she was pretty dumb, lazy, a sloppy dresser, pretty much an ADD tomboy with a sweet girly face, had little in the way of intellectual curiosity outside her soft STEM grad program, came from a poor family (in restaurant biz and brother works in a night club), makes frequent grammatical errors, and is a sugar addict.

and yet...

she had the most sweet and positively adorable personality i had ever met. she was spontaneous. she was happy. she had a way of connecting with people with a kid-like enthusiasm. i would let her talk for hours and smile at the happy, simple, and content world she inhabited. she gushed with emotion and authenticity. her smile was radiant. and oh god, her voice. it was sweet and cheerful, like a nectar. and she directed these in a wholesome way to let me know that she liked me.

she wasn't materialistic, she didn't drink, didn't party. she had a small group of really close nerdy friends, she would do cute little things for them, and just wanted to hang out and play board games. she knew she was hyper-emotional and wanted stability.

but we met on tinder, about a year ago last spring, and there the toxicity seeped in...

she was in my city for a work conference and we spent one night together. she was recovering from a recent break-up and seemed shell-shocked and emotionally vacant. i knew she was a codependent type right then and there. she kept txting me afterwards, says she only talks to one person at a time. she's enthusiastic and oversharing with me by a ratio of 3:1, yet i get cynical and cold because she's a tinder girl and eventually stop responding.

last fall she initiates contact again, we talk for a while and she vaguely hints at a trip to see me. things drag on and it almost doesn't happen, but suddenly it's back on.

she's since visited me on 3 different weekends. she's been nothing but good to me with periodic spurts of clinginess. but i learn that in the preceding months, before we talked again, she'd been going on dates. many, many dates. she only likes asian guys and there aren't so many in her area, so she cast a broad net. she slept with fewer than 10 of them, including one that was a casual sex partner for several months.

i shouldn't have been, and was a total hypocrite to be, but was devastated at this defilement of innocence. part of it was guilt knowing that my ghosting her in the spring probably led to this. she was a dumb needy girl, she has no control over her actions or feelings, and i let her get raped by an app.

i never did quite look at her the same way again. in particular, i stalked her fb pics and preferred the younger, more innocent, provably wholesome version of her that was even more radiant and cheerful looking. i also knew she was getting fat, she was too emotional, and her dumbness and dependency would get unbearable in the end.

i began

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3937376&forum_id=2#35749402)

what do you think of the works of sofia coppola (somewhere, lost in translation, etc.)?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3937376&forum_id=2#35749444)

haven't seen any of her movies

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3937376&forum_id=2#35749471)

watch "Somewhere" and "Lost in Translation" and report back, thanks in advance.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3937376&forum_id=2#35749490)

did you strive in high school? college?

if yes, was it primarily your azn tiger parents pushing you or were you more internally motivated?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3937376&forum_id=2#35749653)

i mean you seem really unhappy in life and it's not like i'm saying you should only seek and derive satisfaction from running on the 80hr/wk GC striver wheel, but just tossing in vague reference to being "degenerate" and "lazy" is a cheap cop-out and poor explanation for why you're fully committed to doing absolutely nothing with your life.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3937376&forum_id=2#35749772)

i don't need a lot of money. i don't really like interacting with people or desire power over them. jumping through hoops has never given me a sense of accomplishment other than a temporary dopamine rush which i've come to loathe.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3937376&forum_id=2#35749816)

but you're also quite smart and capable of shattering the rose colored glasses of those leading equally quiet and desperate lives who want to delude themselves into believing they're happy when they're really just idiot automaton GC pawns. yet it's obvious you're not "satisfied"by that life-interacting with humans only via xo and putting ragnus on blast for being a dipshit uncle chang.

my point being, you're too smart for this abject reliance on cliches like "i'm a lazy degenerate" or "i don't need to strive or make a lot of money" as a supposed justification for your misery. literally no one NEEDS to make "a lot" of money because it doesn't take all that much money to sustain oneself eating fastfood and internet posting from some shitty 1BR apt in an inexpensive area, but that's not an acrtual argument in favor of that lifestyle. sure, plenty of women are superficial gold-digging chad-fucking sociopaths, as you well point out, but can you really blame the ones who aren't for finding your total resignation to this cynical, solipsistic, fear-of-failure, apathetic life-philosophy unattractive? can you honestly say that you yourself would have any attraction or openness to a "genuine connection" with someone whose worldview was defined by an analogously caustic negativity and abrasive hopelessness, even if she otherwise fit your ideal criteria of being a thin mousey fob azn girl who, deep down, just wants to find a NOWAG husband and dedicate herself to a lifetime of being a good wife who makes him happy, or whatever?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3937376&forum_id=2#35749884)

my worldview is obviously very negative and is something 99% of people would find revolting. so that's a source of great alienation in my life and i have to hide it. that's independent of my non-striverish lifestyle choices. with regards the latter, i'm not in a bad state objectively. when i say i'm doing jack shit, it's still better than most. i do have ways of appearing upwardly mobile. it's not a big issue for me for normal girls. i will never get the ultra-striver chicks, but i really don't want to.

if i were to devote my time to getting a striver job, i would need to dedicate most of my time to doing that. that would detract from me doing other things, which namely right now is squeezing the last drops of youth left. so as a practical matter, devoting 100% of my energies to getting a striver job would neither change my negative worldview nor would it get me more access to girls overall. it'll just lead me to being a bitter balding striver professional who still posts his caustic thoughts on xo while additionally being fat and out of shape and having no time for the exploration and reflections, no matter how pathetic, that might obviate a miserable end as the tool of a gold-digger because my one-shot opportunity to get a girl from the trenches of an office building is additionally that much more narrow and stifling. for someone already afflicted with negativity, i don't see how hooking myself up to the HLS grindstone is going to help. the prestige and titles and make-work is just treating the symptom, not the disease. XO itself should be sufficient evidence of that.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3937376&forum_id=2#35749933)

actually, also I had the impression you were older than he was (he was in college around 2012 IIRC)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3937376&forum_id=2#35749705)

this is another one: http://www.xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2227701&mc=93&forum_id=2

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3937376&forum_id=2#35754064)

why would a normie ask an uber-incel what the best life outcome is? come on...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3937376&forum_id=2#35751969)

im tired of playing women's games

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3937376&forum_id=2#35752021)

there is a whole dimension of pain that i will never know

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3937376&forum_id=2#35752058)

and who are you again?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3937376&forum_id=2#35752249)

as i get older and more pathetic and useless, i plan to scale into other things, such as cooking and eventually being so engrossed in nature that i cease to exist.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3937376&forum_id=2#35752343)

the hard way is to demonstrate through action the importance of physical fitness to you, and be several levels above her in that respect, which you currently are not (you fat fuck). if she still seems totally resistant to any and all incorporation of the lifestyle changes you've made, then she doesn't even like you ljl

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3937376&forum_id=2#35752407)

Author: Deranged tinder pumo

she's 26 y/o, 5'7", ~160 lb. she was tall and well-built for an asian girl. she had rolls of fat on her abdomen and her legs were thicker than mine. her moon face was blowing up, while aging, and wasn't going to defy gravity for much longer.

she was pretty dumb, lazy, a sloppy dresser, pretty much an ADD tomboy with a sweet girly face, had little in the way of intellectual curiosity outside her soft STEM grad program, came from a poor family (in restaurant biz and brother works in a night club), makes frequent grammatical errors, and is a sugar addict.

and yet...

she had the most sweet and positively adorable personality i had ever met. she was spontaneous. she was happy. she had a way of connecting with people with a kid-like enthusiasm. i would let her talk for hours and smile at the happy, simple, and content world she inhabited. she gushed with emotion and authenticity. her smile was radiant. and oh god, her voice. it was sweet and cheerful, like a nectar. and she directed these in a wholesome way to let me know that she liked me.

she wasn't materialistic, she didn't drink, didn't party. she had a small group of really close nerdy friends, she would do cute little things for them, and just wanted to hang out and play board games. she knew she was hyper-emotional and wanted stability.

but we met on tinder, about a year ago last spring, and there the toxicity seeped in...

she was in my city for a work conference and we spent one night together. she was recovering from a recent break-up and seemed shell-shocked and emotionally vacant. i knew she was a codependent type right then and there. she kept txting me afterwards, says she only talks to one person at a time. she's enthusiastic and oversharing with me by a ratio of 3:1, yet i get cynical and cold because she's a tinder girl and eventually stop responding.

last fall she initiates contact again, we talk for a while and she vaguely hints at a trip to see me. things drag on and it almost doesn't happen, but suddenly it's back on.

she's since visited me on 3 different weekends. she's been nothing but good to me with periodic spurts of clinginess. but i learn that in the preceding months, before we talked again, she'd been going on dates. many, many dates. she only likes asian guys and there aren't so many in her area, so she cast a broad net. she slept with fewer than 10 of them, including one that was a casual sex partner for several months.

i shouldn't have been, and was a total hypocrite to be, but was devastated at this defilement of innocence. part of it was guilt knowing that my ghosting her in the spring probably led to this. she was a dumb needy girl, she has no control over her actions or feelings, and i let her get raped by an app.

i never did quite look at her the same way again. in particular, i stalked her fb pics and preferred the younger, more innocent, provably wholesome version of her that was even more radiant and cheerful looking. i also knew she was getting fat, she was too emotional, and her dumbness and dependency would get unbearable in the end.

i began

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3937376&forum_id=2#35749402)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3937376&forum_id=2#36117099)