Date: April 12th, 2014 4:28 PM
Author: Adventurous chad office
Silly. After the assraping we gave the last two bitches to try to sue us (BIG-TITTED Heide iravani, LYING-CUNT Brittan Heller), no one's gonna try that maneuver again...
Benefits (and hearty LOLs) of the LOLsuit included:
The LonelyVirgin Letters: The first 'Lonelyvirgin Letter' (March 2007), which was spammed to the entire fucking faculty of the Yale Law School, warned professors that Brittan Heller was a lying bitch and that Heide Iravani owned ponies bought with money pilfered from the World Bank. (Srsly.) The SECOND 'Lonelyvirgin Letter' (June 2007), again spammed to the entire faculty of YLS, floated theories as to why "the epitome of kikes," David N. Rosen, would represent Heide and Brittan: "My own pet theory is that Mr. Rosen has recently found two talented knob gobblers to take care of business for him, in exchange for "pro bono" work. I can't blame him for trying to exploit their predicament, but it seems like the risk of contracting herpes from Brittan Heller would convince any rational person to go to a prostitute first. As for Heide Iravani, who wants that litigious cunt holding a sexual harassment lawsuit over their head?"
A federal district court was forced to adjudicate claims against parties named :D, Dirty Nigger, and HitlerHiterHitler. (SRSLY.) It is widely speculated that current poster 8==D~~ created his moniker solely for the purpose of posting tortious content and, thus, increasing the odds that "8==D~~" will one day be named in a lawsuit.
The AK-47 Letter: On the brink of being outted in March 2008, defendant AK-47 sent a friendly letter to Iravani and Heller's attorneys, letting them know the subpoenas he planned to send if the litigation continued: "1) A subpoena for information pertaining to the size of Heide Iravani's breasts and whether such breasts, as alleged by one Defendant, are "fake" 2) Information pertaining to whether Brittan Heller or Heide Iravani are indeed "universally hated" by their peers 3) Information pertaining to whether Brittan Heller or Heide Iravani have any sexually transmitted diseases, including Herpes 4) Information pertaining to the law firms that interviewed Brittan Heller or Heide Iravani, and why such firms decided not to hire Brittan Heller and Heide Iravani 5) Information pertaining to whether Brittan Heller did indeed achieve a score of 159 on the LSAT 6) Information pertaining to Heide Iravani's religion - i.e., Islam - and information from any Muslim peers that may be able to shed any light on this case (this information may be a bit difficult to get, but local mosques would be a good place to send information requests or, if necessary, subpoenas)." Legal gossip blogs clucked their tongues at AK-47's legal strategery, but the Russian Gun's letter actually fucking WORKED: The plaintiffs' lawyers, realizing they were dealing with a batshit crazy opponent, immediately dropped their pursuit of AK-47, whose actual identity remains unknown to this day.
Brittan Heller is rumored to have learned NOT to blather in interviews about genocide, bloated bodies in open graves, feminazi shit, etc.
Heide Iravani is rumored to have stopped dressing like such a slut. While this is a downside for those posters desperate enough to have fapped to her, it is probably a good thing for retailer Forever 21 and for the Beijing platinum powerseller "Totarry Authentic Seven Jeans For Idiots": both merchants had begun to run low on inventory.
Plaintiffs' attorneys actually tried to serve notice by poasting on Autoadmit. Seriously:
AutoadmitSERVED.jpg
History is made!
Epilogue: The following year, AutoAdmit's Education Director spread lulz moar widely by COUNTERsuing Reputation Defender and the Yale bitches. (SRSLY.) It's rumored that this is why lying bitch Brittan Heller fled to Korea and then Afghanistan. Since Heller is sure to be Ding!fagged if she ever petitions the Character and Fitness boards for a law license, she's trying to begin a new career as a fuckup Foodie at thesuitcasechef.com with her faggoty husband, Nathaniel Gleicher.
Heide Iravani is rumored to be judgment-proofing the ponies procured by her father with stolen World Bank money (Srsly!)
On August 9, 2009, Autoadmit trolls cheered when their work was cited in the Weddings section of the New York Times. Srsly:
http://encyclopediadramatica.es/AutoAdmit#The_LOLSuit
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2542034&forum_id=2#25372430)