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TMF wakes up in a cramped, hot, 400 sq. ft studio apartment

Fish awoke and sleepily gazed around the room. Mandy wasn't ...
amber twinkling uncleanness nowag
  01/27/11
190, tyft. but don't u have work to do or something?
Free-loading theater
  01/27/11
A fine tale.
charcoal self-absorbed trailer park
  01/28/11
180
Bearded stock car windowlicker
  01/27/11
181
indigo frum patrolman friendly grandma
  01/27/11
180
Alcoholic Piazza
  01/27/11
181
up-to-no-good supple location boiling water
  01/27/11
180
cream community account
  01/27/11
ONE HUNDRED.....AND EIGHTY!
Violent Bateful Hunting Ground
  01/27/11
tl;dr
marvelous underhanded brunch
  01/27/11
...
Ocher stage
  01/27/11
...
soul-stirring soggy crackhouse codepig
  01/27/11
"TMF wakes up in a cramped, hot, 400 sq. ft studio apar...
Frozen slippery corner travel guidebook
  01/27/11
...
Nighttime Jap National
  01/27/11
...
pungent topaz voyeur temple
  01/27/11
perfect 180
Haunting house
  01/27/11
omg
Gaped Excitant Church Building
  01/27/11
180
Alcoholic Piazza
  01/27/11
...
soul-stirring soggy crackhouse codepig
  01/27/11
It's all in good fun, man. You're a good dood.
amber twinkling uncleanness nowag
  01/27/11
...
soul-stirring soggy crackhouse codepig
  01/27/11
is it cool if i read this later?
Galvanic business firm
  01/27/11
wonderful!
fluffy state filthpig
  01/27/11
180. masterpiece.
exhilarant fishy dysfunction
  01/27/11
This is one of the best things I've ever read.
sable reading party
  01/27/11
People need to read this.
sable reading party
  01/27/11
post a shortened version. there's no way i'm going to spend ...
marvelous underhanded brunch
  01/27/11
It is worth every sentence.
sable reading party
  01/27/11
there is only one credited reason not to read OP: if you fea...
Bearded stock car windowlicker
  01/27/11
Just read it again. I love how it continues his fantasy life...
exhilarant fishy dysfunction
  01/27/11
amazing
pungent topaz voyeur temple
  01/27/11
Good effort
Glittery tantric field
  01/27/11
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0vhGEGJC8g
Beady-eyed Famous Landscape Painting
  01/27/11
rofl
charismatic hyperventilating market
  01/27/11
Fish awoke and sleepily gazed around the room. Mandy wasn't ...
Beady-eyed Famous Landscape Painting
  01/27/11
...
exciting transparent whorehouse tattoo
  01/27/11
180
fuchsia mad cow disease garrison
  01/27/11
180
mind-boggling gay meetinghouse
  01/27/11
I completely lost it at the Jos. A. Bank Executive Wool 3-bu...
white hall boistinker
  01/27/11
well done dood, tyft
insecure abnormal stag film
  01/27/11
wow 180
diverse violent institution giraffe
  01/27/11
Best Of
talented parlour depressive
  01/27/11
...
talented parlour depressive
  01/27/11
...
talented parlour depressive
  01/28/11
...
Pontificating honey-headed fanboi international law enforcement agency
  01/28/11
186
Metal plaza
  01/28/11
juan haiti
Violent Bateful Hunting Ground
  01/28/11
Wow. 180
Copper jew police squad
  01/28/11
A+ truly inspirational
fear-inspiring senate
  01/28/11
Flawless Victory
Odious thirsty locus
  01/28/11
...
Slate wild office
  01/28/11
...
180 principal's office athletic conference
  01/28/11
...
exciting transparent whorehouse tattoo
  01/30/11
180
Curious Lodge
  01/30/11
400 sq ft is actually considered spacious for a studio in ny...
exhilarant fishy dysfunction
  01/30/11
...
Curious Lodge
  01/31/11
*likes this*
boyish maniacal goal in life telephone
  01/31/11
HOLY SHIT 180
costumed step-uncle's house multi-billionaire
  01/31/11
...
talented parlour depressive
  02/13/11
wunaytie
Violent Bateful Hunting Ground
  02/13/11
tragic ...
zombie-like den fat ankles
  02/13/11
170. 160 for entertainment, +10 for mocking a regular.
Cracking crawly hospital
  02/13/11
...
Curious Lodge
  02/13/11
...
Frozen slippery corner travel guidebook
  06/20/11
incredible effort by attidood
Gaped Excitant Church Building
  06/20/11
i bet if you asked him nicely and were patient he would pwn ...
Frozen slippery corner travel guidebook
  06/20/11
oh my god.
concupiscible center dragon
  06/20/11
Just another faggoty attidood thread. Worthless.
Pontificating honey-headed fanboi international law enforcement agency
  06/20/11
if this sets the bar for what a 180 is (and it should), i've...
canary immigrant
  09/10/11
...
Slate wild office
  09/10/11
...
diverse violent institution giraffe
  09/10/11
man, fuckin' thing...
electric frisky school ceo
  09/10/11
200
Lilac pit generalized bond
  09/10/11
tyft. 189
well-lubricated base
  09/10/11
...
Abusive associate
  11/14/11
...
Drunken useless brakes stage
  01/21/12
...
emerald narrow-minded place of business
  01/21/12


Poast new message in this thread



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 5:28 PM
Author: amber twinkling uncleanness nowag

Fish awoke and sleepily gazed around the room. Mandy wasn't home yet. It was morning, and the sun was streaming through both windows in the apartment. "Fuck," Fish grumbled as he tossed the threadbare comforter from his sweating body. The temperature in the apartment was stifling, as usual. He peeked at his Casio digital wristwatch on the nightstand. The display was faded and barely readable. The battery had been dying for weeks, but Fish insisted on riding it out rather than splurging on a replacement. The faint display read eight forty-something a.m. "Fuckin' thing," he said as he flung the watch into a pile of dirty laundry on the floor. He glanced around the tiny apartment. 400 square feet was a little tight, but the landlord knocked $50 off the rent due to the fact that the building maintenance man required frequent access to the utility closet tucked in the corner. The pungent odor of the abrasive cleaning chemicals that he stores in there frequently waft out into the apartment. But still, $50.

Mandy would probably be home soon. For the last few months, she had picked up some work on an overnight office-cleaning crew. Since she started the job, she and Fish only saw each other for an hour each morning, before Fish hit the streets to look for odd jobs. Mandy took care of the bills, Fish's only responsibility was earning enough to send out 10 crisp resumes and cover letters each day. It had been 19 months now, but he could FEEL his break coming. His Jos. A. Bank Executive Wool 3-Button suit hung pressed and ready for action in the corner. "Soon.." he thought, though he was beginning to lose hope.

He walked over to peruse the contents of the mini-fridge on the counter. An apple, a jar of peanut butter, and small carton of milk. He stood in front of the fridge for a moment to enjoy the chill air wafting across his face. He snatched the carton of milk and lifted it to his mouth to take a long, slow pull until the carton was empty. Mandy will be pissed. It had been months since either of them had had anything to drink besides water, so when Mandy returned home the day before from the charity food bank with the tiny carton, they both greedily drank it down, saving the last bit for another time. Fish wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve and chucked the carton onto the steadily growing pile of garbage next to the hot plate.

"Why is it so fucking hot in here?" he complained to the empty room.

He walked over to the window and smacked the side of the sputtering air conditioning unit, which whimpered and coughed and cut off with a loud metallic clank. "Fuckin' thing," he muttered under his breath. He opened the other window in hopes that a lost and sympathetic breeze might deign to wander through and provide some relief from the oppressive heat. He stuck his head through the window and was met with a blast of scorching, humid air. "Fuckin' thing," he grimaced as a splinter from the cracked wooden window frame broke off in his palm. He slumped down on the pullout couch, the only piece of furniture in the room besides the nightstand and the dresser on the opposite wall. He reached for his laptop - perhaps the only luxury item that he and Mandy permitted themselves to enjoy - and hopped onto XO using the neighbor's unsecured wifi. He scanned through the first page of threads. Nothing but bullshit. R-threads, spam, and another faggoty attidood thread. "Worthless," he snarled, snapping the laptop shut and setting it aside. Just then, the lock on the door clicked and Mandy stepped through.

"Hey Fish" she rasped weakly as she dead-bolted the door. She was not cut out for this kind of work. She slumped down next to him on the pullout and let out a sigh. "Uggh it is SO hot in here!" she complained as she stripped off her work uniform and pushed it onto the floor. "Can you put on the tv?" she asked, "it helps me sleep."

Fish got up and walked over to the 13 inch TV/VCR on the dresser and clicked it on. It began playing the old Coming To America VHS that Fish had rescued from a dumpster behind the pizzeria two blocks away. Seconds later, a loud pop and flash came from behind the tv, and it clicked off. "Fuckin' thing!" Fish shouted angrily. "The fucking outlet is acting up again." He walked over to the wall, grabbing a screwdriver from the shelf.

"I wish you wouldn't mess with that thing, Fish" Mandy whined, half asleep already.

Fish moved the dresser away from the wall, revealing the faulty outlet. He began jabbing at the casing clumsily trying to pry it loose, venting his frustration on the irritatingly competent enclosure. "Fuckin' thing!" he growled, the speed of his onslaught ramping up noticeably. After a flurry of ill-conceived jabs, the casing popped off, exposing the copper wiring within. Already seething with impotent rage, Fish's unsteady hand caused the screwdriver to drift towards one of the stray wires.

It made contact.

In an instant, Fish could feel an army of angry electrons screaming up his arm towards his brain, popping and crackling and fizzling, clawing fiercely at his mind and ripping his consciousness to jagged and fearful shreds. After what seemed like hours of painful sizzling agony, he let out a stifled scream and collapsed to the floor.

As he drifted away from consciousness, the last thing he heard was Mandy's terrified voice, reaching out to him. "FISH!!! NOOOO!!! FISH!!!! FISH!!!!"

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"FISH!!!"

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"FISH!"

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"FISH!"

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"MR. FISH!"

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"Mr. Fish?"

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Mr. Fish?

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"'allo, Mr. Fish? Mr. Fish? Time to get up, eet eez morning!"

Fish awoke with a start. Confused, his blurry eyes slowly focused on his chambermaid, Eliza. He spun around in bed, dazed, drinking in his surroundings. He looked back at Eliza.

"Eliza?" Fish gasped. "Is that you?"

"But of courze, Mr. Fish. Who elze would it be?" she laughed pleasantly.

It all came rushing back to him. He was in the master suite. The country villa. Vacation. Downtime.

He'd had another nightmare.

He let out a sigh and slumped back in bed. Eliza walked over to the bedside and placed a silver tray with the Wall Street Journal, a spinach and feta omelet, and a mug of steaming coffee on his lap.

"I am zorry, Mr. Fish, but zis iz ze best I can do for breakfast for you today. Ze chef and ze staff 'as all gone ahead wiz Mandy back to ze city, you will fly z'ere and meet up wiz zem later, ya?"

The memories came flooding back, replacing the hazy fog of sleep. He and Mandy had decided to take some time off after Fish's dreadful showdown with the board of directors of his firm. He'd spent the last 5 years assembling an all-star team, hungrily importing superstar associates from many of his "rival" firms. His practice group was humming. Deal after deal after deal. True grinders. Earners. Rival firms were running scared while he gleefully drained their coffers, poaching clients and associates alike. He was taking over. He was the man. This was his baby.

It took a good deal of effort to convince the board of directors to see it this way. Fish demanded a hefty bonus - far heftier than any of the board members had received - given his group's almost unfathomable mountain of billable hours over the past year. After it became clear that they would not be persuaded, Fish dropped the atomic bomb on them.

He threatened to leave.

Once Fish threw down the gauntlet, they knew they had no leverage. They were painted into a corner. They would be crazy to let Fish leave. They knew full well that he would take his clients and the river of money that he benevolently directed towards their firm with him. The firm would dry up, wither, and die, like so many firms and practice groups that Fish had left in his wake over the years. Fish held all the cards. They all knew it.

So, they eventually gave in, and pulled together a respectable bonus/retention package that Fish felt he had earned 100 times over. Victorious, he and Mandy fled to the country villa to bask in the spoils of war. They threw a decadent party, which was delightfully well-attended. Hedge fund managers and V5 partners rubbed elbows with senators, CEO's, and foreign dignitaries. Fish even managed to land a new client, a Japanese mogul with several lucrative projects in southeast Asia. He had heard good things about Fish. Everyone had.

Even a few of the managing partners from Fish's firm showed up, sheepishly complimenting him on his home and slinking away to talk amongst themselves. They all knew things would be different once Fish returned to the office. He had called their bluff and come out the better man. He owned them.

The weeks that followed at the villa were wonderfully relaxing, aside from the occasional nightmares that plagued him. They were always the same. Crippling poverty. Unemployment. Desperation. Squalor. What did they mean? An endless stream of cramped, hot apartments, empty refrigerators, and old broken appliances. Fish recalled a few lean years early in his career when he was "between firms" - a euphemism that Fish did not see the humor in at the time - but things had never gotten *that* bad...... had they?

"Now eat up and get drezzed. Wilson, 'e will drive you to ze airport. 'e is outside with ze Azton Martin, waiting for you" Eliza said, snapping Fish back to the present.

"The Aston Martin?" Fish was confused. He hadn't used the Aston Martin in ages, he rarely managed to find time to take it out to the track and certainly never dared to take it out on public streets. He was far too fond of the vehicle to risk having her sumptuous body ravaged by some careless mouthbreather careening recklessly about in the latest prole-wagon. Mandy had asked him several times to just sell the damn thing, though her obvious ambivalence rendered her requests unpersuasive. She knew full well that they didn't need the money, so she kindly dropped the issue when it became clear that Fish was rather attached to the silly thing.

Still, it wasn't his day-to-day vehicle. "Why aren't we taking the Bentley?" Fish asked.

"Zir, you don't remember? She iz being fixed today. 'er air conditioning, she is broken, ya?"

"Oh, right," Fish recalled. "Of course," he chuckled as he sipped his coffee and opened the newspaper, "Fuckin' thing..."

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"Fuckin' thing...."

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"Fuckin' thing..."

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"Fuckin' thing...."

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"Fuckin thing," Fish muttered weakly.

He became aware of a shooting pain in his right arm. He opened his eyes. He was on his back, staring up at the cracked ceiling, Mandy looking down at him with panic in her eyes. He glanced down at his arm. His hand and forearm were blackened and painful. There were burns on the sleeve of his shirt. He still held the charred screwdriver in his hand.

"Are you ok!?!?" Mandy shrieked. "Fish! Are you OK!?!?"

Fish closed his eyes tightly. His mind was screaming out in utter disgust, disbelief, and hatred. He could feel pressure behind his eyes, the blood pumping faster and faster, it felt like he had poisonous sewage coursing through his veins. He clenched his jaw tightly, screaming out in agony, his cursed and rotten soul crying out for release.

He rolled over onto his side and began convulsing violently, the sheer cruelty of it all was too much for his body to handle. Seconds later, the tremors stopped. His body refused to fight it any longer. His muscles went limp.

"Fish!?! Are you alright??? Say something!"

He began to weep quietly.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17151949)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 6:30 PM
Author: Free-loading theater

190, tyft. but don't u have work to do or something?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152395)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 28th, 2011 10:06 AM
Author: charcoal self-absorbed trailer park

A fine tale.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17156782)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 5:35 PM
Author: Bearded stock car windowlicker

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17151987)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 5:41 PM
Author: indigo frum patrolman friendly grandma

181

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152013)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 5:42 PM
Author: Alcoholic Piazza

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152018)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 5:42 PM
Author: up-to-no-good supple location boiling water

181

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152023)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 5:43 PM
Author: cream community account

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152030)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 5:43 PM
Author: Violent Bateful Hunting Ground

ONE HUNDRED.....AND EIGHTY!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152031)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 5:45 PM
Author: marvelous underhanded brunch

tl;dr

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152038)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 5:52 PM
Author: Ocher stage



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152073)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 5:52 PM
Author: soul-stirring soggy crackhouse codepig



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152079)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 5:46 PM
Author: Frozen slippery corner travel guidebook

"TMF wakes up in a cramped, hot, 400 sq. ft studio apartment" contains scenes that are as wonderful as written prose can get. Attidood sweeps the reader along with easy grace and charm, tactfully concealing intelligence, sophistication, and the ache of earned wisdom beneath the bushels of inventive fish-threading that is modern and current.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152040)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 5:53 PM
Author: Nighttime Jap National



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152083)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 6:38 PM
Author: pungent topaz voyeur temple



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152475)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 5:46 PM
Author: Haunting house

perfect 180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152042)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 5:50 PM
Author: Gaped Excitant Church Building

omg

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152064)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 5:51 PM
Author: Alcoholic Piazza

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152071)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 5:52 PM
Author: soul-stirring soggy crackhouse codepig



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152076)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 5:53 PM
Author: amber twinkling uncleanness nowag

It's all in good fun, man. You're a good dood.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152082)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 5:54 PM
Author: soul-stirring soggy crackhouse codepig



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152087)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 5:54 PM
Author: Galvanic business firm

is it cool if i read this later?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152086)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 5:55 PM
Author: fluffy state filthpig

wonderful!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152094)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 5:57 PM
Author: exhilarant fishy dysfunction

180. masterpiece.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152107)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 6:02 PM
Author: sable reading party

This is one of the best things I've ever read.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152140)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 6:06 PM
Author: sable reading party

People need to read this.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152170)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 6:07 PM
Author: marvelous underhanded brunch

post a shortened version. there's no way i'm going to spend the time to read that

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152175)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 6:07 PM
Author: sable reading party

It is worth every sentence.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152177)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 6:08 PM
Author: Bearded stock car windowlicker

there is only one credited reason not to read OP: if you fear that it is so good, it will dissuade you from ever attempting creative writing again in the future, due to the knowledge that you will never be able to rival this TMF story

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152185)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 6:24 PM
Author: exhilarant fishy dysfunction

Just read it again. I love how it continues his fantasy life as a BIGLAW star based off of moments from attidood's previous stories

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152329)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 6:39 PM
Author: pungent topaz voyeur temple

amazing

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152485)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 6:46 PM
Author: Glittery tantric field

Good effort

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152549)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 6:52 PM
Author: Beady-eyed Famous Landscape Painting

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0vhGEGJC8g

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152609)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 6:53 PM
Author: charismatic hyperventilating market

rofl

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152612)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 6:53 PM
Author: Beady-eyed Famous Landscape Painting

Fish awoke and sleepily gazed around the room. Mandy wasn't home yet. It was morning, and the sun was streaming through both windows in the apartment. "Fuck," Fish grumbled as he tossed the threadbare comforter from his sweating body. The temperature in the apartment was stifling, as usual. He peeked at his Casio digital wristwatch on the nightstand. The display was faded and barely readable. The battery had been dying for weeks, but Fish insisted on riding it out rather than splurging on a replacement. The faint display read eight forty-something a.m. "Fuckin' thing," he said as he flung the watch into a pile of dirty laundry on the floor. He glanced around the tiny apartment. 400 square feet was a little tight, but the landlord knocked $50 off the rent due to the fact that the building maintenance man requires frequent access to the utility closet tucked in the corner. The pungent odor of the abrasive cleaning chemicals that he stores in there frequently waft out into the apartment. But still, $50.

Mandy would probably be home soon. For the last few months, she had picked up some work on an overnight office-cleaning crew. Since she started the job, she and Fish only saw each other for an hour each morning, before Fish hit the streets to look for odd jobs. Mandy took care of the bills, Fish's only responsibility was earning enough to send out 10 crisp resumes and cover letters each day. It had been 19 months now, but he could FEEL his break coming. His Jos. A. Bank Executive Wool 3-Button suit hung pressed and ready for action in the corner. "Soon.." he thought, though he was beginning to lose hope.

He walked over to peruse the contents of the mini-fridge on the counter. An apple, a jar of peanut butter, and small carton of milk. He stood in front of the fridge for a moment to enjoy the chill air wafting across his face. He snatched the carton of milk and lifted it to his mouth to take a long, slow pull until the carton was empty. Mandy will be pissed. It had been months since either of them had had anything to drink besides water, so when Mandy returned home the day before from the charity food bank with the tiny carton, they both greedily drank it down, saving the last bit for another time. Fish wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve and chucked the carton onto the steadily growing pile of garbage next to the hot plate.

"Why is it so fucking hot in here?" he complained to the empty room.

He walked over to the window and smacked the side of the sputtering air conditioning unit, which whimpered and coughed and cut off with a loud metallic clank. "Fuckin' thing," he muttered under his breath. He opened the other window in hopes that a lost and sympathetic breeze might deign to wander through and provide some relief from the oppressive heat. He stuck his head through the window and was met with a blast of scorching, humid air. "Fuckin' thing," he grimaced as a splinter from the cracked wooden window frame broke off in his palm. He slumped down on the pullout couch, the only piece of furniture in the room besides the nightstand and the dresser on the opposite wall. He reached for his laptop - perhaps the only luxury item that he and Mandy permitted themselves to enjoy - and hopped onto XO using the neighbor's unsecured wifi. He scanned through the first page of threads. Nothing but bullshit. R-threads, spam, and another faggoty attidood thread. "Worthless," he snarled, snapping the laptop shut and setting it aside. Just then, the lock on the door clicked and Mandy stepped through.

"Hey Fish" she rasped weakly as she dead-bolted the door. She was not cut out for this kind of work. She slumped down next to him on the pullout and let out a sigh. "Uggh it is SO hot in here!" she complained as she stripped off her work uniform and pushed it onto the floor. "Can you put on the tv?" she asked, "it helps me sleep."

Fish got up and walked over to the 13 inch TV/VCR on the dresser and clicked it on. It began playing the old Coming To America VHS that Fish had rescued from a dumpster behind the pizzeria two blocks away. Seconds later, a loud pop and flash came from behind the tv, and it clicked off. "Fuckin' thing!" Fish shouted angrily. "The fucking outlet is acting up again." He walked over to the wall, grabbing a screwdriver from the shelf.

"I wish you wouldn't mess with that thing, Fish" Mandy whined, half asleep already.

Fish moved the dresser away from the wall, revealing the faulty outlet. He began jabbing at the casing clumsily trying to pry it loose, venting his frustration on the irritatingly competent enclosure. "Fuckin' thing!" he growled, the speed of his onslaught ramping up noticeably. After a flurry of ill-conceived jabs, the casing popped off, exposing the copper wiring within. Already seething with impotent rage, Fish's unsteady hand caused the screwdriver to drift towards one of the stray wires.

It made contact.

In an instant, Fish could feel an army of angry electrons screaming up his arm towards his brain, popping and crackling and fizzling, clawing fiercely at his mind and ripping his consciousness to jagged and fearful shreds. After what seemed like hours of painful sizzling agony, he let out a stifled scream and collapsed to the floor.

As he drifted away from consciousness, the last thing he heard was Mandy's terrified voice, reaching out to him. "FISH!!! NOOOO!!! FISH!!!! FISH!!!!"

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"FISH!!!"

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"FISH!"

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"FISH!"

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"MR. FISH!"

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"Mr. Fish?"

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Mr. Fish?

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"'allo, Mr. Fish? Mr. Fish? Time to get up, eet eez morning!"

Fish awoke with a start. Confused, his blurry eyes slowly focused on his chambermaid, Eliza. He spun around in bed, dazed, drinking in his surroundings. He looked back at Eliza.

"Eliza?" Fish gasped. "Is that you?"

"But of courze, Mr. Fish. Who elze would it be?" she laughed pleasantly.

It all came rushing back to him. He was in the master suite. The country villa. Vacation. Downtime.

He'd had another nightmare.

He let out a sigh and slumped back in bed. Eliza walked over to the bedside and placed a silver tray with the Wall Street Journal, a spinach and feta omelet, and a mug of steaming coffee on his lap.

"I am zorry, Mr. Fish, but zis iz ze best I can do for breakfast for you today. Ze chef and ze staff 'as all gone ahead wiz Mandy back to ze city, you will fly z'ere and meet up wiz zem later, ya?"

The memories came flooding back, replacing the hazy fog of sleep. He and Mandy had decided to take some time off after Fish's dreadful showdown with the board of directors of his firm. He'd spent the last 5 years assembling an all-star team, hungrily importing superstar associates from many of his "rival" firms. His practice group was humming. Deal after deal after deal. True grinders. Earners. Rival firms were running scared while he gleefully drained their coffers, poaching clients and associates alike. He was taking over. He was the man. This was his baby.

It took a good deal of effort to convince the board of directors to see it this way. Fish demanded a hefty bonus - far heftier than any of the board members had received - given his group's almost unfathomable mountain of billable hours over the past year. After it became clear that they would not be persuaded, Fish dropped the atomic bomb on them.

He threatened to leave.

Once Fish threw down the gauntlet, they knew they had no leverage. They were painted into a corner. They would be crazy to let Fish leave. They knew full well that he would take his clients and the river of money that he benevolently directed towards their firm with him. The firm would dry up, wither, and die, like so many firms and practice groups that Fish had left in his wake over the years. Fish held all the cards. They all knew it.

So, they eventually gave in, and pulled together a respectable bonus/retention package that Fish felt he had earned 100 times over. Victorious, he and Mandy fled to the country villa to bask in the spoils of war. They threw a decadent party, which was delightfully well-attended. Hedge fund managers and V5 partners rubbed elbows with senators, CEO's, and foreign dignitaries. Fish even managed to land a new client, a Japanese mogul with several lucrative projects in southeast Asia. He had heard good things about Fish. Everyone had.

Even a few of the managing partners from Fish's firm showed up, sheepishly complimenting him on his home and slinking away to talk amongst themselves. They all knew things would be different once Fish returned to the office. He had called their bluff and come out the better man. He owned them.

The weeks that followed at the villa were wonderfully relaxing, aside from the occasional nightmares that plagued him. They were always the same. Crippling poverty. Unemployment. Desperation. Squalor. What did they mean? An endless stream of cramped, hot apartments, empty refrigerators, and old broken appliances. Fish recalled a few lean years early in his career when he was "between firms" - a euphemism that Fish did not see the humor in at the time - but things had never gotten *that* bad...... had they?

"Now eat up and get drezzed. Wilson, 'e will drive you to ze airport. 'e is outside with ze Azton Martin, waiting for you" Eliza said, snapping Fish back to the present.

"The Aston Martin?" Fish was confused. He hadn't used the Aston Martin in ages, he rarely managed to find time to take it out the track and certainly never dared to take it out on public streets. He was far too fond of the vehicle to risk having her sumptuous body ravaged by some careless mouthbreather careening recklessly about in the latest prole-wagon. Mandy had asked him several times to just sell the damn thing, though her obvious ambivalence rendered her requests unpersuasive. She knew full well that they didn't need the money, so she kindly dropped the issue when it became clear that Fish was rather attached to the silly thing.

Still, it wasn't his day-to-day vehicle. "Why aren't we taking the Bentley?" Fish asked.

"Zir, you don't remember? She iz being fixed today. 'er air conditioning, she is broken, ya?"

"Oh, right," Fish recalled. "Of course," he chuckled as he sipped his coffee and opened the newspaper, "Fuckin' thing..."

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"Fuckin' thing...."

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"Fuckin' thing..."

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"Fuckin' thing...."

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"Fuckin thing," Fish muttered weakly.

He became aware of a shooting pain in his right arm. He opened his eyes. He was on his back, staring up at the cracked ceiling, Mandy looking down at him with panic in her eyes. He glanced down at his arm. His hand and forearm were blackened and painful. There were burns on the sleeve of his shirt. He still held the charred screwdriver in his hand.

"Are you ok!?!?" Mandy shrieked. "Fish! Are you OK!?!?"

Fish closed his eyes tightly. His mind was screaming out in utter disgust, disbelief, and hatred. He could feel pressure behind his eyes, the blood pumping faster and faster, it felt like he had poisonous sewage coursing through his veins. He clenched his jaw tightly, screaming out in agony, his cursed and rotten soul crying out for release.

He rolled over onto his side and began convulsing violently, the sheer cruelty of it all was too much for his body to handle. Seconds later, the tremors stopped. His body refused to fight it any longer. His muscles went limp.

"Fish!?! Are you alright??? Say something!"

He began to weep quietly.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152614)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 7:28 PM
Author: exciting transparent whorehouse tattoo



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152847)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 7:39 PM
Author: fuchsia mad cow disease garrison

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17152951)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 7:50 PM
Author: mind-boggling gay meetinghouse

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17153056)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 7:57 PM
Author: white hall boistinker

I completely lost it at the Jos. A. Bank Executive Wool 3-button suit line. Well done.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17153117)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 8:02 PM
Author: insecure abnormal stag film

well done dood, tyft

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17153165)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 8:04 PM
Author: diverse violent institution giraffe

wow 180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17153186)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 8:55 PM
Author: talented parlour depressive

Best Of

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17153568)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 27th, 2011 10:04 PM
Author: talented parlour depressive



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17154029)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 28th, 2011 12:16 AM
Author: talented parlour depressive



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17155480)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 28th, 2011 9:33 AM
Author: Pontificating honey-headed fanboi international law enforcement agency



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17156689)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 28th, 2011 10:13 AM
Author: Metal plaza

186

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17156815)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 28th, 2011 10:14 AM
Author: Violent Bateful Hunting Ground

juan haiti

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17156821)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 28th, 2011 10:14 AM
Author: Copper jew police squad

Wow. 180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17156824)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 28th, 2011 10:18 AM
Author: fear-inspiring senate

A+

truly inspirational

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17156844)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 28th, 2011 10:48 AM
Author: Odious thirsty locus

Flawless Victory

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17157105)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 28th, 2011 10:54 AM
Author: Slate wild office



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17157136)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 28th, 2011 11:33 AM
Author: 180 principal's office athletic conference



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17157436)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 30th, 2011 11:43 PM
Author: exciting transparent whorehouse tattoo



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17178703)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 30th, 2011 11:53 PM
Author: Curious Lodge

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17178820)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 30th, 2011 11:54 PM
Author: exhilarant fishy dysfunction

400 sq ft is actually considered spacious for a studio in nyc

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17178833)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 31st, 2011 3:33 AM
Author: Curious Lodge



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17180022)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 31st, 2011 3:43 AM
Author: boyish maniacal goal in life telephone

*likes this*

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17180037)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 31st, 2011 3:44 AM
Author: costumed step-uncle's house multi-billionaire

HOLY SHIT 180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17180038)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 13th, 2011 5:36 PM
Author: talented parlour depressive



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17276569)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 13th, 2011 5:40 PM
Author: Violent Bateful Hunting Ground

wunaytie

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17276596)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 13th, 2011 5:53 PM
Author: zombie-like den fat ankles

tragic

that such talent is wasted here

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17276685)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 13th, 2011 5:56 PM
Author: Cracking crawly hospital

170. 160 for entertainment, +10 for mocking a regular.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17276708)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 13th, 2011 6:54 PM
Author: Curious Lodge



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#17277234)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 20th, 2011 12:25 PM
Author: Frozen slippery corner travel guidebook



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#18299455)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 20th, 2011 3:08 PM
Author: Gaped Excitant Church Building

incredible effort by attidood

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#18300647)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 20th, 2011 4:14 PM
Author: Frozen slippery corner travel guidebook

i bet if you asked him nicely and were patient he would pwn the fuck out of you

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#18301210)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 20th, 2011 3:13 PM
Author: concupiscible center dragon

oh my god.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#18300685)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 20th, 2011 4:17 PM
Author: Pontificating honey-headed fanboi international law enforcement agency

Just another faggoty attidood thread. Worthless.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#18301229)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 10th, 2011 1:11 AM
Author: canary immigrant

if this sets the bar for what a 180 is (and it should), i've gone my entire career without a single 180 post

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#18942696)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 10th, 2011 3:08 AM
Author: Slate wild office



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#18943149)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 10th, 2011 3:23 AM
Author: diverse violent institution giraffe



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#18943173)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 10th, 2011 3:28 AM
Author: electric frisky school ceo

man, fuckin' thing...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#18943177)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 10th, 2011 11:42 AM
Author: Lilac pit generalized bond

200

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#18943599)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 10th, 2011 12:52 PM
Author: well-lubricated base

tyft.

189

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#18943944)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 14th, 2011 9:39 PM
Author: Abusive associate



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#19368332)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 21st, 2012 7:32 PM
Author: Drunken useless brakes stage



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#19821982)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 21st, 2012 7:42 PM
Author: emerald narrow-minded place of business



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1547159&forum_id=2#19822034)