Date: October 2024

Author: Evan39 (How DARE you?!)

It was just another gloomy day in SeaTTTle. Rain pattering against the windows, the smell of overpriced organic kale filling the air. Evan39, grocery manager extraordinaire, was doing his usual—stalking the aisles for signs of disorder, adjusting the gluten-free vegan cookies with a level of precision most reserved for brain surgery.

Life was routine. Predictable. Lonely, even. Until he saw him.

The Arrival of the "Chad"

Just as Evan was about to head back to his station, the automatic doors whooshed open, and in walked a figure so imposing, so effortlessly masculine, that Evan had to blink twice. The man was tall, with broad shoulders, perfectly styled hair, and an aura of pure Chad energy. Evan, feeling his knees go weak (although it was probably just the Ambien wearing off), stared in awe.

But this wasn’t just any Chad. No, this was Mainlining—the Holy Trinity of AutoAdmit masculinity incarnate: A twink, physically fit, with luscious hair that would make even Zeus envious.

Evan’s mind raced. How do I approach him? Do I mention AutoAdmit? What if he knows me as the grocery store worker with unresolved feelings toward Boom?

The panic set in. So did the desire.

The Disaster Begins

As Evan was lost in the sea of his own thoughts, Mainlining made his way down the produce aisle. Suddenly, Evan noticed Mainlining reaching for a bag of organic cucumbers—a Freudian nightmare. Evan felt his face flush. His hands trembled as he tried to stay professional. But the world was spinning.

"Chad. Chad. CHAD," Evan whispered under his breath, in complete awe.

Caught up in his infatuation, Evan knocked over an entire stack of organic avocados, sending them rolling like bowling balls down the aisle. One nearly hit an elderly woman reaching for quinoa. She gasped in horror, but Evan didn’t care. Mainlining was still there, a beacon of perfection, holding that cucumber like a Greek god.

The Near-Catastrophe

The store manager, Mr. Billings, noticed the commotion and stormed over. "Evan, what in the world is going on?!"

But Evan, too distracted, muttered, "That Chad… he’s perfect. Mainlining is... The Holy Trinity."

Mainlining, sensing the growing chaos, gave a faint smirk—completely oblivious to the fact that his mere presence had brought Evan39’s world crashing down. But disaster struck when Evan, attempting to restock the avocados while sneaking another glance at Mainlining, accidentally knocked over a whole shelf of gluten-free almond milk. The floor was soaked.

Mr. Billings was fuming. "This is the third time this month, Evan! Get your head in the game!"

But Evan couldn’t. He was consumed by thoughts of Chad. Mainlining was everything he dreamed of—lean, masculine, fit, and his hair… that hair. Evan was sure he'd seen Mainlining’s luscious locks in a dream once, shimmering like an angelic halo.

The Final Blow

As Mainlining casually walked toward the checkout, having chosen only the finest organic goods, Evan scrambled to the register, knocking over a "Support Local Farms" sign in his path. In his haste to ring up Mainlining’s items, Evan accidentally charged him for 64 bags of cucumbers.

Mainlining stared at the receipt, raised one eyebrow, and left without a word. Not a "thank you," not a single acknowledgment of the chaos he left in his wake.

Evan stood there, utterly defeated, as Mr. Billings approached once again, this time ready to deliver the final blow.

"You’re on thin ice, Evan. One more disaster like this, and you’re done."

But Evan didn’t hear a word. His thoughts were only of Mainlining. The Chad who got away.

The End (For Now)

Back at home, Evan posted on AutoAdmit, lamenting the lost opportunity, referring to Mainlining as "The Holy Trinity Chad of SeaTTTle." But deep down, he knew—he’d be back at the store the next day, adjusting the kale, daydreaming about the next time he’d see his Chad. Maybe next time, he wouldn’t knock over a single avocado.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5602044&forum_id=2Reputation#48136212)