25 year old virgin poasting 50 ways to leave your lunch date.
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Poast new message in this thread
Date: March 29th, 2013 6:23 PM Author: blue heady sanctuary
The problem is all inside your head
She said to me
The answer is easy if you
Take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle
To be free
There must be fifty ways
To leave your lunch date
ITT I will poast dating vignettes from the life of a 25 year old virgin.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2216748&forum_id=2#22902887) |
Date: March 29th, 2013 6:24 PM Author: blue heady sanctuary
1. Although I am morally opposed to restaurants, I sometimes use a handy piece of sophistry to justify eating at pizza parlors: namely, that the pizza's large size, as well as the waiter's probable (though by no means certain) participation in the dough-making process, justifies an exception.
On this pretext, I repaired with a young woman to a pizza parlor. The waitress presented us with our menus, and I was ready to order when my date decides to get chatty:
"Do you know what kind of oregano this is?"
"Sorry?"
"Like, is it fresh oregano or the kind that comes in a bottle?"
"I don't know. I don't make the pizzas, but I could ask the cook."
"Well, how big are the pizzas?"
"Oh no, they're not that big. 9 inch and 14 inch."
"Can you show me with your hands?"
I couldn't take it anymore. "Why does she need to show you with her hands?"
"Huh? I just want a mental picture."
"Why can't you just mentally estimate? Why do you need visual proof of the pizza's size relative to her manual carrying capacity? Are you trying to be immoral?"
"It's not a big deal. They're about this big."
At that, I closed the menu and wordlessly left.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2216748&forum_id=2#22902893) |
Date: March 29th, 2013 7:07 PM Author: blue heady sanctuary
3. I'm at a local coffee bar and spot a hot girl wearing a sweater dress sitting nearby. She's surfing Facebook. I hit her with the following expertly calibrated pickup line:
"I need a female opinion on something. Has it not occurred to you that the Internet is pure, unmediated Mind, whereas what we commonly experience in the real world is really the unfolding of Will, and that as these are, while not exclusive from each other, nevertheless antagonistic, that the social relations conducted in the realm of Mind are reduced, rather than enhanced, when transferred to world of Will, unless preceded and sustained by continual engagement with Will?"
"No...it hasn't. But yeah..."
"Wanna add me a Facebook?"
"Not really."
"OK, well, thanks for your time."
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2216748&forum_id=2#22903078) |
Date: March 29th, 2013 8:19 PM Author: blue heady sanctuary
4. We went to one of those tacky authentic burger places. Relieved to find no waiters in sight, I was in the middle of ordering my sandwich when someone's nearby iPod thudded rhythmically to the unmistakable beat of the Bobby Fuller Four classic "I Fought the Law and the Law Won." I terminated my request for extra onions and began to dance. My date looked shocked by this burst of ecstasy.
"It's a great song, especially once you understand how it affirms that all consequentialism really rests on a deeper deontological foundation. The conflict between these systems is illusory."
"I thought you were having a seizure."
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2216748&forum_id=2#22903385) |
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