now you can know how we feel, non-depresseddoods

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2185677&forum_id=2#22649091)

depression is TTT. anxiety is way worse.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2185677&forum_id=2#22649202)

is this depression or something else?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2185677&forum_id=2#22649476)

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You've never really thought of yourself as a "fighter," and even to say it now it sounds hokey, but looking back on the past few months to where you are now it really does feel like you've endured an immense struggle, and you look at where you are now with a sense of something that isn't quite pride.

You still hate your job and find it unpleasant, but you're surprised to find that going into work every day is no longer a monumental challenge; you've started adopting some clever techniques, like taking short 2-minutes breaks every hour to break up the monotony, and you now view your job as just 8 short hours of your day, a compartmentalization technique Dr. Melville told you about that you've found actually works quite well. You know this job isn't what you want to do for the rest of your life, and you've started actively looking for other positions, even attending a couple of preliminary interviews.

You've started making effort to go out with your friends more. While the social scene still makes you very uncomfortable sometimes, you're more and more able to let yourself just enjoy the company of your friends. In fact, your relationship with many of them has increased over the past little while. You still definitely have days where you flake out or don't feel up to hanging out, but for the most part your friends are understanding and appreciate your communication.

By far the biggest change you've noticed in your life has been in your relationship with Alex. She was always supportive of you emotionally, but lately the two of you have been even more in sync, and it's really starting to feel like you're building a life together. It even seems like the two of you have been making a more concerted effort to sync up your schedules, and have been spending more and more of your down time with each other; pretty soon you think moving in together may be a very real possibility.

Dr. Melville has commented on how well you seem to be doing, and whether a result of the therapy, the medication, or both, you can't help but agree.

With all that seems to have improved recently, it's sometimes difficult for you to think about the fact that you still have bad days - sometimes even really bad days. They serve as a stark reminder of the fact that this will be something you likely have to deal with for the rest of your life. Depression is a battle, and though you're certainly ahead in the fight, you know the battle isn't ever going to be over. Sometimes even Alex can tell when things are going rough, despite your best efforts to the contrary.

While you know that your depression can never be "cured," you have a very strong support network in your friends and even Malcolm, and armed with a newfound confidence in your friends and family, you accept that though the road may be rocky, it is at very least not solitary.

You meet your mom's gaze from across the table and muster up a smile.

"I'm good, mom, you tell her.

She says nothing, but you can feel her smile from across the room.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2185677&forum_id=2#22649539)

alex tried to seduce me w/ a candlelit romantic scene at her apartment but i insulted her by blowing it off and she threw me out.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2185677&forum_id=2#22649553)

the experience of "depression" consists almost entirely in being asked by other middle-class people (including your dentist,lol) "what's wrong? are you okay? are you depressed?"

you wouldn't be permitted the identity of "depressed person" outside of this context. you would just become a meth addict or schizophrenic.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2185677&forum_id=2#22649592)

bloody female selfishness.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2185677&forum_id=2#22653279)

You are in your late 20s/early 30s. You went to law school because you got a degree in political science and were told that you'd "be good at arguing."

It turns out you hate arguing. You also hate the tedious banal assfuckery, known to the uninitiated as legal work, that fills your worthless shit day. You spend 60 hours per week stuck in an 8x10 fluorescent box doing work that occupies the horrifying intersection of mind-numbing and panic-inducing.

You would quit but you've been at it 3 years already and are unemployable in any other field. You've also got $50,000 in student loans left. Besides, at this point you've become so disillusioned with the working world that you can't imagine deriving any sort of satisfaction from work.

You're perpetually single, though you've got no shortage of first dates. You're beginning to think the women use you for free dinner. The dinners have had some effect, though: you're in the worst shape of your life and you're staring to bald. Your size 36 Bonobos strain against your bulging gut begging to be let free.

You come home to your lonely one bedroom apartment after a long day of arguing over pointless minutiae with joyless wankers. Facebook send you a "fun memory!" Something you did 10 years ago. You nearly cry looking at the photo -- you looked happy. So genuinely happy. You were also in shape and dating Emily. Emily has since married and lives halfway across the country.

Your cell phone rings. "God fucking damn it, I told them I'd shepardize all 200 citations tomorrow!" you scream as you reach for the phone. To your surprise, it's not the partner calling you. It's actually your mother.

You answer. She tells you she's worried; your father is showing signs of Alzheimer's. She's crying on the phone now. You moved 1300 miles from home for this miserable job and accompanying rootless existence and can't even get home to see him for at least two months. Those briefs need to be spell checked and you've got to defend a series of depositions in a case alleging fraud against a toilet paper company client all next month ("double ply" is apparently at issue).

WHAT DO YOU DO?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2185677&forum_id=2#35648697)