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How Accepting The Hook-Up Culture Is Getting 20-Somethings Nowhe
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:05 PM Author: Haunting black woman volcanic crater Don't often see a girl's take on this. Saw a 22 year old female friend post it which is encouraging. It misses the crucial element of dissatisfaction in future serious relationships due to overexposure to higher quality cock or vag though. Hookup culture is a disease. http://elitedaily.com/dating/hookup-culture-non-relationship-generation-getting-nowhere/664654/ How Accepting The Hook-Up Culture Is Getting 20-Somethings Nowhere How Accepting The Hook-Up Culture Is Getting 20-Somethings Nowhere DATING • ERICA GORDON • JUL 29, 2014 - 11:10AM LIKE US ON FACEBOOK To say that our generation is inadequate when it comes to romantic relationships would be the understatement of the year.
Instead of relationships, it’s non-relationships that we’re condoning. Participating in today’s hook-up culture is easy and fun, but is it getting our generation anywhere? What are we gaining?
The real question is, what are we missing out on? The series of hookups and non-relationships leave us feeling unfulfilled; yet, barely anyone seems willing to do anything about it.
The Non-Date and the Non-Breakup What thwarts me the most about the hook-up culture is the excessively nonchalant attitudes we all seem to deal with when it comes to someone we’re interested in.
Many people believe that playing it cool or not caring is considered attractive, but it’s actually quite discouraging.
A man I recently met (let’s call him Dick), who I shared a mutual attraction with, would of course send me text messages that read something like, “Hey, maybe we can meet up for a bit at some point this weekend?”
It’s the “maybe” and the “at some point” that gets to me. The epidemic of passive man is upon us. Let’s use Dick’s text message as an example: An underlying fear of coming across as too eager or being rejected is likely the cause behind this ambiguity.
I guess it’s no longer the norm to have even a hint of old-fashioned flavor to your courtship. These days, instead of being presented with a cute plan and a fun date idea for a specific day of the week, women are getting proposals of non-dates and casual hangouts.
A suggestion to consider would be to simply ignore texts that present nonchalant plans and proposals of non-dates, and suggest that he come up with an actual date idea.
It doesn’t matter if he figures out where he’s going wrong or not; the point is that you’re still making a difference by not participating or enabling, and by having a backbone.
Any man who sends me a text along the lines of, “Hey, Erica, would you like to go out for dinner on Friday night?” gets an automatic 10,000 points, especially if he asks at least a few days in advance.
More men should be asking women out with definitive plans in mind, instead of asking if they’d like to “maybe” hang out “sometime soon.”
You, however, have some control over the matter by being confident enough to not participate in the hook-up culture he is trying to set up here. Walk away from the hook-up arrangement, and you will walk into the arms of Mr. or Mrs. Right.
Traditional Dating is Dying Out This generation needs to start dating again. I talk to women all the time who are losing hope that they’ll ever find a man who is actually willing to delete his Tinder account and just be with one awesome woman.
What these women need to realize is that traditional dating is dying, but it’s not dead yet. There are still men out there who do have the balls to take a risk or make a sacrifice for a special someone.
The hook-up culture is appealing in part because it is so low-risk. Keeping things casual ensures that you face much less rejection than you would if you were attempting to take it to the next level.
The casual nature of the hook-up culture and the non-relationship also guarantees that there won’t be that tearful breakup if things don’t work out.
Sometimes a friends-with-benefits relationship will continue for ages, partially because one or both parties is concerned that if it is taken further, there could potentially be a breakup followed by losing that person for good. It seems easier to keep things as they are.
Everyone seems to have a lot of options (especially if they are using online dating apps like Plenty of Fish or Tinder), and many have a fear of missing out (FOMO) on those options if they commit to one person.
To these people, I suggest taking a chance and giving up your other options. No risk, no reward, right?
We should also be willing to risk feeling that embarrassment and awkwardness you’re dealt when you lay your feelings on the line and you’re rejected.
Remember: No pain, no gain, and what you can gain is a real relationship with true intimacy, and the sense of happiness and fulfillment that comes with it. These tremendous gains will be worth the wager you took to get there.
A Communication Breakdown It’s fair to state that humans are complicated beings with complicated thoughts. Unfortunately, today’s communication formats don’t allow complicated thoughts to present themselves appropriately.
Since all we’re doing is texting each other all the time, we’re used to communicating in a brief, simple and casual way. We need to bring back the phone call.
For communicating in between get-togethers, a phone conversation allows for thoughts and words to flow more effectively. Conversations don’t flow the same way via text, and it’s harder to truly get to know each other and for relationships to blossom.
One of the biggest benefits of properly communicating is that you’re getting rid of that awful feeling of uncertainty you have when you’re not sure where you stand with someone you like.
Unfortunately, we are often unsuccessful at the open type of communication. We have been conditioned to play games and play it cool instead of being open and honest.
We think that showing we care or verbalizing how we genuinely feel can lead to losing the person we’re interested in.
Whoever cares less wins… or so we think.
Plenty of Options and Plenty of Hookups, But Still Lonely It’s rare for a woman of our generation to meet a man who treats her like a priority instead of an option. Some of the loneliest, most unhappy people I know, have a ton of options and have no problem finding someone to spend the night with.
However, they’re lonely because they don’t have anyone they let themselves care enough about to develop a true connection with.
Even the sex feels empty. The only real way to have amazing sex is to have it with someone you share true intimacy and feel totally at ease with. Is there any real intimacy in the hook-up culture?
How much are you even enjoying these hookups?
Hooking Up Ultimately Leads to Heartbreak Many women tend to think the guy they’re hooking up with might fall for them. This is something they secretly hope will happen, and they convince themselves that a series of hookups with the same guy will ultimately lead to him wanting something more.
This lingering hope causes women to reluctantly participate in the hook-up culture, in hopes that he will wake up one day and realize it’s been her the whole time.
It reminds me of some Taylor Swift song — and accordingly, it’s a common enough problem that I’ve seen several women crushed when this dream dies.
A Post-Dating World There was a time when being in a relationship seemed easier to accomplish. Perhaps this was during a time when online dating was less prevalent and people had less options getting in the way of commitment.
This was a time when more people gave it their all, and actually openly communicated their feelings with each other. Now we think we might like to be exclusive with someone we think is special, but we don’t dare say it out loud.
You can be a willing participant in the hook-up culture, but what happens when one day you decide you want to be in a relationship?
To the men out there: It’s worth sacrificing other options for a special lady, and please bring back the traditional date. You will score major brownie points with women.
As for the women out there: Let’s drop the delusion that a series of hookups will hook a boyfriend, and instead hold off on sex until a commitment has been made.
Let’s find fulfillment by taking some risks, harboring self-discipline and laying our hearts on the line the good, old-fashioned way. You’ll be a better person for it, and maybe even grow up a little along the way. |
Date: July 30th, 2014 12:17 PM Author: Marvelous sapphire sanctuary men are not going to sacrifice their options if the chick is not worth it -- that's something women definitely need to work on (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028601) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:21 PM Author: smoky newt The problem is that the more options one has, the less most women seem "worth it". Women who you might have worked hard to date in the past now seem disposable. The same applies to women who serial date, too - everyone thinks they're better than people who were absolutely fair matches just 10-15 years ago.
This is the problem with too much choice -it's paralyzing. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:25 PM Author: Marvelous sapphire sanctuary somewhat true. but women need to work harder in a relationship rather than having an entitlement personality. men can put up with a lot to get sex. but if they want a ring some women need to start getting a clue of how to act like a human. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028647) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:28 PM Author: smoky newt Throughout history, women have been the sexual selectors -- men have worked hard too woo them. You can't expect the entire sex to understand & fully internalize the dramatic reversal that has occurred in the span of a mere 10-15 years (the advent of online dating). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028664) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 3:30 PM Author: Titillating mother What reversal? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029670) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 4:36 PM Author: Mind-boggling crystalline ticket booth gay wizard Uh, what reversal? Women are protected by sexual harassment laws more so today than at any other time in history. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029995) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 5:49 PM Author: racy infuriating dilemma "Throughout history, women have been the sexual selectors"
this is so stupidly reductionist and cliched on so many levels that i don't even know where to start parsing it. it's like your mind only traffics in hackneyed generalizations when you attempt to justify your opinions. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 9:54 PM Author: provocative shrine (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26031839) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:38 PM Author: snowy 180 lay In 2004, historian Thomas Frank wrote a book titled What's the Matter with Kansas? Politically, the book leans left. But its central inquiry is apolitical: Why do Americans so often vote against their own interest? Why, for example, would an unemployed person support a presidential candidate who wants to reduce welfare? It's a complicated, multilayered paradox (and Frank's book is appropriately nuanced). But such a question can also be answered simply: Voters don't know who they are. They don't view themselves objectively, because no person can. Instead, they see themselves as a self-generated projection of who they could be, striving for whatever best-case scenario they consider plausible. The contradiction between what they think and how they feel does not pose a problem; as far as they can tell, no contradiction exists. That's the matter – that's the problem – with Kansas. It's also my problem, and I'm not even registered to vote.
I reside in perpetual Topeka.
same shit goes on with dating |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:41 PM Author: Coral outnumbered roommate menage >> Why, for example, would an unemployed person support a presidential candidate who wants to reduce welfare? <<
To be fair, one could be against the idea of welfare for the unemployed, but make the completely rational decision to be on welfare given that it exists, the thought being that he's recouping tax dollars that have gone to support those programs. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:43 PM Author: walnut house-broken faggot firefighter Or, a person could have philosophical beliefs that are deeper than "I want to get the most money for me and fuck everyone else."
This is a difficult concept for shitlibs and libertarians to grasp, however. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:53 PM Author: Bespoke becky old irish cottage being against welfare but taking welfare is being a selfish prick with a simplistic philosophy of: "fuck everyone I want what is best for me" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028804) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:10 PM Author: Swollen box office philosopher-king leave earl ALONE (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028872) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:25 PM Author: citrine set The question posted in your quote isn't "Why would a person who is opposed to welfare still get on welfare?" The question is "Why would a person WHO NEEDS WELFARE RIGHT NOW vote for a person WHO WANTS TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU RIGHT NOW?" |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:19 PM Author: Dull principal's office mad-dog skullcap sounds like she just wants men to be more alpha. if I was a chick I'd be fed up with beta passive faggots too (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028611) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:22 PM Author: smoky newt This. People want clear signals and to feel wanted/wooed. If you don't like a chick enough to bother putting forth effort to be gentlemanly, etc., you don't like her enough, period. The same applies to chicks, of course - don't date guys if you're ambivalent about them. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028633) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:27 PM Author: Haunting black woman volcanic crater Yeah that's credited. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028654) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:30 PM Author: burgundy erotic blood rage international law enforcement agency If she wants men to be more committal making plans with her she should be better looking. The reason she gets the "let's do something this weekend maybe..." text is not cause e guy is beta, it's cause he is waiting to see if he can fuck the better looking girl instead. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028684) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:31 PM Author: smoky newt Well, then her point still stands. Those texts/propositions should be ignored, as it efficiently weeds out guys who aren't seriously interested.
If there's one thing I've learned in life is that people who are truly interested in you will make it clear. They won't be ambivalent or wishy-washy, nor will they get impatient if you wait more than a couple of dates to have sex. Good riddance to those who do. This is why the old rules of thumb about sex & dating are still valuable heuristics. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:33 PM Author: Coral outnumbered roommate menage But the problem happens when the guy is a "reach" for the girl, and thus she uses sex because she think she can get him that way, which creates the cycle. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028697) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:35 PM Author: smoky newt Right. There needs to be some version of female PUA manuals teaching girls how men operate -- something updated for contemporary society. I've thought about writing this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028708) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:45 PM Author: Swollen box office philosopher-king PLEASE do, because the PUA scene needs a hilariously aspie FEMALE shtick (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028775) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:49 PM Author: smoky newt Nah, it just needs something like "The Rules" for the 21st century. Problem is that strident feminists will decry anything that suggests women should do anything besides attend to whatever sexual choice they wish at the moment, so there will always be a proportion of women engaging in casual, non-committal sex driving down the value for all other women. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028792) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:05 PM Author: Boyish Useless Travel Guidebook Coldplay Fan Sounds like you hoes need a union.
Maybe "slut shaming" is a good thing then? |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:09 PM Author: smoky newt I believe everyone should have sex whenever they please. I just don't think most women want to jump into the sack on dates 1-3 (maybe my beliefs are antiquated). I think they do so often because they believe it's what they *should* do, and this depresses their sexual and dating value. If a women legitimately feels comfortable and ok with having sex with a guy she barely knows, it's her prerogative and we shouldn't shame her. Anyhow,shaming people doesn't really change a behavior that is supported and perpetuated by so many other cultural forces. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028870) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:14 PM Author: Boyish Useless Travel Guidebook Coldplay Fan Why do you think that? Sex can be fun and breezy.
Maybe not for most women though. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:18 PM Author: smoky newt Right. It can be, but it's usually not the case for most women. Most women would prefer sex within a relationship or a man who will become a SO soon.
There ARE women who can have sex casually, which is why freedom of choice is important. Just because most women prefer committed sex doesn't mean all do. It does, unfortunately mean that overall female sexual/dating value is depressed by the smaller percentage of chicks who enjoy truly casual sex. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:07 PM Author: provocative shrine stripper and likely escort impugns feminists fighting for sexual autonomy -- why? ur slut shaming is out of control |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:04 PM Author: Boyish Useless Travel Guidebook Coldplay Fan I online dated a girl who had a guide like this. It was basically like "the rules" for the 21st century where you were supposed to date many men at once until they commit, not put out quickly, be aloof, test them and push them away, tell them they're in a competition with other men.
It didn't work. I still fucked and chucked her. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:08 PM Author: dashing disrespectful background story skinny woman Rood (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028863) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:13 PM Author: Boyish Useless Travel Guidebook Coldplay Fan She was insecure and crazy, hence buying into some weird "rules" guide and telling me all about her dating excel sheet and shit. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028884) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:15 PM Author: dashing disrespectful background story skinny woman Lol the devil is in the details. 180 work brother (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028892) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:20 PM Author: Boyish Useless Travel Guidebook Coldplay Fan I think long-term serial dating (by men or women), cycling in and out of different friend groups, etc. is a sure sign of mental instability. Most people are pretty similar and good relationships have way more to do with time, trust and experiences than the person's stats or whatever.
If you have the urge to keep looking for something different/better or your partners are constantly bailing on you, time to take a hard look in the mirror. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:22 PM Author: dashing disrespectful background story skinny woman I can't get hard when I look in the mirror (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028918) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:23 PM Author: Boyish Useless Travel Guidebook Coldplay Fan (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028924) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:34 PM Author: Hairraiser violet meetinghouse not necessarily true, there is pressure to not make things seem like 'dates' which even some non beta bros fall for at first
that said I'd move on if some girl balked at the idea of a date, I wouldn't use an app or go online to 'hang out' |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 3:09 PM Author: sable wonderful site i don't see it as being beta. it's more just letting her know that you want to hang out, implicit in asking, but you are saying maybe, implicit in it not being a big deal if she says no
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:22 PM Author: Sexy metal striped hyena haunted graveyard It's a nice thought, but she forgets one thing: competition. Women are caught in a sexual race to the bottom. If one of them thinks she can withhold sex to force a commitment, the guy just gets impatient and decides to go visit Mary Jane Rottencrotch instead. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028630) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:28 PM Author: Marvelous sapphire sanctuary yep. good looking bros are going to have options. they're only going to "woo" someone who's worth it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028666) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:29 PM Author: smoky newt This is the male equivalent of female shrew behavior. You're advocating that men should only focus on the top 5-10% of women and treat the rest as disposable sex objects. Both sexes are party to this, but men -especially XO types - need to recognize their part in it, too. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028679) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:32 PM Author: Marvelous sapphire sanctuary as you said, women are the sex selectors; they need to grow up and take some responsibility for their decisions. they need to have some common sense to figure out which guys want a relationship and which are using them for a short term release. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028694) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:34 PM Author: smoky newt Guys are nice and outwardly gentlemanly often to even women they only want for sex. Women can wrongly assume greater interest easily. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028701) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:35 PM Author: provocative shrine ugly women shouldn't assume greater interest. they should be aware of where they stand on the 1-10 scale and if the guy who's chatting them up is out of their league. or they can not do this and continue to get pumped and dumped, it's your call. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028715) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:38 PM Author: Coral outnumbered roommate menage this.
and, coincidentally, this creates a huge problem for women regarding dating, because typically they can fuck higher status and better looking guys, but have a hard time dating them. so they either never lock down a guy in their league, or they DO lock down a guy in their league, but the relationship seems boring and mismatched because the woman thinks she can do better. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:40 PM Author: smoky newt Studies show most people - MALE AND FEMALE -- assume they're above average. Thus, most people by definition can't assess themselves clearly, and it's unrealistic to believe women should need to do this more often than men. Plus, there's the whole issue of women thinking differently than men. They assume guys might be assessing them as a total person (looks, intellect, personality, etc.) and not just appearance.
Nope, the easiest things is to just be honest about what you're after. Otherwise, you're basically lying/manipulating girls to get sex from them, since you know most want something more than just fucking and believe you do, too. Few girls will fuck a guy they believe is out to just P&D them, so operating honestly is the best possible soliution. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:45 PM Author: provocative shrine well if you srsly think a guy is assessing you on your intellect, you are delusional and reap what you sow if you overestimate your looks, that's on you, and you shouldn't complain when you get pumped and dumped and feel unsatisfied with the state of your dating pool. i know exactly where i stand, it's not hard. being honest never works. you invite a girl to your place for "dinner" or a "movie", you don't tell her to come over to fuck if she has any sense of decorum. this isn't being manipulative, it's just playing the game that women crafted. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:54 PM Author: smoky newt Of course being honest doesn't work, and that's the point. If men were honest & upfront about their intentions, fewer women would fuck them, get P&D'ed repeatedly, etc., and the dating market would be tighter and more efficient. Men would invest greater effort into actual dating and more real relationships might blossom. That's the point of the article. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028811) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:59 PM Author: provocative shrine why is the onus on men to be honest? i literally have never had a girl spell out her intentions with me, they are an enigma of mixed signals. girls don't know what they want to begin with, so fuck it if i'm going to cater to their daily fucking vicissitudes (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028831) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:45 PM Author: Coral outnumbered roommate menage >> Studies show most people - MALE AND FEMALE -- assume they're above average. Thus, most people by definition can't assess themselves clearly, and it's unrealistic to believe women should need to do this more often than men. <<
Except the difference is that women can sleep up WAY easier than men can sleep or date up, which helps justify a woman's inflated view of herself.
It's not like most guys are swimming in NSA sex with 8s but then find themselves unable to lock down a 6+.
That's why guys will often say of a girl, I'd fuck her but I wouldn't date her. We will go down to have sex. Women can do the opposite. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:37 PM Author: contagious pistol Well the rest really are if you're a good looking guy. I don't know that any of this matters at all though. Everyone is miserable, whether they're with someone or alone. Most couples I know irl have this zombie look about them that depresses the fuck out of me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028723) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 2:48 PM Author: citrine set That "zombie look" is happiness, which you're apparently unable to recognize when it's literally staring you in the eye. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029458) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:12 PM Author: Boyish Useless Travel Guidebook Coldplay Fan It has nothing to do with looks. Dumb Thought Catalog chicks like this author have nothing to offer a man but sex. They don't do housework, aren't supportive, have no depth, are self-involved, don't do anything interesting, aren't maternal.
Why would you sacrifice so much of your life to support a person like that and eventually raise a family with them? You wouldn't.
Honestly I find most average-ish girls are better "wife material" than hot ones. Hot girls are extremely selfish most of the time. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:16 PM Author: Haunting black woman volcanic crater very true (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028895) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:19 PM Author: provocative shrine damn bro this hits me hard, looking back at my relationships and how so many of them were like this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028907) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 5:46 PM Author: disgusting antidepressant drug immigrant (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26030354) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:29 PM Author: Coral outnumbered roommate menage What women should do is reserve sex for men they find relationship-worthy and whom they think are reasonably likely to want to be in a relationship with them.
Of course, that requires some introspection and repudiation of hypergamy, and thus will never happen. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 3:31 PM Author: Vivacious boltzmann Can't believe I had to scroll down so far to find something like this. It's pretty simple: if you don't want to get P&D'd, don't have sex. I guess I'm pretty old-fashioned, but I can't imagine sleeping with a guy after a small handful of dates. I'd need MONTHS to build up that kind of comfort level and intimacy. Now any woman who waits until the 3rd date is making him "work for it." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029677) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:35 PM Author: magical puce hell even operating systems are looking over our shoulders for someone better (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028709) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:35 PM Author: lilac arousing internal respiration filthpig That is a booty call text. He didn't ask you out on a specific date because he doesn't want to go on a date. If you didn't arrange to meet and fuck him upon receiving such texts, you would stop getting them.
You can also ask him to do something. Maybe buy him dinner at a nice restaurant and court him. We're equals, right? |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:37 PM Author: dashing disrespectful background story skinny woman Lol cr (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028721) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:02 PM Author: Haunting black woman volcanic crater A 21 year old girl brought me breakfast the other day (a chorizo breakfast burrito), then texted later "I like hanging out with you." Was 180. I'm going to court the fuck out of her--def gonna wait on sex. Gives me hoap. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028847) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:37 PM Author: embarrassed to the bone bat shit crazy brethren The fallacy of this article is that it is focused on what men do, when in fact all of this shit is controlled by women. Men do what it takes to get chicks, and usually the minimum necessary to successfully do so. If women stopped being slores, men would realize they needed to ask women on dates. As it stands, they don't need to put in that much effort and money to get what they want. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028726) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:05 PM Author: Haunting black woman volcanic crater Tbf this article does tell women to withhold sex for a guy who is actually serious about her (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028855) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:33 PM Author: embarrassed to the bone bat shit crazy brethren But it doesn't work that way. You can't just flip the switch on a weekly basis. Well, I guess you CAN, it's just that nobody is going to wait around for you becuase some equivalent girl is on "slore" setting this week. He'll just call you next week when you're back on slore.
Moreover, there is something ass backwards about fucking guys who don't like you and blue balling guys who do like you. You're basically incentivizing men to treat you like shit. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 5:51 PM Author: Self-absorbed glassy nursing home circlehead >You're basically incentivizing men to treat you like shit.
Whoa, it's almost like women fundamentally get off on feeling inferior/submissive/degraded or something, weird |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:37 PM Author: burgundy erotic blood rage international law enforcement agency Also making men wait for sex will not make a man more likely to date you. It just means you get pumped and dumped after 5 dates instead of 2, wasting everyone's time. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028727) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:43 PM Author: Swollen box office philosopher-king that's 2/5 the number of cocks she ends up taking before settling for a balding beta at 32 though. i think that'd be progress (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028754) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:43 PM Author: dashing disrespectful background story skinny woman (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028757) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:45 PM Author: magical puce hell however, a woman who is having pre-relationship sex simply for the purpose of staying competitive in the dating market -- regardless of her reluctance -- might mentally and emotionally benefit from waiting until relationships are established as exclusive (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028776) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:06 PM Author: Haunting black woman volcanic crater This is not true (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028856) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:11 PM Author: Diverse carmine boiling water cr. i don't know if earl is serious or if he's parodying himself. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028874) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 2:33 PM Author: burgundy erotic blood rage international law enforcement agency you really think a dude is going to want to date a girl he was otherwise luke warm about because she makes him wait to fuck? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029377) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 2:40 PM Author: smoky newt No. The point is that in waiting, you have a better chance of discovering whether a guy legitimately likes you and is willing to pursue a relationship vs just a P&D. Most guys who just want sex won't wait that long, or at the very least, will probably not demonstrate a high level of interest over so many dates. It also gives you a chance to get comfortable with the guy before having sex. Not everyone is down for swapping bodily fluids with some guy they've seen twice in their life.
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Date: July 30th, 2014 2:42 PM Author: burgundy erotic blood rage international law enforcement agency I dont think a guy can tell if he legitimately likes you until the sexual chemistry is resolved.
maybe some guys will put up with shitty sex... |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 2:45 PM Author: smoky newt Well, yeah, sexually chemistry is an issue. But that usually falls into place with someone who you're generally compatible otherwise. And in the rarer cases where it doesn't, the relationship may fail, but by then it wouldn't be an actual P&D situation. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029437) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:20 PM Author: smoky newt This almost never happens, unless a guy is so desperate for sex that he's willing to go through multiple dates with a chick. And if he's that desperate for sex, he's probably not much of a ladies man and likelier to want a relationship, anyhow. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028911) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:24 PM Author: Boyish Useless Travel Guidebook Coldplay Fan Unless she's making him spend a lot on dates this isn't going to work. Even guys who have good luck with women will be bored occasionally and drinking with an attractive stranger isn't so bad. Pretty easy to knock out 4-5 dates and bang. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028930) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 2:54 PM Author: excitant bbw sex offender this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029485) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 4:34 PM Author: Swashbuckling indian lodge I admit I haven't been in the dating game a long time, but I would get bored very quickly if I thought a girl was making me wait a certain number of dates. I'm too old and busy for that sortof bullshit. Also, unfortunately in this day and age there are many girls (e.g., bluesmoke) who are looking for free drinks / dinner and have no intention of taking things to the next level.
I quite honestly would never do a P&D on purpose (because it seems like a waste of my time) but would lose interest very quickly if I thought I was being taken for a ride by a bluesmoke type. If a girl could really convince me that she is NOT just in search of a free ride, that might be OK, but she would definitely be taking a risk by playing the waiting game that I would get bored or distracted. Some would say "HE'S NOT REALLY INTO YOU IF HE IS GOING TO GET DISTRACTED" but maybe its just he is unemployed or has a lot of spare time to spare or is otherwise undesirable. You definitely may be sorting out the creeps, but you might also be sorting out the serious but busy guys with little patience or time to spare. Sex adds a seriousness to the relationship and sometimes its better to get that going sooner rather than later. It also shows the guy you aren't going to waste his time.
Despite all the press to the contrary, my guess is that a high percentage of successful long term relationships these days progressed to sex very quickly. And I have literally never met a guy who "thought lesser of" a woman for having sex with him quickly in a dating context (which does not include fucking some guy from a bar you barely know). Most men think they are god's gift and totally expect the girl to fall for him quickly (and I'd recommend to any women that you try to make the guy think that is the case even if it isn't true).
TLDR; there's a balance you need to strike and fixed rules are stupid |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:45 PM Author: Bespoke becky old irish cottage Feminist hypocrisy aside (she's a feminist who needs a man to "win her over" like some 15th century maiden), the fact is that women are equally likely to be as scared if you're *too* pushy. If some guy is like hey let's do THIS at THIS time on THIS day, chicks these days are all about how they are sooooooooooooo busy and they have sooooooooooo much to do at their soooooooooo important job and in between yoga and traveling maybe I can date a guy.
So when you text her hey want to get a beer at this new place by the lake on saturday afternoon, she is like "omg why is this guy being so pushy about it." |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:48 PM Author: dashing disrespectful background story skinny woman Cr. The only way I can consistently get millennial girls on dates is doing it the day of. Scheduling something is a nono (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028787) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 3:07 PM Author: avocado wild business firm trump supporter I hate this part about today's dating. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029541) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:49 PM Author: snowy 180 lay yeah this too (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028789) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:51 PM Author: Bespoke becky old irish cottage the fact it took the board this long to get to my point concerns me, but I think Julia and Earl represent Gen X so maybe I am seeing it as a millennial girl thing
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:52 PM Author: smoky newt Yeah, it's a fucked up Millennial thing. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028802) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:53 PM Author: dashing disrespectful background story skinny woman Am I right about spontaneous dates then? I don't see any other way to do it (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028803) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:55 PM Author: smoky newt Lol@ Millenials. WTF is this shit? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028815) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:57 PM Author: dashing disrespectful background story skinny woman Millennials are fickle as fuck. If we schedule a date, both of us will be having second and third thoughts well before hand so it just never happens. LJL (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028819) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:56 PM Author: Bespoke becky old irish cottage Older Millennials who grew up with dial up internet and remember the Gulf War are still able to make plans ahead. Urban professional chicks in their late-20s are usually put together enough to schedule something a week in advance.
True young Millennial girls? 48 hours is pushing it. 24 hours is perhaps an option. Same day is usually best. I usually try to hit them up the day before because honestly very few women are worth the hassle of a same day date. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:35 PM Author: big lodge roast beef not my experience at all. I was able to make plans a week in advance with a teenage (legal) girl the whole time I was seeing her. I wouldn't even bother if plans weren't made a few days in advance, fuck planning day of. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028994) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 2:17 PM Author: dashing disrespectful background story skinny woman Lol they're much different when dating bros their own age (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029277) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 2:35 PM Author: big lodge roast beef So they treat guys their own age like beta cucks because they know they can? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029379) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 2:52 PM Author: dashing disrespectful background story skinny woman The ones who want to be goldiggers are fine setting up a scheduled "date" to meet up with an old loser. LJL @ you. They don't have to worry about you getting 20 other 19yo tinder matches the same day (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029476) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 2:58 PM Author: big lodge roast beef Sorry you're mad about girls your age breaking dates with you to get fucked by older guys beta cuck. Probably has to do with all millennials being cum slurping twinkpigs. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029505) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 3:02 PM Author: dashing disrespectful background story skinny woman Loling at the thought of some beta lawyer picking up a sorostitute on campus in his accord. Tyft (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029522) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 3:05 PM Author: big lodge roast beef lol'ing at the thought of you sitting home alone crying to emo music while I fuck the girl you thought you were "hanging out" with. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029534) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 3:08 PM Author: dashing disrespectful background story skinny woman Any girl who fucks guys 10years older has already fucked every dude on campus. I was fuckbuddies with a chick who loved playing losers like you. LJL (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029549) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 3:12 PM Author: big lodge roast beef I by "playing" you mean "coming over to my apartment for sex," then I think the joke is on them. I can literally see you in my dorm room crying like the beta cuck you are. LOL. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029560) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 3:28 PM Author: dashing disrespectful background story skinny woman Lol @ you're intimate escort experience lil breh (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029660) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 3:39 PM Author: big lodge roast beef escorts get paid little brej. Sorry I'm fucking your dream girl like the slut she is while you write bad poetry. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029711) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 4:09 PM Author: dashing disrespectful background story skinny woman LJL at her for coming back and buying me cigs with your money and then begging for my dick. Sorry about millennial pimps lil breh (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029877) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 12:52 PM Author: Hairraiser violet meetinghouse ummm Saturday? Idk I've already got a lot going on
*wakes up late, drinks mimosas, falls asleep watching netflix with cat* |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:10 PM Author: Diverse carmine boiling water sounds 180 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028873) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:13 PM Author: appetizing library (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028881) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 1:15 PM Author: Boyish Useless Travel Guidebook Coldplay Fan forgot the wine man (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26028893) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 4:02 PM Author: peach garrison knife (guy who knows what's in a mimosa) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029856) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 2:35 PM Author: garnet hyperventilating corner son of senegal Pretty much exactly what you describe just happened to me. I set up a first date for the next day with a girl, she texts at 6 pm the day of saying she doesn't have her car and doesn't know what to do, so I pick her up, date goes well, she suggests hanging out again.
The next week we set up a date (or so I think) for saturday a few days in advance. She sounds excited, but then I don't hear from her when I suggest where and when to meet. She texts that Friday afternoon saying she's been super busy at work and is broke b/c she just switched jobs and asks if we can postpone until she gets paid. I'm like fine, then she says how about next week unless she's still broke. So then I offer to buy her a couple drinks one night this week and haven't heard back from her since.
WTF. Girls supposedly want a gentleman or a guy who will at least make plans, but then seemingly flake out on anything scheduled in advance. FWIW this girl is 24. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 2:47 PM Author: smoky newt 24 is a kid, though. Girls this age are still immature as hell and this should be expected. I forget how young people on this board are.
Women mature a bit faster than men, but not by that much. We don't really expect 24 yo boys to be mature, responsible gentlemen ready to settle down at that age, either. Let's be realistic about how people mature nowadays. 24 is a kid. It isn't until the late 20s anymore that people can really be treated as serious adults, I'm sorry to say. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 2:58 PM Author: ungodly parlour just in time when women start losing their value (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029506) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 3:03 PM Author: smoky newt Well, it's also a consequence of contemporary sexual norms. If you want to have sex with multiple women, not get married until you're 30+, etc., you have to realize that it also impacts the other side of the equation - namely, women and their behaviors & maturation processes.
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Date: July 30th, 2014 4:18 PM Author: Chest-beating home feces lol my freaking wife does the same thing and we're 30. I'll make reservations each Sat. and we'll invariably go somewhere different, but if I don't make reservations she'll get mad that we don't have anywhere to go.
It's called being a female. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 2:03 PM Author: soul-stirring blue brunch Monogamy very rarely works out. It really should not be the default, it should be seen for the rare exception that it is.
People need to be far less presumptuous about what the object of their attraction actually wants, and, ya know, maybe ask them before trying to tie them down against their will.
The marriage-track dating pool is only a smallish subset of the dating pool. It's like a small hot tub within the pool. It's nice, but most people want to swim around for a while before they sit down and relax. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 2:30 PM Author: ungodly parlour if you read xo, you're basically considered mentally ill if you're not married by early 30s. of course that's a bunch of married xo poasters trying to force some cultural hegemony. but by late 20s most chicks are starting to get desperate to lock down that so. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029359) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 2:36 PM Author: soul-stirring blue brunch I'm well aware of how xo sees this issue. It does vary by poasters.
It's just fascinating how many people are gunning for monogamous relationships before they even want them, and well before they're in any sense ready for them.
If you're looking for a gf in a bar, you're doing it wrong. People who frequent bars looking for a mate are walking red flags. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 2:57 PM Author: ungodly parlour there's a lot of people who want them (b/c of societal pressure etc) but don't understand what it takes to make a good marriage. which is why you see so many de facto failed marriages out there. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029500) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 3:04 PM Author: soul-stirring blue brunch Should have put "want" in quotes. They want them, but not in some thoughtful sense where they've weighed the pros and cons and thought about what they're willing to give and why and so on.
They just unconsciously get pushed by various social and cultural pressures and "decide" they want it. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 2:36 PM Author: twisted dragon milk "if you read xo, you're basically considered mentally ill if you're not married by early 30s."
Outside of a few coastal cities, this is true. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 4:07 PM Author: scarlet puppy you could've stopped at "you're basically considered mentally ill" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029870) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 4:35 PM Author: dashing disrespectful background story skinny woman (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029985) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 2:17 PM Author: Naked comical national lettuce most american chicks these days are some other dude's leftovers, if not a whole lot of other dudes. why strive or act all "romantic" for that? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029278) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 3:49 PM Author: Khaki Jew Text messaging has really changed relationship culture, both sexual and friendship.
In the past, it would be necessary to arrange to do something at a particular time and place, and breaking that commitment could be difficult. You had to make a phone call and hope the person picked up, or at a minimum would hear your voice mail canceling plans. Standing someone up was a big social no-no worthy of scorn.
Nowadays, making definite plans is only a commitment until something better rolls along, and you can simply text the person day of that you won't be able to make it. There is less of an incentive to make actual definite plans, because improvisation is always possible. This has pervaded into dating life. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 3:55 PM Author: razzle juggernaut see are see are. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029815) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 4:13 PM Author: Hyperactive Theater http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2710294/Murdered-teen-texted-boyfriend-woods-hours-body-path-guarded-dog.html
A 14-year-old girl found murdered and dumped in a drainage ditch in Michigan last week sent a frantic text to her boyfriend around the same time she was killed saying: 'Omg. … I think I’m being kidnapped.' |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 4:39 PM Author: charismatic forum mental disorder ljl. i am guessing this is a serial killer with a good sense of humor. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26030009) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 9:47 PM Author: Haunting black woman volcanic crater how do they know it was frantic (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26031768) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 4:27 PM Author: Misunderstood angry den It's just evolution. One step closer to the true meaninglessness of existence. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26029945) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 5:47 PM Author: racy infuriating dilemma it's funny that the broad cultural and XO cliche remains that women are very emotionally and socially astute and intuitively understand men, and we are the frothing idiots in the equation.
then you read the author from the OP and julia's comments in this thread. these are two people have ostensibly spent some substantial time contemplating these things and have strong opinions on them, and yet they are completely fucking oblivious to many of the basic realities of dating and relationship dynamics. pretty fucking funny overall. |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 5:52 PM Author: Self-absorbed glassy nursing home circlehead Women are unjustifiably self-assured children, news at 11 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26030389) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 5:53 PM Author: ungodly parlour (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26030395) |
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Date: July 30th, 2014 11:14 PM Author: provocative shrine (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2631967&forum_id=2#26032561) |