I've been living a deeply fortunate life, and have a ton that I'm grateful for. But it's a bit of a drag that we haven't met yet.

I've always known that my deepest purpose is to co-create a wonderful marriage and raise happy children. Until I'm on that path with someone special, there's a ceiling to how good life feels.

I have a hunch you feel the same.

I suspect you've also been building something meaningful, pouring yourself into your community, and living a rich life surrounded by people who adore you.

But, like me, you're ready to start the relationship that you'll invest in for the rest of your life. To create a home overflowing with love. To link arms, turn outward, and face the rest of life's challenges as a permanent pair.

If you see yourself in these words, please make yourself known. I'm excited to meet you, and learn so much more about you. My contact info is at the bottom.

Hopefully,

Ben

About me

The basics

I'm 42, 6'4", and interested in women. I've never been married, but would like to change that. No kids yet, but very much want them. I'm ethnically Jewish (50% Ashkenazi!) and love the culture, but I wasn't raised with any religion and don't practice any now.

My home is in Somerville, MA and I'm pretty planted here. Last year, I bought a lake house with my family! We're there almost every weekend in the summer, and it's made our already-close relationships even stronger.

I don't smoke, and drink very occasionally.

Family

I won the family lottery. It's almost certainly the best thing about my life.

I have a younger brother who lives nearby and is one of my favorite people. He's married with a young son and daughter. I knew I would enjoy being an uncle, but I'm liking it even more than expected. I almost can't talk about my niece and nephew without smiling.

My parents also live nearby. My mom is smart and warm, and my dad is ridiculously handy and protective of his people.

They're a very welcoming group. We're all excited to integrate my eventual partner into the crew.

I'm the co-founder of a software company I started in 2018 with two friends. Thanks to some good decisions and even better luck, we've done super well. This year, my co-founders and I put new leaders in place and stepped away from day-to-day operations.

I don't currently need a day-job, so I spend most of my time pursuing passion projects. Lately, I've been getting rather involved in local politics and building Fractal Boston.

Fractal is a community for friendly, ambitious people who want to connect meaningfully and build a thriving social scene. We eat dinner together every Sunday, co-work together on Wednesdays, and we're even running a peer-to-peer university where members teach each other about their passions and expertise. It's become one of my favorite things I've ever been part of, and (if you're interested!) I'd love for you to be a part of it.

Singing

One of the things that brings me the most joy in life is singing.

I was fortunate to be raised by musical parents who encouraged me to join choruses at an early age. Thanks to them, I've been singing in some ensemble or another for ~30 years.

Currently, I sing with the Tanglewood Festival Choir, which performs with the Boston Symphony Orchestra.

Before that, I sang in a barbershop quartet for 10 years alongside my brother. I miss that group a lot and hope to start a new quartet someday.

I've had so many rich experiences in those groups, and I'd love to tell you about them in person.

But for now, here's a little glimpse of my quartet at one of our coolest gigs:

My quartet singing the National Anthem at Fenway Park.

Monogamy

My ideal relationship style is monogamish.

Peoples' interpretation of this word vary wildly, so please forgive me for spelling out mine in painstaking detail.

I would like to get married, and stay together for the rest of our lives. This relationship will always be more important to me than any other (except for my relationship with my children).

Unlike my poly friends, I'm not interested in having significant outside romantic relationships. I don't picture myself investing significant time or resources into someone who is not my wife.

What I can see myself doing, is not attempting to maintain life-long sexual exclusivity. (To be clear: I don't expect either of us to do this.)

I feel fairly flexible on what the exact contours of our non-monogamy look like. What sounds sexy to both of us? Let's do that! Overall, I expect this to be a thing we figure out over time, with frequent check-ins and iteration. There will, of course, be some jealousy, but we won't consider that an emergency that instantly trumps all other concerns. Instead, we'll treat it like any other challenge where our goal is to find a compromise that maximizes well-being on both sides.

I'd like to date someone who is at least somewhat excited about this idea in general (and again: I see us both having the freedom I'm describing), but it also doesn't have to be something that we do all the time. I can very much see us closing the relationship for long periods (years) when it makes sense to us: before we've built a strong foundation, during the early childrearing years, and during life's inevitable struggles. This is something I see as being an aspect of our relationship, but it's not what the relationship is about.

Things I value in a partner 😍

Important stuff

You're emotionally warm and have nurturer energy. You have a ton of love to give, and are excited about receiving it as well (I'm very affectionate and always have been).

You think we'd be good at making each other laugh. I seem to value having a funny partner more than most. I've found it makes life so much more enjoyable. I love quick-wittedness and callbacks. These days, I most enjoy the comedy of Shane Gillis, Taylor Tomlinson, Mike Birbiglia, Jordan Jensen, Tom Segura, and Bo Burnham.

You're excited to start having kids in the next couple years (after dating, marriage, and at least one serious adventure).

It's very important to me to eventually be a father, but I'm somewhat flexible on how I achieve this. In order, starting with most appealing, my preferences are: have biological kids with my partner, have biological kids via a surrogate, adopt.

I'm open to dating people with kids if you're open to having more (or to me pursuing having kids some other way and then raising them together).

You're willing to live near Boston most of the time

This is a pretty hard deal-breaker for me. I very much want to live near my family a lot of the time. That said, if there's a part of the world that's important to you to be in, I'm down to live there some of the year! (Want to get away from New England winters, for example? No problem.)

You take your health and fitness pretty seriously. Personally, I plan to never die. It's fine if you do, but only after a good long bit.

You tend to focus on what's good in the world. You're not afraid to confront life's challenges, but do so from a place of optimism.

Non-essential bonuses

You have a good memory and are detail-oriented (these are a weakness for me, so it'd be rad if I could lean on you a bit here).

You make things happen in the world. What are your schemes? How can I help? Will you help me with mine?

You have a great relationship with your family.

You have a little bit of a mischievous side.

Things I would be excited to do together

(Just some rough ideas. Naturally we're going to come up with our own list.)

Raise happy kids.

Decide which of life's default settings we're into, and which we think we can improve on.

Choose a time each week to check in and connect, and treat it as sacred.

Co-create a business (Highly optional! Only if it flows).

Create the circumstances for spending lots of time with the people we love.

Exercise.

Telepathically communicate that we're ready to leave the gathering.

Improve the societies we're a part of.

Things that might not work for you

You saw the section on non-monogamy, right?

I am socially quite liberal, but my economic views lean libertarian. I tend to think that capitalism and free markets usually (though not always!) produce better outcomes than their alternatives. I don't think big businesses, corporate profits, or rich people are bad (in fact I think they're mostly great).

I think sex work should be legalized (and feel this way about nearly any transaction willingly entered into by both parties).

I'm a bit allergic to people using astrology as a truth-finding tool.

The in-practice replacement of iced coffee with cold brew was a crime and rises to the level of iced coffee erasure.

Getting in touch

If you think we might be a match, I'd love to hear from you: ben@benorenstein.com

If you do reach out, please don't feel like you need to include as many details as I have here. However, please do include at least some basics and a few photos. If you have links to online presences that I can check out, that'd be great too.

I hope to hear from you soon! :)

https://www.benorenstein.com/dating/

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5795724&forum_id=2Elisa#49417477)

Here's the deal: I'm rich but I'm going to be banging hookers on the reg. Hope that's cool.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5795724&forum_id=2Elisa#49417503)

https://x.com/cljack/status/1987879335169065129

> “I’ve done a lot of work on myself and feel very ready to meet my person”

> is polyamorous

Do some more work bud

https://x.com/CarlisleDiana/status/1987680897793974303

This dating profile should be studied for science. A 42 year old non-monogamous man who wants to get married because he wants children, but only to an intelligent woman who’s also thin. Somehow, he’s struggling to find any takers

https://x.com/moniza_hossain/status/1987854820779204997

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5795724&forum_id=2Elisa#49417601)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5795724&forum_id=2Elisa#49417530)

So an open relationship

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5795724&forum_id=2Elisa#49417550)

https://tuple.app/

https://www.linkedin.com/company/tupleapp/people/

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5795724&forum_id=2Elisa#49417545)

Also he seems to be an autist so he's not discreet enough to go about it properly.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5795724&forum_id=2Elisa#49417710)

1. monogamous husband

2. monogamous husband who has discreet, meaningless affairs wife doesn't ever know about

3. this whole polyamory thing

i bet most women strongly prefer 2 to 3. and many who are married to successful busy men can't really tell the difference between 1 and 2.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5795724&forum_id=2Elisa#49417797)

-----------------

I don't currently need a day-job, so I spend most of my time pursuing passion projects. Lately, I've been getting rather involved in local politics and building Fractal Boston.

Fractal is a community for friendly, ambitious people who want to connect meaningfully and build a thriving social scene. We eat dinner together every Sunday, co-work together on Wednesdays

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5795724&forum_id=2Elisa#49417910)