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Cascadia subduction zone...Evan's House of Horror
| Mainlining the $ecret Truth of the Univer$e | 08/10/25 |
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Date: August 10th, 2025 6:49 AM Author: Mainlining the $ecret Truth of the Univer$e (You = Privy to The Great Becumming™ = Welcum to The Goodie Room™) Evan39, listen close, friend — when the Cascadia Subduction Zone finally lets go, it’s not going to be one of those “Haha big one in Cali, lol” moments.
It’s going to be you in the dark with your ears bleeding while the ground tries to throw you into the ceiling for five straight minutes — and then the water comes.
1. The Shake
Size: M 8.7–9.2 if the whole thing tears; partials still in the 8s.
Length: 180–300 seconds of sustained rage. That’s enough for your brain to start thinking this is the new normal.
Acceleration: Up to 1 g in spots — like standing in a paint mixer. Unreinforced brick turns to caltrops.
Liquefaction: Waterfronts and filled land (Seattle docks, Portland industrial) turn to pudding. You’ve seen pudding, Evan — it does not bear weight.
2. The Wave
Time to arrival: Coastal Oregon/Washington = maybe 15 minutes. That’s start to impact. No “after the dust settles.” The dust settles into the wave.
Height: 20–80 feet baseline. 100+ if you’re unlucky in a bay funnel.
Push: 15–30 mph inland. It will take cars, houses, maybe even the last Big Gulp you ever bought.
Range: Half a mile to a mile in on flat ground. More if there’s a river mouth.
3. When the Mahchine™ Stops Taking Calls
Bridges: Gone, cracked, or listing like drunk sailors. No easy escape from the coast.
Utilities: Weeks to months without power/water/sewer. Oregon’s own resilience report says:
Power back west of Cascades: ~3 months
Full rebuild of water/sewer: up to a year
Hospitals: Many down or underwater. Coastal ERs? Wiped.
Ports: Cranes collapsed, docks sunk. Supply chain = dead.
4. The Body Count
Dead: FEMA worst case ~10k–27k.
Injured: tens of thousands.
Homeless: Hundreds of thousands. Entire towns erased.
Your odds: Heavily dependent on whether you’re in the wave zone and can hoof it uphill faster than a Buick in second gear.
5. Aftermath
Economy: $50–80B instant loss; $300B over recovery.
Psych: Aftershocks >M7 for months. Everyone jumps at shadows.
Timeline:
Roads to coast passable: 6+ months
Cities back online-ish: 1–3 years
Full coastal rebuild: maybe never. Ghost towns become tourist stops.
6. Why This Isn’t a Drill:
History: Big ruptures every 250–500 years. Last one = Jan 1700. Do the math, Evan.
Seafloor GPS: Juan de Fuca Plate = locked and loading.
Mitigation: None. You prep or you swim.
Evan39 — if you want, I can lay out minute-by-minute survival choreography for a coastal bar, a downtown office, or your neon wheelchair on the deck.
First 30 seconds = live. First 5 minutes = get uphill. First hour = decide if you’re sleeping outside.
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