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Can I Touch Your Penis? Consent and the 3-Year-Old (#ThisIsHowSexismEnds Serie

https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/can-i-touch-your...
arrogant razzle faggotry
  11/11/17
good god
Black electric tank idea he suggested
  11/11/17
...
bearded arousing boiling water
  11/11/17
jfc this is sick shit man.
Hyperactive Address Mad Cow Disease
  11/11/17
now imagine the genders reversed
Black electric tank idea he suggested
  11/11/17
MamaTeach 2 months 22 days ago If the gender roles were ...
arrogant razzle faggotry
  11/11/17
Disgusting
nubile tan circlehead mexican
  11/11/17
this site was fucked up shitlib stuff from the start
turquoise friendly grandma
  11/11/17
From the comments the kid seems unusually sexual, probably b...
bearded arousing boiling water
  11/11/17
The 3-year old mind you used the word vulva unprompted
French submissive messiness
  11/11/17
...
nubile tan circlehead mexican
  11/11/17
3 year old bros from my preschool talked about vulvas and sa...
big beta menage ladyboy
  11/11/17
...
nubile tan circlehead mexican
  11/11/17
...
bearded arousing boiling water
  11/11/17
...
boyish resort
  11/11/17
look at the other articles she's written: https://goodmen...
arrogant razzle faggotry
  11/11/17
precisely ZERO percent chance that this kid grows up to be n...
boyish resort
  11/11/17
Clearly she's been horrifically molested and is transmitting...
bearded arousing boiling water
  11/11/17
how they reproduce, etc
French submissive messiness
  11/11/17
...
Multi-colored hyperventilating whorehouse gaping
  12/05/17
...
arrogant razzle faggotry
  11/11/17
libfanfiction.txt
big beta menage ladyboy
  11/11/17
lol libs
Buck-toothed round eye
  11/11/17
libpedo should've won out over shitlib
wild bossy dilemma
  11/11/17
if I heard my wife ask my three son "can I touch your p...
aqua medicated multi-billionaire
  11/11/17
irl lol
boyish resort
  11/11/17
...
arrogant razzle faggotry
  11/12/17
...
Zippy chapel really tough guy
  11/12/17
...
Dead Travel Guidebook Library
  11/12/17
bring back the guillotine
Brindle party of the first part striped hyena
  11/12/17
You know what this kid didn't consent to? Having his materna...
mustard racy pozpig volcanic crater
  11/12/17
...
olive heady organic girlfriend fat ankles
  11/21/17
...
arrogant razzle faggotry
  12/05/17
ok, I don't think it's a funny joke line anymore: liberalism...
hilarious sapphire site roommate
  12/05/17


Poast new message in this thread



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Date: November 11th, 2017 6:21 PM
Author: arrogant razzle faggotry

https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/can-i-touch-your-penis-consent-and-the-3-year-old-thisishowsexismends-series-jrmk/

I’ve been extremely dismayed to read so much about rape culture, how women and girls are treated, how men and boys are raised.

I’ve read so much about how to teach our boys what NOT to do vis-a-vis girls and women (which I usually agree with), yet I read so little about how to simply raise them to be emotionally evolved/aware, conscious, respectful of themselves and others, and well-versed in consent (for themselves and others) that I sometimes feel left in the dark. In the face of that, I am absolutely determined to do my part around raising a boy who is proud of who is he, aware of his and others’ boundaries, curious and questioning about himself and the world.

I think it begins here. Now. One child at a time.

Sometimes one bath at a time.

In the bath the other day, my three year old said, “Mama, if I stretch out, I”ll touch your vulva.”

I said, “I don’t really want you to touch my vulva. Besides, you need to ask. Like, if someone wanted to touch your penis, they should ask, Can I touch your penis?”

“Do it!”

“Do what?”

Three year-old, slightly exasperated, “Say, Can I touch your penis?”

I was slightly slow on the uptake. Suddenly it dawned on me. “You want me to ask if I can touch your penis?”

“Yes.”

It was an unusual request, but I decided to go with it. “Can I touch your penis?” I asked.

“YES!”

I reach over and touch him for about one second.

He pauses. Then, he says, “Mama, my penis is very sensitive.” I nod.

“Yeah. My vulva is sensitive, too. Sometimes breasts and nipples are also sensitive.”

His face lights up. “Do you want to touch my boobies?” he asks. He places his fingers on his little nipples.

“Okay. Actually, those are your nipples.”

“Do you want to touch my nipples.”

I touch one lightly.

“Do you want to touch the other one?”

I touch the other one lightly.

He smiles. I smile. And then he wants to play wrong-way whale and thrash around in the tub,so I get out. There’s truly one room for one in the bathtub when playing wrong-way whale.

Here were my take-aways.

1. Setting boundaries around my body as a parent.

He wanted to touch a part of me that I didn’t want him to touch. I set the boundary—and actually had a history of setting a boundary when we were breastfeeding. There was a certain point where I knew he could ask to nurse through gesture or word, so I insisted that he did. I never let him simply grab my breasts or lift my shirt. This felt important to me. I think this is key for parents.

What boundaries do you set around your body for your kids?

2. Setting boundaries around other people touching him.

When he doesn’t want to kiss or hug or even high five, I reinforce our family rule that no one is pushed to be affectionate when they don’t want to be. This extends to everyone. At one point, my mom questioned this (as others have done), along the lines of: Shouldn’t he *have* to hug and kiss family? To which I’ve responded with a resounding No. In face of the fact that over 90% of children are abused by someone they know and 30 – 40% are abused by a family member, I think it’s absolutely critical that he be 100% at choice around how he gives and receives affection. I want him to listen to his body, his desires, even his whims when it comes to consent around his body. I want him to notice when he wants to be affectionate and not. I want him to honor others when they don’t want him to touch them, and to learn not to take it personally. I want his desire to be affectionate to come from a place of a genuine yes, not a “no, but I have to, so . . . ” I wonder what other parents do.

Do you obligate your child to be affectionate with yourself or other people, perhaps because they are friends or relatives?

3. A child’s sexuality vs. an adult sexuality.

So when my three year old asked me to touch him, I also had to check in with myself. Was this an “okay” thing to do? And I realized that it was, for two reasons. One, he had made the request. Two, I knew that while I was touching his penis, I wasn’t bringing my adult sexuality to play. This makes a world of difference from where I’m coming from. Children are very sensual and sexual creatures, but their sexuality is not an adult sexuality. They don’t have the same hormonal drive, the same desires, the same needs. Sure, children do masturbate and feel pleasure (why shouldn’t they?) AND I know I want my son to be able to choose when he wants to receive and give pleasure.

It brings to mind the question: do you ever collapse an adult sexuality with a child’s sexuality?

How can you separate those when you have young children?

4. Checking in about how/what I want to touch even after consent is given.

Another important pieces is I had to ask myself if I wanted to touch his penis. I was a yes out of pure curiosity. I wanted to see where the thread of inquiry went and how the conversation around consent would unfold. I love seeing how his mind works, and how the lightbulbs go on. It worked for me. There are other times, however, when I don’t feel like being affectionate. I learn how to be a generous no, so he can learn how to receive it. Are you ever affectionate with your child when you don’t want to be? Are there times when you could be a generous no?

For me, all of this is the beginning of planting the seeds of consent. It is about empowering my son with knowledge about his body and my body as well – and truly whatever body he comes into contact with. It is about teaching him to ask for what he wants. And of equal importance, it is about never shaming him for his desires. He can want what he wants, and express what he wants.

It doesn’t mean he’s going to get it, and it doesn’t mean there’s any shame in simply asking.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34664011)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 11th, 2017 6:23 PM
Author: Black electric tank idea he suggested

good god

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34664033)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 11th, 2017 6:26 PM
Author: bearded arousing boiling water



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34664053)



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Date: November 11th, 2017 6:28 PM
Author: Hyperactive Address Mad Cow Disease

jfc this is sick shit man.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34664069)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 11th, 2017 6:29 PM
Author: Black electric tank idea he suggested

now imagine the genders reversed

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34664079)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 11th, 2017 6:29 PM
Author: arrogant razzle faggotry

MamaTeach

2 months 22 days ago

If the gender roles were reversed, if it were a father and daughter in the bathtub, and the father touched his daughter’s clitoris because she asked him to…would it be considered child abuse? 🤔

Did the author touch her son’s penis in a sexual way because she wanted to? If not, then why go against her own comfort zone? If so, why would a parent want to engage in sexual touching with her child? What happens when this child engages in sexual touching of this kind with other children, because it was encourages for him to do so with his mother?

Paget norton

2 months 22 days ago

It’s interesting that you would consider the touch sexual. For me, it was the same as it would have been if I had been putting an ointment on his penis for a rash – in fact, less contact than that.

The other piece is that I didn’t feel uncomfortable. I felt curious. My adult sexuality wasn’t at play here.

For the clitoris analogy, that’s a tricky one. To do a one second touch on the vulva (not specifically clitoris) would probably be more accurate.

In terms of children touching other children, there are specific CPS guidelines around this, but a certain amount is very normal (as long as it doesn’t simulate adult behavior, it’s infrequent, etc.). I would encourage you to do some research on this.

MamaTeach

2 months 22 days ago

You say the touch wasn’t sexual for you.

Was the touch sexual for your son?

What exactly were you curious about?

Please reference the CPS guidelines regarding children touching other children – I couldn’t find any.

Paget norton

2 months 22 days ago

I don’t think the touch was sexual for my son. Here’s why by way of contrast. In one situation, we were at the hospital, and he needed to have an ointment put on his testicles (long story; not relevant). Both times it was applied by nurses – once by hand and once by a long q-tip. Both times he smiled and exclaimed it felt good. More recently, we were at the doctor’s. He had said there was something hard in his penis. While the doctor was palpating the shaft of his penis, he also proclaimed that it felt good. Was that medical touch sexual in nature? I don’t think so. Was it pleasurable? Yes. Arousing? As far as I can tell, he didn’t have an erection, nor did his body or face begin to flush indicating arousal. My touch, in comparison, lasted the better part of half a second, got no response, and dissolved into conversation. His response was that his penis was sensitive, not that it felt good (or bad for that matter).

I was curious about the unfolding of the conversation. He had made a gesture. I had responded with a boundary. He understood the question and responded by asking me to ask. I asked; he answered. The touch was not the highlight. The learning of consent was. That was what caught my attention.

It appears that states and counties have their own guidelines around what’s normal between children. Two good resources I found are: http://nctsn.org/nctsn_assets/pdfs/caring/sexualdevelopmentandbehavior.pdf

https://depts.washington.edu/hcsats/PDF/TF-%20CBT/pages/3%20Psychoeducation/Child%20Sexual%20Behaviors/Sexual%20Behavior%20and%20Children.pdf



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34664080)



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Date: November 11th, 2017 6:29 PM
Author: nubile tan circlehead mexican

Disgusting

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34664081)



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Date: November 11th, 2017 6:30 PM
Author: turquoise friendly grandma

this site was fucked up shitlib stuff from the start

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34664094)



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Date: November 11th, 2017 6:33 PM
Author: bearded arousing boiling water

From the comments the kid seems unusually sexual, probably because of the mother's inappropriate touching

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34664116)



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Date: November 11th, 2017 11:04 PM
Author: French submissive messiness

The 3-year old mind you used the word vulva unprompted

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34665659)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 11th, 2017 11:06 PM
Author: nubile tan circlehead mexican



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34665673)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 11th, 2017 11:06 PM
Author: big beta menage ladyboy

3 year old bros from my preschool talked about vulvas and said “my penis is very sensitive” all the time, it was no big deal

lmfao at this insane “author” making up kiddie porn stories for “the good men project”

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34665666)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 11th, 2017 11:07 PM
Author: nubile tan circlehead mexican



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34665675)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 11th, 2017 11:11 PM
Author: bearded arousing boiling water



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34665691)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 11th, 2017 11:12 PM
Author: boyish resort



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34665693)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 11th, 2017 11:16 PM
Author: arrogant razzle faggotry

look at the other articles she's written:

https://goodmenproject.com/author/pagetn/

6 Ways to Answer ‘Mama, They’re Not Like Us’

Her son's comments opened up a conversation that we all need to have.

Mama, May I Touch Your Boobies?

Paget Norton writes about gentle boundaries and the boy hearing 'no.'

I Won’t Tell My 4-Year-Old Son to ‘Man Up.’ Not Now. Not Ever.

Instead of imposing society's toxic expectations of masculinity, Paget Norton works on developing in her son these more useful qualities.

The Problem with Men Saying #MeToo

The roots of sexual assault are deep and complicated.

When Children Explore Their Bodies Behind Closed Doors

When young boys play 'butts and penises,' what are parents to think?

‘Mama, It’s Time to Replace My Penis’: Teaching Our Sons About Sexuality

Genitalia will become serious enough in the future, why start now?

‘Can I Touch Your Penis?’ Consent and the 3-Year-Old (#ThisIsHowSexismEnds Series)

Sometimes the best places to teach our children about consent are when and where they are most curious.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34665723)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 11th, 2017 11:17 PM
Author: boyish resort

precisely ZERO percent chance that this kid grows up to be normal, functional, straight, etc.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34665733)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 11th, 2017 11:19 PM
Author: bearded arousing boiling water

Clearly she's been horrifically molested and is transmitting this to her children

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34665741)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 11th, 2017 11:20 PM
Author: French submissive messiness

how they reproduce, etc

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34665748)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 5th, 2017 11:31 PM
Author: Multi-colored hyperventilating whorehouse gaping



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34849742)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 11th, 2017 11:03 PM
Author: arrogant razzle faggotry



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34665654)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 11th, 2017 11:04 PM
Author: big beta menage ladyboy

libfanfiction.txt

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34665658)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 11th, 2017 11:14 PM
Author: Buck-toothed round eye

lol libs

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34665705)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 11th, 2017 11:17 PM
Author: wild bossy dilemma

libpedo should've won out over shitlib

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34665734)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 11th, 2017 11:19 PM
Author: aqua medicated multi-billionaire

if I heard my wife ask my three son "can I touch your penis?" I would stroke out from a fierce erection.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34665744)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 11th, 2017 11:20 PM
Author: boyish resort

irl lol

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34665746)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 12th, 2017 11:06 AM
Author: arrogant razzle faggotry



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34667436)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 12th, 2017 11:25 AM
Author: Zippy chapel really tough guy



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34667566)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 12th, 2017 11:27 AM
Author: Dead Travel Guidebook Library



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34667578)



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Date: November 12th, 2017 11:28 AM
Author: Brindle party of the first part striped hyena

bring back the guillotine

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34667582)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 12th, 2017 11:29 AM
Author: mustard racy pozpig volcanic crater

You know what this kid didn't consent to? Having his maternal penis touching broadcast to the world. We need to establish a cause of action so these poor children, whose privacy is sacrificed on the altar of their parents' attention whoring, can get some kind of relief when it comes back to haunt them in 15 years.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34667587)



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Date: November 21st, 2017 11:26 PM
Author: olive heady organic girlfriend fat ankles



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34745452)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 5th, 2017 11:25 PM
Author: arrogant razzle faggotry



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34849705)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 5th, 2017 11:28 PM
Author: hilarious sapphire site roommate

ok, I don't think it's a funny joke line anymore: liberalism is a mental illness.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3793870&forum_id=2#34849721)