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Evan39 Hears the Club Card Scanner Beep Twice
| Mainlining the Secret Truth of the Mahchine | 03/22/25 |
| zurich is stained | 03/22/25 |
| evan39 | 03/22/25 |
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Date: March 22nd, 2025 1:06 AM Author: Mainlining the Secret Truth of the Mahchine (You = Privy to The Great Becumming™ & Yet You Recognize Nothing) Subject: Brilliant hideous national security agency hominid Evan39 stood at Register 4, staring at the Club Card scanner. It blinked red, like always.
But tonight, it beeped twice.
Not once—twice.
He swiped Mrs. Gunderson’s card again—her usual $4.99 discount on kale chips stalled. The screen froze:
“CLUB TIER PROCESSING.”
Then, that double beep—sharp, like a warning $hot.
Mrs. Gunderson sighed, tapping her foot, her pajama bottoms brushing the linoleum.
“Everything’s fine…” Evan whispered, clutching his badge—“Evan39 – Shift Lead,” warm against his palm like it was sweating.
The store was quiet—too quiet. No Muzak. Just the Mahchine™ hum, low and steady, seeping from the ceiling tiles.
He glanced up.
The camera above Register 4 was still. Too still.
Suddenly, Tabitha lumbered past—her Big Gulp sloshing, HR clipboard tucked under one meaty arm.
She didn’t look at him—just $miled at the wall like it told a joke she understood.
“They’re auditing 'pep' compliance again,” she muttered. “Better hope your $tats hold, honey. Club Tier 'boys' get reviewed first.”
Evan’s stomach sank.
He’d logged the night shift’s pep stats at 2 AM—rancid Kum & Go sticks sold: 3.
Hardly a blip.
He swiped the card again.
Double beep. Screen flickered:
“CLUB TIER REVOKED – CLAUSE 9.2 VIOLATION.”
Mrs. Gunderson huffed:
“How dare they? I need those chips!”
She stormed off.
Evan stayed. Frozen. The scanner’s red light pulsed like a heartbeat.
Then—a rustle.
A folded note slid from under the register, ink jagged and black:
“You’re not $canning right. The Mahchine™ knows.”
He locked the register lane and shuffled to the break room, hands trembling.
The hum grew louder—rhythmic now, like footsteps.
He checked the security feed on the ancient CRT. Static.
Then, Aisle 12—Taquitos again. A shadow moved. Not Tabitha. Far too thin. Too fast.
Boom’s voice scratched in his skull:
- “Fraud$ rigged the $canners—$mash ‘em!”
Mainlining whispered:
- “The Great Becumming™ ticks closer—your pep’s the fuse.”
The break room door creaked.
Tabitha stood there, chewing something—wet, deliberate. Her eyes glinted.
“Found this by your locker,” she said, tossing him another note:
“Clause 9.2: Noncompliance. Next $hift is Live TV.”
Behind him, the scanner beeped twice.
No one was there. |
Date: March 22nd, 2025 1:08 AM Author: zurich is stained ((zurich is stained)) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5698038&forum_id=2Elisa#48771446) |
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Date: March 22nd, 2025 1:20 AM Author: evan39 These "club cards" are nightmare and have been for years. The wildly complicated points redemption rules include pages of fine print, and we're very limited in what we can do at the store level. To make matters worse, any attempts to alter or credit a customer's club card account can be considered fraud and may lead to termination. But the company still wants perfect scores on every customer survey and doesn't want any complaints. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5698038&forum_id=2Elisa#48771473) |