I lasted a good year after no one took out a mortgage. Anyway.

Now I’m doing family law again and some of my cases are insane.

In one, the dad, retired CHP, ripped a parrot’s beak off as a ruse to get his 14 year old daughter to come home, telling her that the dog must have attacked the bird.

In another case, a dad strapped his 4 year old son into the car seat, cocked his gun, and said he was going to kill him, his mom, and his grandparents. Drove over there and was arrested on multiple felony charges. Has violated 5 year restraining order 8x now, wearing ankle bracelet. Caught stalking mom from a park with binoculars for one of the eight violations.

Another case, mom was possessed by demons and had to shit them out while driving 4 year old to a grocery store parking lot at 3 am. No alcohol or drugs found in her system. Just a classic nervous breakdown. Dad has boot to her throat. I have to get her custody back.

I have many more.

I love this shit.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5474664&forum_id=2Elisa#47278512)

I would literally turn to crime first, I am not joking, this sounds like literal hell

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5474664&forum_id=2Elisa#47278515)

There is so much strategy involved. Endless strategy. 3-D chess like moves.

You get to go to court all the time. The novelty has never worn off on me even after 21 years of practice.

I still stand when it’s my turn to speak even when every attorney sits.

Family court is a court of equity which aspie civil litigation minded lawyers never seem to figure out. Whenever opposing counsel is reciting code sections in oral argument I know I’ve won.

Family law is a street fight. Rules of evidence? LOL. Didn’t you hear what I said about it being a court of equity?

You take a baseball bat to the back of the knees, submit text messages without any foundation, hearsay without any exceptions. It’s about winning at all costs.

I enjoy it. What do you do?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5474664&forum_id=2Elisa#47278531)

I shoot guns, work out, and go camping for a living.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5474664&forum_id=2Elisa#47278538)

But do you not see how immoral it is to give her custody back? This child is fucked and you are partially why.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5474664&forum_id=2Elisa#47282140)

is the dad at least normal in the crazy mom case?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5474664&forum_id=2Elisa#47282339)

Regale us with more stories

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5474664&forum_id=2Elisa#47278707)

Mom cheated on dad when they were married in Georgia and then she moved to California with her boyfriend.

Mom and dad agreed to homeschool the kids and fly them back and forth every six months which went on for a year or two until mom didn’t send them back one day. Dad retained me to restore the agreement, essentially.

Mom also went dark on dad and failed to show for the court hearing on my motion.

Fast forward 18 months, after I had been relentlessly pursuing the D.A. to do something.

Finally, the D.A. calls me and tells me they found them (they moved from their known address and were off the grid).

He asks me if I want them to “go in soft or hard?”

He said soft means they knock on the door and wait for them to answer.

Hard means busting down the doors at 4 am.

Fuck it, go hard, I told him.

I felt bad for the kids, but these people had been running for too long and I didn’t want to take any chances. At this point, dad hadn’t seen his kids in 18 months.

Special ops team went in hard, got the kids, put them on a plane and sent them back to dad.

The kids were medically and educationally neglected.

They had cavities, the boy’s glasses were broken and he was still wearing them, they weren’t homeschooled that entire time and were all way behind where they were supposed to be.

Initially they were angry at dad but then acclimated and started excelling in school. The one girl was really gifted, I forget how but something science related. I was thinking about them not too long ago and reached out to who I thought was the dad but didn’t get a reply.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5474664&forum_id=2Elisa#47282437)

i'm sure you'll be a millionaire on paper, but how do you collect?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5474664&forum_id=2Elisa#47279886)

"well chilmata got me full custody but he also stole my home"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5474664&forum_id=2Elisa#47280239)

So many of these lawyers have zero conscience I don't know how they sleep at night.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5474664&forum_id=2Elisa#47281764)

They have Dependency Court, by the way, which is for abused children. When CPS takes custody of a minor child they go to dependency court. I do that too. You think family law stories are fucked up? Lol. That’s nothing compared to dependency court.

That’s a parent’s worst nightmare. They terminate your parental rights without blinking an eye. Done. Next case.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5474664&forum_id=2Elisa#47282601)

Bill was the senior attorney at this shitlaw firm and at the end of every day we would figure out who was going to cover what hearing.

We not only went to court every morning and afternoon, but we usually had multiple hearings every morning and afternoon—each.

So we would divide them up based on court location and other factors.

So one day as we are dividing up the next days cases I’m telling him about a loss I suffered that day.

I don’t like to lose. Even back then I didn’t lose much and I took it pretty hard.

He goes, “Chilmata, the client doesn’t care if you win. They want to see you jump up and down like a monkey and fling feces all over the courtroom.”

That’s the best advice I’ve ever received in my career.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5474664&forum_id=2Elisa#47282591)

The high conflict cases usually involve kids. There are a lot of mothers who have a hard time letting go and sharing the kids. Each case has its own unique set of facts and then the opposing counsel also adds another layer.

I’m settlement minded and try to get my clients through the process as quickly and cheaply as possible so I really hate dealing with opposing parties and lawyers that are high conflict.

I noticed an interesting phenomenon when I represented only men. When the woman cheated on the man, she always waged nuclear, scorched earth litigation. The dude always just wanted to achieve an amicable settlement. It was interesting.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5474664&forum_id=2Elisa#47283616)