scared of our adopted child
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Date: July 20th, 2014 8:52 PM Author: demanding regret
Ok- not quite. But holy shit. She's 1.5 and comes from a pretty brutal family. Either her birthmom or her birthfather killed her older sister at age 3. not enough for either to be criminally convicted- too much he said she said, but the minute our daughter was born, they took her from the fam. and we've had her basically since birth.
today mini schnauzer puppy like "attacked" our daughter with joy. i mean, was totally wild and puppy teeth and in her face and she got terrified. okay, that's normal.
what's not normal? her response was to scream and kick and hit the shit out of it. not cry or run away or cover her face. to beat the fucking puppy down.
(of course no real damage. we separated both soon and then she started bawling.)
but jesus fucking christ, we might be in trouble. also, she's 17 months old.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2623969&forum_id=2#25971152) |
Date: July 20th, 2014 8:54 PM Author: pea-brained water buffalo dopamine
Have you read the Chuck Palahniuk book, Pygmy?
It's relevant to your interests.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2623969&forum_id=2#25971162) |
Date: July 20th, 2014 8:58 PM Author: disgusting people who are hurt location
Welcome to the world of Reactive Attachment Syndrome.
And by the way, consider yourself lucky if she is even on speaking terms with you guys as an adult.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2623969&forum_id=2#25971197) |
Date: July 20th, 2014 8:59 PM Author: mischievous light chapel scourge upon the earth
How are you scared of a 1.5 year old kid? What's wrong with you? It's your kid. Raise them right and it will be fine.
There's nothing that weird about her getting scared of a dog you just explain what happened (even though you think they cannot understand you just explain it anyway, sooner or later they will begin to understand and those memories will be there on some level). And don't be all "omg you attacked the puppy". Explain that the puppy loves her and it's ok that she misunderstood but remember the puppy loves you.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2623969&forum_id=2#25971202) |
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Date: July 20th, 2014 9:08 PM Author: demanding regret
you think you scold a child who was out of her mind terrorized?
that dog scared the shit out of her and she's 17 months old. the only thing to do is to comfort her. not to tell her what she did was wrong. "puppies love you sweetheart. we know you're crying too inconsolably to hear it. but they love you. don't hit the puppy. that's mean!"
and even if she were old enough and calm enough to understand, like i'm going to scold a child for something it's clear she had 0 control over. if she'd pissed herself in fear, should i have told her "honey, we don't do that. remember next time not to be afraid." this was her version of pissing herself in fear. it just wasn't a common one. so yes. we exchanged glances.
now i have no fucking respect for anything you say.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2623969&forum_id=2#25971251) |
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Date: July 20th, 2014 9:18 PM Author: demanding regret
you're gonna be parent of the year.
there's a difference between intentionally or thoughtlessly running out in front of a car.
and running out in front of a car because the 2 year old version of freddy kruger is chasing you.
you're a fucking asshole (and ineffectual) if you try correcting the second.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2623969&forum_id=2#25971319) |
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Date: July 20th, 2014 9:49 PM Author: overrated arousing police squad
"Raise them right and it will be fine."
nope. absolutely false empirically.
jfc libtards are mentally ill anti-science religious nuts.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2623969&forum_id=2#25971512) |
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Date: July 20th, 2014 9:06 PM Author: demanding regret
that's not true. anyone can break a kid before 2. it's amazing how many ways you can destroy your child. fetal alcohol syndrome. shaken baby. failure to thrive.
that said? this would totally be us. we got a healthy, lovely infant girl, days old with no issues other than positive for marijuana (no, i'm not saying this is an issue).
we are stable, loving people though. and considering no tv, no spanking, no dv... i think it's possible she wasn't even exposed to violence before this. (though of course don't know for sure.) makes me reconsider the whole nature/nurture thing.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2623969&forum_id=2#25971245) |
Date: July 20th, 2014 9:04 PM Author: buck-toothed nighttime theater
I've really put some thought into this. After weighing the pros and cons and thinking about the attack from the dog and the retort from the kid I have come to a sad realization.
You have no choice. You have to put the kid to sleep.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2623969&forum_id=2#25971237) |
Date: July 20th, 2014 9:09 PM Author: Flickering doctorate
You seem like a bad parent. Get rid of the dog. I don't get this business of having dogs around such little kids. When the kid is older (like 7 or 8) and demands a dog, then get her one then.
I would consider you an irresponsible parent. The ironic thing is that some government agency thought you good enough to adopt.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2623969&forum_id=2#25971259) |
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Date: July 20th, 2014 9:20 PM Author: demanding regret
i don't know the site. helpful? racist? ridiculous advice?
look, i didnt' come here expecting a solution or commiseration or anything like that. we're not freaked, despite the thread title.
but i do think it's a legitimate wtf moment. and i wanted to wtf with my peeps.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2623969&forum_id=2#25971330) |
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Date: July 21st, 2014 3:26 AM Author: drunken institution
I think you're talking about adoption studies, and that's pretty much true. I mean, parenting does affect outcomes, but if you're looking specifically at IQ, the effect is small, and if you're looking specifically at correlations with the IQs of the adoptive parents rather than other aspects of their parenting, the effect is smaller still. there's a big adoptive effect on IQ in childhood, but it diminishes over time.
I think the juggalo-spawn kid will probably turn out pretty well as an adult (especially in more malleable traits), but if he ends up with a high IQ you can conclude that his birth parents had better genes than you might have assumed. makes me think of this post a guy here made a few weeks ago that stuck with me:
http://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2607618&forum_id=2#25849989
and for what it's worth, twin studies often show a bigger environmental effect on IQ than adoption studies do. identical twins reared apart show a significantly lower correlation in IQ than identical twins reared together, which implicates an environmental effect.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2623969&forum_id=2#25973163) |
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Date: July 21st, 2014 5:47 AM Author: Soul-stirring Office Halford
Sounds like the kid you know may not be that different from the op then.
To be fair, differences (interracial and intraracial) aren't as noticeable in young children.
http://abagond.wordpress.com/2012/02/28/black-people-according-to-the-1911-britannica/
intelligence: “the mental inferiority of the negro to the white or yellow races is a fact”. Black children were “sharp, intelligent and full of vivacity, but on approaching the adult period a gradual change set in. The intellect seemed to become clouded, animation giving place to a sort of lethargy, briskness yielding to indolence.”
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2623969&forum_id=2#25973308)
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