An open letter to Whokebe, from an XO reader
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Poast new message in this thread
Date: May 15th, 2010 10:40 PM Author: Cerebral home
Dear Whok, I wrote but you still ain't callin
I left my moniker, my twitterfeed, and my facebook page at the bottom
I made two threads back in autumn, you must not have saw em
They was probably covered up by Rowan threads or somethin
Sometimes I type out crappy thread titles when I'm postin
But anyways; fuck it, what's been up? Man how's your novel?
I'm studyin for the MCAT too, I'm bout to be a doctor
If I ever own a Beamer, guess what I'ma have the plate say?
I'm a have it say Pynchon
I agree with you about lynchin too
I had a friend n-thread after some ape robbed him
I know you probably hear this every day, but I wanna be your bro and G
I even got the underground posts you used to make with solzy
I got a room full of your posts and threads man
I like the shit you did with Spackler too, that shit was phat
Anyways, I hope you get this man, tweet me back,
Just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan
This is Stan
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1312679&forum_id=2#15000750) |
Date: May 15th, 2010 10:45 PM Author: Cerebral home
Dear Whok, you still ain't tweeted or posted, I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad - I just think it's FUCKED UP you don't answer fans
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside the library you didn't have to
But you could have signed Gravity's Rainbow for Matthew
That's my little brother man, he posts as :D, he's only six years old
We waited in the blistering cold for you,
For four hours and you just said, "Ape"
That's pretty shitty man - you're like his fucking idol
He wants to be just like you man, he's online even more than we are
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like being lied to
Remember when we met in Fresno? - You said if I'd write you
you would write back - see I'm just like you in a way
I'm an Asian too, and could never tell the difference between my mother and father
When JBD died you became our only voice and author
I can relate to what you're saying in your novel
So when I have a shitty day, I read the excerpt in my hovel
Cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo of your name across the chest
Sometimes I even dead lift in the gym and pretend I'm you
It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me
See everything you say is real, and I respect you cause you tell it
My mom's jealous cause I talk about you 24/7
But she don't know you like I know you Whok, no one does
She don't understand Faulkner like we do
You gotta reply to me man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours, Stan -- P.S.
We should be together too
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1312679&forum_id=2#15000790) |
Date: May 15th, 2010 10:50 PM Author: Cerebral home
Dear Mister-I'm-Too-Good-To-Reply-To-My-Fans,
This'll be the last post I ever send your ass
It's been eight minutes and still no word - I don't deserve it
I know you got my last two posts;
I saw the time stamps on them and they were perfect
So this is my cassette I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 45 on the freeway
Hey Whok, I drank a fifth of Muscle Milk, you dare me to drive?
You know the song by Justin Bieber, "One Less Lonely Girl"?
About that girl who could have spent her whole life lonely
But didn't, cuz Justin found her and made her his one and only?
That's kinda how I wanted this to be, you coulda rescued me from being lonely
Now it's too late - I jacked off, I'm drowsy
And all I wanted was a lousy tweet or call
I hope you know I made 90% of the posts on your wall
I love you Whok, we coulda been together, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you wake I hope you can't play b-ball and you SCREAM about it
I hope your conscience EATS AT YOU and the Kindness Club DIES without me
See Whok---(*screaming*)
Shut up bitch! I'm trying to talk!
Hey Whok, that's my mom screamin from the passenger seat
She don't like it when I drive, but she's not that great too
But if we rode the city bus we'd be targeted by apes and then she'd die too
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the law school
Oh shit, my Blackberry's dead, how am I supposed to send this shit out?
*FIN*
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1312679&forum_id=2#15000830) |
Date: May 16th, 2010 1:11 AM Author: flatulent nowag space
Dear Stan,
I meant to poast here sooner, I just been busy
You said you 'bout to cop a Beamer
Just like Dirk Nowitzki
Look, I'm really flattered
That you would get that vanity plate
And here's an autograph for your boy :D
Maybe now he'll find a date
I'm sorry I didn't see you in the tinychat
I must have missed you
I was too busy ranking authors man
Wasn't to diss you
And what's this shit you said about
You like to do deadlifts too?
I say that weight just clownin' dawg, c'mon
How stupid is you?
You've got 180s Stan
I think you need some Pynchon
To help your ass from wanting to killself
When you get down some
And what's this shit about us
Meant to be together?
That type shit'll make me not want us
To bump each other
I really think that you and your mom
Just need each other
But maybe you just need to BAM! her better
Hope you get to read this letter
I just hope it reaches you in time
Before you niggerthread
I think that you'll be doin' just fine
If you'd wgwag a little
I'm glad I inspire you, but Stan,
Why u so mad
Try to understand
I'm just stylin' on you man
I just want you to do some alpha shit
I seen this one bro open a set
A couple weeks ago, that shit was sick
Some nigger was drunk and drove his fist into a bitch
It was this alpha bro's cunt
She cuckolded him, had nig's kid
And on his phone they found a voice memo
But they didn't say who it was to.
Come to think about it, that faggot was -
It was you.
:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1312679&forum_id=2#15001952) |
Date: September 1st, 2010 12:02 PM Author: impressive ceo piazza
Epic. 180^181
SPECIAL RECOGNITION: "I'm an Asian too, and could never tell the difference between my mother and father"
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1312679&forum_id=2#15938453)
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Date: September 8th, 2010 7:39 AM Author: Useless Orchestra Pit Love Of Her Life
comin' to this shit way late.
but just want to say.
this is the shit that makes this board shine.
fanfuckingtastic.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1312679&forum_id=2#15993715) |
Date: August 15th, 2011 11:24 AM Author: Racy toilet seat cruise ship
But you could have signed Gravity's Rainbow for Matthew
That's my little brother man, he posts as :D, he's only six years old
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1312679&forum_id=2#18760728) |
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