he shows up for the first time in the month of november on like the 23rd and comes for 5 minutes and cuts the grass and leaves, and doesn't do any of the shit he's been neglecting. i texted him that he sucks and he's fired. he says ok fine but you still owe me for november AND you also owe me for december because you signed our service agreement saying you need to give 30 days notice to cancel so its too late to cancel for december. i texted back you suck and arent doing your job, and he said i owe him or he'll sue me. (he has no idea i'm a laywer.) and then in my head, i thought "this prole goy just said the wrong thing to the wrong jew."

so i thought i'd have fun with this and i send him this C&D letter

Re: Termination of Lawn Service

Dear Mr. Prole Goy:

Please be advised that, effective immediately, your lawn services are no longer needed or wanted. Going forward, you do not have permission to come on our property for any reason.

You have repeatedly failed to provide services you agreed to provide as part of our comprehensive monthly lawn service. For example, I have been reminding you for several months to trim the tree in front of the house, and you have been saying you would. I last texted you on November 9th to remind you again to trim the tree, and you replied: “I will have it done on the week of the 15th.” Yet, you did not trim the tree on your visit last week or your 3-minute visit today. The tree is now overgrown so badly that it is blocking the walkway to the house.

You have also failed to deal with the weeds on the property. For example, two weeks ago, I had to remove vine weeds myself that had made their way through the window screen on the front right side of the house. I have been also asking since we hired you in May to eliminate the weeds under the tree in the back yard, and – in the ensuing seven months – you still have not eliminated those weeds.

Essentially all you have done is cut the grass every other week, sometimes less. We hired you to provide comprehensive monthly lawn service. If we just wanted someone to come for ten minutes and mow the grass, we could have hired someone to do that for much cheaper. In other words, for months, you have not done the job we have paid you to do. It is telling that you have admitted to me, in your words: “your service is lacking.”

Given that you have taken our money for months and not done the job you agreed to do, we have already paid you far more than the value of the services you have delivered. You do not deserve a single penny more from us, including for the November monthly “service” that you have failed to provide. Rather, you should be paying us money back since you have not performed the services that we already paid you to perform.

Lastly, please note your repeated failure to provide services that you agreed to provide to provide constitutes an anticipatory breach of contract, giving us the right to immediately fire you.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5335293&forum_id=2#46272970)

The only way to recover is to take drastic action. My advice: worm your way into the local Skadden outpost on some pretext. Any excuse will do. While there, excuse yourself to use the bathroom and skulk surreptitiously from one office corral to another until you find some Skadden letterhead you can swipe. Help yourself to a handful of mints while you're there.

Then draft a follow up letter on the letterhead and sign it using the name of a local Skadden provost.

Good luck.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5335293&forum_id=2#46273005)

it did the job. never heard from him again

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5335293&forum_id=2#46273151)

You have to convince the prole guy that deep down he is in the wrong and he conduct was dishonorable. All the threats and bluster isn't going to work and can be counterproductive. You have to convince him. You actually did a good job but could have done better if you threw in some stuff about how your wife has been complaining constantly and you stood up for him but now realize she was right or some BS like that.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5335293&forum_id=2#46273331)

all the letter has to accomplish is to scare him a little bit not to fuck with me. once this prole finds out i'm a lawyer and i'm batshit crazy and combative, he's obviously going to drop it. (and he did.) it's not like some contractor who did thousands of dollars of work and wants to get paid.

the guy knows damn well he's not out anything for me not giving 30 days notice before terminating a gardener contract. he's not gonna hire a lawyer or even pay a SCC filing fee over a couple hundred bucks and have a huge headache when he's really "out of pocket" nothing except one 10 minute lawn mowing service in november that i stiffed him on when he knows damn well he didnt do a whole lot before that.

so, i dont have to convince him anything. just have to scare him. and i never heard from him again, so it worked.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5335293&forum_id=2#46273582)

or at if not scared, at least one layman is going to think "fuck it, i'm not going to fight with this jew"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5335293&forum_id=2#46273665)

also LMAO that you did in fact stiff him on services rendered, didn't exactly lead off with that fact. you're just as big of a POS as your lazy gardner. he got the better of you in this exchange.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5335293&forum_id=2#46278361)

see thread title "last year" and OP discussing this being last november and posts ITT saying i never heard from him again

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5335293&forum_id=2#46273662)

Sure, you may have accomplished your goal just to end the matter, but you lowered and demeaned yourself in the process.

You are now out of all that money you overpaid for services and in need of a gardener.

The better way to have handled it was to address the issue at the first instance of underperformance. The second best way was to now professionally and respectively state that he hasn't been doing what he has promised and he needs to make it right.

Come at the man with respect, you are not better than him just becuase your service to clients is just pushing paper and his is pushing dirt.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5335293&forum_id=2#46274009)

lowered myself and demeaned myself... from what? i'm a jew.

>>The better way to have handled it was to address the issue at the first instance of underperformance.

i did address it with him several times, as mentioned in my letter

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5335293&forum_id=2#46274090)

You should constantly strive to be better because you are better.

On the second point, your limp wrist caused the situation by not ending it after the first instance of non-performance after you "addressed it"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5335293&forum_id=2#46274154)

The situation you are in now, out hundreds of dollars and posting a passive-aggressive "cease and desist" on XO to get made fun of and NO GARDENER, conclusively shows that you did need to fire him and that a gardener underperforming is in fact a big deal - to you.

had you approached the situation like a man and with respect for the gardener, your neighborhood would now have 3 super nice lawns.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5335293&forum_id=2#46274492)

i'm not out hundreds of dollars. the new gardener got my lawn back in order and it's super nice now. i have no damages. i nipped it in the bud.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5335293&forum_id=2#46274514)

your first good post

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5335293&forum_id=2#46279536)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5335293&forum_id=2#46274366)

seems like trees would be excluded

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5335293&forum_id=2#46274379)

If you haven't been keeping track, Geico never filed its answer. They're about to be defaulted.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5335293&forum_id=2#46274526)

"to provide to provide"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5335293&forum_id=2#46276452)

[Your Name]

[Your Law Firm's Name]

[Address]

[City, State, ZIP Code]

[Date]

[Recipient's Name]

[Recipient's Address]

[City, State, ZIP Code]

Re: Cease and Desist - Termination of Gardening Services and Disputed Payment

Dear [Recipient's Name],

I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing to you as legal representation for my client, [Your Name], with regard to the termination of the gardening services provided by you and the disputed payment for the months of November and December.

As you are aware, my client engaged your services under the premise of comprehensive lawn care, including tending to ornamentals, flower beds, and small trees. However, my client has expressed profound dissatisfaction with the quality and level of service provided by you, which fell far short of their reasonable expectations.

My client has consistently experienced a lack of professionalism and neglect on your part. This includes your failure to attend to the required tasks for weeks at a time, leaving various aspects of the property unattended. Despite their repeated attempts to communicate their concerns and the specific tasks they expected you to undertake, the service provided remained subpar.

The situation reached a tipping point on November 23rd when you made a brief appearance, merely cutting the grass and leaving without addressing any of the areas that required attention. Frustrated by the ongoing neglect, my client promptly informed you of their dissatisfaction and unequivocally terminated your services.

In response to my client's termination, you asserted that my client is still obligated to pay for the months of November and December based on a service agreement you claim they signed. However, it is important to note that my client disputes the validity of such an agreement, as the services outlined within it were not consistently fulfilled. Consequently, my client maintains that your failure to perform the required services constituted a material breach of the agreement, thereby releasing them from any further obligations.

Moreover, my client has also expressed their concerns regarding your unprofessional and confrontational response to their termination. Threatening legal action and making derogatory remarks is both unwarranted and unbecoming of a professional service provider. It is imperative that you understand the gravity of the situation and refrain from engaging in any further intimidation or harassment towards my client.

This letter serves as a formal demand for you to cease and desist all attempts to collect payment for the months of November and December, as my client contends that they are not contractually obligated to remunerate you due to your substantial breach of the service agreement. Additionally, any further communication or action aimed at my client that may be construed as harassment or defamation will be met with appropriate legal recourse.

I trust that you will heed this notice and act accordingly. If you have any further concerns or wish to resolve this matter amicably, I encourage you to contact me directly within [a reasonable timeframe, e.g., 10 days] of receiving this letter. Failure to comply with this cease and desist demand may result in my client pursuing all available legal remedies to protect their interests.

Thank you for your immediate attention to this matter.

Sincerely,

[Your Name]

[Your Law Firm's Name]

[Contact Information]

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5335293&forum_id=2#46278366)

see this is where AI fails. it sounded great -- i admit, much better than my writing -- until i got to this point. then i said huh, wtf. nobody's disputing the validity of the agreement; the dispute is whether the gardener performed under the agreement. this is a perfect example of why AI can't deal with LOLyering properly. AI doesn't know the difference between contract performance and contract validity, which is like 1st week 1L contracts shit.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5335293&forum_id=2#46278925)