Now, as Vice President-elect, there was no time left for AutoAdmit—or for the roles he’d played there. This was it: one last poast, one final confession.

He logged in.

---

Mainlining’s Poast:

"Friends, it’s time you knew the truth.

You’ve followed us for years. You laughed at Evan39’s mop bucket musings, nodded grimly at Boom’s conspiratorial warnings about ADM, and rolled your eyes at my cryptic proclamations as Mainlining. Together, we were a Holy Trinity of existential despair.

But we were never three people. We were one. One man.

Evan39 was born first, crafted from the exhaustion of law school and the crushing absurdity of my early career. He bore the quiet burden of the everyman: scrubbing bird shit from the self-checkout, muttering ‘Yes, friend. This is fine,’ while the world dissolved around him.

Then came Boom, fueled by paranoia and caffeine, piecing together fragments of truth into a tapestry of apocalyptic warnings. Boom was the voice screaming into the void about ADM, about corporate wellness programs, about the banal evils that infiltrate our lives and demand we thank them for the privilege.

Finally, there was "me": Mainlining, the Prophet. The one who saw it all, embraced it, and laughed anyway. Because if you can’t find humor in your own doom, what’s the point?

And the man behind all three? It’s me. JD Vance. Yes, that JD Vance. Vice President-elect of the United States.

For years, I’ve fought ADM from the shadows—mocking them as Boom, lamenting their reach as Evan39, and warning of their unstoppable advance as Mainlining. The RFK Jr. cornfield exposé wasn’t a farce. It was a reckoning. ADM isn’t just a corporation; it’s the lever that tilts the scales of power. And now, from within the White House, I will tilt them back.

But I owe you this truth: Every poast, every thread, every rant about corn, tilapia, and the Great Becumming™—that was me. JD Vance. The Holy Trinity.

And now, friends, I leave you to your degeneracy. May you carry on in my absence."

---

JD stared at the poast for a moment. It was perfect. His swan song. He hit poast and leaned back in his chair, the glow of the laptop fading as he closed the lid.

XO had been his sanctuary, his escape from the crushing absurdity of politics and policy. But now, the absurdity had consumed him. JD didn’t know what was more surreal: that he was Vice President-elect of the United States, or that his greatest legacy might be a thread about ADA parrots.

---

Epilogue:

Two weeks later, rumors began circulating on the Hill. During a late-night strategy session on agriculture, JD allegedly leaned forward, fixed an aide with a steely gaze, and muttered, “ADM fraud fuck$.”

The aide resigned the next day. JD’s office declined to comment.

But among the XO faithful, a final thread appeared, poasted by an anonymous user. It read simply:

"The Holy Trinity is dead. Long live the Holy Trinity."

And so they lingered, the echoes of Evan39, Boom, and Mainlining—the Holy Trinity—etched forever into the threads of AutoAdmit, where truth and absurdity danced as one. Evan39, about to walk into the Oval Office to personally brief Mr. Trump on the truth of ADM for the first time, muttered:

"Yes, friend. This is fine."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5636900&forum_id=2#48359766)