CharlesXII, rating poasters as stupid aspects of the Star Wars Expanded Universe
| cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | Yapping Claret Ape | 11/08/18 | | Gay Meetinghouse | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | Gay Meetinghouse | 12/30/15 | | supple internal respiration | 12/31/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/31/15 | | supple internal respiration | 12/31/15 | | swashbuckling milky state toaster | 12/31/15 | | Galvanic prole ticket booth | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | charismatic forum | 12/30/15 | | Mentally impaired persian partner | 12/30/15 | | multi-colored stag film | 07/11/17 | | Bright razzle-dazzle menage | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | Bright razzle-dazzle menage | 12/30/15 | | Twinkling macaca | 12/28/17 | | Contagious sick tattoo theater stage | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | charismatic forum | 12/30/15 | | razzmatazz sandwich | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | razzmatazz sandwich | 12/30/15 | | tripping slimy mexican | 12/28/17 | | Big-titted fat ankles fortuitous meteor | 11/25/18 | | Mentally impaired persian partner | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | House-broken misanthropic theatre newt | 12/30/15 | | glittery peach dog poop | 12/30/15 | | very tactful bronze locus incel | 12/30/15 | | aphrodisiac love of her life | 12/30/15 | | glittery peach dog poop | 12/30/15 | | tripping slimy mexican | 12/28/17 | | Wonderful purple lettuce | 12/30/15 | | Mentally impaired persian partner | 12/31/15 | | supple internal respiration | 12/31/15 | | Magical jewess | 12/31/15 | | Mustard faggot firefighter | 11/25/18 | | Hyperactive Sanctuary | 12/31/15 | | Big-titted fat ankles fortuitous meteor | 11/25/18 | | Buff Submissive Pervert Potus | 04/13/22 | | charismatic forum | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | Sticky bateful property | 12/30/15 | | tripping slimy mexican | 12/28/17 | | Wine racy theater haunted graveyard | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | Wine racy theater haunted graveyard | 12/30/15 | | Turquoise senate dysfunction | 12/31/15 | | histrionic mahogany double fault corner | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | histrionic mahogany double fault corner | 12/30/15 | | French community account | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | swashbuckling milky state toaster | 12/30/15 | | deep school | 12/30/15 | | vigorous public bath | 01/03/16 | | Irradiated bawdyhouse | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | charismatic forum | 12/30/15 | | Stirring business firm | 12/30/15 | | tripping slimy mexican | 12/28/17 | | boyish transparent crackhouse international law enforcement agency | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | poppy stage ladyboy | 12/30/15 | | boyish transparent crackhouse international law enforcement agency | 12/30/15 | | tripping slimy mexican | 12/28/17 | | deep school | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | deep school | 12/30/15 | | Iridescent boltzmann goal in life | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | boyish transparent crackhouse international law enforcement agency | 12/30/15 | | Stirring business firm | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | Stirring business firm | 12/30/15 | | Frozen rambunctious telephone | 12/31/15 | | Frozen rambunctious telephone | 01/03/16 | | Iridescent boltzmann goal in life | 12/30/15 | | Disrespectful Concupiscible Multi-billionaire Idea He Suggested | 12/17/16 | | swollen space | 07/18/23 | | dun center new version | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | swashbuckling milky state toaster | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | poppy stage ladyboy | 12/30/15 | | vigorous public bath | 01/03/16 | | Olive dashing pozpig | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | Olive dashing pozpig | 12/30/15 | | glittery peach dog poop | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | glittery peach dog poop | 12/30/15 | | aphrodisiac love of her life | 12/30/15 | | Marvelous pistol piazza | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | beady-eyed soggy church building crotch | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | big translucent lay sneaky criminal | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | alcoholic hall | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | alcoholic hall | 12/30/15 | | very tactful bronze locus incel | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | very tactful bronze locus incel | 12/30/15 | | Stirring business firm | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | Stirring business firm | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | up-to-no-good range | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | alcoholic hall | 12/30/15 | | geriatric whorehouse | 07/11/17 | | Cracking affirmative action | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | Cracking affirmative action | 12/30/15 | | glittery peach dog poop | 12/31/15 | | Puce exciting patrolman | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | French community account | 12/30/15 | | Puce exciting patrolman | 12/30/15 | | very tactful bronze locus incel | 12/30/15 | | beady-eyed soggy church building crotch | 12/30/15 | | charismatic forum | 12/30/15 | | boyish transparent crackhouse international law enforcement agency | 12/30/15 | | maniacal frum trump supporter | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | Odious puppy | 12/30/15 | | maniacal frum trump supporter | 12/31/15 | | free-loading stock car rigor | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | aphrodisiac love of her life | 12/31/15 | | Orchid House Selfie | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | Stirring business firm | 12/31/15 | | Frozen rambunctious telephone | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/31/15 | | Trip Sapphire Dragon | 12/31/15 | | Frozen rambunctious telephone | 12/31/15 | | very tactful bronze locus incel | 12/31/15 | | Abusive Violet Boiling Water | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/31/15 | | Dead Nowag | 12/31/15 | | violent tan heaven | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/31/15 | | Excitant slate resort | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | Excitant slate resort | 12/30/15 | | Puce exciting patrolman | 12/30/15 | | yellow motley institution quadroon | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/30/15 | | yellow motley institution quadroon | 12/30/15 | | Stirring business firm | 12/30/15 | | very tactful bronze locus incel | 12/30/15 | | yellow motley institution quadroon | 12/30/15 | | Puce exciting patrolman | 12/31/15 | | Abusive Violet Boiling Water | 12/30/15 | | Azure Hairy Legs | 07/11/17 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 07/11/17 | | Magical jewess | 12/30/15 | | Dead Nowag | 12/30/15 | | swashbuckling milky state toaster | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/31/15 | | beady-eyed soggy church building crotch | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/31/15 | | beady-eyed soggy church building crotch | 12/31/15 | | Judgmental hospital | 12/30/15 | | very tactful bronze locus incel | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/31/15 | | soul-stirring depressive orchestra pit | 12/30/15 | | Magical jewess | 12/30/15 | | soul-stirring depressive orchestra pit | 12/30/15 | | Magical jewess | 12/30/15 | | Curious dilemma son of senegal | 12/31/15 | | Magical jewess | 12/31/15 | | Curious dilemma son of senegal | 12/31/15 | | Magical jewess | 12/31/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/31/15 | | soul-stirring depressive orchestra pit | 12/31/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/31/15 | | Sinister garnet tank mediation | 12/30/15 | | chestnut cruise ship | 12/30/15 | | very tactful bronze locus incel | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/31/15 | | Stirring business firm | 12/31/15 | | blathering stead factory reset button | 12/31/15 | | chestnut cruise ship | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/31/15 | | chestnut cruise ship | 01/03/16 | | 180 mad-dog skullcap national | 12/30/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/31/15 | | lascivious organic girlfriend hell | 12/31/15 | | Stirring business firm | 12/31/15 | | Dead Nowag | 12/31/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/31/15 | | aphrodisiac love of her life | 01/01/16 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 01/02/16 | | canary marketing idea pit | 12/31/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 01/01/16 | | ungodly pocket flask | 12/31/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 01/01/16 | | Crimson Appetizing Church | 12/31/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 01/01/16 | | Crimson Appetizing Church | 12/31/15 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 01/01/16 | | Curious dilemma son of senegal | 01/01/16 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 01/02/16 | | Arousing parlor | 01/02/16 | | Tantric ruby garrison wrinkle | 01/01/16 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 01/02/16 | | Shaky Mood Idiot | 01/02/16 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 01/02/16 | | Shaky Mood Idiot | 01/02/16 | | Azure Hairy Legs | 07/11/17 | | Trip Sapphire Dragon | 01/02/16 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 01/02/16 | | Trip Sapphire Dragon | 01/03/16 | | Carmine queen of the night | 11/21/17 | | cerise heady immigrant friendly grandma | 01/03/16 | | vigorous public bath | 01/03/16 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 01/03/16 | | Frozen rambunctious telephone | 01/03/16 | | Sadistic blue giraffe hissy fit | 01/03/16 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 01/03/16 | | very tactful bronze locus incel | 11/21/17 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 01/15/16 | | Know-it-all misunderstood water buffalo market | 12/16/17 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 07/18/16 | | House-broken misanthropic theatre newt | 12/17/16 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/17/16 | | Effete antidepressant drug | 12/17/16 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/17/16 | | Trip Sapphire Dragon | 12/19/16 | | charismatic forum | 11/21/17 | | Carmine queen of the night | 11/21/17 | | very tactful bronze locus incel | 11/21/17 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/19/16 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 02/11/17 | | magenta fluffy ceo | 02/11/17 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 07/11/17 | | Trip Sapphire Dragon | 07/11/17 | | Pea-brained Hairraiser Locale Wagecucks | 07/11/17 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 07/11/17 | | Pea-brained Hairraiser Locale Wagecucks | 07/11/17 | | Tantric ruby garrison wrinkle | 07/11/17 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 07/11/17 | | mind-boggling fuchsia useless brakes | 07/11/17 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 07/11/17 | | Puce exciting patrolman | 07/11/17 | | Trip Sapphire Dragon | 11/09/17 | | Cracking affirmative action | 11/09/17 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 11/10/17 | | free-loading stock car rigor | 11/10/17 | | Titillating Rusted Deer Antler Temple | 11/10/17 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 11/21/17 | | geriatric whorehouse | 11/21/17 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 11/21/17 | | geriatric whorehouse | 11/21/17 | | Curious dilemma son of senegal | 11/21/17 | | geriatric whorehouse | 11/21/17 | | Curious dilemma son of senegal | 11/21/17 | | Turquoise senate dysfunction | 11/21/17 | | Ruddy Aromatic Mother | 11/21/17 | | Obsidian Gunner Round Eye | 11/21/17 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 11/21/17 | | Ruddy Aromatic Mother | 11/21/17 | | Obsidian Gunner Round Eye | 11/22/17 | | Rose address alpha | 11/21/17 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 11/21/17 | | Rose address alpha | 11/21/17 | | passionate jap | 11/21/17 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 12/14/17 | | charismatic forum | 12/16/17 | | laughsome cuckold chapel | 11/22/17 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 11/25/18 | | laughsome cuckold chapel | 11/25/18 | | Diverse Harsh Indirect Expression | 11/30/17 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 11/25/18 | | Bat-shit-crazy stimulating site legal warrant | 11/30/17 | | Tantric ruby garrison wrinkle | 12/16/17 | | cerebral indian lodge messiness | 11/28/18 | | sienna nursing home | 12/28/17 | | Emerald Seedy Dopamine | 12/28/17 | | stubborn parlour filthpig | 11/08/18 | | Amber shrine mental disorder | 11/25/18 | | Yapping Claret Ape | 11/24/19 | | Fragrant laser beams | 11/24/19 | | cheese-eating windowlicker | 04/13/22 |
Poast new message in this thread
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Date: December 30th, 2015 4:36 PM Author: glittery peach dog poop
A MOFFERENCE was a secret conference held by the Imperial Central Committee of Grand MOFF[PiG]S in the secluded MOFFERENCE ROOM of their MOFFSHIP
I laughed so fucking hard when I read that. you can read it with at least a dozen different inflections and mental images, all equally hilarious
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29486089)
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Date: December 30th, 2015 2:08 PM Author: cerebral indian lodge messiness
I rate you as the baffling plot twist of The Third Law, one of the Marvel Star Wars comics. In this comic, Leia goes to the banking world of Aargau to get a loan for some X-Wings, but Darth Vader constantly tries to obstruct her. He's hindered by local law which bars him from using a weapon, though (and apparently he can't just bring in the Empire and boss around the planet, for some reason). Eventually he gets fed up and chops up the finance minister to stop the loan, but OH SNAP! Leia was tricking him and it's a fake finance minister and attacking him actually lets her get the loan or something.
BUT WAIT, there's more! It turns out Vader was just playing along and he actually just wanted the Crown Jewels of Alderaan, which Leia put up as collateral. Why does he want them? Well, it's not actually clear, but he manages to steal them while Leia is distracted with whatever counts as a plot in this comic.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29484978) |
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Date: December 30th, 2015 2:29 PM Author: cerebral indian lodge messiness
I rate you as the Sun Crusher, the most stupid superweapon in any work of fiction.
The Sun Crusher, thought up by well-known sci-fi dipshit Kevin J. Anderson, is a tiny one-man ship that has:
-Its own hyperdrive
-Torpedoes capable of exploding a sun, which move at basically lightspeed and are therefore unstoppable. Oh and those torpedoes also insta-destroy any ship they hit too.
-Armor so strong it can absorb the Death Star's superlaser
The ship is hijacked by Kyp Durron, who is basically the Star Wars equivalent of a school shooter and goes on a rampage blowing up Imperial systems and installations. Eventually he feels guilty and flies it into a black hole to destroy it, but survives by using the Force to wedge himself into a tiny message capsule (not flame).
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29485070)
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Date: December 30th, 2015 3:16 PM Author: alcoholic hall
I would prefer that you just call me Darth Bane and relate it somehow to how I got the lost Sith holocron, but I leave it in your capable hands.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29485489)
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Date: December 30th, 2015 4:51 PM Author: cerebral indian lodge messiness
Whoops, didn't mean to skip you.
I rate you as the revelation that the Solos are actually a dynasty of Corellian monarchs that Han Solo is probably descended from, which is cited by C-3PO as justification his blood is royal enough to justify marrying Princess Leia.
Later in the book C-3PO "discovers" that Solo's lineage is a fraud, but even this information may just be a fraud perpetuated by Luke to fulfill Han's wish to keep his origins obscure.
Yep, Han Solo is basically Prince Lonestar.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29486207) |
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Date: December 30th, 2015 5:54 PM Author: Stirring business firm
87928293929
you are cumming dangerously close ITT to making me hunt down the Jedi prince books you fucker
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29486665)
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Date: December 30th, 2015 6:42 PM Author: cerebral indian lodge messiness
TY friend.
I rate you as the alliance of non-human species that tried to overthrow the Republic and seize a top-secret virus the Emperor created that kills all humans it comes into contact with.
Naturally, this alliance of Wookies, Bothans, Twi'leks, and more was called the DIVERSITY ALLIANCE (not flame).
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29486937) |
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Date: December 30th, 2015 10:10 PM Author: cerebral indian lodge messiness
I rate you as Imperial Bioweapons Project I71A, which is literally just a generic zombie virus except in the Star Wars universe. The virus was created using the secrets of "Sith alchemy" by an ancient Sith lord hoping to achieve immortality, but instead he just gets turned into a zombie. A later Sith lord tries the same thing, with the improvement of trying to eat a Padawan's heart at the time of infection so the infusion of Midichlorians will let him overcome the virus and be immortal without wanting to eat brains. But she escapes and he also just becomes a normal zombie and then dies, LOL.
The virus was later revived by the Empire, though all this leads to is a Star Destroyer and an Imperial prison ship getting infected in one of the most stock zombie plots of all time.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29488552)
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Date: December 30th, 2015 10:19 PM Author: cerebral indian lodge messiness
ty friend
I rate you as Ziro the Hutt, who I guess may not even be Expanded Universe because he's actually in a frigging movie, namely the extremely awful 2008 Clone Wars movie. He's a Hutt who is also a weird gay Southern dandy stereotype:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsIALpfq8p8
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29488613) |
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Date: December 31st, 2015 12:05 AM Author: cerebral indian lodge messiness
I rate you as C-3PO's totally bizarre song to Princess Leia in The Courtship of Princess Leia, to try convincing her to marry Han over some other guy. I quote from the text directly:
"It was quiet, and Han could not quite get to sleep. Threepio walked around the room nervously and then said, 'Princess Leia, wouldyou like some relaxing music to help you sleep?'
The golden droid stood in the center of the stone room, eyes shining, head tilted to one side.
'Music?' Leia asked.
'Yes, I've written a song,' Threepio said. 'and I thought you might appreciate it if I sang it to you.' His tone said that he'd be offended if she didn't listen.
'Leia frowned, and Han rather pitied her. He'd never heard Threepio sing, but he couldn't imagine that it would be much good. 'Sure,' Leia said hesitantly, 'but maybe just the first verse.'
'Oh thank you!' Threepio said. 'I've titled my song, 'The Virtues of KING Han Solo!''
A musical intro with horns and strings began playing, and Han found himself a bit surprised. He knew that Threepio could mimic other voices, and he'd heard the droid give some nice sound effects when telling stories to the Ewoks, but he'd never heard music coming from the droid. Threepio did a rather convincing impression of a full symphony orchestra.
Then he began swirling in dance, doing a soft-shoe that scraped and echoed over the stone floors, and the droid sang in a deep voice that sounded an awful lot like Jukaas Alim, one of the galaxy's more popular singers:
He's got his own planet/Although it's kind of wild.
Wookiees love him/Women love him.
He's got a winning smile!
Though he may seem cool and cocky/He's more sensitive than he seems.
(Chorus sung in accompaniment with three women who all sound like Leia)
Han Solo,
What a man! Solo.
He's every princess's dream!"
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29489312) |
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Date: December 31st, 2015 12:23 AM Author: cerebral indian lodge messiness
I rate you as Luke falling in love with Callista Masana, a Force ghost living inside a spaceship's computer.
Amusingly, before she became a computer ghost, Ming hailed from the planet Chad.
Eventually Masana gets a real body because another female Jedi wants to commit suicide to be with her dead lover (long story), so she lets Masana occupy her body. But she ditches Luke anyway for complicated reasons and after wandering the galaxy for thirty years gets eaten by a Lovecraftian tentacle god, but that's a story for another time.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29489398) |
Date: December 30th, 2015 5:48 PM Author: Magical jewess
i think this is the first time i've ever submitted myself to one of these threads.
1. where are you getting these from? surely, you aren't just remembering them from being a fan?
2. for a long time i've considered reading all of the star wars books because i've heard how intricate and cool the stories are. you have completely destroyed any chance of that happening. everything you've pointed out would have pissed me off.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29486625) |
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Date: December 31st, 2015 1:06 AM Author: cerebral indian lodge messiness
Ty, glad I could entice you to participate.
1. I read a decent number of Star Wars books (maybe 10-15) while I was a kid, including several of the ones I'm ruthlessly mocking here. Other than that, I've spent a lot of time reading Wookieepedia for kicks. I also have played a lot of Star Wars games and a lot of those draw on EU material.
2. They aren't ALL garbage, but yeah, exploring Star Wars in-depth requires a high tolerance for bizarre bullshit.
Edit: Whoops, forgot to rate you!
I rate you as the fact that every random background character in the Mos Eisley cantina scene, without fail, has some preposterous backstory involving galactic intrigue to explain their presence there when Luke and Obi-Wan walk in. For instance:
-The hammerhead dude (http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/2/2c/MomawNadon.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/500?cb=20151229195251)? Oh, he was a high priest on the planet Ithor who got exiled after he revealed the secrets of their agricultural techniques (yeah) to the Emperor. Don't worry, he pops up in like ten different books and eventually is allowed back.
-That guy who picks a fight with Luke (http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/2/2e/DrEvazan.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20091205001558)? Why, That's Cornelius Evazon, some nutso surgeon who hopes to use cyborg parts to achieve immortality. That guy whose arm Obi-Wan cuts off? He was a partner to Evazon, but he gets MAF after Evazon's replacement for his arm is shitty and he pursues him across the galaxy seeking revenge.
-That weird thing that looks like Satan (http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/f/f3/Labria.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20061120112021)? Don't even get me started. He has an insanely long backstory that involves fleeing his planet after committing war crimes and having an extensive collection of rare albums.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29489557) |
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Date: December 31st, 2015 11:19 AM Author: cerebral indian lodge messiness
In light of your awesome F-Zero moniker, I rate you as Blob Racing, the primary betting sport on the gambling planet of Umgul.
It's exactly what it sounds like. Gelatinous blobs race each other through obstacle courses (like MESH screens and desiccant floors) while gamblers place bets on which blobs will triumph, making use of data such as protoplasm samples from each of the blobs.
The book Jedi Search spends a loooooot of time talking about Blob Racing.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29490769) |
Date: December 30th, 2015 7:54 PM Author: Judgmental hospital
180, holy shit.
is there ANYTHING in the star wars books worth reading? doesn't look like it
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29487419) |
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Date: December 31st, 2015 1:29 PM Author: cerebral indian lodge messiness
I rate you as Star Wars author Karen Traviss' bizarre obsession with the Mandalorians, the race Boba Fett belongs to.
Early EU works basically established the Mandalorians as honorable but bloodthirsty space-Spartans who clashed with the Jedi from time to time while taking advantage of lightsaber-resistant armor.
However, Karen Traviss, who has authored about ten Star Wars books, became totally obsessed with the Mandalorians and basically decided to make them all have cheat codes. She did this because she personally viewed the Jedi as some kind of Nazi Party lording it over the galaxy with their Ubermensch superpowers, and turned Mandalorians into huge Mary Sues so there could be non-superpowered people to fight them. So, she transforms them from honorable bloodthirsty space-Vikings into some Cincinnatian ideal of peaceful farmers who only fight when they have to and whose only flaw is loving their families and people too much.
Traviss also turns the Mandalorians from tough warriors into super-soldiers who can butcher Jedi head-to-head. As part of this, she makes up some canon about Boba Fett having killed more Jedi than anybody in history, even though he'd never been portrayed killing a Jedi even once and his showing in Return of the Jedi makes him look like a putz who had no idea how to handle a lightsaber.
It gets worse from there. When Han Solo's son Jacen Solo turns evil and tries to take over the galaxy (yeah it happens in the EU too), Traviss suggests the Mandalorians could easily kill him but they're just too busy being awesome and above petty conflict to do so, but they do condescend to teach Jacen's sister Jaina how to battle a Jedi, completely humiliating her in the process by showing how they're way better fighters (even though Jaina was established as one of the Galaxy's best fighters).
Oh and she also drones on and on and ON about Mandalorian society and how their planet has found a huge trove of Mandalorian iron (the stuff that blocks lightsabers) which could allow them to build a huge fleet and invincible army that could probably take over half the galaxy if they wanted to but they don't because they're just chill and awesome like that.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29491528) |
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Date: December 31st, 2015 3:25 PM Author: soul-stirring depressive orchestra pit
Are you reading up on these as you go or were you a Star Wars fanboy as a child?
Nothing against you if you were – we all had (and have) our diversions. Just curious.
And apologies if you’ve answered this question already above. I can’t tell if you have – the thread is a bit of a jungle at this point.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29492523) |
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Date: December 31st, 2015 3:14 PM Author: cerebral indian lodge messiness
np man, it happens.
I rate you as the fact that Wookieepedia's page on planet-destroying superweapons has sixty-seven such weapons: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Superweapon/Legends
Some highlights, besides the previously mentioned Galaxy Gun and Sun Crusher (which really needed their own entries):
-The orbital nightcloak, a network of hundreds of satellites that can snuff out a planet by blocking sunlight and turning it into a ball of ice.
-The World Devastators, which literally rip a planet apart to power gigantic factories inside that in turn produce droid-operated fighters and shit. Just one of fucking FOUR different planet-killing superweapons that appear in the Dark Empire series, along with the Galaxy Gun, the Eclipse-class SSD, and the Sovereign-class SSD.
-The Darksaber, a copy of the Death Star's superlaser without the rest of the station, which is built by Durga the Hutt to use as an extortion device.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29492384) |
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Date: December 31st, 2015 4:38 PM Author: cerebral indian lodge messiness
I rate you as Abeloth, the Bringer of Chaos, the main antagonist of the 9-book Fate of the Jedi series, the last major series completed before Disney nuked the Expanded Universe.
Abeloth is basically a Lovecraftian tentacle monster, created when a normal human woman seeking immortality drank from the Font of Power and bathed in the Pool of Knowledge, two water sources that doubled as fonts of Dark Side energy (which I guess is now just magic poison). The power warped her into an ageless superpowerful being of darkness, who was imprisoned for hundreds of thousands of years and then released when Jacen Solo becomes a Sith Lord.
Abeloth's powers include:
-Consuming living things and then being able to take their appearance (she does this to Luke's ex-girlfriend, most notably) while also absorbing their souls. She uses this power to get herself elected President in an attempt to achieve the destruction of all civilization in the galaxy.
-The ability to control plants
-Driving Force-sensitive people insane with "Force psychosis"
-Teleportation and telekinesis
-Possessing people, independent of the whole "eat them and steal their soul" thing
There is a scene in the books where a Sith acolyte suckles on one of Abeloth's tentacles.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29493055) |
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Date: December 31st, 2015 4:55 PM Author: cerebral indian lodge messiness
Ty friend.
I rate you as Han Solo being unable to take part in The Glove of Darth Vader because, even with the Empire still very much a threat, he's decided to retire and move to space suburbia:
“I’ve always dreamed of having a place of my own, and I figure it’s about time Chewie and I built my dream sky house.”
Yep, Han's just gonna settle down in nice domestic tranquility with Chewbacca. He even mentions Lando offering him a lease on a plot of "sky" near Cloud City.
Han's sky house ends up becoming a bit of a recurring element in the Jedi Prince series, with Han throwing a housewarming party in book 3 where he puts on an apron to make "a spicy Corellian meal on his nanowave stove." But then the sky house is never ever mentioned again in any future books even though the series was Expanded Universe canon. Poor Han, never able to enjoy his dream sky house.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29493126) |
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Date: January 1st, 2016 1:59 PM Author: cerebral indian lodge messiness
I rate you as the recurring Captain Planet-style subplots that pop up in almost all of the Jedi Prince books:
-In The Glove of Darth Vader, the characters bemoan the Empire killing "whaladons" on Mon Calamari for their tasty meat, which is only allowed to be eaten by moffs (which makes me wonder how they can kill so many; there can't be THAT many moffs).
-In The Lost City of the Jedi, the dastardly Trioculus uses his "Treaded Neutron Torches" (TNTs!) to set the Yavin rain forest on fire while searching for said Lost City.
-In Zorba the Hutt's Revenge, Lando teaches Ken all about Cloud City's nasty smog problem, which makes it hard for Leia to handle the open air of Han's sky house.
-In Mission from Mount Yoda, the climax occurs on Duro, a once-lush planet ruined by its use as a massive toxic waste dumping ground.
-In Queen of the Empire, the planet Chad is wracked by permanent severe storms because its economy revolves around Lactils, space cows that produce a ton of milk but also expel huge amounts of methane, causing CLIMATE CHANGE.
-I can't recall the one from Prophets of the Dark Side, but shit, it probably had one too.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29498397)
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Date: January 1st, 2016 2:37 PM Author: Curious dilemma son of senegal
RLM stole your idea for Wookiepedia lols:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVzc20Bm8Xo
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29498581) |
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Date: January 2nd, 2016 5:32 PM Author: cerebral indian lodge messiness
Those dastards.
I rate you as the Cosmic Balance religion, strongly featured in The Truce at Bakura. Cosmic Balance believes that every occurrence in the universe has an opposite reaction somewhere else, so if somebody has good luck another person elsewhere has bad luck, etc. They hate the Jedi because they believe by using awesome Force powers they are making the lives of other people shitty.
A notable "feature" of the religion is that followers have children in pairs; one of them is marked for a good life of education, prosperity, and prestige while the other is condemned to poverty and suffering in order to ensure balance.
A major reason this religion was created was so a chick on Bakura could have romantic tension with Luke (because her faith contrasts with her vaginal tingles; too real,I know). That in turn makes it pretty funny because after this book the romance is dropped entirely.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29506612) |
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Date: January 2nd, 2016 5:42 PM Author: cerebral indian lodge messiness
Yeah, I've mostly been focusing on 1. Things I actually read, and 2. Stuff that's really, REALLY stupid.
Also, while New Jedi Order and Black Fleet may not exactly be great, their quality issues mostly stem from being too dull or action-focused; they aren't exactly infested with outright stupid shit. But I'll try.
I rate you as Chewbacca dying because the wind was too strong and it blew him away from the Millennium Falcon right before a gigantic moon smashed into the planet Sernpidal.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29506681) |
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Date: January 2nd, 2016 11:48 PM Author: cerebral indian lodge messiness
I rate you as Admiral Thrawn's bizarre plan for starving Coruscant into submission with invisible asteroids.
You see, Thrawn gets 22 asteroids and straps cloaking devices onto them, then shows up outside Coruscant and fires them all off into orbit, where they fly around waiting to hit shit. But he ALSO fake-launches over 250 additional asteroids that don't exist, but you see, they're all INVISIBLE, so the Rebels don't know they exist. So, the Rebels actually easily find and destroy the 22 real ones, but they're convinced hundreds are out there waiting to smash up Coruscant, so they keep the shields up (which prevent ships from passing in or out) and are in danger of starvation.
It all would have totally worked, if not for a smuggler showing up and letting them know it's all flame.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#29508811) |
Date: July 18th, 2016 9:16 AM Author: cerebral indian lodge messiness
The Jedi of the Old Republic had a "Service Corps" for Jedi who failed their Jedi Knight trials or for regular Jedi who just didn't want to be Knights.
The largest branch of this Service Corps was AgriCorps, where Jedi would use their Force powers to be...really good farmers.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#30958801) |
Date: July 11th, 2017 3:46 PM Author: mind-boggling fuchsia useless brakes
180 thread
Have you read some of the comics as well?
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#33751536) |
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Date: November 21st, 2017 4:14 AM Author: cerebral indian lodge messiness
I rate you as the 60+ different kinds of lightsaber crystals that are described in various EU materials. Some of the dumber ones include:
Barab ingot - A lightsaber crystal that is so hot (due to "absorbing radiation") it makes the things it hits catch on fire. This is clearly some huge advantage I guess.
Allya's Redemption: Creates a lightsaber that poisons people with acid...somehow.
Rainbow gems: Silicon-based lifeforms that can also make lightsabers in a pinch. Also used as jewelry that is apparently so valuable a tiara of rainbow gems is "worth the price of an entire solar system."
Ghostfire crystals: Produce an almost-invisible colorless lightsaber that makes no sound. Spooky stealth lightsaber!
Stygium crystals: Instead of just making the lightsaber invisible, these crystals make the wielder invisible.
Dahgee crystals: Create lightsabers with zig-zag blade patterns.
Kaiburr crystals: Give Wolverine-style rapid-healing powers.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#34737550) |
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Date: November 28th, 2018 11:28 AM Author: cerebral indian lodge messiness
I rate you as Melvin Fett, Boba Fett's embarrassing incompetent cousin.
http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Melvin_Fett
Despite also being a Mandalorian bounty hunter, Melvin Fett is embarrassingly incompetent. He accepts a bounty on Senator Jar-Jar Binks to boost his reputation, but is unprepared to find him on Tattooine's harsh climate, as he thought he was going to a "dessert planet." Later, Melvin mistakenly captures a Jar-Jar commemorative sofa cup, believing it to be the senator himself.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3083098&forum_id=2#37314278) |
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