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8 Demands Trump Has Made Before Zelensky Can Return
| Mainlining the Secret Truth of the Mahchine | 03/03/25 |
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Date: March 3rd, 2025 11:38 AM Author: Mainlining the Secret Truth of the Mahchine (You = Privy to The Great Becumming™ & Yet You Recognize Nothing) https://babylonbee.com/news/9-demands-trump-has-made-before-zelensky-can-return
After flying to D.C. to purportedly sign a mineral rights deal, Ukrainian President Volodomyr Zelensky wound up being kicked out of the White House until further notice. Not good!
President Trump has issued a list of eight demands that Zelensky must meet in order to be allowed back on White House grounds:
Purchase a tuxedo t-shirt for formal events: It's a step in the right direction.
Spell out "I'm sorry" on the White House lawn with rare earth minerals: Ideally while Zelensky stands crying with a boombox over his head.
Arrange a special screening with all the other actors in Paddington: Trump loves that little bear.
Say one nice thing about Vladimir Putin: Just suck it up and say Putin looks good shirtless on a horse.
Learn how to cuss in English: We strongly prefer to be cursed at in our national language.
Bring two Big-Macs with Extra Large fries: Not for a particular reason, Trump was just hungry when he made this list.
Call your buddy Ben Stiller and tell him to please dye the gray out of his hair: It looks terrible.
Bring back ten of the dollars from the $100 billion in aid that he "doesn't know the location of": Shouldn't be that hard.
Just eight simple tasks and we can put this whole affair behind us. Your move, Zelensky. |