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My problem with sobriety
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:15 AM Author: Cordovan school Here's the deal - since I have a newborn, and I don't get to sleep much, I have basically cut out drinking. I also chose to give it up for lent. Thus, I haven't had a drink in about a week.
When I don't drink, I can't tolerate my wife's bullshit at all and I hate being in the same room with her. I worry about money. I get frustrated with my kids easier. Worst is that I just slip into this dark depression where I see my life and it seems like the sum of my life is one big sucking disappointment.
When I drink, I'm generally in a good mood. The cycle of drinking, feeling bad, recovering, drinking, etc. keeps me based and grounded, and I am generally in a good mood. Also, when I'm drinking, I have much better control of my emotions, and I don't get angry at anything. I get mad - like seeing red mad - when I have to deal with my Wife when I'm sober for a while. Also, I have infinitely more patience with my kids when I'm drinking. I feel content on the inside.
Also, when I don't drink, I seem to gain weight because I'm hungry all the time.
Disclaimer: I very rarely ever get drunk. When I'm drinking, I drink 2-5 beers a day. I avoid heavy drinking because I cannot stand the hang overs. However, I drink 2-5 beers every day. |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:18 AM Author: Histrionic state international law enforcement agency 2-5 beers a day is nbd if that's seriously all you're drinking. i guess that was the point of you making this thread? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444431) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:19 AM Author: Cordovan school Point is mindless complaining about being sober. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444437) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:30 AM Author: Histrionic state international law enforcement agency 2-5 beers is basically sober anyways (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444488) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:32 AM Author: Cordovan school It's enough to change the day. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444500) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 1:20 PM Author: self-absorbed effete range brethren I was using alcohol pretty much the same way to numb the frustration of dealing with a young child, but since I’m pregnant, I haven’t had the ability to do. It’s been actually better much than I expected. I get frustrated more easily but feeling even negative emotions feels better than feeling detached, if that makes sense. I’m thinking about making this a permanent life change and drinking only on special occasions. Otherwise I’m drinking 2-3 glasses of wine 4-6 days/week, which is pretty bad.
That said, using alcohol to detach from the issues from your marriage is a whole other animal and it’s something you need to fix so that your children aren’t scarred emotionally for life. I don’t know how you fix it but see this sobriety as an opportunity to think about it. Your depression is all from your marriage. I still think you should get divorced, even with 2 kids now. My childhood would’ve been a lot better had my parents divorced 20 years before they did. |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 6:26 PM Author: Puce Mischievous Mental Disorder you're pregnant again? congrats! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35447503) |
Date: February 20th, 2018 11:17 AM Author: Buff sadistic mediation gay wizard It sounds like the opportunity cost of drinking was losing your ability to apply discipline in emotional self-regulation.
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:17 AM Author: Cordovan school A fair assessment. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444421) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:21 AM Author: Buff sadistic mediation gay wizard It's the number one reason I decided never to drink. Life IS a huge disappointment, by the way. You can call this "pain," and there's nothing you can do about it. Your obligation would be to reduce the sorrow that arises from the pain, known as "suffering." That's something I learned from meditation. So even if mindfulness is flame, there's a good principle that's worth absorbing. |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:22 AM Author: Cordovan school I believe that every word in your post is CR. I look back and have to believe that my life may have been better had I abstained completely. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444451) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:26 AM Author: Buff sadistic mediation gay wizard Looking back, by the way, is a form of suffering- i.e. pain that you unnecessarily cause to yourself. Try instead to engage in emotional strength-training. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444463) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:28 AM Author: Cordovan school Interesting in learning more. Any good books to recommend? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444473) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:30 AM Author: Buff sadistic mediation gay wizard I recommend two techniques. 1. Recovery International. Group meetings AND self-learning that brings you to emotional strength through willpower training. A close friend is a 40-year group leader and would be happy to help you get started. (It helps to have a personal connection at first.) 2. Acceptance Commitment Therapy, a western-adapted mindfulness program. Anything by Steven Hayes is credited. I started with Get Out Of Your Mind And Into Your Life. |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:35 AM Author: Cordovan school Thank you. I just ordered Get Out of Your Mind (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444516) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:19 AM Author: Lascivious Flesh Blood Rage "Worst is that I just slip into this dark depression where I see my life and it seems like the sum of my life is one big sucking disappointment."
You can recognize when these thoughts are popping up and need to do something to get your mind off it. If for you that's drinking a couple beers, I don't think that's terrible. Don't avoid drinking a few beers just so you can stare into the abyss |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:21 AM Author: Cordovan school Yea, I've spent some time staring into the abyss the last few days. I keep telling myself that these feelings will pass and to just relax, but real depression is pretty awful. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444449) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:24 AM Author: Lascivious Flesh Blood Rage Those kind of thoughts just increase exponentially when left on their own. If you can't compartmentalize them, then you have to do something else to keep them from going off the rails. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444459) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:35 AM Author: mind-boggling flickering church building https://weheartit.com/entry/296536625 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444515) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:24 AM Author: Buff sadistic mediation gay wizard The amount of alcohol required to produce the desired feeling (or absence of feeling) increases with time. On the other hand, if his path to emotional strength were discipline, he would find that the exact amount of willpower required for the desired effect right now will bring him even greater returns in the future. That's the difference between a crutch and a solution. |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:28 AM Author: Lascivious Flesh Blood Rage I agree with you. I drink but only socially. I associate it with good times with my friends and that makes it easy to avoid it in different situations. I've never really wanted to drink alone when I feel down precisely because of what you said about how the amount you need gets greater with time.
But I recognize it's different for everyone. |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:24 AM Author: 180 spot juggernaut You're an alcoholic I'm sorry to tell you. You should see a psychologist and learn better coping skills so you won't need to rely on drink and get proper treatment for your emotional issues. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444457) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:32 AM Author: submissive cerebral internal respiration What's interesting, though, is that OP gets more annoyed with his wife when sober. Personally, I found that I was more prone to anger and outbursts when drinking; when I stopped drinking, I was cranky for the first couple days, but then was in an overall much better mood. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444502) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:36 AM Author: 180 spot juggernaut Drinking 2-5 beers a day is not healthy + doing it to cope with serious depression. He should be in treatment to deal with the root cause spurring the drinking and learn to accept rather than deflect negative emotions. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444521) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:38 AM Author: Histrionic state international law enforcement agency he has a shitty marriage that he's stuck in because of kids. he doesn't need a team of psychologists to figure out what's going on. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444531) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:39 AM Author: Cordovan school ty (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444537) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:40 AM Author: 180 spot juggernaut He cites major depression as why he drinks, not that his marriage is bad. His marriage may have problems but if he is clinically depressed that is what he needs professional help for. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444542) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:41 AM Author: Buff sadistic mediation gay wizard Bad marriages, other unhappy circumstances, alcoholism and poor emotional self-regulation will cause depression. "Clinical" depression is caused by medical billing. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444559) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:45 AM Author: 180 spot juggernaut " I keep telling myself that these feelings will pass and to just relax, but real depression is pretty awful. "
That's not psychiatry flame, that's a person who needs treatment. |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:48 AM Author: Histrionic state international law enforcement agency yep, clearly handing over significant chunks of money to some jew who will just get him drunk on pills instead of booze is the answer. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444585) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:49 AM Author: 180 spot juggernaut Medication may or may not something he would need. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444595) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:43 AM Author: Histrionic state international law enforcement agency 180 poast/moniker sync (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444567) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:40 AM Author: mind-boggling flickering church building don't psychologists - especially CBT guys - give you a a step-by-step playbook for dealing with "triggering" circumstances as they arise? like a more involved version of "close your eyes and count to ten every time she does [x]"? This seems like it would be pretty useful. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444550) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:49 AM Author: henna judgmental cruise ship (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444590) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:26 AM Author: Exhilarant jet gas station are you getting any exercise at all? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444462) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:27 AM Author: Cordovan school Between work and caring for the kids, there is no time, and I mean that. I try to walk to work and back when I can, which is about 3 times a week, but that's not much. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444470) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:31 AM Author: Histrionic state international law enforcement agency lugging a baby around is more exercise than you realize (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444492) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:31 AM Author: Cordovan school My arms and especially shoulders look great, everything else is fading. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444495) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 12:03 PM Author: Motley shivering striped hyena plaza I think your angst can be categorized:
1) Those issues that are just part of being alive in this world. Everybody you know will die, you are physically and mentally weak and will always be imperfect. Time will destroy your body and mind. Everybody you know, including your children, will at some point hurt you deeply. Hiding from this reality that all humans have is not sustainable, even if it is very understandable. Accept it and take on responsibility and give your shitty existence meaning so that when you look back you can say "As crappy as my life and human existence is more broadly, at least I was able to do XYZ which helped my family/community/world and that made it worthwhile.
2) Issues which you can address but instead are choosing to paper over/avoid. I'm thinking about things specific to your wife as the big one. I don't have an answer for you here because, in contrast to 1), how you go about addressing your specific issues requires a tailored approach. The problem here is that the issues you have which can be addressed, but you are to scared/avoidant to deal with will continue to grow and grow like a cancer. Take this sober time when your eyes are clear from the fog of booze to try and figure out a strategy to deal with the biggest addressable problems in your life. You may need to speak to other people to bounce ideas of them, and it may not work, but atleast give it a shot.
Edit: And I will grant you that hanging around till your kids are 18 and then divorcing you wife might be the best long-term strategy, but at the very least you gotta develop an interim strategy unless you want your kids to grow up in a cancerous household. |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 12:04 PM Author: Cordovan school ty (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444685) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 12:23 PM Author: razzle-dazzle jade stage tattoo You need to find time for some form of vigorous cardiovascular exercise. You only need 30-40 mins (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444785) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 12:41 PM Author: maroon stirring area genital piercing Brother, sounds like you have it under control, but you also know you're not a happy person right now. The booze is a distraction. As a daily weed smoker for most of my adult life, I make the same rationalizing arguments about my use and I have quit for long stretches, but ultimately it's a means of coping, not a pursuit meaningful on its own. Please read this thread with an open mind.
http://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3508537&mc=194&forum_id=2
If it's closer to 5 than 2 beers most nights, you might be looking at a situation that escalates to untenability without you realizing until you're already up the creek. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and many people find that they lose their grip in middle-age after a lifetime of functionally and harmlessly enjoying poison. I've seen it many times.
Keep a close eye on yourself and don't put alcohol on a pedestal. You have a family and it sounds like you have a successful small firm on your shoulders. Alcohol is a day-to-day accessory to your happiness. It's also allowing you to bury the shit that is driving you to drink. I get it and you may be fine forever. Just be wary of it. Too many men in your position throw it all away because drinking keeps a priority foothold in their lives even as consequences start to roll in. It also makes you fat and eventually fucks up your health. 20+ beers a week for most of your adult life will wreck many of our livers by retirement age and its a legitimate carcinogen. |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 1:26 PM Author: Bull headed shrine wagecucks How often do you give ur wife a good hard deep dicking? How often would you like to? How often do you want to and she shoots you down? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35445224) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 3:35 PM Author: Unhinged Site Incel Phenibut is an EXCELLENT stand in for drinking. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35446345) |
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Date: February 20th, 2018 6:28 PM Author: rusted station community account prole tell (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35447511) |