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I Hate Summer Associates And How Fucking Happy They Are
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Date: August 1st, 2012 3:13 PM
God damn it I hate you so much.
While you go off to Disneyland I get to spend 12 fucking hours writing a fucking brief that is just going to be torn to shreds by an idiot partner that INSISTS ON USING THE WORDS CLEARLY, OBVIOUSLY, SIMPLY, AND PLAINLY IN EVERY OTHER FUCKING SENTENCE GOD DAMN IT WHY WON'T YOU STOP FUCKING SMILING?!!?!!?!!?!?!!?!
I HATE YOU ALL SO MUCH. I HATE HOW HAPPY YOU ARE. I HATE HOW YOU ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS FUCKING JOB. I HATE HOW YOU ALL WALK AROUND TOGETHER AND GO TO LUNCH TOGETHER I WANT YOU ALL TO FUCKING CHOKE ON YOUR GOD DAMN FUCKING FIRM COMPED LUNCH YOU FUCKING CUNTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 3:13 PM
u mad? |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 3:16 PM |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 10:54 PM
180 |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 7:02 PM
What's supposed to be the tone of this brief? Aggressive and condescending? |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 7:35 PM |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 11:10 PM
You're gonna piss off your readers if they don't think your arguments are as "plain" and "simple" as you do. |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 11:13 PM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 1:03 AM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 1:16 AM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 2:10 PM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 8:23 AM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 2:15 PM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 1:44 PM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 1:05 AM
however, i think simply is okay |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 12:16 PM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 1:42 PM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 1:45 PM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 1:47 PM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 1:48 PM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 1:51 PM |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 3:14 PM |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 3:15 PM |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 10:55 PM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 1:33 PM |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 3:15 PM |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 3:16 PM |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 3:25 PM |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 3:34 PM |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 7:34 PM |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 3:16 PM |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 7:07 PM |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 7:35 PM |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 3:16 PM |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 3:37 PM
if these people are smart at all, they will not fucking come back. |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 7:05 PM |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 7:25 PM |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 7:25 PM |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 10:56 PM
That's because you weren't actually working, idiots. |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 2:46 AM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 7:11 AM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 7:14 AM |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 11:08 PM |
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Date: August 1st, 2012 11:55 PM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 12:01 AM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 12:59 AM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 1:00 AM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 1:06 AM
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 1:08 AM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 1:50 AM
Take out all those words.
Shorten any sentence that goes beyond a second line of text.
For opening briefs:
We win for three reasons: A, B, C.
Lay out discrete arguments for A, B, C including anticipating obvious arguments as to why you don't win.
Answering briefs should look like this:
Opposing party argues three things: X, W, Z. As shown below, OP is wrong for A, B, C reasons.
OP argues X. OP is wrong because law says A. Law applies to the facts here the same as A case. See, I told you, OP is wrong.
OP argues Y. OP is wrong because facts are B. The facts are not like Y because .... See, I told you, OP is wrong and we win.
Plaintiffs argue X. Op is wrong because the law is C and because the facts are C. discuss. See, I told you. |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 12:31 PM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 11:25 PM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 1:43 AM
Good lawyers love them, bad lawyers add adverbs and superfluous clauses to my short easy to understand sentences. The only time I wrote a brief that was difficult to understand was when I knew we were fucked. I was so obtuse, the judge bought my argument and we survived a motion to dismiss. The partner I normally work for, who was not on the case, read it and said "what happened"? this is impossible to understand. My response: if the judge understands it, we lose.
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 1:47 PM
I've been there a time or two. |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 2:06 AM
yet almost all biglaw briefs contain this kind of conclusory language by the handfuls. fuck boomers. |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 2:18 AM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 2:24 AM
1. Bragging about an SA, just fucking lol
2. Bragging about your income which simply partially offsets your debt, just fucking lol
3. The kicker is your obvious lie about being a biglaw SA in the first place |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 2:33 AM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 2:49 AM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 2:51 AM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 2:53 AM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 2:55 AM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 2:05 PM
???
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Date: August 3rd, 2012 10:23 AM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 2:21 AM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 8:49 AM
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 12:17 PM
http://www.top-law-schools.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=23&t=190657
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 12:18 PM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 1:40 PM
Although, I did overhear one SAs (from SLS) make a remark that the attorneys should be nicer to the SAs, because they might be smarter than we are.
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 1:34 PM |
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Date: August 2nd, 2012 3:51 PM |
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Date: August 3rd, 2012 1:12 AM |
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Date: August 3rd, 2012 1:13 AM |
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Date: August 3rd, 2012 1:16 AM |