Is Naked Bodybuilding the Next Sport to be Revolutionized?

March 14, 2014

It's late February and most naked bodybuilding fans have their eyes glued to their TVs, watching the opening rounds of Mister Alpha. Self-styled "muscle nuts" from around the world ooh and aww with every pose, every massive load of cum dropped by top pros such as Senegal's Pierre Douton or Sweden's JK Roher.

But in frozen Duluth, one man isn't paying attention. You haven't heard of him yet, but his name is Dick Hammerskold. He's a Senior Analyst at Fat Tail, a mathematically-inclined naked bodybuilding gym opened two years ago by an MIT dropout and a retired chess master. And he's still looking at penises on a monitor. Well, the infrared signatures of a penis, that is.

"Look at these parts of the FUCKSTICK," Hammerskold says, pointing to a blue-shaded region on an otherwise red-orange phallus. "These are the under-stimulated chunks of MAN MEAT. In a tournament, these areas will hamper the competitor's cock control. Before you EXPOSE yourself to a parade of MUSCLE, SWEAT, and PURE TESTOSTERONE, you need to make sure you have been fully STIMMED, or else you will release your MAN JUICE indiscriminately!"

With a wave of the hand, Hammerskold sends for the gym's cadre of twinks. They take notes on the image. At the next stim session, they will focus on the blue areas.

Minnesota's naked bodybuilders were skeptical when Fat Tail opened its doors in the spring of 2012. The sport has a long history in the region, allegedly dating back to the Vikings that so many locals are proud to claim as ancestors. "JK Roher, Jan Kolberg, Logjammer Bogarson, Olaf Heunke…so many great MUSCLE STUDS have Scandinavian names," says local amateur heavyweight Axel Carlsson. "We have been preparing for the RUMBLE for centuries by working hard and stimming furiously. If my ancestors did not have to use advanced analytics to establish themselves as ALPHAS, why do I need it?"

But skeptics have been won over by results. Amateur welterweight Sebastian "Sea Bass" Suomi was a low-level competitor who became one of Fat Tail's first clients. "I was basically a twink who enjoyed posing with the big boys," Suomi says. "I had the urge to establish dominance over my competitors, but not the tools."

Hammerskold brought the tools. He convinced Sea Bass to attach small sensors to his unclothed bits, allowing the gym's analysts to build a computer model of his manhood. He posed patiently in a lonely studio while infrared camera captured every thermal aspect of his performance. He even allowed Hammerskold to draw on his penis in marker, giving the gym's twinks pinpoint instruction on what to caress - and what to leave alone. Today, Suomi routinely beats out bodybuilders twice his size. At the annual MISTER VIKING competition, a sort of amateur championship in northern Minnesota, Suomi finished easily finished in first place despite being in the bottom 25% by weight. Instead, he wowed judges with his amazing ability to time his cum shots with poses, going 17-for-17: something you would expect from Pierre Douton. "I AM THE MUSCLE STUD WHO BRINGS THE HEAT", a triumphant Suomi shouted after his victory, an appropriate reference to the technology behind the win. Perhaps, in a few years, Hammerskold and other cerebral coaches will be bringing the heat to Mister Alpha.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2518176&forum_id=2#25191485)

unadulterated 999999999999999999900000000003993947387283947294

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2518176&forum_id=2#25192025)

jcf what would '04 XO think about this place?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2518176&forum_id=2#25193600)

I can't think of anything less gay than ifnb

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2518176&forum_id=2#25193612)

180.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2518176&forum_id=2#25194120)

LOL

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2518176&forum_id=2#25563553)