My husband of 52 years was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease 10 years ago. Currently I am a full-time caregiver. I hope to place my husband in a memory-care facility soon, so that I can move closer to two of my children and their children, all of whom live in Europe. My husband does not know anything about this yet. My guilt is sharp over “dumping” him in this way, even though he might be safer and more active. Do I have the moral right to put him in care and saunter off to live my own life, or do I have the moral duty to continue being his caregiver, having once promised “in sickness and in health”? I’m torn over what’s right and whose rights should prevail. — Name Withheld

From the Ethicist:

Entrusting your husband’s daily care to others could make sense, especially if you think they’d look after him better. But this decision is separate from whether you’ll keep showing up for him. In time, he might not even notice your absence. You say, however, that your husband doesn’t yet know about your plans, which suggests he might be able to understand what’s happening and experience the impact. If so, and your leaving would cause him to feel abandoned, that’s a powerful reason to stay in his life. What has weight here aren’t his “rights” but the deep loyalties that arise from a shared life.

Here’s the other piece: You didn’t get to work this through when you were both well, and having done so might have given you surer footing now. While you can’t turn back time, it’s a lesson for other couples — talk about these things before they become urgent. Still, because you know your husband, you can probably guess what he would have hoped for from you before illness took over, and that’s worth something. In the end, this isn’t a question of balancing his needs with yours, or with the role you could play in the lives of your offspring. The task, rather, is to draw upon your shared history and find a way forward that respects both the life you’ve built together and the person you are today.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5697491&forum_id=2Elisa#48767899)

if more grandparents devoted themselves to caring for their grandkids, we would have a better society

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5697491&forum_id=2Elisa#48767959)

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-13861571/Americas-geriatric-STD-crisis-laid-bare-states-seniors-having-unprotected-sex.html

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5697491&forum_id=2Elisa#48774207)