<3

i think ive already told most of my good stories about my ex....

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3943326&forum_id=2#35822378)

there's nothing gay in this picture

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3943326&forum_id=2#35796664)

How did I end up like this? I had to wait for my erection to subside in order for my cock to go flaccid so that it can fit in the pink chastity device and get locked there till the next time I see my girlfriend. I choose to be like that? Was I born to be a sissy? Was I conditioned by porn and my ex girlfriend that after having discovered my nipple sensitivity and my arousal from dressing up like a girly slut, she pushed me over to this side even more, especially when my cock was not getting hard for her any more?

I have crossdressed since I was a kid. Once every few years, then a couple of times in the same month during puberty. Then nothing for many years, and then trying it more and more, photographing myself, watching some basic videos with flashing cocks and shemales. As a game at first and as a means to excite arousal in my own body. As a teenager, I had fantasized a lot about cock and being fucked by friends and unknown men, being caught up dressing up and becoming their slut, I had read online sex stories about boys being kidnapped and turned into girly sex dolls in order to satisfy the sexual needs of men with big cocks. I had read stories about scouts being fucked by their captain or boys sucking the cock of their class mates. I had fantasied being these boys and scouts and I had fucked my young ass with everything from cucumbers and carrots, to pens and brush handles.

All that time I hated myself for this. I was falling in love with girls and wanted to be with them so badly, as a man, as their boyfriend. I would sabotage every possible hook up with a girl as I was terrified of the prospect of getting to flirt with a girl. I would buy both gay and straight porn magazines and would concentrate on the stories where men would be fucked by other men. I would rent video tapes of bisexual and gay sex, masturbating while watching them and would stop doing so as soon as I would cum hard from my cock. The guilt would stay with me enough time for me to throw away the magazine or return the tape to the video club. The gay sex existed only in my head during my solo sex sessions. I would never think of a man sexually and would never be attracted to them, as opposed to my wild sexual and romantic attraction towards women.

How did I end up like this? Having my cock in chastity, useless and locked away, trying to get used to the pressure my cage puts on my balls. I am one of these sissies with a big fat dick and huge balls. Hard to convince myself that I am a beta man or that no woman will ever want me and that I am a failure. I have more than 40 women sexual partners to prove it. Apart from the more than 10 cocks I have played with.

Is it all the brainwashing I have received, is it childhood traumas and early exposure to porn? Am I just a guy with a fetish? Am I just fascinated by cock or I just like anal stimulation? Being fucked by a cock is a very intense experience. Mostly because of my fucked up and brainwashed brain. It’s the image of yourself dressed as a slut, the sounds of sexual pleasure, the cock entering your hole that makes you so horny. I don’t care for the man that fucks me at all. As long as he has a nice dick and a decent body I just concentrate on myself and the feeling of being a slut.

I want to fuck my hole so badly, but something holds me back. I fantasize about only cumming from my nipples and boy-pussy as long as I am away from my girlfriend. Dressing up everyday when home alone and cumming from fucking my ass or rubbing my nipples, while dressed up like a sissy slut. I am doing it....it is happening as we speak, but how did I end up such a pervert? How did I get so fucked up and while I have such a wonderful life and amazing girlfriend I am still addicted to this sick fetish of being a girl and being used by cocks? Moving and talking like a sissy, walking in high heels and having cock in all my holes nearly dominates my fantasies. I wasn’t like that before! Or, was I? Have I been brainwashed so much that I am not able to remember a time that I was not like that? I wasn’t like that, but I still fantasied about cock. I wasn’t like that but I was still enjoying fucking my ass. Is it just getting worse and worse? Like that time that my ex had me rub my nipples and fucked me with a dildo every night, to the point of me wanting to get breast implants?

I just fucked myself with that big black dildo. I watched myself in the mirror while doing so, rubbing my nipples, saying out loud what a sissy slut I am and how I only cum with sissygasms. I came hard in my chastity. I came only from my ass, with that big fake cock deep in my ass. Intense, slutty, sexy; but still it leaves me unsatisfied and physically wanting some more...maybe some more of something else because that is not sentimentally fulfilling.

Will I ever get over it or will I continue posting sissy pics of my self online, video chatting with horny men while I am fucking my hungry ass with a dildo and talking to them like a sissy slut as they play with their hard cocks? Will I ever manage to stop buying clothes online and wanting to have sissygasms, fantasizing about cocks to the point that I can’t help meeting a guy once every few years and getting fucked like a real slut? Will it stop? How will I be when I’ll be old and not sexy any more?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3943326&forum_id=2#35800204)

realizing it was 100% flame when it was once every few years instead of once every WEEK

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3943326&forum_id=2#35801150)

it's VERY XO

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3943326&forum_id=2#36807781)

http://yuki.la/lgbt/thread/11481181#p11481348

http://yuki.la/lgbt/thread/11481181#p11481587

http://yuki.la/lgbt/thread/11481181#p11483811

http://yuki.la/lgbt/thread/11481181#p11484925

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3943326&forum_id=2#37530018)