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25 year old virgin poasting 50 ways to leave your lunch date.
| self-centered cruise ship | 03/29/13 |
| self-centered cruise ship | 03/29/13 |
| swollen deer antler | 03/29/13 |
| self-centered cruise ship | 03/29/13 |
| Blue Talking Locus Turdskin | 01/23/15 |
| self-centered cruise ship | 03/29/13 |
| Supple flickering national associate | 03/29/13 |
| bisexual yellow stage | 03/29/13 |
| self-centered cruise ship | 03/29/13 |
| self-centered cruise ship | 03/29/13 |
Poast new message in this thread
Date: March 29th, 2013 6:23 PM Author: self-centered cruise ship The problem is all inside your head She said to me The answer is easy if you Take it logically I'd like to help you in your struggle To be free There must be fifty ways To leave your lunch date
ITT I will poast dating vignettes from the life of a 25 year old virgin. |
Date: March 29th, 2013 6:24 PM Author: self-centered cruise ship 1. Although I am morally opposed to restaurants, I sometimes use a handy piece of sophistry to justify eating at pizza parlors: namely, that the pizza's large size, as well as the waiter's probable (though by no means certain) participation in the dough-making process, justifies an exception.
On this pretext, I repaired with a young woman to a pizza parlor. The waitress presented us with our menus, and I was ready to order when my date decides to get chatty:
"Do you know what kind of oregano this is?"
"Sorry?"
"Like, is it fresh oregano or the kind that comes in a bottle?"
"I don't know. I don't make the pizzas, but I could ask the cook."
"Well, how big are the pizzas?"
"Oh no, they're not that big. 9 inch and 14 inch."
"Can you show me with your hands?"
I couldn't take it anymore. "Why does she need to show you with her hands?"
"Huh? I just want a mental picture."
"Why can't you just mentally estimate? Why do you need visual proof of the pizza's size relative to her manual carrying capacity? Are you trying to be immoral?"
"It's not a big deal. They're about this big."
At that, I closed the menu and wordlessly left. |
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Date: March 29th, 2013 6:26 PM Author: swollen deer antler 180 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2216748&forum_id=2#22902903) |
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Date: March 29th, 2013 6:40 PM Author: self-centered cruise ship 2. Date and I bicycled out to a nearby pond for a picnic. She's a clever-silly feminist. We have a good-natured argument about this, and then rent a rowboat. Because I'm the man, I grab the oars. She laughs at my rowing technique, suggesting we take turns. I counter by offering her one oar only and spend the next fifteen minutes deliberately rowing against her. Pleased with this metaphorical demolition of Swedish marriage, I write up an entry for my political diary. That takes 6 hours. I sleep in a lonely bed. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2216748&forum_id=2#22902968) |
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Date: January 23rd, 2015 2:36 AM Author: Blue Talking Locus Turdskin gold (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2216748&forum_id=2#27169540) |
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Date: March 29th, 2013 7:07 PM Author: self-centered cruise ship 3. I'm at a local coffee bar and spot a hot girl wearing a sweater dress sitting nearby. She's surfing Facebook. I hit her with the following expertly calibrated pickup line:
"I need a female opinion on something. Has it not occurred to you that the Internet is pure, unmediated Mind, whereas what we commonly experience in the real world is really the unfolding of Will, and that as these are, while not exclusive from each other, nevertheless antagonistic, that the social relations conducted in the realm of Mind are reduced, rather than enhanced, when transferred to world of Will, unless preceded and sustained by continual engagement with Will?"
"No...it hasn't. But yeah..."
"Wanna add me a Facebook?"
"Not really."
"OK, well, thanks for your time." |
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Date: March 29th, 2013 7:12 PM Author: Supple flickering national associate Would read again. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2216748&forum_id=2#22903095) |
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Date: March 29th, 2013 7:11 PM Author: bisexual yellow stage lol man you need to re-retire (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2216748&forum_id=2#22903093) |
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Date: March 29th, 2013 7:57 PM Author: self-centered cruise ship ? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2216748&forum_id=2#22903274) |
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Date: March 29th, 2013 8:19 PM Author: self-centered cruise ship 4. We went to one of those tacky authentic burger places. Relieved to find no waiters in sight, I was in the middle of ordering my sandwich when someone's nearby iPod thudded rhythmically to the unmistakable beat of the Bobby Fuller Four classic "I Fought the Law and the Law Won." I terminated my request for extra onions and began to dance. My date looked shocked by this burst of ecstasy.
"It's a great song, especially once you understand how it affirms that all consequentialism really rests on a deeper deontological foundation. The conflict between these systems is illusory."
"I thought you were having a seizure." |