frozen is a direct transmission from such a time of last men, a time where personal endangerment via artistic self-harm and arranged suicide seems like the most absurd madness -- didn't we once have a history of martyred saints and self-destructive poets, of socrates willingly drinking the hemlock, of buddhist self-immolation? last year in december, an american had set herself on fire in front of an israeli consulate while draped in the palestinian flag, much like how thích quảng dức famously immolated himself on a busy saigon road during the vietnam war to protest the persecution of buddhists by the catholic regime.

we exist in a global community which cannot process such events, which cannot fathom why anyone would believe in a cause so strongly as to destroy themselves for the sake of it. suicide, almost regardless of cultural context, is considered a 'selfish' act, as if you're doing it for your own little private inadequacy -- all mental health issues are treated this way. no, there's nothing wrong with our society, with our economy, nothing wrong with systemic racism or patriarchy or american foreign policy -- it's that your father didn't love you, it's that you're a narcissist, it's that you aren't trying hard enough, it's that you're acting 'pathologically', that you need to fix your 'mindset'. far from suicide being a ridiculous act, it is immediately obvious to us that living itself is an exercise in the highest absurdity -- change yourself, sure, but never think of changing the world, because that clashes with the civilizational ideology which conceives of itself as the final perfect product of the end of a grand historical development, and it will broker no challenges or challengers.

the individual thus has no right to kill themselves, because their body and mind belong to governments and corporations, they are conceived of as the property of their parents and then the state, and the state wants to 'protect' it's investment -- the catholics used to say that suicide would send you to hell, now the secular authorities say that suicide is a 'pointless waste' -- ah, as if all the garbage and pollution that our society produces isn't such a 'waste'?

this regulation of our autonomy reveals the ultimate hypocrisy: you're expected to 'put up' with the sins of our civilization, to just 'deal with it', the responsibility falls on you and you alone, but as soon as you can't take any more of it, suddenly you're not allowed that responsibility over yourself, suddenly you're 'selfish' for wanting out.

i watch frozen through the lens of that hypocrisy, through the experience of suicide undergone by yukio mishima, and through myself. as much as i can try to convey to you what it felt like to be only a few inches from death by train or gunshot, my words ultimately fail me, and i am no longer that same person who longed for death -- that experience made me value life, it forced me to change in a way that i didn't know how to. i didn't want to die, i wanted an escape -- that's what i feel it is about. suicide is not a 'selfish' act, but a desperate longing for the impossible, an attempt to reach beyond ourselves by broaching that boundary of mortality, which is exactly what the artist of frozen does -- to see things from outside of the obsession of his own life, to gain some sort of perspective that would clarify himself and his place in the world; he gets exactly what he wants, just like how mishima was able to make himself into one of his own decadent and contradictory literary characters.

suicide is more of an aesthetic act than a moral one, which is why it is so despised and reviled -- but if we didn't have that fear of it, we would be able to understand it more with empathy. if you live in a society where suicide is never talked about directly and it is objectified as this thing that only 'weirdos' do, then many outcasts will be drawn to it like i was -- if we openly discussed death, depression, anxiety, if we stopped suppressing it out of our own self-censorship, then i know for sure that suicide would be far less common than it unfortunately is today. and yet that cultural change would entail so many other changes -- if you talk about death with honesty, then war and policing and violence stop being systemic abstractions, they become issues that require reform and revolution, and that's the last thing that people in power want -- every CEO and politician is the direct beneficiary of our repressive society, their economic and political surplus is made at the disadvantage of those who are left with nothing else but suicide as an escape. on some level, they want things to be like this, it's how they thrive while we suffer. they want us to be the last men, because it means that their power never has to be contested -- what a pathetic way for them to view reality, how childish, and of course, selfish.

the danger in discussing these topics is that it leaves us vulnerable and open to despair. something i would like to say, beyond anything else that you may read from me: if you, the reader, are struggling with suicidal thoughts, please know that there can be a better life for you, please reach out to someone, to anyone, and if you're feeling like you're seriously going to do something dangerous to yourself, please take a nap or a break, spend some time at the library or a local restaurant, ride your bike or go for a walk, give yourself the grace and the space to not act impulsively. so many times i wanted to die and all that saved me was me saying to myself "well, if i'm really serious about it, i'll do it tomorrow after i get some sleep." and every single time i woke up the next day, i did feel better and decided not to do it. please do not rush into it, please know that there is always at least one person who will care about you and love you, even if it's a complete stranger -- please don't give up on the world or yourself, there is always an opportunity for change, even if it's small.

the world is better with you in it, i promise you -- i had to learn this the hard way, i had to find out my value only once i had completely devalued myself. don't put yourself through the same trials and mistakes that i did... not everyone gets lucky, my sister didn't, and i barely did. these words you're reading could have not existed, i would have never been able to say these things to you, that's the change, that's the difference. please, before anything else... take care of yourself, give yourself a break, don't be so hard on yourself. if you don't want to, do it for me, for your pets, your family, your friends, for god -- we need you here, we'll miss you if you're gone! take care of yourself even if no one else will... don't let those evil bastards win. fight on by enjoying life, resist by being who you want to be; that's all that you have to try for.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5829426&forum_id=2.#49638188)