Some of the most powerful emotions I have ever felt have been when I physically visited places from earlier in my life and have seen what they have become since then. "Bittersweet" does not even come close to capturing the full breadth of the emotion that is elicited. I am not even going to try to describe it with words. It is probably not possible, at least not for me. It is a powerful enough force that it causes physiological effects on me that I cannot consciously control, which is rare for me

Even now I struggle to come up with "analysis" to describe my feelings surrounding nostalgia. Pangs of joy, warmth, regret, confusion, resentment, fear. It is the only Nietzschean abyss that I am too afraid to fully look into. Because I don't believe that I could handle what is in there if I was to confront it with the entirety of my Being

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5839081&forum_id=2#49700497)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5839081&forum_id=2#49700555)

No one warns you about just how powerful nostalgia is. Everyone is always like haha yeah wow nostalgia, everyone remembers the good ol days you know. But it's not like that. It's an unbelievably powerful biochemical sensation, like sharing a passionate kiss in a whirlwind romance or embracing a friend after making it through trials and tribulations together

When I see what has been done to the places that were once such an important part of my life and the lives of others I loved, it fills me with such an overwhelming sense of love but also overwhelming loss. Being pulled in both directions at the same time, as tightly as my heart can be pulled

It is a psychic assault that I am helpless against. Like a form of rape

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5839081&forum_id=2#49700591)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5839081&forum_id=2#49700592)

That place of nostalgia is *still there* - a twisted, mutated form of it still exists, in the world that you live in today. And when you are physically in the midst of it, you can feel the arms of the place you once loved reaching out to embrace you, and the sinister tentacles of its new mutated form trying to ensnare you as well

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5839081&forum_id=2#49700628)

I think you'd unironically like The Diving Bell and the Butterfly if you haven't read it, my brother in poasting and soul searching - it's short and sweet and easily read in one sitting. (I also love the movie FWIW)

For some reason that's always what I think of when it comes to experiencing things that go far beyond words, even internal unspoken words, yet are also far more real than words can describe in any context - as in, not just real in terms of deeply felt and experienced, but real in the sense of the ultimate reality we're living in and seeing / sensing through a glass darkly

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5839081&forum_id=2#49700609)

The Portuguese word "saudade" is often considered not directly translateable into English due to its complex emotional connotations. It denotes a deep, melancholic longing for something or someone that is absent, often carrying a sense of bittersweet nostalgia. While it captures feelings of loss and longing, it does not have a straightforward equivalent in English, as it encompasses nuances of love and memory that are uniquely tied to Portuguese culture.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5839081&forum_id=2#49701000)

Teddy told me that in Greek nostalgia literally means the pain from an old wound.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5839081&forum_id=2#49702312)

Definition of Joy (Sehnsucht): Lewis defines "joy" not as a simple emotion or happiness, but as an intense, bittersweet longing or ache-an unsatisfied desire that is more desirable than any satisfaction.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5839081&forum_id=2#50081623)