My problem with sobriety
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Date: February 20th, 2018 11:15 AM Author: Beady-eyed tripping rehab
Here's the deal - since I have a newborn, and I don't get to sleep much, I have basically cut out drinking. I also chose to give it up for lent. Thus, I haven't had a drink in about a week.
When I don't drink, I can't tolerate my wife's bullshit at all and I hate being in the same room with her. I worry about money. I get frustrated with my kids easier. Worst is that I just slip into this dark depression where I see my life and it seems like the sum of my life is one big sucking disappointment.
When I drink, I'm generally in a good mood. The cycle of drinking, feeling bad, recovering, drinking, etc. keeps me based and grounded, and I am generally in a good mood. Also, when I'm drinking, I have much better control of my emotions, and I don't get angry at anything. I get mad - like seeing red mad - when I have to deal with my Wife when I'm sober for a while. Also, I have infinitely more patience with my kids when I'm drinking. I feel content on the inside.
Also, when I don't drink, I seem to gain weight because I'm hungry all the time.
Disclaimer: I very rarely ever get drunk. When I'm drinking, I drink 2-5 beers a day. I avoid heavy drinking because I cannot stand the hang overs. However, I drink 2-5 beers every day.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444412) |
Date: February 20th, 2018 11:19 AM Author: Slate National
"Worst is that I just slip into this dark depression where I see my life and it seems like the sum of my life is one big sucking disappointment."
You can recognize when these thoughts are popping up and need to do something to get your mind off it. If for you that's drinking a couple beers, I don't think that's terrible. Don't avoid drinking a few beers just so you can stare into the abyss
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444439) |
Date: February 20th, 2018 12:03 PM Author: Galvanic becky
I think your angst can be categorized:
1) Those issues that are just part of being alive in this world. Everybody you know will die, you are physically and mentally weak and will always be imperfect. Time will destroy your body and mind. Everybody you know, including your children, will at some point hurt you deeply. Hiding from this reality that all humans have is not sustainable, even if it is very understandable. Accept it and take on responsibility and give your shitty existence meaning so that when you look back you can say "As crappy as my life and human existence is more broadly, at least I was able to do XYZ which helped my family/community/world and that made it worthwhile.
2) Issues which you can address but instead are choosing to paper over/avoid. I'm thinking about things specific to your wife as the big one. I don't have an answer for you here because, in contrast to 1), how you go about addressing your specific issues requires a tailored approach. The problem here is that the issues you have which can be addressed, but you are to scared/avoidant to deal with will continue to grow and grow like a cancer. Take this sober time when your eyes are clear from the fog of booze to try and figure out a strategy to deal with the biggest addressable problems in your life. You may need to speak to other people to bounce ideas of them, and it may not work, but atleast give it a shot.
Edit: And I will grant you that hanging around till your kids are 18 and then divorcing you wife might be the best long-term strategy, but at the very least you gotta develop an interim strategy unless you want your kids to grow up in a cancerous household.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444676) |
Date: February 20th, 2018 12:41 PM Author: Purple theatre
Brother, sounds like you have it under control, but you also know you're not a happy person right now. The booze is a distraction. As a daily weed smoker for most of my adult life, I make the same rationalizing arguments about my use and I have quit for long stretches, but ultimately it's a means of coping, not a pursuit meaningful on its own. Please read this thread with an open mind.
http://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3508537&mc=194&forum_id=2
If it's closer to 5 than 2 beers most nights, you might be looking at a situation that escalates to untenability without you realizing until you're already up the creek. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and many people find that they lose their grip in middle-age after a lifetime of functionally and harmlessly enjoying poison. I've seen it many times.
Keep a close eye on yourself and don't put alcohol on a pedestal. You have a family and it sounds like you have a successful small firm on your shoulders. Alcohol is a day-to-day accessory to your happiness. It's also allowing you to bury the shit that is driving you to drink. I get it and you may be fine forever. Just be wary of it. Too many men in your position throw it all away because drinking keeps a priority foothold in their lives even as consequences start to roll in. It also makes you fat and eventually fucks up your health. 20+ beers a week for most of your adult life will wreck many of our livers by retirement age and its a legitimate carcinogen.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3898391&forum_id=2#35444901) |
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