate me as I stood there trying to autistically calculate the optimum angle for this particular kick while the holder stares back at me like I’m a lunatic and desperately starts to think that he may just need to get up and run for the conversion (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49814749) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 2:12 PM Author: Electric Space $2 million...there's no chance I (or most posters) would get anywhere near 50% (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49814700) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 2:14 PM Author: Splenetic kitchen black woman $2m obviously (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49814705) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 2:22 PM Author: Avocado big-titted locus deer antler $2M and live in Thailand like a god. how's this even remotely close as a hypo? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49814724) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 2:32 PM Author: White center Terrible unrealistic hypo. Maybe if you said 50% PAT and provided a full year of training and steroids. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49814743) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 2:34 PM Author: chestnut metal set Yu could give me infinite time and steroids
40-50yo me ain't never making the cut |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 3:03 PM Author: marvelous henna hall Also the PAT would need to be college length.
Not even a decent high school kicker is accepting the challenge as presented in the OP |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 4:12 PM Author: frozen bat-shit-crazy friendly grandma A 33 yd FG/PAT shouldn't necessitate a full year of training or any roids. Bad HS kickers regular make it from that distance. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49814984) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 3:09 PM Author: lake exhilarant theater 6M and let me play quarterback. i'm built different (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49814812) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 4:08 PM Author: frozen bat-shit-crazy friendly grandma Finally someone else itt who played a little ball in college (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49814978) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 3:22 PM Author: rose office how does a kicker’s refusal to attempt a kick affect the percentage? if i can knock out a couple of pats early on and then just refuse to kick after the snap maybe i can just coast. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49814849) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 4:10 PM Author: frozen bat-shit-crazy friendly grandma Once the coach decides to kick, your denominator goes up by 1 whether or not you attempt the kick. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49814980) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 5:21 PM Author: rose office $2 mil, plz. thank. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49815183) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 3:24 PM Author: violet multi-colored sweet tailpipe theatre I'll give my account and routing numbers to your secretary for her to wire the $2M today (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49814856) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 5:09 PM Author: frozen bat-shit-crazy friendly grandma Just looked up the stats. Shocking risk aversion ITT. I would take the $6M in a hearbeat and earn it no sweat.
Per game, NFL kickers attempt, on average: PATs: 2.3 0-19 yd FGs: 0 20-29 yd FGs: 0.4 30-39 yd FGs: 0.5 40-49 yd FGs: 0.6 50+ yd FGs: 0.5
https://www.pro-football-reference.com/years/NFL/kicking.htm
Multiplying each by 17 games and rounding: PATs: 39 0-19 yd FGs: 0 20-29 yd FGs: 7 30-39 yd FGs: 9 40-49 yd FGs: 10 50+ yd FGs: 9
I would cruise to hypo victory by making, at the bare minimum: 30/39 PATs 5/7 20-29 yd FGs 3/9 30-39 yd FGs 0/10 40-49 yd FGs 0/9 50+ yd FGs
Total: 38 makes out of 74 attempts=51%
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Date: April 13th, 2026 5:55 PM Author: motley sinister spot lmao you're not hitting 35 yard fgs with NFL defenses bearing down on you (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49815290) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 6:14 PM Author: frozen bat-shit-crazy friendly grandma First of all, with something like kicking, where you don't need to look down field to read the defense or find the open receiver, I could just put the defense out of mind. You could just about do it blind folded. Snap, step, step, kick, done. I'm not worried about the defense.
Second, they're not "bearing down." Especially for kicks under 40 yards, I wouldn't even need much of a run up to get power on the kick. Two steps would be sufficient. I'd have the ball kicked well before the defense got there. |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 9:20 PM Author: bisexual roast beef digit ratio (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49815786) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 5:14 PM Author: Concupiscible Overrated Foreskin Knife it'd take the kicker option. im sure to fail, but the experience of being, and the world's collective experience of having to endure, a middle-aged balding lolyer charlie brown whiffing FGs for an entire NFL season is far more valuable than 2m. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49815165) |
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Date: April 13th, 2026 7:58 PM Author: bisexual roast beef digit ratio If the coach knew your abilities and played accordingly. If you eliminated 50+ yard attempts, an athletic guy's kicking percentage would just be capped by the percentage of kicks that flukishly get blocked. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5856655&forum_id=2#49815566) |