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Kramer gets a job at DOGE and eliminates Newman's job

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flushed theater
  02/05/25
"Tubes, Jerry. We can put all the mail in tubes!"
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[JERRY and KRAMER are in JERRY's kitchen] JERRY: What's w...
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Reply Favorite

Date: February 5th, 2025 11:04 PM
Author: flushed theater



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5676099&forum_id=2#48627006)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 5th, 2025 11:06 PM
Author: razzmatazz glassy old irish cottage coldplay fan

"Tubes, Jerry. We can put all the mail in tubes!"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5676099&forum_id=2#48627011)



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Date: February 6th, 2025 10:48 AM
Author: flushed theater



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5676099&forum_id=2#48627915)



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Date: February 6th, 2025 10:48 AM
Author: outnumbered disturbing piazza



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5676099&forum_id=2#48627917)



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Date: March 1st, 2025 8:52 PM
Author: flushed theater



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5676099&forum_id=2#48706441)



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Date: March 1st, 2025 9:48 PM
Author: sepia bbw

[JERRY and KRAMER are in JERRY's kitchen]

JERRY: What's with the suit?

KRAMER: It's full return to office, buddy.

JERRY: Return to office? What are you talking about?

KRAMER: I got a job at DOGE.

*laughter*

JERRY: Since when do you have a job?

KRAMER: Since last week. I'm making America great again.

*laughter*

JERRY: But all you've ever done is work at a donut shop, and that was like twenty years ago.

KRAMER: Well evidently the hiring managers at DOGE liked what they saw in my application.

*laughter*

[ELAINE enters]

JERRY: Hey, what's going on?

ELAINE: I just got back from the IRS office downtown. What a mess!

JERRY: So you're still waiting for your refund?

ELAINE: Jerry, I couldn't even get in the building. The line was a mile long.

KRAMER: Those positions were eliminated.

ELAINE: What are you talking about?

KRAMER: President Trump determined that those IRS workers weren't contributing to the national good. They had to go.

*laughter*

ELAINE: You work for the government? What year is this?

*laughter*

KRAMER: Elaine, those layabouts at the IRS were weak and inefficient. They're worse than the DMV!

*laughter*

ELAINE: So when am I going to get my tax refund?

KRAMER: In due time, don't worry.

*laughter*

[NEWMAN enters]

JERRY: Hello Newman.

*laughter*

NEWMAN: Hello Jerry.

*laughter*

KRAMER: Newman, you look terrible. What's the matter?

NEWMAN: It's pandemonium down at the post office! Elon Musk laid off 8,000 postal workers yesterday!

JERRY: 8,000?

NEWMAN: Yeah, and he's just getting started! The entire New York division is being wiped out, and pensions are being canceled!

ELAINE: Pensions?

NEWMAN: I was gonna get six-figures for life with full benefits. Medical, dental, even acupuncture! It's all gone!

JERRY: That's a shame.

*laughter*

KRAMER: Newman, your position was wasteful and inefficient. DOGE is merely restoring the public trust.

NEWMAN: You gotta help me Kramer! I didn't put in twenty-hour weeks just to lose everything!

*laughter*

KRAMER: Newman, you're still young and can try something new. You know that ice cream parlor down the street? They're hiring.

ELAINE: Yeah, Newman needs more ice cream.

*laughter*

NEWMAN: I'll remember this! You may sit up here and laugh as a man's dreams are crushed, but someday I'll return in all my glory to get revenge! Just when you think you're safe you'll open your door one day to --

JERRY: Newman!

*laughter*

[NEWMAN departs as GEORGE arrives]

GEORGE: What's with Newman?

KRAMER: I eliminated his position.

*laughter*

GEORGE: Since when do you work?

KRAMER: Since President Trump decided to streamline the federal workforce and increase efficiency.

GEORGE: And they hired you?

KRAMER: You better believe it.

GEORGE: I can't find a job, haven't been with a woman in months, and Kramer is working for the federal government.

*laughter*

KRAMER: What's this?

JERRY: What?

KRAMER: I just got an email from DOGE and it says I'm laid off effective immediately.

JERRY: But didn't you get hired last week?

KRAMER: Yeah, apparently they don't think I'm worthy of a position.

JERRY: But you've got a suit, a briefcase, and were just getting started.

KRAMER: I know, it's bewildering.

GEORGE: So what's in the briefcase?

KRAMER: Crackers.

*laughter*

JERRY: Yeah, that was an efficient use of government resources.

*laughter*

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5676099&forum_id=2#48706547)



Reply Favorite

Date: March 1st, 2025 10:26 PM
Author: Exciting bronze scourge upon the earth



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5676099&forum_id=2#48706600)



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Date: March 2nd, 2025 8:54 AM
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Date: March 2nd, 2025 9:17 AM
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(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5676099&forum_id=2#48707162)



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Date: March 2nd, 2025 9:28 AM
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Date: March 2nd, 2025 12:47 PM
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(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5676099&forum_id=2#48707641)



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Date: March 2nd, 2025 1:12 PM
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Date: March 7th, 2025 3:08 PM
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Date: March 3rd, 2025 9:15 PM
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(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5676099&forum_id=2#48711701)



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