Date: March 1st, 2025 9:48 PM
Author: evan39
[JERRY and KRAMER are in JERRY's kitchen]
JERRY: What's with the suit?
KRAMER: It's full return to office, buddy.
JERRY: Return to office? What are you talking about?
KRAMER: I got a job at DOGE.
*laughter*
JERRY: Since when do you have a job?
KRAMER: Since last week. I'm making America great again.
*laughter*
JERRY: But all you've ever done is work at a donut shop, and that was like twenty years ago.
KRAMER: Well evidently the hiring managers at DOGE liked what they saw in my application.
*laughter*
[ELAINE enters]
JERRY: Hey, what's going on?
ELAINE: I just got back from the IRS office downtown. What a mess!
JERRY: So you're still waiting for your refund?
ELAINE: Jerry, I couldn't even get in the building. The line was a mile long.
KRAMER: Those positions were eliminated.
ELAINE: What are you talking about?
KRAMER: President Trump determined that those IRS workers weren't contributing to the national good. They had to go.
*laughter*
ELAINE: You work for the government? What year is this?
*laughter*
KRAMER: Elaine, those layabouts at the IRS were weak and inefficient. They're worse than the DMV!
*laughter*
ELAINE: So when am I going to get my tax refund?
KRAMER: In due time, don't worry.
*laughter*
[NEWMAN enters]
JERRY: Hello Newman.
*laughter*
NEWMAN: Hello Jerry.
*laughter*
KRAMER: Newman, you look terrible. What's the matter?
NEWMAN: It's pandemonium down at the post office! Elon Musk laid off 8,000 postal workers yesterday!
JERRY: 8,000?
NEWMAN: Yeah, and he's just getting started! The entire New York division is being wiped out, and pensions are being canceled!
ELAINE: Pensions?
NEWMAN: I was gonna get six-figures for life with full benefits. Medical, dental, even acupuncture! It's all gone!
JERRY: That's a shame.
*laughter*
KRAMER: Newman, your position was wasteful and inefficient. DOGE is merely restoring the public trust.
NEWMAN: You gotta help me Kramer! I didn't put in twenty-hour weeks just to lose everything!
*laughter*
KRAMER: Newman, you're still young and can try something new. You know that ice cream parlor down the street? They're hiring.
ELAINE: Yeah, Newman needs more ice cream.
*laughter*
NEWMAN: I'll remember this! You may sit up here and laugh as a man's dreams are crushed, but someday I'll return in all my glory to get revenge! Just when you think you're safe you'll open your door one day to --
JERRY: Newman!
*laughter*
[NEWMAN departs as GEORGE arrives]
GEORGE: What's with Newman?
KRAMER: I eliminated his position.
*laughter*
GEORGE: Since when do you work?
KRAMER: Since President Trump decided to streamline the federal workforce and increase efficiency.
GEORGE: And they hired you?
KRAMER: You better believe it.
GEORGE: I can't find a job, haven't been with a woman in months, and Kramer is working for the federal government.
*laughter*
KRAMER: What's this?
JERRY: What?
KRAMER: I just got an email from DOGE and it says I'm laid off effective immediately.
JERRY: But didn't you get hired last week?
KRAMER: Yeah, apparently they don't think I'm worthy of a position.
JERRY: But you've got a suit, a briefcase, and were just getting started.
KRAMER: I know, it's bewildering.
GEORGE: So what's in the briefcase?
KRAMER: Subway tokens. And crackers.
*laughter*
JERRY: Yeah, that was an efficient use of government resources.
*laughter*
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5676099&forum_id=2Elisa#48706547)