I live in SF and it truly sucks because shrews like the website author.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2852699&forum_id=2#27678209)

Part II: Marrieds & Gays

As I mentioned earlier, the statistics on San Francisco are alarmingly favorable for women-like-me. One of the few places in the world where wealth is still being generated, San Francisco also boasts outdoor activities that attract athleticism; entrepreneurial infrastructure that attracts ambition; west coast politics that attract open-mindedness. The problem? The demographic studies fail to capture the alarming difference between the single and coupled populations. All those attractive, athletic, successful men with good values who like wine tasting on weekends? They’re married, or gay.

It would be one thing if the male population in San Francisco was simply undesirable. Then you could forget the whole thing and start focusing on the benefits of spinsterdom. But what makes San Francisco even worse is that you’re constantly surrounded by men you’d like to date, in the types of relationships you’d like to have. San Francisco denies us the occasional self-indulgent escape of dismissing all men as scum.

Take my day today: I spent the morning with an investor, a 39-year-old, 6’5” former NCAA rower who did social policy research before returning to business school. He’s funny and laid back and has been married for ten years to a gorgeous woman with whom he has two young children and a golden retriever. I then went to lunch with a client, a college rugby player with a goofy grin and great laugh who’d earned three degrees and started two successful companies before the age of 30; we discussed finance reform and his triathalon training and plans for his wedding to his college girlfriend in October. I left the office early to go for a bike ride with a close friend, a 6’2” blond, blue-eyed, perfect bone structured former model, now an investment banking MD who volunteers on the weekends. He’s waiting for California to legalize gay marriage so he can propose to his boyfriend of five years.

So when people talk about all the things that make San Francisco a great city – the farmer’s markets and top-notch restaurants and hikes and trips to wine country – they fail to mention that the people taking advantage of those experiences are couples and large groups of women [enviously eyeing the couples]. The single men are all at home playing video games.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2852699&forum_id=2#27668680)

" All those attractive, athletic, successful men with good values who like wine tasting on weekends? They’re married, or gay."

no, honey, they're all gay

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2852699&forum_id=2#27668688)

and WORTH IT

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2852699&forum_id=2#27668716)

“Sounds like a great guy to date.”

“Well….okay, fair. He doesn’t have a lot of time. But it won’t be like this forever.”

“Right. In five years or so he’ll be excited to date again.”

“Exactly! And he’ll be super rich.”

“And he’ll have lots of 22 year olds drooling over him.”

“Sure, but that’s not who he wants to settle down with.”

[skeptically] “Who will he want to settle down with?”

“With someone like you.”

“You’re telling me that, when he’s thirty-eight, after five years of slaving away at his company, your buddy Trent is going to forego hot young 22-year-olds having the kind of care-free fun he’s currently missing in order to settle down with my laugh lines and rapidly ticking biological clock?”

[Pause] “I guess you’ve got a point.”

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2852699&forum_id=2#27668769)

"I’m sorry, but I get the sense reading this blog that you have never left the financial district for anything other than the upscale bar scene. Your entire perception of San Franciscans seems limited to the minority of like-minded, like-careered people that you choose to surround yourself with. These are not the majority of San Franciscans. Go out to the Mission District, the Excelsior, or Ocean View, find a corner store or laundromat and get to know the guys without the Ivy League degrees, who have never earned more than $40,000 per year because they’ve chosen careers in education or social services or the charities that they’re genuinely passionate about, and not just doing for bulking up a resume. Meet the young people of immigrant parents who worked hard as children in their family’s business and missed out on all the SAT prep classes. Find a recent City College graduate who can’t work late at the office because he has to pick up his younger cousins or siblings from underperforming public schools while their parents work the evening janitorial shift. Either that, or move away before elitist out-of-towners like you completely drive us out of the San Francisco rental market."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2852699&forum_id=2#27668837)

"why is it so hard to find a wealthy, successful, handsome, well educated man?" BECAUSE THERE AREN'T MANY OF THEM ANYWHERE SISTAH

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2852699&forum_id=2#27668877)

Hazel Phillips

Registered through: Automattic

Domain Name: WHYSFREALLYISTHATBAD.COM

Domain servers in listed order:

NS1.WORDPRESS.COM

NS2.WORDPRESS.COM

For complete domain details go to:

http://who.securepaynet.net/whoischeck.aspx?domain=WHYSFREALLYISTHATBAD.COM&prog_id=

Information Updated: Sat, 23 Jun 2012 23:27:20 UTC

https://who.is/whois/https://whysfreallyisthatbad.com

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2852699&forum_id=2#27669694)

May 6, 2014 at 6:00 pm

Okay, I didn’t make it past part 1. Let me explain you to yourself. Your entire gamut of complaint exmples are characterized by you revolting against the necessary male pecking order in a smart town and your place in that pecking order. It takes brains to make enough money to live in San Francisco, and so the geeks/nerds are selected for residence and many people are economically filtered out who would otehrwise be comfortable even in above average cities like Seattle that have more neighborhoods that cater to lower incomes than $100k++. At once, this reality makes San Francisco the attractive place that it is and it demands that you adapt to a ruthless, meritocratic pecking order that awards only brains and demphasizes looks and other qualities that you have been taught to look for and feel entitled to. You are perfectly within your right to feel entitled to these qualities that the geeks/nerds don’t possess, but you cannot expect them to place themselves below your caliber as might occur in other cities that aren’t socially and economically constructed to monetize their specific skill sets. In San Francisco, they ARE the alphas. They are on top.

Let’s review your complaint scenarios for specific context:

1. He may have said something like “present company excluded” to be polite, but from what I read of your other scenarios that exception would not have been warranted. In fact, scenario three specifically indicates that you are not excluded. Second, it’s good that you didn’t undertake a long rant about “neo-colonialism”, a subject on which you have an obvious lack of knowledge and perspective. Specifically, you live in a city, amongst many large cities in the USA, that are rife with “neo-colonialist” immigrants. What you dislike, specifically, is that a guy who you view as beneath you being attractive to any other women; let alone hotter women. You’de like hom to know his place. That’s where your opinion originates. Oh, and English is widely spoken in Honk Kong. It was a colony of the British for decades, remember? This statement reveals that you really aren’t of the quality that these men should demand. Looks are your only currency. I can’t imagine the psychoemotional turmoil that losing those will inevitably cause. Brce yourselves, blog readers.

2. Again, your revolting against the cognitive dissonance that comes from the social heirarchy not being what your lying eyes tell you it should be. The geek who gave you “unwanted feedback” is actually higher in the social heirarchy, relative to you, than you want him to be/think he should be based on your experiences in other cities. That’s either a result of him actually being quite high in the heirarchy, or you being insecure and overcompensating by imagining yourself to be higher (hotter) than you are. The second scenario is the most common. I can tell you, from experience, that insecure homely girls are the worst because of their anti-social behavior that takes precedence over all else in an attemt to keep a tenuous hold on a place on the social ladder. The wierd, adolescent behavior and opinions routinely emerge in all relationships and interaction with the opposite sex. Hotter women are a lot more pleasant, and actually easier to get into and be in a realtionship with, because they are secure and have nothing to prove. They don’t lash out and hold forever-grudges, like their less hot gender-mates, at any percieved insult to their status. They adon’t get their panties in a bunch over “unwanted feedback”. Girls, in general, constantly give feedback that they could keep to themselves because they feel entitled. Deal with it. If Brad Pitt said the same thing to you as this guy, you wouldn’t have been so offended. Your objection merely resides in where you believe your status to be in relationship to this guys status. you refuse to adapt to San Francisco, and it’s your low self-confidence that his hidnering you and creating the likely routine emotional turmoil within your crazy head.

3. He was staring at you to decide when and how to approach you. You are a bitch for deciding to interpret this as creepy. Points to him for approaching someone that he wanted to. If he just stared and didn’t approach, I’d be more inclined to take your side. Again, if it was Brad Pitt or some other man that you found physically attractive you wouldn’t have interpreted the behavior so negatively. It’s merely your status whoring impulse that causes you to feel insulted when geeks/nerds feel *gasp* entitled to itneract with your royal highness. Get over yourself. I can’t tell exactlly how you came off when you refused the drink, but I get the distinct impression that your smile was not as nice as you percieved it to be. It more than likely was accompanied by a “get the fuck away from me/how dare you interact with me vibe”, and probably an eyeroll that you didn’t realize that you were performing. Most nerds/geeks would not lash out like that at a drink refusal that really was performed with social grace. My advice is to earn how to be social and not make other people feel like they are beneath you.

4. This guy was a former calassmate, right? He obviously felt comfortable with you and just began thinking out loud. Ever do that? I can’t see anything in his communication that was a comment on you specifically, but your low-confidence ass chose to interpret it that way and too, furthermore, harbor a grudge long enough to recount the situation in this blog. Good job, captain social. Your head must be hell.

You should do the geeks/nerds, and yourself, a favor and move out of SF. It sseems as if everyone would be happier that way.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2852699&forum_id=2#27670115)

The reason is that the fundamental problem about which this woman is writing is a profound lack of masculinity. We have plenty of problems in the South, but we don't have that one.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2852699&forum_id=2#27677892)

But then I had drinks with a good guy friend and realized that I need to acknowledge a much more cutting and depressing possibility for why the social scene here is what is it.

You see, the guy friend with whom I was splitting a bottle of wine is a stud. He’s great looking, hilarious, athletic, and successful by all conceivable standards. He’s starting a company and pursuing artistic interests on the side – and he’s actively looking for a girlfriend. And he gave me thirty-odd reasons why San Francisco sucks for men, too.

Our common complaint started with: “where are the good-looking, ambitious, accomplished and interesting people in this city?” But as we drank more wine, we got more honest: we’d both been on plenty of dates with very good-looking, ambitious, accomplished, interesting (not old) people. And, we both conceded, there wasn’t a single one whom, if we never saw them again, we’d remember to think about.

What kind of person says that?? That is, what kind of people are my guy friend and I to be so dismissive, and is it possible that San Francisco is not so bad because it has a lot of geeks and marrieds and gays and male cougars, but because it has so many of us.

And what are we? We’re the ones who excelled in our small town high schools, netting us a place at prestigious universities and, from there, elite jobs and enrollment in competitive graduate programs where we were further groomed to think we can and should do anything to which we set our minds. We’re the ones parents and teachers tapped as “high potential” when we were 12, at which point we were given permission to focus all our attention on ourselves. While the geeks were developing their computer programming skills, we were becoming experts on the art of self-perfecting. We collected accomplishments for broad-if-not-deep resumes and prepared ourselves for roles as future leaders of America.

Why do we come to San Francisco? It’s partly because we can’t go back home – our peers from New York and London are starting to migrate back that way, but the places we come from don’t afford the opportunities we’ve been bred to pursue. But it’s partly because, as it always has in America, the West Coast represents the next thing. And that, in the end, is what people like my studly guy friend and I are programmed to seek. It’s not goal-orientation, its progress-orientation. It’s the reason most of us have never stayed at a company more than two bonus cycles, the reason at my one year business school reunion the predictable answer to the question “how are things going?” was: “Fantastic! Totally kicking ass…..But I’m keeping my options open, you know. Have you heard of any interesting opportunities lately?”

How does this translate to personal relationships? A desperate fear of settling, an overly-attuned eye for flaws, and a thirty-year habit of uninhibited self-prioritization.

So it’s not that there aren’t a lot of check-all-the-boxes men and women in San Francisco, it’s that, when you take out the engineers, the marrieds, the gays, and the older men, that’s all that’s here. For all its transplants, San Francisco is a homogenous city, a pot of overachievers whose normal means of standing out fall flat. Try impressing someone at a bar here: Went to a prestigious university? Where else would you have gone? Starting a company? Aren’t we all? Have travelled to 21 countries? Only 21? Recently ran a marathon? Why not an ultra?

But here’s the big thing: all those achievements apply to women and men. If you didn’t hear the voice, it would be impossible to tell whether a bio (“I studied History at Harvard, then worked at BCG, then went back to Harvard for business school. During that time, I biked across the United States, hiked Kilamanjaro, started a nonprofit in Africa, and now I’m head of corporate strategy for a start-up travel website”) is that of a guy or a girl. Which complicates gender roles beyond logistics (whose career do we prioritize?) to fundamental worth (what do you bring to this that I don’t already have? What can you provide that I couldn’t provide for myself?).

In short, I fully acknowledge that there’s another piece of this argument, which is that San Francisco is so bad because the women here are so difficult. Were I a man here, I would be complaining that I “just can’t win” with women in SF: that they’re expectations are simultaneously incredibly high and very poorly articulated. I think the Hong Kong geek from my cocktail party had a point, if badly delivered: the women here have replaced traditional feminine charms (no one would argue that focus on personal appearance is significantly muted here relative to other cities) with gender equal pursuits. And yet we still expect to find a man whose power and ability-to-provide-something-we-can’t-provide-for-ourselves stirs our respect and desire. Men, meanwhile, understandably want to be with someone whose achievements and pursuits complement, not compete with, their own. Which makes you wonder whether gender equality is necessarily emasculating, and what that means for a generation bred in it.

And so maybe all this ranting isn’t so much about the city as about our generation, and what’s so bad about San Francisco is the sobering reality that it’s the frontier toward which we’ve been driving. It’s the city that’s creating tomorrow’s companies and setting the standard for social progress. It’s the mecca for people who want to change the world, from geeks to entrepreneurs to Self-Reliant Overeducated Thirty Somethings like me. And it leaves you wondering: where is all the progress taking us, when meaningful relationships seem so difficult to find and maintain. Is this really the world that we want? And is there anywhere else to go?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2852699&forum_id=2#27678137)

totally oblivious

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2852699&forum_id=2#27678354)

I'm taking that to mean late thirties.

My guess is that in San Francisco, if you're in your late 30's and you're not sitting on a $1,000,000+, you've lost the game.

That's why she can't find anyone like her who's single - they've all seen the writing on the wall, they've already left.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2852699&forum_id=2#27683318)

She's that girl at the party, the only one who's not having fun, who says, "This party sucks."

So the nearest person turns and says to her, "So why don't you just leave then?"

But she doesn't really want to leave, and she doesn't really have anywhere else to go.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2852699&forum_id=2#27683482)

but TBF, the guys over 30 in SF are not all balling, a lot just give up, have low standards after years of tolerating this shit, you go to bars here and its 80 percent doods many places and the guys dont even appear to care, they are use to this zoo.. its shit

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2852699&forum_id=2#27683607)

"In short, I fully acknowledge that there’s another piece of this argument, which is that San Francisco is so bad because the women here are so difficult. Were I a man here, I would be complaining that I “just can’t win” with women in SF: that they’re expectations are simultaneously incredibly high and very poorly articulated. I think the Hong Kong geek from my cocktail party had a point, if badly delivered: the women here have replaced traditional feminine charms (no one would argue that focus on personal appearance is significantly muted here relative to other cities) with gender equal pursuits. And yet we still expect to find a man whose power and ability-to-provide-something-we-can’t-provide-for-ourselves stirs our respect and desire. Men, meanwhile, understandably want to be with someone whose achievements and pursuits complement, not compete with, their own. Which makes you wonder whether gender equality is necessarily emasculating, and what that means for a generation bred in it.

And so maybe all this ranting isn’t so much about the city as about our generation, and what’s so bad about San Francisco is the sobering reality that it’s the frontier toward which we’ve been driving. It’s the city that’s creating tomorrow’s companies and setting the standard for social progress. It’s the mecca for people who want to change the world, from geeks to entrepreneurs to Self-Reliant Overeducated Thirty Somethings like me. And it leaves you wondering: where is all the progress taking us, when meaningful relationships seem so difficult to find and maintain. Is this really the world that we want? And is there anywhere else to go?"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2852699&forum_id=2#27683521)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2852699&forum_id=2#27683528)

And yet we still expect to find a man whose power and ability-to-provide-something-we-can’t-provide-for-ourselves stirs our respect and desire. Men, meanwhile, understandably want to be with someone whose achievements and pursuits complement, not compete with, their own. Which makes you wonder whether gender equality is necessarily emasculating, and what that means for a generation bred in it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2852699&forum_id=2#27683621)

Her slam on flyover (her friends having nowhere to go) is not inaccurate; she's right, America is preTTTy bad economically/culturally outside of a few areas, but she's way too broken to realize how good she has it. She'd complain about men if she were in Boston, MFH, LA, Topeka, rural South Dakota. It's her.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2852699&forum_id=2#27683639)

you know, like, cold open: "Oh, whoops, sorry. Oh, my iPhone background? It's my niece. I got to take her to the zoo last week. That's us with monkeys in the background. :)"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2852699&forum_id=2#27683723)

LOL

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2852699&forum_id=2#27690720)