Date: May 18th, 2018 12:28 AM
Author: Red business firm toilet seat
I am black and in the seventh grade. I have two best friends: one black and one white. With my black friend, we often talk about our experiences of racism and white privilege and similar topics. But when we do, my white friend gets uncomfortable and says defensive things, like: “It’s not my fault I’m white,” as if we were criticizing her. I understand that she might not want to discuss these issues, but what should I say when she makes statements like these?
ANONYMOUS
How impressed am I that you are able, at such a tender age, to put your finger squarely on a crippling social dynamic? (Thanks for writing!) I never receive as many quibbling replies as when I suggest that race may be at play in a Social Q. People offer up every (nonracial) alternative under the sun. Like your friend, they may feel bad about what happened to you, but they’re even more anxious (or loath) to acknowledge that racism (or they) have anything to do with it.
You go too easy on your friend. If she’s your bestie, she has to try to empathize with your experiences. Say, “I know you’re not to blame for that salesman trailing me around the store like I was a thief, but if we’re going to be close, you have to hear my stories and support me — the same way I support you.” That’s what friendship is!
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We can keep avoiding the tough conversations about race that we still desperately need to have. But doing better means listening to our friends and neighbors with open hearts, including when we feel guilty and even when we’re in the wrong. (Being wrong just gives us another chance to apologize and get it right.) And readers with other ideas for our awesome young writer: Send them in, and I’ll pass them along.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3979975&forum_id=2#36074887)