Time traveler from November 25, 2016. Ask your questions.
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Poast new message in this thread
Date: November 25th, 2015 6:30 PM Author: Free-loading native
They sent me back in time to save humanity from its greatest disaster.
They didn't know I was a poaster.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3054124&forum_id=2#29252815) |
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Date: November 26th, 2015 8:49 PM Author: Free-loading native
In retrospect, the re-election of Obama….
Russia retaliated for the downing of its fighter by increasing support for PKK and PYD units in Syria. A wave of bombings struck Ankara and Istanbul. Turkey blamed Kurdish separatists for the attacks and sent ground forces into Syria. After rapidly overrunning Arfin and Kobani, the Turks bogged down. Instead of blaming their own shitty troops or the hostile terrain, Turkey expanded its assault along Syria’s Mediterranean coast, ostensibly to interdict supplies to the Kurds. As the Turkish Land Forces neared Latakia, Russia bombers accidentally-on-purpose targeted Turkish troops. Turkey threw a fit and demanded an emergency NATO summit. Obama gave a historic speech on the need for calm.
American weakness must have convinced Japanese leaders that they needed to exercise independent initiative. Under the pretense of conducting an environmental assessment, Japan landed troops on Senkaku. China made noises about the upcoming Taiwanese elections. The United States responded by stepping up arms sales to Taiwan. A Chinese white paper described U.S. efforts at “encirclement” and counseled a breakout strategy. Obama gave a historic speech on our common resolve.
Syrian rebels downed a Russian helicopter. Four crewmembers survived. Although initial reports indicated they were in Turkish custody, somehow they ended up with ISIS. The four were burned alive. Iranian-backed militias massacred rebels near Aleppo. Russia transferred a defensive missile system to Cyprus. Turkey threatened to close the Bosporus. Obama played basketball.
October 11, 2016 will probably be remembered as the start of this war by historians, assuming any survive. That’s when the unthinkable happened. In a matter of minutes, Seoul was reduced to cinder and ash by North Korean artillery. We still don’t know what precipitated the attack. Our best guess is that a small faction of North Korean officers sought a separate peace with the United States and South Korea. In exchange for their own immunity, they planned a coup, followed by controlled collapse. After discovering the plot, Kim Jong-un elected to bind his officers in a “brotherhood of death.” Whatever the reality, we know the result. North Korea chose suicide and fired three nuclear missiles at Japan. Two detonated at sea. The third exploded just south of Tokyo. Universal condemnation followed.
Obama declared war within hours. But Chinese forces had already mobilized to decapitate the “lawless” Kim government. Days later, Kim Jong-un was captured by a special PLA detachment, tied to a post, and shot. In the United States, relief and elation quickly turned to anger. Donald Trump pointed out that China was the only one who came out ahead from this mess. Shitlibs balked that China had not even mopped up the Korean insurgency, but it was difficult to ignore our diminished position in East Asia: thousands dead at the DMZ, two allies attacked, and no visible means of retaliation. When Obama publicly declared that the United States would assist Chinese peacekeepers, China flatly refused.
Donald Trump won the American presidency in a landslide, promising to reverse this disgrace. Three days later, China launched a massive cyberattack (Exercise Chow Fun), spamming our communications with cat memes and blinding our satellites. Amphibious forces landed in Hawaii. Riots broke out in major American cities as the second wave of cyberattacks paralyzed banks, utilities, emergency services, and transportation. Obama ordered physical destruction of the communications network to prevent further cyberattacks. On November 18, 2016, the Internet went down. The last poast on autoadmit read “fuck my ath he lisped.” Chinese submarines landed special forces on the prowl for dem white women.
Six days later, the Russians struck American airbases in Alaska and across the northern United States, completely undetected by the multicultural Canadian Air Force. Russian special forces have taken advantage of the civil unrest for plunder and profit. We expect a European invasion in days. Meantime in his bunker, our bitter and feckless president contemplates the nuclear option.
That's when I went back in time.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3054124&forum_id=2#29258710) |
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Date: December 14th, 2015 9:54 AM Author: exhilarant jap university
This made me lol more than it probably should have:
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Three days later, China launched a massive cyberattack (Exercise Chow Fun)
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3054124&forum_id=2#29375565)
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Date: June 19th, 2016 3:56 AM Author: Diverse Wild Sneaky Criminal Market
that extra moon orbiting Earth:
what of it?
does it sound like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=girSaawmpTo
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3054124&forum_id=2#30738414) |
Date: December 5th, 2016 1:59 AM Author: Free-loading native
Epilogue: I met Mr. Trump to collect my paycheck. He claimed no knowledge of my enterprise and refused to pay. When I confronted him with classified information confirming the veracity of my account, he bargained me down to 30% of the original agreement.
I love my cheapskate POTUS.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3054124&forum_id=2#32059016) |
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