https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/3yrw2i/i_never_thought_with_language_until_now_this_is/

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898212&forum_id=2#35442915)

An amazing Norway vacation.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898212&forum_id=2#35442941)

https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/4xn1eo/no_matter_how_hard_it_try_i_cant_socialize/

I'm miserable. I have so many issues, psychologically and physically when I'm trying to socialize that it's getting unmanageable. I was at a small house party the other day with some people that I call friends and I hung out for a couple of hours and I came out of the party feeling defeated and drained. It's not that they aren't nice people, they are, it's me. Every time I speak I get pains in my back and my head feels intense pressure from anxiety. Every time someone speaks I try so hard to think of a reaction that appropriate. Nothing feels natural, and i realize that this has been going on since forever, (I'm 24 now) I seriously, seriously think I have aspergers because there's no way that talking to friends should feel this mentally and physically taxing. I've been feeling down all day because nothing I try seems to work. I watch YouTube videos all day on how to socialize , I build confidence by pursuing my hobbies and getting good at them...but no matter how hard I try, I just can't socialize. I want to get close to people, but I can't. I feel like Im genuinely not hardwired for this, like there's something off in my brain. I want to feel emotionally close with someone but I can't even make eye contact without feeling like my brain is going to explode. Im starting to hate my life and am feeling down. I have so much other stuff to worry about on the side that's technically more important like my job, furthering my career, but all of it seems bleak with mental block I can never seem to get rid of. Sorry for the rant but it does feel good to get this out.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898212&forum_id=2#35442937)

I have no clue where to write this but as a person that has suffered from dpdr, I think this could be a symptom. So......anyways... I think I have a problem with the way I use language and the also the way I process it. What do I mean by this? I feel like the way I use language, whether its speaking or thinking is different from everybody else. Here's an example that might make you guys understand what I'm going through. Imagine that you are in your in your house, lying in bed and you think “There’s a tree outside my house” Upon that thought, I imagine most of you will get some kind of awareness of a tree outside your house…almost like a feeling, a mental marker in your brain. Now imagine that youre at a beach and you're looking at the sea thinking: “This body of water in front of me is filled with nautical creatures like whales, fish, and sea urchin. And from that, your brain would process, in real time, the awareness of such things in the water that you wouldn’t be able to be aware of (or at least efficiently) without thinking about it. It's not like this for me. When I am in my bed thinking about how "there's a tree outside my house" my brain doesn't process, or at least takes forever to process that the statement is real and that there is a tree outside my house. My brain just doesn't process the thought at all and leaving me confused. If i can sum up what I think is going on is that I am unable to use language in a practical way to make sense of my world. I wouldn't be suprised if no one understands what I'm going through, but I have this hope that there is someone that knows exactly what I am talking about.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898212&forum_id=2#35442939)