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Dating someone who isn't a native speaker of your language
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:18 PM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage I know a few guys who are dating girls who have perhaps a 12-year-old's grasp of English. They're usually smart girls and can read just fine and many of them did well in English-speaking schools, but their english speaking and writing abilities are very childlike. None of the English-speakers make an attempt to learn the language of the other person either, so the communication problems are even worse from the non English-speaker's perspective.
What's the appeal in this relationship for anything more than short-term on both sides? Wouldn't you want to date someone you can communicate easily with? |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:19 PM Author: Citrine preventive strike base most 12 year olds have a pretty good grasp of english.
Backed up with an adult's education and experiences, I don't see the problem. |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:23 PM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage I guess the problem to me is communicating the finer points in a relationship, such as personality or one's sense of humor. I can understand what someone is saying but they won't get certain jokes and we won't be able to connect on more than a certain level. Last year I tried dating a nice guy who spoke good English but was a native Spanish speaker, and there was a disconnect that made communication burdensome after a while.
So I wonder how a relationship can work if the people aren't fluent in one common language. |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:25 PM Author: Citrine preventive strike base hmm. I dunno. Most of the marriages in my family are international. I don't see how it would make a big difference.
Of course, the people who don't know English have all been well educated - MDs, PhDs, etc. |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:25 PM Author: Curious pungent cuck don't all the educated hindoos learn english in school though? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263332) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:26 PM Author: Citrine preventive strike base Especially the ones like me, who grew up in America. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263340) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:28 PM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage "Most of the marriages in my family are international."
Same here, but most people who make it to marriage have one common language. Either the non-native English speaker is near-native in English or the English-speaker is near-native in the other language. I rarely see relationships work where one person is native speaker and the other has a child's grasp of speaking the language in social groups. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:08 AM Author: startling exhilarant heaven (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263688) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:22 PM Author: Curious pungent cuck what ethnicities are we talking about here? that makes a difference. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263296) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:26 PM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage Male-white, Woman-Asian
Male-white, Woman-Eastern European
These are the most common that I see. Whenever I see something like Woman-American, Man-French, the American is a fluent French speaker and vice versa so it isn't much of a problem. |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:27 PM Author: Citrine preventive strike base eastern europeans are white, babe. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263356) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:29 PM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage I know, but Eastern Europe isn't an English-speaking country and many people would consider Eastern European a separate ethnicity from, say, Scandinavian. Ethnicity =/= race. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263370) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:31 PM Author: sooty outnumbered coldplay fan the bigger issue is culture, and of course e. europe is far different from w. europe (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263393) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:33 AM Author: bearded round eye native when did eastern europe become a country (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263880) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 10:06 AM Author: Beady-eyed cordovan menage dt in the FIGHT OF HER LIFE to outsmart sarah palin (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16265158) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:28 PM Author: smoky mildly autistic patrolman I knew the bf's language better than he knew English, but still wasn't so good. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263365) |
Date: October 10th, 2010 11:21 PM Author: smoky mildly autistic patrolman I did it, was frustrating. But part of it was that the guy was not intelligent. We had sex and watched TV. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263280) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:23 PM Author: Curious pungent cuck so you literally did bang the pool boy, didn't you?
did ICE eventually ship him back to nicaragua? |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:27 PM Author: smoky mildly autistic patrolman Who do you think I am? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263350) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:27 PM Author: Curious pungent cuck i think you might be a strumpet! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263358) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:29 PM Author: smoky mildly autistic patrolman You would be wrong, sir. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263374) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:22 PM Author: Olive Medicated Box Office creepy guys tend to do this (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263285) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:22 PM Author: Cerebral Keepsake Machete Nothing wrong with "dating" your maid as long as she is a young firm latina and nobody finds out (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263291) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:23 PM Author: sooty outnumbered coldplay fan the benefit is that they tend to talk less and you can pick and choose what you want to understand (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263298) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:24 PM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage The guy I was dating who was like this was Spanish and he talked a lot. There was a lot that he would want to express to me but it was difficult for him to explain himself sometimes. So that isn't always true. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263318) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:27 PM Author: sooty outnumbered coldplay fan i have dated tons of foreigners, but in place of the language i usually know the culture pretty well, so exact language isn't required
if it's a culture you dont know well enough, the relationship will fail and language wont be the main reason |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:29 PM Author: Citrine preventive strike base this (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263373) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:30 PM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage Good points. Of the people I'm talking about, the guys don't know the other person's culture very well or only have a superficial grasp of it (i.e. lived in Asia for 3 years but hung out with mainly white people and never learned Mandarin). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263388) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:32 PM Author: sooty outnumbered coldplay fan even then, it depends, especially wrt asians. they tend to adopt to other cultures easily, so as long as the relationship isnt horribly lopsided, there's no reason it cant work out in the long run (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263400) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:36 PM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage I notice a distinct difference when I'm speaking with some non-native speakers of English who speak technically fluently. My maid technically speaks fluently but I don't think I could date a guy who had her grasp of English, even if he was otherwise quite smart.
Other girls I talk to find it difficult to date non-native English speakers for the same reason - communication difficulty, hard to develop a connection or "chemistry" with someone if verbal communication is handicapped. |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:26 PM Author: boyish mad-dog skullcap dated a latvian girl for a school year. within a month she could speak very well, but with heavy accent. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263342) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:27 PM Author: Curious pungent cuck cock is a universal language bro. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263351) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:29 PM Author: pearly dysfunction LOL, this surprises you? What do you think men look for in relationships?
Hint: perfect grammar isn't high on the list. |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:29 PM Author: Citrine preventive strike base cr (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263377) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:32 PM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage I'm not talking just about grammar. It's more an overarching point on communication between two people. If one person's communicating at an adult level in English and the other person can't, and neither of them have another common language, there are fundamental communication disconnects that would undermine a relationship.
Or so I'd think.
My experience with these kinds of relationships is that they are extremely difficult. |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:38 PM Author: pearly dysfunction Yeah, you think wrong. If she is really hot and otherwise great then it is pretty irrelevant for many guys. In time her english will get better and the couple learns to communicate better. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263436) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:40 PM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage But how do you know if she's "otherwise great" to begin with if you can't communicate on a certain level?
Maybe women tend to value communication more than men, who knows. When I talk to my friends about this, it's usually the girls who have trouble understanding how these relationships work and the guys who say "not a big deal". |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:50 PM Author: pearly dysfunction What level of communication do you think you need? I think you're overestimating that significantly.
"Maybe women tend to value communication more than men, who knows."
Definitely.
"When I talk to my friends about this, it's usually the girls who have trouble understanding how these relationships work and the guys who say "not a big deal"."
Correct. There's a reason for that. |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:55 PM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage I like to be able to get someone's sense of humor, have a read on someone's personality and be able to communicate without any time lag about certain deeper topics. If someone's constantly struggling to find ways to say what they want to say in your language, it makes seamless communication difficult. How someone articulates a concept says a lot about them and that's sometimes very difficult to get across when there's a linguistic or cultural barrier.
I know non-native speakers with whom this is easy and also some with whom this is difficult to impossible. Both sets would be considered "fluent" for business purposes depending on their job.
From your perspective, why don't men care as much about communication? Seeing as how these are heterosexual relationships, why do you think the women in these relationships are OK with them even though there's a communication difficulty? |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:57 PM Author: Citrine preventive strike base describe a specific conversation or concept that would exemplify this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263597) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:03 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage When I was dating the Spanish guy, we were laying in bed and having a conversation about what we were looking for in the opposite sex. He tries to tell me something about singing, and at first I'm thinking that he's saying that he's looking for a girl with a good singing voice. It took 20 minutes for him to explain to me that what he really meant was that he likes the kind of girl who has no qualms with singing along with songs in the car, at a bar or wherever even if she doesn't have a good voice.
Instantaneous communication was tough and that wasn't the only instance where it took one of us 20 minutes to explain a certain concept to the other. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:07 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base this is ridiculous.
You know the answer to this by how he reacts to certain people, and he sees it by how you react to certain people. People rarely abide by what they about those sorts of things anyway. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:30 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage Describe a realistic real-life example of how one can react to someone nonverbally in a way that is completely obvious to everyone. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263860) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:34 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base facial expression, tone of voice, refusing to cooperate, going out of your way to cooperate and help, not helping, not showing interest, getting excited. . . .
what the hell? Do you want me to go on? You know, stuff humans do. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:41 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage Why are you getting so hostile?
I understand that this is all stuff humans do, but it's much easier to understand (at least for me) when someone is verbally communicating. Not all of us are silent film actors and can communicate a wide range of emotion with one look. There's only so much subtlety and range of language that you can convey with nonverbal cues such as facial expression. Tone of voice also implies that someone is engaging in verbal communication, and while someone may have a sad facial expression, the sad face can't communicate why they are upset, what would make them feel better, and so on.
You may go out of your way to cooperate and help, but without you actually saying so, no one knows your motivations for pitching in.
Culturally, someone may be averse to raising their voice or even expressing a lot of nonverbal cues. So the posters above who said it was culture and not language that caused frustration are probably on to something. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:42 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base Sorry to sounds hostile.
It just sounds like you're a bot. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:07 AM Author: pearly dysfunction I think this whole "deep conversation" schtick that you're discussing is more meaningful to women than men. Men are generally fine with a bubbly girl that just laughs at their jokes and tells them they're the most awesome thing on the planet. And don't worry - most men have a simplistic sense of humor so the language barrier isn't a huge deal.
"From your perspective, why don't men care as much about communication? Seeing as how these are heterosexual relationships, why do you think the women in these relationships are OK with them even though there's a communication difficulty?"
Men are built differently. Period. I can go back to evolutionary arguments but women want men to have deep convos with them because that's a form of investment men make into the relationship that indicates that he cares and will stick around, etc. Men just want a woman to fuck and love him with all of her heart because that's indicative that she's not fucking another dude. Because of different roles in human history and different fears men and women have different benchmarks of what they want/need. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:08 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base don't generalize about women.
I'm not a bit like OP. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:12 AM Author: startling exhilarant heaven (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263719) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:18 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base :(
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:06 AM Author: startling exhilarant heaven (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264115) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:47 AM Author: pearly dysfunction ?
I wasn't saying you were. What I wrote was generally true but of course doesn't apply to all cases. Personally, I have no idea what your english is like IRL. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:50 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base lol that's not the point.
I mean the stuff about how women view relationships. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:52 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage How do you view relationships and how is it so different than how I view relationships based on what we've both said ITT? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264022) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:58 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base First of all I wouldn't even try to create definite patterns or predictors about whether a certain type of relationship will work out. It wouldn't even occur to me that there *are* indicators, other than that people seem happy together.
Second, the idea that *anyone* actually describes their own values and emotions with perfect detail in the exact moment it's relevant? Who does that? I don't go around saying "I'm sad right now," or "I'm hungry." People know I'm sad because I look sad or something is off. People know I'm hungry because they see me looking for food.
It just seems like you're the type of woman who will always ask "what are you thinking?" "How does that make you feel?" "what's your opinion on this?" and then ignore all the other indicators. And that's not a healthy way to communicate with people. Most men don't react to questions well, and neither do women. You can't really quantify the myriad ways a human being has to express something. It's just something you grow up with and learn with socialization. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:04 AM Author: pearly dysfunction "It just seems like you're the type of woman who will always ask "what are you thinking?" "How does that make you feel?" "what's your opinion on this?" and then ignore all the other indicators. And that's not a healthy way to communicate with people."
Most women I meet do this all the time. Even to people they're not dating. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:06 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base Well, it can be a conversation starter, especially during small talk, but that's not the bulk of the communication that goes on in a relationship. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264114) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:10 AM Author: pearly dysfunction Again, I disagree. Even women I've known forever (and no, not just Mandy) do this all the time. It is very common. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264142) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:12 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base maybe you just date a certain type of woman. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264156) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:16 AM Author: pearly dysfunction No, this isn't just women I date. I have and have had many, many female friends and acquaintances. This is just normal behavior. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264179) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:18 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base And you think if they stop doing this you'd be unable to have a relationship with them? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264197) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:21 AM Author: pearly dysfunction No, but it is typically how relationships progress. These women decide who they like and don't like and who they want to be friends and lovers with based on the responses. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264233) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:24 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base what about the grammar of the responses? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264248) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:27 AM Author: pearly dysfunction Not really relevant. As long as everyone can convey their ideas it is fine. But imagine two people who have no real common language. Imagine how that would work. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264260) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:27 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base fish!
you forgot the premise of the thread, wtf. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:29 AM Author: pearly dysfunction The question presented is whether such relationships can work and under what situations. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264275) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:30 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base if someone is native speaker of the same language. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264282) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:31 AM Author: pearly dysfunction fail. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264286) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:33 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base lol this is silly. It happens all the time. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264299) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:48 AM Author: pearly dysfunction What if everyone is native but some are more native than others? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264403) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:51 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base wtf are you talking about? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264419) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:56 AM Author: pearly dysfunction Think about it man. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264446) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:05 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage "People know I'm sad because I look sad or something is off. People know I'm hungry because they see me looking for food."
These are pretty obvious ones. If someone sees me crying they know I'm upset about something. But a lot of times people guess completely wrong. They may ask me what's wrong when I'm just quiet or spacing out.
I don't always ask someone what they are thinking but it's much easier for me to determine what they're thinking about something if they're giving me verbal or clear nonverbal cues. Not everyone is a clear nonverbal communicator either. Some will keep a poker face no matter what. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:07 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base BUT IF THIS MAN KNOW YOU, HE WILL LEARN YOUR CUES. YOU WON"T HAVE TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF. HE'LL KNOW EVEN BEFORE YOU KNOW. THAT'S A RELATIONSHIP. YOU'LL LEARN HIS TOO. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264122) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:10 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage And this comes with every relationship! Each person has his or her own verbal or nonverbal cues. Someone may always talk in superlatives in an excited or cheery voice whereas another person rarely gets excited about anything, and the two people could be just as excited about the same thing but express it completely differently, both verbally and nonverbally.
I'm just saying that sometimes, for some people, verbal communication makes learning the nonverbal stuff much easier. Cultural barriers might also make the nonverbal communication difficult. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:11 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base I guess verbal communication might make this easier, sure.
That's not what you were going for before, though. You were suggesting that people with a language barrier can't really make it work because they can't have those long discussions. And that language is the main way people communicate. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:11 AM Author: pearly dysfunction Not really. Men suck at picking up non-verbal cues. Most men HATE the question of "what, you couldn't TELL I was upset/wanted something else/wanted to go home/etc.?" Almost all get pissed and say "well then you should have fucking said something".
Mandy and I basically spent our entire adult lives together and this STILL happens. OTOH, you don't need to speak amazing english to say "I'm tired, I want to go home." |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:13 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base But you're not suggesting that the majority of your relationship is just language?
You're talking about something else. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:26 AM Author: pearly dysfunction I'm saying that non-verbal cues are not really a replacement for language and yes, as a result the communication your relationship is based on will overwhelmingly be verbal. This doesn't mean verbal barriers means u'r facked but it can make life harder.
Of course, I'll note that I've never really dated anyone who I've had any real language barriers with. Basically, everyone I've dated either spoke good english or good Russian and I'm fine with either. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:58 AM Author: pearly dysfunction "What I wrote was generally true but of course doesn't apply to all cases." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264055) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:59 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base fine.
but I would even say that doesn't apply to most women. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:02 AM Author: pearly dysfunction Explain. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264080) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:04 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base you know.
everything I've said in this thread. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:08 AM Author: pearly dysfunction I'm going to have to disagree then. Women LOVE to ask what you think about XYZ all the freakin' time. Men rarely do that unless it is pressing - "I want to buy a Jeep Liberty, what do you think about that Boris?" Whereas Natasha will look outside the window and turn and say - "I love summer. Don't you? Is it your favorite season?" Men never do this. Women do this all the time. I don't mind it at all but that's just how it is. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264132) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:14 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base But GK is suggesting that's the basis of a relationship. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264165) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:17 AM Author: pearly dysfunction To some extent she's absolutely right. It is how most women determine compatibility. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264191) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:18 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base no, this is not true. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264206) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:20 AM Author: pearly dysfunction I'm pretty sure it is - at least in Western culture + China. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264222) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:21 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base In western culture and china women constantly bug men asking them to describe their feelings, and when they're not able to do so or don't want to it's impossible to have a relationship? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264232) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:23 AM Author: pearly dysfunction I think you're making this more adversarial than it is. It is common to be out with women (friends, gfs, wives, whoever) and have them ask a bunch of questions on what you think about whatever. I don't see why you think this is bad. You answer what you think, they agree or disagree and you have a conversation. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264239) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:24 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base dude, do you remember what this thread is about? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264247) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:28 AM Author: pearly dysfunction Yes, but the conversation has advanced beyond the initial question. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264264) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:30 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base you changed the topic with this post
http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264132
this is just like that time you went on a rant against communism when it had NOTHING to do with what we were talking about, lol. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:32 AM Author: pearly dysfunction 1. Communism always has to do with everything.
2. This was a response to other stuff that was going on. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:33 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base i don't think so fish. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264304) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:43 AM Author: pearly dysfunction How can communism not affect everything??? DO you even know what life was like in the USSR???? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264375) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:51 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base oh fish (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264422) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 2:00 AM Author: pearly dysfunction I seem to get this a lot. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264482) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:35 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage This.
Talking about shared feelings ("I love [X], don't you") is a major way that I bond with girlfriends. I know that men bond more through doing stuff and that, to a guy, bonding by watching TV, having sex and not really talking much can be a strong bonding experience. Neither is better than the other. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:40 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base dude, you can do this with someone who's not a native speaker. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264353) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:45 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage I never said you can't, but there are many degrees of non-native fluency. My maid is fluent in English (at least as far as I can tell given our business relationship) but there's not a chance that she's going to be reading any of the books on my bookshelf.
I also know a few non-native people who were fluent enough to get into a decent law school, pass the bar, and get biglaw, but their English verbal communication skills were terrible. Most of these people work in overseas offices where they communicate most of the time in their native language.
And some times, when someone writes in Chinglish or Hinglish the translation just comes out wrong. Ever try to Google translate a page into English? Some funky stuff there. I know most people don't care about one's grammar or writing ability but speaking to someone who talks or writes in English like that can make a relationship difficult for some. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:53 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base I can honestly say that my fiance and I haven't read any of the same books, and we are fine. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264431) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:56 AM Author: thriller philosopher-king bawdyhouse you are such an insufferable person.
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:58 AM Author: pearly dysfunction What's wrong with having a maid? Many busy professionals at a certain level get one. When I was in biglaw I had one, and if I get some of the jobs I'm interviewing with now I'll certainly also have one again. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264467) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 2:03 AM Author: thriller philosopher-king bawdyhouse a full time live-in maid or one of those ones that come and go? I have no problem with the latter, but I find live-in maids kinda off-putting and oppressive. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264508) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 2:05 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage She comes and goes. I don't have enough space in my apartment for a live-in maid but I don't see anything wrong with it as long as you give the maid adequate room and board. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264527) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 2:13 AM Author: thriller philosopher-king bawdyhouse Oh I assumed it was a live-in maid, because most people don't really talk with hourly maids.
Some of my relatives in Beijing have live-in maids, and I found the whole arrangement to be classist to the point of being bare and distasteful. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:45 AM Author: pearly dysfunction Right, it just happens to be a difference in how the genders communicate. It isn't a good or bad thing, it is the way it is. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264385) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:29 AM Author: thriller philosopher-king bawdyhouse I'm not even gonna touch the China thing, but even in Western culture, you might want to read some Milton re: conversation. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264273) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:09 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage How much of communication do you think the typical guy needs? Does it matter whether you and the girl share a similar sense of humor or if she has a certain personality?
The reason why I bring up personality is because a lot of my friends who are fluent in more than one language say that people will say that they have a different personality (or generally come across differently) in each language. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:15 AM Author: thriller philosopher-king bawdyhouse um, no. I'm a textbook definition of bi-lingual, and I have the same personality in either language. There are cases where something I want to say is most aptly expressed in one language or the other, but there are generally ways to approximate it with the other language. If your friends think they have a different personality in a different language, it means they are not proficient in that language. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263736) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:50 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage What I was saying was more that OTHER PEOPLE see someone as having a slightly different personality. I am friends with a couple where one is English and the other is French. The English person speaks French fluently and vice versa, and each say that the other has a slightly different personality in each language even though they don't think their personalities have changed at all. It's not the first time I've heard this from bilingual people who interact with a lot of other bilingual people. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264007) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:54 AM Author: pearly dysfunction If both people are bilingual then I see how that happens. Generally, you use different languages for different things. For example, if you work in language A and socialize in language B then you talk about fun shit in lang A and work in lang B. Therefore, you seem more serious or more fun in the respective languages. That doesn't mean that your actual personality is any different. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264029) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:56 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage OK, this is more of what I'm talking about and I'm talking about more subtle changes in personality, such as someone being snarkier in English because they find English easier to snark in, for whatever reason.
I'm not bilingual so I'm basing all of this off of what my bilingual friends tell me. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:00 AM Author: pearly dysfunction But again, when you have two bilingual people you're right - you might snark more in one language to that person than the other because it is easier. That doesn't mean that when you're limited to one language that you wouldn't quickly snark more even though you'd rather snark in the other language. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264066) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:07 AM Author: thriller philosopher-king bawdyhouse That can be better explained by the fact that a language itself carries a certain "personality". Like French is inherently seen as a more feminine and romantic language than German, etc. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264126) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:10 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage You could be dead on here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264144) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:50 AM Author: pearly dysfunction "Does it matter whether you and the girl share a similar sense of humor or if she has a certain personality?"
You can tell this with even a basic common knowledge of some language.
"The reason why I bring up personality is because a lot of my friends who are fluent in more than one language say that people will say that they have a different personality (or generally come across differently) in each language."
No. I'm exactly the same in Russian and in English. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:52 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage OK, I feel like a complete aspie now : ( (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264017) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:57 AM Author: pearly dysfunction Eh, you're used to different dating expectations. That's no big deal. Also, for all my talk, as Rowan has repeatedly pointed out, I'm married to someone who is exactly my cultural and linguistic equivalent. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264053) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:32 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage I get all of this and I'm usually this way (bubbly, laughs at jokes, tells him he's awesome, doesn't say much more) to my BF and he loves it, or at least loves it much more than I would think he would love it given how I haven't had one deep conversation with him yet.
I'm curious as to how the women in these relationships deal. Maybe they're more like Rasquatch and are much more attuned to nonverbal communication, or they just care less about communication in general. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:38 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base Here's the thing. You can have a long deep conversation with someone who knows perfect English, and somehow they might not just *get* what you're saying. Maybe he doesn't care, or maybe he cares and is trying to listen, but has had such a radically different experience in life that he doesn't even understand where I'm coming from.
If you're with the right kind of man, he will listen and just get it. He will get it because he understands you and the kind of person you are. He might miss some references - he might not know the philosophers that inspired me in undergrad or know what I'm talking about when I say I'm seething, but he'll get enough. Some of it is culture, but it's not language. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:46 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage "Some of it is culture, but it's not language."
How much do you think one's culture has been affected by language? Or how much one's language affects how you view certain concepts. I'm no linguistics scholar so I'm posing this to the whole board. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:49 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base There's a definite connection, but it's easier to learn about someone's culture than it is to learn their language. The former will happen no matter what. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264004) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:56 AM Author: pearly dysfunction That is pretty huge, of course - since movies, books, cultural ideals are all tied to language. I agree with what others have said that this is far more serious than the language itself. HOWEVER, also realize that you're not dealing with an average Chinese girl. You're dealing with someone who moved to the US or otherwise chose to date an American. That means that they must have some affinity to American culture. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264042) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:58 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage Yeah, and American culture is all over the place so that might help.
You're all right that language isn't as important as culture and I was completely wrong on overlooking that. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:59 AM Author: pearly dysfunction np (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264058) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:51 PM Author: Citrine preventive strike base lol at most communication being verbal.
You build a relationship by every tiny single action you do. Words are meaningless if your actions don't back them up. Actions, on the other hand, don't need to be communicated verbally to have meaning. |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:57 PM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage Backing words up with actions isn't what I'm talking about here. What you're talking about goes more to trust (e.g., whether someone will call when they say they will call) than to communication.
There also can be major cultural issues which may lead people to misinterpret actions. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:00 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base No, I'm not talking about trust. I'm talking about values and opinions, etc. You see how someone is when you see how they interact with others and how they react to certain stimuli. You learn a lot more from this than you do asking what they think about blah blah.
Actions are the *main* way people communicate their thoughts and feelings. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:07 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage How someone reacts to certain stimuli can be just as verbal as it is nonverbal. If someone is nervous they can say "I'm nervous" as well as acting weird. I can usually tell when someone is nervous if they change how they are speaking. This is difficult to tell with people who speak another language.
Your entire point about interaction with others is both verbal and nonverbal, and same with interaction to stimuli. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:10 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base But the verbal isn't as necessary! You don't see that in your very own example?
How on earth can you not tell if someone is nervous if their english is at a twelve year old's level???? Are you saying you wouldn't be able to figure out if a twelve year old were nervous????? |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:28 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage Maybe on the spectrum of verbal and nonverbal communcation, you're much closer to the nonverbal end than I am.
No need to get all hostile.
If a 12-year-old were nervous, I would be able to tell they were nervous if they said "I am nervous", or began to stumble over their words, or talk profusely/talk fast. People also have certain nervous tics but a lot of times these are person-dependent. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:39 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base of course! So why on earth is it important for someone to say "I'm nervous."
First of all even english speakers won't constantly express their feelings directly in the exact moment they're having them anyway. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:42 AM Author: Emerald potus theater stage My dad is married to a Fillipino woman. English is her 5th language. My dad (of course) only speaks English.
I often say that the only reason why they are still married is because she can't understand half of what he is saying.
And I'd be willing to bet my dad isn't with her for the conversation. |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:32 PM Author: Curious pungent cuck be honest - are you just upset that these dudes wanted to date wide-eyed, flaxen-haired foreign ladies instead of you? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263403) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:38 PM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage The dood I'm thinking of is dating a Chinese girl. He brought her around and while she was smart (went to Peking U) she was very quiet and when she did speak it was clear that communicating her personality in English was not her strong suit.
I was just wondering how it worked seeing as how the guy spoke not a word of Mandarin and wasn't making any attempt to learn. |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:58 PM Author: Arousing Fortuitous Meteor Orchestra Pit She was probably nervous, which wouldn't help. Any attempt by the guy to learn Mandarin would be completely futile. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263606) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:00 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage Yeah, your last sentence is credited. I guess I'm envisioning a Love, Actually scenario where there's more of a mutuality in terms of both parties learning the other's language.
I've seen this girl once or twice in a social setting and she's very quiet and rarely speaks. Like a mouse. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:11 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base this is the second time in this thread where you've mentioned a movie and tried to relate it to irl
do you see a problem with that? |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:21 AM Author: Arousing Fortuitous Meteor Orchestra Pit So she's just like a huge number of Asian girls who are native English speakers? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263797) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:26 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage Most of the Asian girls I know are pretty outgoing and I suspect that there's not a big correlation between Asian-ness and outgoingness/demureness in Western-raised Asians. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263833) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:35 PM Author: blue psychic antidepressant drug i dated a girl where we both spoke each other's language with some proficiency but not fluency. communication/humor/etc. was fine, and we liked the same books, etc. (even if we read them in different translations). the frustrating part was not being able to understand subtler cultural references. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263423) |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:49 PM Author: Citrine preventive strike base Why do you spend so much time analyzing other people's relationships, trying to come up with some sort of pattern or explanation about why they will or will not workout?
It doesn't concern you. |
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Date: October 10th, 2010 11:58 PM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage I'm just curious. I love the Portuguese love story in Love Actually but I'm skeptical as to how well these kinds of relationships do IRL. So when I see a relationship that's like this I always wonder how they do it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263613) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:01 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base Why are you analyzing the relationships of others in the first place? Why are you curious?
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:36 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage I don't know. I find certain aspects of interpersonal dynamics interesting. It's interesting to me how certain people place little value on verbal communication, but some people place a high value on it. I also find it interesting (like in your case) where the advocate of nonverbal communication is a female. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263906) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:40 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base Dude, the nonverbal communication is happening no matter what. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263945) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:48 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage I get that, but it's not personally enough for me. I need a high level of verbal communication, or at least verbal understanding or back-and-forth.
Maybe I'm a bit more aspie than you when it comes to the nonverbal stuff. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:03 AM Author: fragrant sticky deer antler french chef as someone who speaks another language in addition to english, and despite being able to communicate in english very well, i'd still prefer to date someone who spoke my other language too. there are too many funny things that i sometimes want to express in that language that aren't as meaningful in english.
i guess my point is, it goes both ways. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:14 AM Author: nubile karate arent a nigger? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263731) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:38 AM Author: Scarlet home multi-billionaire i couldn't do it for long (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16263919) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 12:57 AM Author: amber indian lodge Not all dudes feel the need to have a wife with whom they constantly exchange rapid fire witty 30-rockesque banter. Sure, some might. But others are probably just as content with someone attractive and maternal who is simple and treats them like a king. They can enjoy intellectual conversation with their friends & colleagues. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264051) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:00 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage I'm more curious as to how the females in these relationships work around the language/cultural barrier, seeing as how females tend to be more verbal or communication-oriented than men. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264062) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:02 AM Author: pearly dysfunction Women in these situations probably also value different things. If you're a female whose main value in a relationship is deep convo then dating someone with a large language barrier isn't what you'll do. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264077) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:07 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage I wouldn't say my main value is deep convo, but I value ease of communication and shared values, and the latter is discovered through conversations as well as shared experiences. I'm also much more of a verbal communicator and if someone's not talking I'll assume that either something is wrong or that they're somehow displeased or upset.
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:09 AM Author: Citrine preventive strike base "if someone's not talking I'll assume that either something is wrong or that they're somehow displeased or upset."
????!!!!!!! |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:30 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage Here's an example.
Back when the BF and I were getting to know each other, if we were eating dinner and he wasn't talking, I'd assume that he was either upset or just wasn't all that excited to see me. Now I know he gets preoccupied with work and is going over work-y matters in his head and doesn't feel like talking, and I shouldn't take that personally.
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:13 AM Author: amber indian lodge meh, "shared values" is pure flame. there is only one important shared value, and that is money. I guess another one would be some sort of agreement as to how many children they want. But besides money and kids, no 'shared value' is really that significant.
of course you're more verbal, you're part of the SATC generation. don't assume everyone is.
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:15 AM Author: pearly dysfunction Oh, I'm going to have to really disagree on this one. Imagine she is a feminist who wants to be an independent woman and he's a TMF that hates women like that. This will end badly and very soon. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264169) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:16 AM Author: amber indian lodge well that falls into the 'money' category, ie who is going to be a primary provider/secondary provider/homemaker/etc (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264185) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:19 AM Author: pearly dysfunction Not really. Even aside from money it goes to who wears the pants, how decisions in the relationships are made, and the general relationship dynamics. If you don't see eye to eye then you're fucked.
Example: It is vacation time. She wants to go to Paris. You just want to go skiing or stay home. What happens? Imagine she has no interest in compromising and says she'd just rather take her friends with her and you can do whatever.
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:23 AM Author: amber indian lodge I think it's safe to say that whomever has the better grasp of English (typically the male) is the shot-caller in the relationship (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264245) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:28 AM Author: pearly dysfunction I don't like this rule at all. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264271) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:29 AM Author: amber indian lodge English pwns all. Every other language is trash. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264274) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:30 AM Author: pearly dysfunction vat? no u. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264280) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:38 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage I think the person who has the better grasp of the relationship's primary language is the de facto shot caller in the relationship. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264336) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 2:00 AM Author: pearly dysfunction Circular. The relationship's primary language will be that relationship's primary language if the person with that language is calling the shots. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264479) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:32 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage "there is only one important shared value, and that is money. I guess another one would be some sort of agreement as to how many children they want."
Religion can be important for many people. There are many threads on XO where both men and women talk about deal-breakers or must-haves and the values stuff isn't just about money or kids. Money and kids are big ones for serious relationships, but they aren't the only ones by any stretch.
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:39 AM Author: amber indian lodge nah, money trumps religion every time. most azn chicks aren't into religion, and the few that are will ditch it if the money's right. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264339) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:40 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage Not being into religion is a value as well. Look at some of the deal-breaker threads here and you'll see that many nonreligious people list "religious" as a dealbreaker. Do you think someone will ditch their nonreligiosity and play the good church wife/husband for someone? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264355) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:46 AM Author: amber indian lodge of course, man. if an agnostic woman making 40k/yr has a chance to marry a Christian dentist pullin in 300k, then you better believe she'll be thrilled about shopping for Sunday church dresses, pretending like she believes in God, Jesus, etc. Small price to pay for the mansion, the private schools, the live-in nanny, and never having to work again.
Men would probably behave similarly if the roles were somehow reversed.
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:51 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage Dentist trolling. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264418) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:57 AM Author: amber indian lodge why not? point is that if the man has enough money/status and can offer a secure life for them and their children, most women will mold themselves and their personalities to please the man.
with ITE, this is greatly exacerbated. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 2:07 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage "point is that if the man has enough money/status and can offer a secure life for them and their children, most women will mold themselves and their personalities to please the man."
I usually do this and I'm pretty well off in terms of money/status, so I think there's more to it than the guy being able to offer the girl a certain lifestyle. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:13 AM Author: pearly dysfunction Right, so what you're saying is that you can't imagine that kind of relationship, which is cool. But they obviously have different standards. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264161) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:39 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage I can imagine it, but I'm just curious as to what they want out of a relationship where they can't communicate on equal footing with the guy. I'm talking in terms of emotional connection, not just money/security. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264345) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:46 AM Author: pearly dysfunction There is an emotional connection that comes over time from a man who is a provider. That isn't your thing, but it is definitely something that happens. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264391) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:50 AM Author: Mind-boggling Fiercely-loyal Cuckoldry Stage No, I get this. It just isn't as natural because I have a largely Western concept of relationships. By Western standards I'm pretty traditional but I still bristle at gold-digging. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264415) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:56 AM Author: pearly dysfunction Right, but these women aren't going by western standards. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264451) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:05 AM Author: amber indian lodge They're just happy to be with a dude who makes money and provides them a good life. They will slowly accumulate more English skills just by day-to-day living, watching television, etc.
In a way, it could be a blessing since the getting-to-know-you phase of the relationship is stretched out over a longer span of time. This could keep them from burning out early. |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:00 AM Author: Mewling Maniacal Regret I have done this. Kind of frustrating, kind of hot. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264061) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:14 AM Author: thriller philosopher-king bawdyhouse I don't think there is a linear relationship between verbal communication skills and desirability for females, i.e. more is not always better and certainly has diminishing returns, and the sweet spot can vary depending on the person. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264163) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 9:55 AM Author: Dull Beta Messiness Shrine There is a linear relationship between verbal communication skills and desirability but communication skills =/= loquacity.
Someone with excellent verbal communication skills would be able to say everything he or she needs to say in a few words. It's the girls who can't edit their speech that are frustrating, not the ones who manage to say a lot without saying a lot. Part of good verbal communication skills is also listening and picking up on nonverbal cues that go along with speech such as tone of voice or facial expression.
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:17 AM Author: bull headed walnut field this thread stinks of "mail-order" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264195) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 1:30 AM Author: pearly dysfunction It is etiquette to at least upgrade to priority mail when shipping zee brides. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16264284) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 8:34 AM Author: Chocolate histrionic stage mood I'm doing this right now. She speaks three languages. Her spoken English is really good but sometimes her text messages to me have funny spellings or something. I don't have a problem understanding her though. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16265018) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 9:53 AM Author: Dull Beta Messiness Shrine This wouldn't be a problem for me. If someone always talked in Chinglish or had cultural issues which compounded linguistic difficulties it would be a major issue. Understanding someone usually isn't the problem as much as a blend of cultural plus linguistic factors which may prevent people from getting each other's quips and references. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16265117) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 6:13 PM Author: Bistre Hairy Legs http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_i1PnJd3vyk&p=8E8394E43E641F3D (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16268209) |
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Date: October 11th, 2010 6:14 PM Author: provocative shitlib yea i have lots of issues communicating with people. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1447272&forum_id=2#16268216) |