hard to pinpoint exactly, but definitely not at the beginning and definitely sometime after we had our second kid. if i had to guess, i would say soon after our second was born (after the honeymoon phase you experience with a new newborn wore off). most people in their 20s and 30s cannot properly account for how badly women age, how kids affect your life (even if you pay some live in spic to raise them), or how old it gets partnering with the same person for 10+ years
Date: December 31st, 2015 12:15 PM Author: yapping piazza potus
This terrifies me. I've had a great marriage with the same person for 10+ years, but now we're in the "considering kids" stage and stories like this where kids wreck everything keep coming into my view. Do you think if you only had one kid that things might have been better? Or do you think you should have stuck with no kids, or are you just the sort of person that should have remained single for life?
Date: December 30th, 2015 8:50 PM Author: pontificating awkward giraffe
I don't see how. I imagine in a marriage there's always someone there to nag you or scold you or whatever. Keeps your mind occupied. When you're single it is just you and your thoughts vs the dark shadows of the unfeeling universe.
My wife and I share so little of our day or our lives that it's like living alone. Outside of how our day was in general terms, and how the food tastes, and how the baby is, I rarely converse with my wife. Also, what I'm supposed to be doing (trash out, pay this bill, set this or that up) and menial plans (we need to go to Target on Saturday). How I spend my day is a mystery to my wife that she has no interest in solving. I have no idea what my wife does all day. My wife watches at least 3 hours of TV every night when she comes home. In both sheer words and in substance I talk on the phone with my friends and family members than I do my wife. No shit, if I had someone at home to talk to, I wouldn't be here in my office, working, posting, drinking by myself.
Date: December 30th, 2015 9:20 PM Author: pontificating awkward giraffe
Why don't you make a genuine effort to talk to her. Surprise her with a little lighthearted conversation or something, ask her questions, tap into her emotions. Women love that shit. She'll think it's odd at first but just keep going. If you're gonna be in a marriage you might as well work at it.
My brother, I do my best, I really do, and I'm fully aware of the problem. My wife's a nurse and she says that she doesn't want to interact with anyone when she comes home, just wants to take care of obligations, eat, and watch TV. I still try to pull conversation from her, but she really would rather be left alone. I have no idea what the remedy for this is.
Spotty. My wife is one of those people who, when she goes on vacation, has every second planned so that there's no down time. Also, she likes to go to bed really early (before 8:30) so I can't get her to go out drinking anymore.
I really don't like going on vacation with her. I like to go on vacations to socialize, drink, fuck, and enjoy life. My wife likes to go on tours, constantly be on the go, spend as much money on possible on high end stuff like spas and dinners, and go to sleep early. For me, it's an expensive blur of busy-ness that ends in me not having fun.
Date: December 30th, 2015 9:39 PM Author: sickened coffee pot
cr
my wife and i went on a four day "rekindle" weekend this fall (i.e. let's get drunk and screw) and the best i got was a literally indignant handjob in the shower. she slept from 8 PM to 11 AM each day of the trip.
Date: December 31st, 2015 2:27 AM Author: galvanic aqua factory reset button
("Man" who lets his wife "work" with BBC every single day and wonders why she's cold and distant at home)
protip: literally no man in the history of.the world let his wife work with men's bodies for a living and literally no woman is capable of respecting a "man" who wants to let her do that.
No shit you subhuman piece of fucking shit. You and your selfish ilk are responsible for the degradation of our society. "Oh noes, I have to make sacrifices!" Get the fuck over yourself, faggot.
brother, i'm not saying it doesn't run both ways. i realize that she puts up with a lot of shit from me. i'm saying that human beings were not meant to pair up and live together for 50+ years. it's unnatural and just doesn't work. i'm going to stick it out until the kids are gone, but who knows after that. i don't understand why we should both feel obligated to carry on with a relationship that's doing more harm (to both of us) than good
Unsubstantiated claim. You are selfish, period. Either be a man and get a divorce or be a man and get your house in order. Problem with folks like you is you think you are special when you're just another whipped coward afraid to make life what you want it to be. So you blame an easy target - your wife.
No, I'm just older and more experienced and capable of putting others before myself. In short, I've matured past a worldview centered around myself. 13 years of marriage, two kids, plenty of ups and downs. My 180 wife is still the thing anchoring me in this barren wasteland of a world. Of course, she's not a stupid nag bitch, she's not religious, and she has her own opinions and can accept that I do too. You've made some mistakes in life, aren't happy with the choices you've made, and want someone to blame. No one forced you to marry or have children. No one forced you to accept a sahm arrangement. You don't just fall into a life except by cowardice and acquiescence. Xoxo is godawful right now, lacks true perspective on marital relations, and posts in the nature of the op contribute to the decline. You don't know everything about marriage, yet you generalize and spout off as if you do because you're feeling butthurt right now. You can't get over yourself. Yeah, maybe some xo dweebs will 180 your posts and give you a fleeting sense of community and self-satisfaction, but ultimately your perspective is skewed by your moral bankruptcy and selfishness. As I said, "oh noes, I have to make sacrifices." That is the nature of living, get over yourself.
There seem to be quite a few people agreeing with my sentiments and none agreeing with yours. If you don't like it here and think it's such a terrible place, why don't you leave?
I enjoy some of the lulzy meme and threads on xo. And I don't give a shit who agrees with you. Britney Spears sold more records than Freddie hubbard, doesn't mean a Goddamn thing. You really are coming off as a butthurt selfish fag. This is as close to constructive criticism as I can get, or that you deserve. Just get divorced and be done with it.
Also, I never said making sacrifices is always a bad thing. It's when the sacrifices outweigh whatever benefits are being generated that I question what's going on. That's why I said that people should stay together for their kids (i.e., not be so selfish as to fuck up kids' lives, unless shit is really bad (like abusive or something)). You are either some brainwashed evangelical/Mormon type or a Boomer. Either way, you should be gassed.
I am neither of those things. Im a cynical divorce lawyer who's heard all your garbage time and time again from jaded clients looking for an externality to blame.But you tell yourself whatever is necessary to validate your views. We all do it, myself included. I would also disagree with your assertion that staying together for kids is somehow an act of selflessness. You don't want to get alimonypwned and see your kids on first, third, and fifth weekends and alternating holidays.
Say what you will. Your opinion of me doesn't bother me in the slightest. I get by, have a good life and family, and don't fret about my family life to strangers on the internet.
I did make a flame thread about that before, yes. But even if it were true, I fail to see how another individuals decisions and mistakes would either qualify me or disqualify me from having my own opinions based upon my own experience. That criticism doesn't add up.
I don't think i constantly cry about quality of the board. Certainly, the quality is not what it was many years ago. But its always been flames and memes around here so I don't know what you're getting at.
Date: December 31st, 2015 10:44 AM Author: ocher frum headpube cuckoldry
Your advice about getting divorced and if he doesn't up and do it is ridiculous. Actually your entire worldview comes across as crap.
OP's situation is far from unique. Actually it border on the norm. It's great that you have a wife that blows rainbows up you arse. But dissatisfaction especially at the stage that OP is in, is actually quite normal.
Divorce isn't the solution atleast, right now. My advice to OP would be to wait till the kids get in school and sort of get on auto-pilot. Then reevaluate. Infants and toddlers can be amazing but also a lot of work and stress. All that screaming and crying does affect your wellbeing. Get through that phase and see what happens. Once things stabilize my guess is the wife will be in more of a mood for romance.
Date: December 31st, 2015 11:02 AM Author: Titillating cruise ship quadroon
In my experience, marriedbros who are hardcore defenders of marriage and just tell men to sack up in response to any marital problem, either (1) though maybe it has had its ups and downs, have a fundamentally pretty good marriage, and don't understand at all what it's like to be in one that isn't good, or (2) have a shitty marriage but have resigned themselves to their fates, not even allowing themselves to think of the UNTHINKABLE, and get really defensive when they hear someone else may be indulging. Because otherwise the whole "sack up" shit is just LOL garbage that women literally say to men 24/7 to get them to do whatever they want.
she just doesn't like blowing me. i mean, i think she's done it like 2-3 times total since we've been together, and she kinda sucks at it so i don't really care. sex is not a chore but certainly nothing close to "enthusiastic" (lol)
2-3x ever! Holy shit, it's like talking to my dad.
My wife actually seems to like it too much. Sometimes it gets into my head that she might not like sex as much as I do, and so blowing me is an easy, 10-min way of getting me to fall asleep happy instead of trying to tear off her panties when she just wants to play Candy Crush.
ty, she's a winner. We definitely have our silly arguments like a couple of weeks ago when I ended up sleeping in the guest room on a Friday night because she thought I was critical of the way she was cutting the green beans for dinner (can't make it up), but I'd rather be married to her than any other female who would conceivably marry me.
Date: December 30th, 2015 9:15 PM Author: razzle metal reading party double fault
Not kidding. Give it a while before it works. If shit gets too intense with her bitching and u think you're gonna snap, gtfo for a while. My wife was doing this once and I finally said fuck it and went to my parents house for the weekend.
I'm not saying go full red pill, just don't get caught up in her shit. Your job is to be the emotional rock. She'll eventually respect you for it. our grandfathers generation knew this innately.
Ty, will try this. She's pretty level-headed, but there are times every 2 months or so when I'm reminded that she's still a woman, and my desire to fix problems, explain why my idea makes sense, and try to understand her position when she just wants to complain and yell doesn't work.
Date: December 30th, 2015 9:03 PM Author: sickened coffee pot
here's a roadmap.
i met my wife in high school. she was objectively the hottest girl in my high school and i was a jock and didn't know any better.
i was a year ahead of her. while she was a senior in high school and i was a freshman in college in the same city, we started dating in earnest. she literally blew and/or fucked me every single day from summer 2001 to spring 2002.
we had a big fight in spring 2002 and "broke up." more or less, she found out i looked at porn infrequently. remember, she has been putting my cock in her mouth and moaning like a whore for almost a full year at this point, and apparently found out she was dating a grownup who drinks alcohol and looks at naked girls on 2002 dialup internet once or twice a month.
we got back together eventually. sex became less frequent, but still ok.
we marry in 2006 because i don't know what else to do. we've been dating for five years at this point and i don't know any better.
the last blowjob i ever received was on our honeymoon. to be fair, she saved the best for last. but the last time her lips touched my dick was fucking july of fucking 2006.
our sex life has been up and down ever since. eventually, i went to law school. she "supported" me with a typical woman job and lords it over me every day of her life.
i got biglaw. i now make 300k+ a year. we have a house. we have a baby. she stays at home and by her own admission has everything she's ever dreamed of.
we are lucky to have sex once a month. she has gained in neighborhood of 80 pounds since our wedding. she is a constant source of negativity and sullenness.
i don't know what we do. i do not want a divorce because i want our kid to have a somewhat normal life. i also don't want to pay her for the privilege of being a cunt for the rest of her life. frankly i'm getting close to making partner in biglaw and i have no desire to have her reap the financial benefits of me working myself to death while she lives the life of a princess with nothing in return.
Brother, I asked my dad a couple of weeks ago how he dealt with basically exactly what you just wrote, and he told me that this is why God invented vodka. Nothing else, just said that that's why God invented vodka. He's been married for 40 years.
You think that everyone in this thread hasn't thought - what's the point of striving if this is how you end up? Throw kids into the mix, and killself ceases to be a viable option.
You know what, if I were to cheat - I mean, if I got to that point - I wouldn't care if I got caught. I would probably want to get caught on some level.
1) yes, but if your life sucks that bad, and divorce seems inevitable, doesn't seem like a financial disaster would be the worst of my worries, divorce is a financial disaster anyways
2) yes it is easy to cheat once without getting caught but as the years pile up it seems you could get one-false-move-pwned
3) the thrill of consequences is what would make this so fun in the first place
Same, actually, and I've had to come to the uncomfortable realization that my dad has been fucking his "friend" (female, thank god) for the past few years while my mom has agreed to look the other way. I don't support it, but they had a dead bedroom for years and he's 65 going on 40.
My Mom has suspected stuff, and my Dad was a pretty successful in television production and had some drop dead hot assistants, but I don't know of any affairs he had. My siblings and I have our doubts, but if there was anything solid, we probably would have know about it. Truth be told, if you live that life, you'll get caught in the long run, and I can't say he ever went that route.
I think a lot about my dad and how he managed to make it through this stuff, because I tell you this, my mother was surely no more reasonable than my wife.
Date: December 30th, 2015 11:15 PM Author: wonderful greedy brethren
Holy shit man that sounds awful. Advice to avoid this? Cr to marry chick less attractive than you / comes from a lesser family background / has a shitty job so that she's more likely to love/appreciate you forever?
Date: December 31st, 2015 10:31 AM Author: sickened coffee pot
I guess. I don't know that there's any universal advice, unfortunately.
24 year old me and 24 year old wife were a great match. 34 year old me and 34 year old wife are not. people change over the years and some relationships can handle that and some can't.
Date: December 30th, 2015 9:53 PM Author: slimy abode
To be fair
Aren't you in a AGWWG relationship? Think you should mention that important data point so ppl can adjust their impression of your marriage accordingly. AZN american women are still better than restless selfish WHITE women on how they approach marriage which is boring, requires hard work and sacrifice of your personal happiness/pleasure for the sake of family
also your azn wife probably looks at you like a god just because you are white and that may explain a lot of your "amazing" sex life
Don't think that I've ever said that our sex life is "amazing" (other than on vacation when she's not glued to her iPad and I'm not distracted by work as much); frequency seems pretty average from what's been described on here. I still do get BJs most of the time when I signal, though.
dude, I'm right there with you. I try not to think about what it would be like if I had just not married my wife. I have all these fantasies about being single, having a place with no woman in it, all the extra money I would have.
I love my kid though. She was probably smart enough to know that once she gave me that kid I wasn't going anywhere.
idk, man. idk. i haven't given it very much thought because i'm only now coming to the realization that there's no way in hell this is going to work in the long run. i mean, does it get any better? a lot of these greedy Boomer couples who somehow survived kids seem pretty fucking happy but the fuck if our generation is ever going to get to that point in our lives with any kind of affluence
It only doesn't work if someone leaves. I drink an excessive amount and work a lot. Like now - I don't have to be in the office, working, drinking, but I would much rather be here than somewhere else.
Real talk, I try to rationalize life by thinking that there realistically isn't anything else out there. Being single in your late 30's and 40's is garbage, lonely, and even if you have game and get laid a lot, that life is so unstable that few can keep it up for long. For all the million bad things about marriage, just having someone around who you go through life with - even if you hate their guts - is worth something.
Also, you posted that you have sex with your wife 2/3 times a week. Holy shit you really should be thankful for that, I'm at once every month or two. Shit balls I would be happy to put up with a ton more shit if I just got laid more.
Date: December 30th, 2015 8:53 PM Author: sickened coffee pot
i'm so angry and tired and ready to get out. we went to a party tonight. me and the babbydood had a wonderful time. wife pouted the entire fucking party. we came home, nagfest began in earnest. i put babbydood to bed, told her i had no interest in engaging her when she was acting like a child, and am now drinking, working, and watching football i don't care about.
Yea man. I'm here, as if reviewing bills can't wait until tomorrow, as if I give a shit about TA&M or UL - one thing for sure, I'm sick as hell with dealing with that nag of a woman I married.
sucks. i really hate the "unconquerability" aspect of women. they will never let you win. ever. everything is about them, their little nest that they've built with your money. everything is done their way. of course, all the shit you owned before marriage has long been thrown away or at least complained about incessantly. i'm sure you have zero say in the vast majority of decisions that go on around your house because, like me, you seem to have (at least at times) given up on caring
Date: December 30th, 2015 9:02 PM Author: razzle metal reading party double fault
Damn bro that sucks. At least since my wife and I are evangelicals she accepts that man is head of the house and I mostly make the decisions.
I used to engage her when she'd get pissed about me not getting something she wanted then I'd try to appease her by buying it. Eventually I stopped giving a shit and just ignored her bitching. Seriously, she stopped. Like I just didn't even acknowledge it. Took some amazing self restraint at first. She'd pull the name calling etc to try and get me as pissed as she was. I just refused. Now, such complaints are rare.
Deep down, women want to be led. You just have to have the balls to resist the tantrum for a few months before they see the futility
Date: December 30th, 2015 8:53 PM Author: razzle metal reading party double fault
Some days I feel that way. Right now, though, I feel like shit-think I have the flu- and am eternally grateful for someone to bring me soup and a blanket etc without complaint.
Can't imagine how lonely it would be if I was an old man sick all the time and didn't have anyone to care for me
Date: December 30th, 2015 8:56 PM Author: thirsty point famous landscape painting
its pretty obvious at this point that you're not supposed to marry someone your own age. even just five years sounds pretty bad. if you have to wait until 40 to marry someone 30, then fine. men and women just dont age on the same timeline, inside or out.
Date: December 30th, 2015 9:05 PM Author: Amethyst floppy jew
Ideally it would be a ~45 yr old guy who has been making bank and still looks relatively attractive marrying a ~25 yr old woman who is fertile but not juvenile and mature to have a relation ship and pop out some kids
Unfortunately society will think you're a creep and would rather celebrate 2 men sticking their penises up each others assholes than your union
I'm happy, but it's not perfect. Women and men see the world differently, handle problems differently, and tend to want different things out of the same situation. As noted above, there's very often (anecdotally) an odd power dynamic where the SAHM or the mom netting $10-20K/yr after day care/nanny costs calls the shots independently of the dude who's pulling in $300-400K and making life possible without any care for his input.
Date: December 30th, 2015 11:31 PM Author: Sable lettuce field
10+ years married. Married college sweetheart fairly young. I'm legit happy with my marriage. Two different friends have told me unprompted that they see my marriage as rock solid.
Twist: One our kids is special needs and we still ended up with a source of significant stress.
Date: December 31st, 2015 10:58 AM Author: Gold Offensive Trailer Park
Happy. We dated 6 years before getting married. Been married almost 5 years. We bicker a lot, but in a loving (mostly) way. She gets annoyed with me much more than I get annoyed with her. Also, We have a 9 month babby, which has increased the stress, but damn I love that babbydood.
Date: December 31st, 2015 12:06 PM Author: yapping piazza potus
Present. AND I got together with my wife at a very early age. Then again, a) I'm admittedly weird and aspie, b) I'm fully aware that this ends in disaster for most people (regardless of age).
Date: December 30th, 2015 9:38 PM Author: Dull Plaza Therapy
FMA
"For all the million bad things about marriage, just having someone around who you go through life with - even if you hate their guts - is worth something."
Date: December 30th, 2015 9:48 PM Author: sickened coffee pot
can you describe "180 wife"?
i married a girl a decade ago that i thought was an intellectual, spiritual, political, and sexual equal. thought we were literally soulmates. same sense of humor, same likes and dislikes, everything.
you can see above what happened.
now i'm thinking a "180 wife" means a dumb hot girl willing to just cheerfully live life with you and put out. i don't see how it can be anything else.
and before you call me jaded, every single guy i know is in this situation. the ONLY exceptions are extraordinarily religious people, and i will never be in that camp.
Date: December 30th, 2015 9:53 PM Author: sickened coffee pot
my wife was very religious for the five years we dated and probably the first two years we were married. then she realized it was largely gobbledygook and quit
Date: December 30th, 2015 10:10 PM Author: Irate Stirring Water Buffalo Heaven
My wife is a smart professional. She was always a tomboy type (college athlete) and still is though less so than she was 15 years ago when we got married. She thinks like a dude in most respects. I acknowledge that I got lucky. I doubt there is a way to predict it.
Date: December 30th, 2015 10:23 PM Author: Irate Stirring Water Buffalo Heaven
My wife is to some extent a SAHM. She's an orthodontist that works 10-12 days a month. She works 2 days one week and 3 days the next. Not even fucking flame.
Date: December 30th, 2015 10:36 PM Author: anal transparent location
tbf finding a non-azn woman who goes to dent school, much less an athlete, is pretty much the definition of a fuckin sim glitch. the rest of us r doomt
Date: December 30th, 2015 10:56 PM Author: anal transparent location
"Hey bros, it's me again. I'm a 25 year old virgin trying to score some sweet dental poontang this fall and any tips you could give me would be greatly appreciated. This is a big step in my life and I don't feel like I can do it without my internet friends"
Date: December 30th, 2015 10:19 PM Author: Irate Stirring Water Buffalo Heaven
I don't think I have any answers. People who pretend they do are full of shit. See e.g. TMF. I married an ambitious girl while she was young. We both had the same view on life and love. I've always thought that love was about what you can do for the other person. I got lucky that she felt and feels the same way. Could that change? Sure. But I think we've maed it at this point.
Hey, OP, I'm married, separated for 5 months. I was probably even worse than you 5 months ago. Just dead set on leaving my wife. Sick of the codependence, always being around, feeling suffocated yet lonely, etc. It took some months but now I'm basically ready to take her back despite all that. Our brains are weird. A lot of the problems of marriage I think are created by just constantly being with each other. It gets exhausting. It's not natural. Once you get away from it for a while you would probably start to feel something for her again, or at least not despise it.
thank you for that. I like to think that, despite the problems, I would feel the same way about my wife if I was separated. She is the mother of my child
Yeah which is why we are still separated. I'm not sure if we will reconcile. We still want different things from life that presents a huge gap even if we do enjoy each other
Date: December 31st, 2015 12:20 AM Author: wild rigpig
Happily married here too. I was congratulating myself on being a good wife compared with the horror stories here but I realise its not just me, I'm lucky to have such a good husband.
Date: December 30th, 2015 10:20 PM Author: swashbuckling rusted whorehouse
I am 36 and married with two children (seven and two). While it is often frustrating, constantly difficult and occasionally painful it gives life shape and form. If you are not a parent it is hard to explain the feelings that come along with even tiny highs and lows. It gives life meaning and shape.
I could imagine myself in an alternate track where I am still single. But in the end, however, life and what you got out of it is a pretty complex formula. To each their own.
I agree with you, but men should at least be allowed some side action or an extended vacation (alone) every now and then w/o getting tirades and threats from the wifebeast. I mean, if I could get away for a month or something, maybe I would re-recognize the value of my family structure and recommit. It's just so hard when you're balls deep in this shit year after year with no break.
Date: December 30th, 2015 11:16 PM Author: Walnut Genital Piercing
i'm 33, single, making good money, fucking around in a big city. my parents are freaking out over me not getting married or being anywhere close to it. i actually have no desire to marry or have kids.
Date: December 30th, 2015 10:41 PM Author: Razzle-dazzle House
lol at you pussies jfc I had no idea how good I have it. Why don't you betas give your wife a good verbal undressing? they need that shit occasionally. Why don't you schedule some me time to get away from that cunt and if she complains remind her you're the breadwinner. Men with options don't have these problems. The little bitching my wife does is almost always caused by me tbf, but I still have to behave as though she causes some problems just to have the mental edge on her.
Brother, I think the only women who wouldn't go apeshit after you "tell them off" or whatever the fuck it is you have in mind are purebread Evangelic acolytes, and that ain't what I married. 90% of women in Obama's America are irreparably entitled and have expectations that literally no one can meet.
To add to your credited post, women literally feed on drama. It makes them feel wanted and alive. So while you are telling them off, they only feel enlivened. They are enjoying themselves. And they will enjoy arguing back and keeping it going for a week. Meanwhile you will only be drained and want it to mercifully end.
Date: December 30th, 2015 11:02 PM Author: bright bespoke main people dog poop
What about when the woman makes more or the same amount of money as her husband? I see a lot of talk here about wives controlling all the money the man makes while being a SAHM ...
i have noticed that women who make more than their husbands treat their husbands more poorly than those who make less than their husbands. i would be hesitant to marry a woman with very high earning potential because i think she would resent me for making less
Date: December 30th, 2015 11:08 PM Author: bright bespoke main people dog poop
I am a woman who makes slightly more than her husband. We seem to have one of the better relationships out of most people I know. We're both pretty chill, though.
This. Women are absolute terrors when they make more. They will openly badmouth husbands to coworkers and will despise them for doing anything they enjoy while that state of affairs exists.
Date: December 31st, 2015 10:46 AM Author: Lascivious internet-worthy corner
No bitch. Women are driven crazy by their hormones. This is why t-girls are vastly superior to natural women. Some gays may be effeminate, but they will never be women because they have the capacity to reason
Date: December 31st, 2015 12:29 AM Author: rose apoplectic national
"ty, she's a winner. We definitely have our silly arguments like a couple of weeks ago when I ended up sleeping in the guest room on a Friday night because she thought I was critical of the way she was cutting the green beans for dinner (can't make it up), but I'd rather be married to her than any other female who would conceivably marry me."
lol. That's a success story!? The guy is getting kicked out of his own bedroom like he's some puppy who shat on the bed and he's talking about how great his marriage is? There have been times this year, when I was playing Goldeneye on my old N64, where I wondered if I wasn't wasting my life away as some degenerate man-child. Guess I was wrong, lol.
Date: December 31st, 2015 12:49 AM Author: naked bonkers rehab philosopher-king
Well, when you put it like that...
I actually decided to sleep in the guest room because she was carrying on and I had enough. This has happened twice in 8 years, although we didn't have a guest room the other time and I slept in my car like a homeless person.
I've been in two bad LTRs. This one is far better.
Date: December 31st, 2015 2:15 AM Author: Concupiscible lake stag film
So what are you supposed to do then? I just got out of a year-long relationship with a girl I thought was a total 180. Being alone now sucks dick.
However, had we stayed together and eventually got married, it sounds like it would be a horror show down the road (best outcome in this thread is sleeping on the fucking couch over a green beans argument, jfc.)
So what's the deal then, just have awesome year-or-two-long relationships with 180 young girls, punctuated by a few months of severe grief post-breakup?
Date: December 31st, 2015 2:51 AM Author: Ebony Chad
i am betting one or both sides of the bad marriages ITT come from families with similar chaos and drama and addictions etc
Im not religious but Its why the mormon church is so cr. Man is the head of the house and women have all kinds of activities to keep them busy. 6% divorce rate
Your wife should be constantly pregnant and raising infants. Crazy having just 1 kid. Of course shes bored and up your ass.
You think some chick with 6 little kids has the energy to be nagging you about stuff? modern life lol
Date: December 31st, 2015 4:35 AM Author: cruel-hearted aphrodisiac knife
Non-marriedbro, but I have a few thoughts:
1. I think the single biggest problem in Western marriages is the fact that there is no 'apart' time between men and women. I've had this thought before but the fact that many of you are echoing the sentiment just increases my conviction.
2. It seems that the biggest issue men have with their wives is that they are overly domineering and/or 'wear the pants' in the relationship. Has anything ever been written on how to handle this? I must admit I've seen this dynamic several times myself and I've been in it before, but my solution was just to end the relationship. That obviously won't work for someone who hopes to continue theirs.
3. Is this dynamic in marriages universal or is it just something certain 'types' of people get into? Is it more a problem in certain [countries/classes/religions/races] than others?
Date: December 31st, 2015 5:58 AM Author: electric toaster gas station
Non-married bro here as well so take my thoughts with a grain of salt. From my experience and observations, corroborated by fellow poasters, drama makes women feel alive. Like a lot of men, my natural response is to call bullshit and point out how childish their behavior or thought process is. This isn't the most optimal response if your goal is harmony. I think the best response requires understanding her underlying insecurities and motivations and addressing that in a comforting, non-threatening manner instead of responding to the whatever bullshit she's spouting on its face.
It takes a lot of patience and understanding to reassure her when all you can think is "fuck that cunt, I don't deserve this bullshit." I wish I could say I've taken the high road but I don't and often take the easy route which is threaten to just gather up my shit and leave. This works sometimes and she'll completely stop acting like a child, other times she'll threaten a complete split if I walk out.
All that knowledge means jack shit if either partner has too big of an ego that constantly needs feeding. In my experience, that gets in the way of genuine and continuous selfless interactions that form the basis of a constructive and positive relationship. It doesn't help that a lot of poasters complaining in this thread seem to have an attitude of "what does my fat, cunty wife bring to the table?" "I make more money, pay for everything, and behave reasonably. I have more value in our relationship." "Wife is fat, doesn't work or doesn't make nearly as much."
Whether or not they're right, it's not constructive and creates a negative atmosphere in which one partner is attacking the other's sense of self-worth. Even if never explicitly stated, having such an internal thought process can color a relationship. the response from the other partner is naturally fight or flight resulting in spiraling negativity. You can read the language in some of these poasts and see it. Another poaster talks about how his wife supported him through law school and now lords it over him. He resents the fact that he is now her slave as a result. That thought process is fueled by the ego and desire for value. The better attitude is probably gratitude for each of the others contribution. Unfortunately, if the husband thinks and his behavior reflects, "oh my wife is so wonderful to have supported me" and the wife on the other hand thinks "he knows he's lucky," then there is no mutuality and the husband will quickly adopt an ego preserving attitude that exalts his contribution over hers. In a sense, there is a game theory element involved.
It also doesn't help that this board is full of ego-driven strivers. Chill couples usually don't fall into these patterns. High powered individuals and couples do, though. Finally, on your next vacation, you guys should take shrooms together.
Date: December 31st, 2015 12:02 PM Author: electric toaster gas station
Maybe it's just the guys in my social circles but i've never been in a full on argument or fight with any of them in my adult life. I don't know any professional men who flip out or make an issue out of small things. I can see prole guys, ex-marines, dudes with lots of tats and drinking problems as drama prone lunatics. On the other hand, professional women are just as susceptible as their prole counterparts. In fact, for women that are or were hot, it seems like intelligence positively correlates with insanity. If I had to guess, in my experience, this has a lot to do with buying into unrealistic expectations of love and marriage. When reality falls short of those expectations they often blame the guy.
Date: December 31st, 2015 12:40 PM Author: Charismatic Set
A lot of women were spoiled somewhat by their fathers so they learned that tantrum-throwing and tears and emotions were a way to get what they want.
A lot of dads had the attitude of "throw money at this noise and it'll go away", so in response to their daughters kicking up a fuss, they usually would cave to their demands just to get them to shut up.
This technique doesn't work as well in the real world. In this respect, I think men were taught growing up how to assert themselves in a healthier and more productive way.
Date: December 31st, 2015 12:51 PM Author: electric toaster gas station
totally agree. though i think attractive women are used to getting their way or being treated like special snowflakes by most males (not just their fathers).
Date: December 31st, 2015 11:38 AM Author: Charismatic Set
"All that knowledge means jack shit if either partner has too big of an ego that constantly needs feeding. In my experience, that gets in the way of genuine and continuous selfless interactions that form the basis of a constructive and positive relationship."
"Finally, on your next vacation, you guys should take shrooms together."
Date: December 31st, 2015 7:11 AM Author: bateful bat shit crazy space
loling hard at the beta faggotry itt. NEVER EVER let a bitch get the upper hand on you. Ever. I don't care if she makes ten million dollars a year. If she doesn't comply with your terms get rid of her immediately.
Date: December 31st, 2015 11:30 AM Author: Up-to-no-good Puppy Gunner
I mean, for some people it's probably a good idea (ie low-T bros who have always done poorly/somewhat poorly with women and enjoy living a traditional lifestyle), but if you're the type of guy who knows you're going to constantly want strange, it's probably a very bad idea and will only lead to a miserable existence.
Date: December 31st, 2015 12:21 PM Author: Pea-brained burgundy pit stock car
If the desire to have sex with other women consumes you and is a constant distraction, then I agree. Do not get married.
For me, every few months my urges get the best of me and I will stray briefly. There's no sneaking around and I'm careful to minimize any risk of being caught. I'm not delusional. I know this is pretty selfish behavior, but it's a balancing act that seems to work for me.
Date: December 31st, 2015 11:34 AM Author: Up-to-no-good Puppy Gunner
Hint: No one really knows if they're getting the "right" wife. Also, people change and evolve so what they want in 2015 may not be what they want in 2025. It's a total gamble that most people lose.
Date: December 31st, 2015 11:41 AM Author: Concupiscible lake stag film
That's the most terrifying part. I used to think people who hate being married or resent their wives must have just gotten married at 21 or just sort of "accepted" that they should marry whomever they were with. Reading about people who really thought their wives-to-be were 180, only to totally hate being married down the road, gives me chills.
Date: December 31st, 2015 11:46 AM Author: Charismatic Set
Yeah, this.
Mind you these are the same people who, on another thread, rushed to defend a husband who broke his wife's arm (accidentally, but still!) during an argument.
Date: December 31st, 2015 11:53 AM Author: Charismatic Set
Here's the thing. Life is about tradeoffs, and nowhere is this more evident than in the sustenance of long term relationships.
LTRs require you to give up your ego. Sure, some girls may prefer a setup where the man is the head of the household and there will be power plays in all sorts of relationships, but if you're not comfortable with giving up at least part of your ego and your ultimate autonomy as a single agent, you probably should reconsider getting married unless you're hellbent on having kids.
I'm about 6 months into the first genuine, healthy, marriage-track relationship I've had in several years and yeah, sometimes I feel my independence and agency infringed upon. And yes, we came into the relationship with fairly divergent pictures of what we want our lives to look like in 5 years. But the benefits far outweigh any inconvenience, and there's a lot more common ground than there is not.
So give up the ego and focus on connectivity and the positives. Be grateful that someone's in your corner and has chosen you as their person. Be aware that it could suck for the other person too in many of the same ways, and that loving someone this much involves an active effort to minimize the sucktitude of the journey for them.
We bitch so much about life for not looking or feeling the way we expected it to that we forget how lucky we are to have made it this far with the people surrounding us.
And, yes, smoke a lil bit of weed with them from time to time. It helps.
Date: December 31st, 2015 8:09 PM Author: Yellow faggotry
Oh, some more advice about marrying women, if a relationship sours, even if she feels better about it you never will, so LEAVE don't DOUBLE DOWN when it does