I never thought I’d be the person writing one of these posts, but here I am. I’m in my mid-30s, married for almost 10 years, and until recently, I thought we had a good life. My wife, Sarah, and I have two kids, a house we worked hard for, and on the surface, things looked great. But that all fell apart about three weeks ago when I found out she’d been cheating on me for the past six months.

It all started when I noticed she was acting distant. She wasn’t interested in the little things anymore—date nights, conversations, even just sitting on the couch together watching TV. When I asked her about it, she would just brush it off, saying she was stressed or tired from work. I believed her, but something didn’t feel right. Call it intuition, but deep down, I knew something was off.

One night, she left her phone on the kitchen counter, and I saw a notification pop up from a guy named “Jason” that I had never heard of. It was just a simple “Can’t wait to see you tomorrow 😉.” My heart sank. I couldn’t stop myself from going through her messages after that.

What I found shattered me. For the past six months, she had been meeting up with Jason, some guy from her gym. The texts between them were like daggers—stuff like “I wish I could stay with you forever” and “He doesn’t make me feel the way you do.” I felt like my entire marriage was a lie.

I confronted her that night. She didn’t even deny it. She broke down and admitted everything. She told me she didn’t know why she did it, that it “just happened” and she never meant to hurt me. But how do you not mean to hurt someone when you’re living a double life for half a year?

Since then, I’ve been sleeping in the guest room. She says she wants to work things out, that she’s willing to go to therapy and do whatever it takes. But honestly, I don’t know if I can even look at her the same way anymore. The trust is completely gone. I feel like a shell of the person I used to be—like I don’t even know who I am without this marriage.

The worst part is, our kids have no idea what’s happening. They’re young, and they still see their parents together under the same roof, but for how long? I don’t want to tear their world apart, but I also don’t know how to live like this.

I’m lost, Reddit. How do you move forward from something like this? Can a marriage really survive infidelity, or am I just delaying the inevitable?

Thanks for reading. Any advice or personal experiences would really help.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5613613&forum_id=2Elisa#48211108)

Find the guy and take care of business.

Tell her you're disappointed in her and what she did was wrong.

Have a prenuptial in case she does leave.

Ask what her friends and parents will think if they find out (gather copious evidence)- the only negative emotion women know is shame.

But if you have kids. Do NOT destroy their lives because some "woman" cheated.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5613613&forum_id=2Elisa#48211154)

Don't tolerate poor behavior from women

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5613613&forum_id=2Elisa#48211655)

Tolerating this behavior in women actually makes it more likely they will bring some man into the house that imperils your children. They should be terrified to cheat, and even more scared of what you will do if you find out that some man they hooked up with harmed your kids.

This is all a problem of selection anyway. Don't marry or have children with women with whom this will ever be a risk.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5613613&forum_id=2Elisa#48211727)

This would obviously take a good deal of careful work to get right, but I think it's probably what I would do.

I mean into her house either. If, for some reason, you decide to let her divorce you, and she's not clear that bringing another man into any house with your kids may result in his death, that's on you for not setting clear expectations.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5613613&forum_id=2Elisa#48212037)

You aren't living for yourself anymore. You come second. Your kids come first. You do everything to give them a good life. I couldn't imagine 'sharing time' with an ex for my own kids. Not even to mention the risk of another man who dates your ex who abuses them.

I think in this situation I would just threaten to kill the guy if he ever speaks to my wife again, like show up and put a gun to his back. And then just get past it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5613613&forum_id=2Elisa#48211792)

not flame answer - infidelity wouldn't be bearable for me, and I'd try my best to get full custody if I had kids with someone who was an immoral or amoral cheater.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5613613&forum_id=2Elisa#48211819)

Stay with her. Treat it like if you found out your son cheated on a test. It's a wrong behavior that may be correctable.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5613613&forum_id=2Elisa#48211836)

You stay with her, let her family know what happened, have her brothers and father get involved if they are worth a shit, and you move on.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5613613&forum_id=2Elisa#48211878)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5613613&forum_id=2Elisa#48211998)

I'm mostly kidding here btw. I have 4 kids and a 20 year marriage.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5613613&forum_id=2Elisa#48212015)