I have been in a relationship with a woman for a few months. Before I get into details, I'm sure someone is going to go through my post history after reading this and find my post from before so I'll point out a couple of things:

I met her at the gym I frequent, where she works the front counter.

She is pregnant from a past relationship. We have decided, as a couple, that we will cross that bridge when we get there.

So, we're generally on pretty good terms, and the majority of issues that rise up are caused by my own insecurities. I know I have confidence issues, but I'm working through them and she has been nothing short of incredible.

But, about a week ago, I learned that on the evening of our first date, she had been physical with another man before I took her out. I'm talking about immediately before I took her out, as in she had just finished and had to forego the shower afterwards because she had no time. It wasn't her ex and the father of her child, but a one night stand (one afternoon stand?) sort of situation.

I learned about this through a friend, and when he started talking about the details, everything clicked into place. I have since asked her, and while she half-apologized ("oh yeah sorry about that"), she seems to be strongly under the impression that she did nothing wrong because we weren't dating yet.

Technically, she's right, but when I asked her about why she was so sweaty and red after she got into my car, she told me that she had just spent some time on the treadmill (which was odd to me because I picked her up at home, where I later noticed there was no treadmill). So, she lied to me, but I understand why.

I'm really torn on how I feel about this. Of course it makes me sad because for the first month and a half of our relationship she didn't want to have sex (she was "taking it slow"), which I suppose I understand. She was looking at me as a long-term partner and didn't want to immediately get physical, which is of course her right, and I should not feel entitled to her body. On the other hand, it makes me feel uncomfortable that she was literally in the arms of another guy a few minutes before I showed her what we both agreed was an amazing first date.

I tried to bring the issue up again, but she told me to stop talking about it. Is there anything I can do about this?

tl;dr: my S/O had just had sex with another man immediately before our first date, and while she's never cheated, I feel incredibly uncomfortable about it. She's brushed it off as not a big deal.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4084096&forum_id=2#36864189)

https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9i0cuc/update_i_34m_recently_found_out_that_my_so_32f/

So, it has been about two weeks since I learned about what happened before our first date. She and another man had sex immediately before I picked her up, and something about it irked me.

While the last post was full of people just in it to mock me, a few users did post very helpful advice. Another user sent me some private messages telling me how I can get over the issue.

One thing that really resounded true with me was that I was strongly thinking about how I felt about the situation, but not about how she felt. There wasn't exactly a wedding ring on her finger when she had sex with the other man. At no point in time do I have claim over her body and her choices, especially not when we weren't even in a committed relationship yet.

I talked with her about the issue and how she felt about it, and at first she was hesitant, but eventually she opened up and told me that she was looking for some sort of connection. To be honest I felt really sad that she hadn't given me a chance to fill that role for her (not even on a physical but emotional level) before calling some guy from Tinder over, but I feel like I understand her better now. More than anything, I realized the pressing need for me to come to terms with my own issues, and the social conditioning I've had that made me borderline shame her for having sex. If she felt good, and if he felt good about the encounter, calling myself a victim for it is ridiculous and entitled.

Right now I'm looking through therapists in my area to see if I can't take a more proactive approach to my personal issues.

Thank you all for the helpful advice, even those of you who laughed at me. For anyone who cares, I'm working through it and things are looking up!

tl;dr: I've decided to work on myself instead of concentrating so much on my S/O's behavior before we were even committed.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4084096&forum_id=2#36864195)

Founders would lol at us and be like "and you put up with all this ridiculous bullshit....why, exactly?"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4084096&forum_id=2#36866169)

permalinkembedsaveparentreportgive gold

JFC CUCK NATION

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4084096&forum_id=2#36864219)

https://old.reddit.com/r/MensLib/comments/96vh78/guy_talk_toxic_masculinity_callouts_and/

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4084096&forum_id=2#36864263)

open office | open marriage | open borders

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4084096&forum_id=2#36864275)

Lol, you’re on the fucking bridge right now.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4084096&forum_id=2#36866163)

"I've been told that the best thing a male ally can do when he witnesses "locker room talk" is to call the other guys out, and I thought I was respectful when I did so. I realize now that expecting her to embrace me like her savior was also a silly expectation to have...

It's hard to not be torn between what we feel we should do and what is really best for the situation. I hope this post is appropriate and inspires decent discussion."

It's too perfect--a woman pregnant with another man's child, who has random sex with guys from Tinder, dates him and withholds sex for a month and a half, he's afraid to say things in public or even post things on Reddit that are "inappropriate", and now he's contacting therapists for getting over his own "issues"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4084096&forum_id=2#36866172)