NEW YORK, NY — Once feared by investment bankers and revered by associates alike, corporate titan Martin L. Feinberg, longtime partner at the white-shoe firm Gotham & Blaine LLP, is facing the most hostile takeover of his career: aging out of relevance.

In the late 2000s, Feinberg was the undisputed star of M&A — a man who could negotiate billion-dollar mergers in his sleep, and often did, according to three junior associates who claimed his snores once “closed” a Fortune 100 acquisition. But as the deals dried up, so did his inbox. Now, colleagues say the man once nicknamed “The Terminator of Tender Offers” spends most of his day forwarding memes about “grind culture” and asking if anyone has seen his reading glasses.

“Martin used to bark at bankers until they gave us an extra five basis points,” said one mid-level associate. “Now he just tells the same story about the AOL–Time Warner deal like it was Normandy.”

Feinberg’s decline became apparent during a recent pitch meeting, when he confidently introduced himself as “the future of private equity dealmaking” before accidentally opening a PowerPoint from 2011 titled ‘Synergy or Bust’. Witnesses say he then spent five minutes trying to locate the ‘fullscreen’ button before sighing, “They’ve changed everything.”

Despite the firm’s efforts to ease him into “client relationship” work — a euphemism insiders say means “lunches and legacy plaques” — Feinberg remains determined to close “one last monster deal.” Last month, he reportedly cornered a first-year associate in the hallway to ask if they “knew anyone at SPACs,” apparently unaware that the SPAC market collapsed in 2022.

“He keeps talking about SPACs like they’re hot,” said one partner. “It’s like watching your dad try to go viral on TikTok.”

Still, some at the firm insist Feinberg’s presence has value. “Morale goes up whenever he tells us about when documents came in paper binders,” said a paralegal. “It’s like storytime, but with data rooms.”

Feinberg remains optimistic. “Look,” he said during a recent partners’ meeting, “you don’t just lose your edge overnight. You lose it slowly, deal by deal, until one day someone tells you to move your office to the ‘advisory floor.’ But I’ve still got it.”

He then winked, cracked open a Diet Coke, and accidentally replied-all to a firmwide email with the message: “This better not be another diversity training.”

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5784635&forum_id=2#49336322)