I was not having much luck with the ladies, so I started telling random chicks in bars that my dad is Colombia's ambassador to the United States. In reality, my dad is an electrician in Philly.

Below, I detail the results this has had with different girls.

GIRL 1

25ish Congressional staffer for a liberal New England representative. She was tall (5'9 - 5'10), had pale skin, wore thick rectangular glasses and had her brunette hair up in a bun. She had a big, round ass, wide hips, and thick legs.

I took her home after a few drinks, and she offered me a hand job, but backed out when she saw that I was uncut. So instead, I came between her tits.

GIRL 2

MA student at Georgetown in international development or interantional relations, or something like that. Blonde, with a chubby face and more arm hair than I usually like on a girl, but her body was really nice.

We flirted at a Foggy Bottom happy hour. Then she asked me what I thought about human rights abuses in Colombia in the 1980's. I was like "wtf" and things didn't go anywhere after that.

GIRL 3

Tall, lanky WOC who worked as a Policy Analyst for a federal agency. Completely flat on both sides (no ass, a cup), hair braided into a ponytail decorated with white beads. She had volunteered for earthquake relief work in Haiti before finishing school, and I lied to her and said that my dad had visited Haiti to oversee the dispersement of medical supplies donated by Colombia.

Took her home, fucked her unprotected, pulled out and came on her stomach. At this point, before she cleaned herself off, she attempted to hug me, which was the weirdest thing a naked girl has ever done in my bed. She apologized for making a mess and I got a cab for her.

GIRL 4

Redhead who recently moved to DC from the Cleveland suburbs. Her parents were clearly paying for all of her expenses, because she was working as a volunteer speechwriter.

We made out in the back of Iron Horse, and as I grabbed her ass she told me that she was Catholic, just out of the blue. I said I was too, but then I realized she meant Catholic in the sense that she wasn't going to let me fuck her before marriage.

GIRL 5

BIGLAWYER girl in her late 20's. Obviously Jewish. Her naturally curly hair, dark as the night itself, had clearly been straightened to the point of abuse. A zig-zagging white strip of exposed scalp ran down the center of her head.

She asked me which South American nation had the finest wine, in my opinion. I trolled hard for Chile, making up some bullshit about good grapes and the fertility of volcanic soil. I have never had a bottle of Chilean wine in my life. I almost blew my cover when I made a legal joke, but recovered when I told her I learned it from an American friend who was clerking on the 9th circuit. This seemed to make her want me more.

We went out for drinks, cuddling in the back of the cab on the way. Afterwards, she kissed me and gave me her phone number. This was a week ago and she has not replied to a single text or returned a single call.

GIRL 6

Skinny hipster-ish chick who wore a fedora and was drinking PBR on U Street. She told me she wanted to try this Pita place that was highly reviewed on Yelp. I told her that my father had previously been Colombia's consul in Istanbul, and that I knew what to look for in a Pita.

We took the metro there (I put my arm around her.) At the pita place, I mericlessly criticized the pita, calling it unauthentic, flavorless, and just plain bad. In reality, it was a really decent pita.

Took her home, fucked her with a condom on, and let her sleep over. In the morning, I made her a breakfast consisting of frozen Chicken Tikka Masala that I had bought at Costco.

She has been texting me for a second date, but my roommate is back from his vacation and I know that asshole would blow my cover if I brought a girl home.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2188540&forum_id=2#22676183)

The black chick was a huge nerd, and I can't believe that she would have any STDs.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2188540&forum_id=2#22676230)

IDK dude, going to Haiti without a condom is a pretty surefire way to get one

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2188540&forum_id=2#22676738)

ljl that a chick you just met who fucked you bareback isn't a cesspool of STDs. run to get tested and hoap you don't have the aids.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2188540&forum_id=2#22679214)

one tell is that girl 6 was a success story

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2188540&forum_id=2#22677244)

2. Why not just say "diplomat"? So that you cant be pwned by a google search?

3. Most important: its not the line that that is making the difference, its your boosted confidence. I know that sounds cheesy but its true.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2188540&forum_id=2#22676325)

Edit: one

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2188540&forum_id=2#22676331)

180 premise and thread OP. bravo

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2188540&forum_id=2#22676580)

"At this point, before she cleaned herself off, she attempted to hug me, which was the weirdest thing a naked girl has ever done in my bed."

180000000000000000000000000000000000000000

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2188540&forum_id=2#22677196)

lol. how was the talent at GW?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2188540&forum_id=2#22679173)

lol

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2188540&forum_id=2#22679202)

the best thread ever

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2188540&forum_id=2#22691080)