Giving away hypos briefly
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Poast new message in this thread
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Date: October 17th, 2017 11:26 PM Author: narrow-minded flatulent black woman
Option A: You must quit your current job and become an MLB arbitrator. That is, in certain situations Major League Baseball teams and their players have a dispute about how much that player should be paid, and they take it to binding arbitration. You will be one of these arbitrators. You will never be fired or demoted, no matter how bad you are at the job, unless MLB decides to replace ALL of its human arbitrators with artificial intelligences in the future. You must keep the job until at least age 65, and if you are laid off in the scenario described above you cannot take any other job, ever. You will be paid $200,000 per year for this, adjusted for inflation. More details at: https://www.fangraphs.com/library/business/mlb-salary-arbitration-rules/
Option B: You must quit your current job and become the "owner" of a used bookstore in Lawrence, Kansas. I say owner in quotes because while you will be listed in all legal documents as the owner, and will make public appearances and social media posts as the owner, the bookstore is actually owned by a shady conglomerate of "alternative medicine" magnates. They will pay all operating expenses of the bookstore, pay you an annual stipend of $14,000, and allow you to keep all of the revenue the bookstore may generate on top of that $14k. They don't care what you do with the bookstore or what books you stock: as long as you stock certain books about alternative medicine (they'll send you a list of what those books are) and display them in an "alternative medicine" corner of the bookstore. The alternative medicines advocated in these books generally don't actually cause additional harm to the user, but they are completely inefficacious.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3767298&forum_id=2#34467797) |
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Date: October 17th, 2017 11:39 PM Author: narrow-minded flatulent black woman
Option A: After a military coup sponsored by Russia, you are installed as dictator of the tiny African nation of Guinea-Bissau. Guinea-Bissau has a population of 1.35 million people, of whom 40% are Muslims, 30% are Animists following traditional tribal religions, and 20% are Christians. It is a former Portuguese colony and Portuguese is the most common spoken language. Since independence in 1974, no president of Guinea-Bissau has served a full 5 year term. In addition to Guinea-Bissau's armed forces (approximately 4,000 soldiers) you have an elite cadre of 1,000 highly trained troops, each of whom have a chip in their head that makes them unquestioningly loyal to you. The chip cannot be removed, deactivated, or transferred. You also have 25 Russian "military advisors" who are loyal to Putin, but have been tasked by Putin with helping your regime get off the ground. Additionally, you have a 50 year old veteran civil servant (with the chip in his head) to help you navigate and understand Guinea-Bissau politics and a 25 year old woman of mixed Portuguese and Fulani descent (with the chip in her head) who wants to serve as your official wife and consort. The populace of Guinea-Bissau is somewhat skeptical of a foreigner coming in to rule them, but are willing to give it a shot because you have no ties to other politicians or to any of the different tribes that live there.
Option B: For the next 35 years, you run the local school board with an iron fist. Anything that the school board has the legal authority to do, you can do by decree. However, after 35 years are up, somebody else will take over the school board and reverse all of the substantive things you ever did. You cannot avoid this fate. This also means that for the next 35 years, you are practically immortal. You will still age, and you still take damage if you are hit by a car or catch a disease or something, but at worst you will retain the bare minimum life and functionality sufficient to discharge your duties as the school board POTUS.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3767298&forum_id=2#34467918) |
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Date: October 17th, 2017 11:47 PM Author: narrow-minded flatulent black woman
Option A: You must lead a troop of misfit Cub Scouts. I'm talking a troop that is full of fat kids, nerdy kids, insecure kids with emotional issues, kids with abusive parents, and a few immigrants who speak very limited English. And not only must you lead this troop for at least one year, leading and attending all of their meetings and otherwise performing the reasonable duties of a Cub Scout troop leader, but you must also help them compete in a pinewood derby competition against a rival troop of Cub Scouts. If your Cub Scouts lose this pinewood derby contest, the community center in which they meet will be bulldozed by an evil real estate developer, leaving the troop with no home and the kids with no place to hang out after school.
Option B: same thing as above, except you're leading a group of 20 doc review contract attorneys and they are in a competition with 20 staff attorneys from a V20 firm to see who can more accurately review an enormous batch of documents. If your attorneys win, they are each granted either a swift, meaningful death or a $100,000 9-5 non-law job (their choice). If your attorneys lose, they are shipped to Syria to serve as the slaves of some war lord.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3767298&forum_id=2#34467989) |
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Date: October 18th, 2017 12:00 AM Author: narrow-minded flatulent black woman
Option A: Every December, you will be sent a letter containing the full name of every single motion picture that will be released in the USA in the next year. You get only the titles: not what studio is releasing them, not who is in them, not whether or not they'll be any good. (Though some shit is obvious, like "Iron Man 5"). You may cross out exactly ONE word in ONE movie title, and replace it with the word "boi" - and that will be the new title of the movie. You are not allowed to monetize this in any way.
Option B: Every August, you will be sent a letter containing the full name of every male who is about to matriculate at Harvard College: and their future Norwood number (that is, their final Norwood number, the highest one they will reach). You may pick five students and revise their numbers in any way you wish (i.e., change a 1 to a 7 or vice versa) and this will change their future baldness fate. You very much ARE allowed to monetize this, by for example extorting students to pay up or go bald in the future or telling a future Norwood 5 that you can save his hair for a fee. The only catch is that if you take this hypo, you yourself become a Norwood 6. Permanently.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3767298&forum_id=2#34468073) |
Date: October 17th, 2017 11:37 PM Author: tan haunting stage
enjoying the hypos so far brother
lay one on me
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3767298&forum_id=2#34467901) |
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Date: October 18th, 2017 5:29 PM Author: narrow-minded flatulent black woman
Option A: 10% of LaCroix's profits in 2024
Option B: You are given the names of four Major League Baseball teams. One of those 4 teams is guaranteed to win the World Series in 2024.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3767298&forum_id=2#34473406)
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Date: October 19th, 2017 1:06 AM Author: narrow-minded flatulent black woman
The universe of the hypo began to diverge from our current universe during neolithic times when pig farmers in what is now Belgium began to develop an unusually large breed of pig. By the time of Julius Caesar, the Celts of the area were using oxen-sized pigs as work animals, but this had no macrohistorical impact.
The pigs were bred to truly absurd sizes during the French Second Empire and exported to America where they were bred to be even larger and entrepeneurs started using them as public transit.
The pig buses are seen as an odd American quirk by the rest of the world. Conservatives love them as a symbol of national pride. Liberals are split between those who view pigs as greener than Eurobuses, and those who envy the shiny buses and trains of other lands. Most Jews and Muslims accept that they can ride the pigbus without violating their religion, but the Ultra Orthodox and Islamic Fundamentalists do avoid them. There has been one shooting in which a self-proclaimed ISIS member in 2014 killed 2 and wounded 3 on a pigbus before being subdued.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3767298&forum_id=2#34476991) |
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